Maybe you’re dying a little bit on your insides?
Every day. Every Monday and Tuesday there are little pieces of your soul crumbling and crying and dying.
Amazing grace! how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch; like me!
Maybe you’re over there between the loads of laundry and you think you’re dying of all this mundane rut of a routine?
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
Maybe it’s the commuter lane at rush hour that’s got you bent over the steering wheel thinking this is it — I just can’t do this anymore. I’m no one’s rat, and I just can’t take this mind-numbing race anymore.
Maybe it’s your cubicle that’s got you slowly feeling all the life drain right out of you.
Maybe the leftover dishes feel like all your left over life that you’ve been missing — gritty and gross and hard to clean.
Maybe your daughter has leukemia and your heart really is dying with every day you lie next to her on a hospital bed — there’s the doubt that you’ll ever survive losing her. And it’s real. That kind of broken heart.
Maybe your mom died when she turned 42 and you’re only two years shy of her age and you start wondering what you’d do with those last two years. How would you spend them? Surely not on all these episodes of Master Chef you can’t seem to stop watching.
‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
Maybe it’s your marriage that has died, all those wedding vows crumbled like old plaster into dust gathering in photo albums — pictures of people you don’t even recognize anymore.
Maybe it’s your son you haven’t seen in a month, who’s stopped returning your calls, stopped talking to you, stopped letting you into the nooks and crannies of his life. That beautiful life that used to be yours to rock and hold and soothe and whisper midnight prayers over bad dreams. That life won’t look you in the eye anymore and it feels like you lost an arm, losing contact with that son.
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed!
Maybe your insides hurt so bad you’re amazed no one notices. Because a Hello Kitty bandaid can’t possibly hold back the bleeding from a broken soul.
And maybe your soul is bloody and messy and desperately lonely.
Maybe we need to remind you that you’re not alone.
Because if what we believe about faith is true then there’s a love promise that we are all one body. And if one part aches, so does the rest of the body.
If one part bleeds, the whole body suffers that blood loss.
If one part is dying, the body must face death. Or fight it.
We want to fight with you. We want to fight for you.
The Lord hath promised good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures.
And I’ve lived enough broken and loved enough friends through their own cracks to know that redeemed is not the same as fixed and that holes can still ache even when we’re whole again. Death, divorce, loss, heartbreak — admitting them doesn’t make us immune. Or cancel the loss. Or restore the missing.
But sometimes saying it out loud is an invitation to the God who already knows to lay Himself down in our rips and tears and hold us together — often through the arms of our friends. The people who’ve heard us whisper, “I’m not fine.”
Because Jesus is in the business of making all things new.
Not perfect. Not like they used to be. But new. Third day after the grave kind of new. Resurrection new.
So, it’s time to be brave now. It’s time to tell someone how you feel.
It’s time to let someone into your secret insides.
Because while it can be excruciating to admit our un-fine moments, it’s in those moments that people can actually GET to us to help us. We need people. We are a body. And if one part is all bashed up and bleeding, it hurts everywhere else.
Friendship with skin on will let you down. It will likely hurt you sometimes. But it will also laugh with you, not at you, over the everyday bits and pieces that make us real. Unmade beds, broken deadlines, dark secrets, random diaper genies outside our front doors and all.
Amazing love, how can it be?
That You, my King. would die for me
Amazing love, I know it’s true
It’s my joy to honor You
Amazing love how can it be?
That my King would die for me
Amazing love I know it’s true
It’s my joy to honor You
It’s our joy to love you.
It’s our honor to bear witness to your brokenness.
It’s our calling to sit down beside you as you crumple over there in the valley of the shadow of death. We will wait with you. We will bear witness to your sorrow.
Today you are not alone.
Can you see all these sisters sitting around you? Give us your sorrow and let us carry it for you today.
If you leave your pain in the comments today we will hold it today — we will lift it off your shoulders so you can catch your breath today.
Beloved.
If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.~Psalm 34:18 (The Message).
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Thank you for writing this for me. I’m not fine. I am dying on the inside. I miscarried less than 48 hours ago. And as I lay beside my sleeping husband and try to make myself not think about those ten fingers and toes that I will never see again, you’ve reminded me that it’s ok. I will try this week to reach out to my girlfriends that I know love me and are praying for me. I will try to remember that time does heal all wounds. And I will try to let God fill up these gaping holes.
Thank you.
Melissa,
My heart aches for you…your baby – the one with fingers and toes is loved and designed by God. You are His baby too and it is okay to feel the loss because it’s real. You don’t have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Like Lisa-Jo said, let others put their arms around you and grieve this loss with you. Allow yourself to feel the pain, but do not walk this road alone. The holes may never be completely filled, but God’s love and comfort will enter in if your dare to expose them. Praying for you sweet sister that you will feel the comfort of God and the love and prayers of others…
Blessings,
Bev ((hugs))
Melissa
Oh Melissa…just prayers for you on this side of my screen. Tears as I read your heartbreaking story. Prayers for peace and comfort and loved ones to hold you now and in the future as you continue to grieve this loss.
Praying with you, and for you. Grieve well, deeply, it’s ok. He is with you, and you are not alone. Let Him hold you, and trust your husband is hurting too… they just hurt differently. I promise. Heal together.
Oh Melissa, just sitting with you here in the heavy sadness. This kind of loss is bigger than words. But we believe in The Word who promises that every single one of our tears is caught in His hands. Just sitting and bearing witness to the beautiful life that came from your body. Praying Jesus peace for you today.
Psalm 41:10
Prayers and love
Melissa,
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope and pray that the pain you are going through will be eased day by day
Dear Melissa, you are in my prayers today. Praying that God will embrace you with His love.
Melissa, I’ve breathed your name in prayer. I will continue to pray for you throughout the day, that you will know God’s comfort and strength in the days to come. Through tears, your sister in Christ.
Praying for you, I know that hurt. We had a little dedication Valentine’s Day 2001 for the very same pain. God hold our babies in His arms and I pray you feel His arms holding you right now. Shalom
Melissa,
Please let others come and comfort you during this time! Allow them to be Jesus to you and love on you and your husband.
Bearing grief alone is hard–very hard and hurtful to yourself. Allowing others to come & give you hugs and just be there for you to listen! May God give you the comfort and peace you both need to grieve this loss!
Hugs from E. TN
can I recommend a song for you? “I will carry you” by Selah. I too have miscarried and it was the words to that song that helped me. People will say things like “It was for the best” or “God knows what he is doing” and those things are very true but they can be hurtful. Those people don’t mean to hurt you they just don’t know what to say if they have never been there. I want to tell you that the pain will eventually lessen, it will never completley go away and that’s ok. When you love deeply you hurt deeply. You will probably think about your baby every day for the rest of your life and that too is ok. It is your baby after all. You will be fine for days and then it will hit you and seem brand new all over again. That is ok. A heart wrenching pain like a misscarriage never truly goes away. It is ok to cry, it is ok to not just get over it, it is ok to wonder and question why as long as you always turn back to God and put your trust in him. He will help you and you will be able to help others. Trust is not true if it has never been put to the test. Take the time you need to start healing and let your husband and God love on you in way that only they can. I will say a prayer for you.
Melissa,
I have been there, and I would also like to recommend a song for you…”Glory Baby” by Watermark. I will be praying for you throughout the day. Like several others have said, let your friends and family be Jesus to you and your husband. As difficult as it is, don’t shut out the ones that love you….and understand that your husband is grieving too, but he is most likely trying to keep a brave face for you. Sending many prayers your way!!
Tabitha
Oh Melissa… sending so much love from here. Grieving with you as someone who also miscarried 3 pregnancies. Praying you’ll feel Jesus close and groping for the day He redeems even this. Somehow.xoxo
Hi Melissa,
I know there are no right words right now ! I have also had a miscarriage, a loss, a loss of a baby, a loss of love, a loss of so many possibilities, smiles, etc. A loss of 3 babies actually. I have this framed “I shall go to them, but they will not return to me… We shall always be with The Lord.” 2 Samuel 12:19-23 1 Thessalonians 4:17. I pray this brings comfort to you to know one day… you will be with your baby again.
Melissa, praying for God to give you peace and strength . . . His peace and His strength . . . for you and your husband. God bless.
Melissa, oh how my heart breaks and bleeds for you, for your husband, for the life lost, for the future shattered. I don’t know how you feel, yet I know loss. I lost a son. HUGS from my heart to yours. May God hold and comfort you and your husband. May He hold the dream of your marriage and family in the palm of His hand and pray His prayers for you. In Jesus’ name. Amen
Oh Melissa, I am so sorry for your loss. Brings me to tears as I too recall the two babies Jesus met before I will. I will keep you close in prayer as you (and your husband) heal, and for your girlfriends – that they may have words straight from Him and coffee for you and big hugs.
My heart aches for you. I too am praying for healing and comfort that surpasses all understanding. Through our storms God can seem so far away but actually he’s right beside us. God is already there. Blessings to you. Prayers for peace I send to you.
Oh Melissa, how we are so blessed to pray with you and for you. And how our Jesus is near the brokenhearted. How his strength is made perfect in our weakness. Angie Smith wrote an amazing book, called “I will carry you” a sacred dance of grief and joy. I pray you will really it, and that you may know as you are doing this sacred dance, that our God is doing it with you.
I am so sorry Melissa. I believe you will be reunited with your precious baby one day and your family will be whole in the mansion in heaven that God is preparing for us…may He bless and keep you near.
Melissa, I’m so sad for you. My daughter is grieving her miscarriage now–she would have delivered late January. I am glad you have (in)courage to support you humanly and Jesus to do the rest.
I’m of an age where I’ve experienced a lot of the heartache that life can bring, but also have lived in the amazing grace God provides. The past few years have been hard ones and my spirit has become more than weary. A spirit of perfectionism that ushers in a spirit of depression. Life was slowly drained from my soul and now I am struggling to know how to shake it off. There is still an ember in my heart just waiting for the breath of God to fan the flame to start the fire burning again. It’s hard to ask those closest to me to help carry me through because I’ve fought depression on too many occasions. I feel like a never ending drag and I don’t want to be that person. I want to live, to dance, to sing loudly, and to love boldly because Christ my Savior lives in me! I want to wake up from this soul slumber, to feel really alive again!
Melanie, as a fellow depression sufferer, please don’t think that you
are a drag, your friends want to help and they can only do that if you
tell them what’s wrong and how they can help. Well done for waiting for
God, its easy to lose hope. He is carrying you through and you will feel
better. I’m not sure when but you will, just live one day at a time.
Melanie, I know what it is like to feel weary–struggling to know how to live joyfully and sing loudly…wondering if that day will ever come. I wrote these words in my journal this morning–before I ever read your words. Please hear them with the heart they were written–a heart knowing how much I need him and how often I forget that He’s with me. I pray they will bless you today: “The minute I stop taking it to the Lord is the minute I think it can be done without His power. Does the thing seem impossible? Then it’s something only God can do. Get down on your knees and beg! The Lord, who loves you, will hear you and answer with His supernatural power. HE will do beyond what you can even imagine. God will do the impossible–You just need to pray, listen, and obey. Praise the Lord!”
And then there were these words from Leviticus 6:12: “And the fire on the altar shall be kept burning on it; it shall not be put out.” My response: “Stoke the fire–fan the flame–keep it burning. Pray without ceasing! Keep the light burning bright. Let it shine for all to see.” This just echoes that ember in your heart “just waiting for the breath of God to fan the flame to start the fire burning again.” And it made me think of the song “Start a Fire” by Unspoken…
“Start a fire in my soul, fan the flame and make it grow, so there’s no doubt or denying. Let it burn so brightly that everyone around can see that it’s You, that it’s You that we need. Start a fire in me.”
Precious Lord, fan the flame–this ember–in Melanie’s heart. Breathe new life into her soul and make that small little flame grow into a blazing, raging fire of life and joyful dancing in her spirit. Turn her weariness into wonder…her depression into rejoicing. Let her live with all the bold love You have given her and let her delight be found in You. In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.
Giving you a spiritual hug today, sweet sister. May this day be the day you begin rejoicing!
Melanie,
I’m praying for you right now. This time of year can be especially hard for people with depression. I understand your pain. Lifting you up to God! May He bring the healing and restoration you need to sing loudly and rejoice once again!
Blessings and ((((hugs)))) from E. TN
Melanie,
We share so many similarities as we’ve noted before…praying for you dear friend that the perfectionism (which is from the enemy) will flee and allow you to just be, as you are, in God’s loving presence and that the reassurance of His love will kindle hope. You are not a burden…you are a loving friend.
Blessings and ((hugs)),
Bev
Praying for you even now Melanie… that you would know how loved you are, how much God delights in you today. And humbly offering some of the mud stories from my podcast if they might encourage you today.
xo
Melanie, depression does keep us from so much. I pray you find someone to talk to and that your friends will be there — let them. May God give you strength.
Melanie,
You are so very brave! You encouraged me to be transparent with my struggles. I suffer from OCD and panic disorder which can easily usher in depression. You are worth your friend’s and family’s support. Your health is important. Depression is just like any other health problem. We don’t fault those with diabetes to watch what they eat or take their blood sugar. I hope that you know how strong you are. You never have to have courage if you are not afraid. I will pray for you as you continue on your healing journey. Love you!
Well said! I struggle with depression/anxiety and it’s encouraging to hear others who struggle have such positive attitudes. I wish there were support groups in person so we could connect with those who struggle with the same things. 😉
Melanie…we have the same last name. LOL. I do understand depression and can completely relate. I understand the yearning to feel “normal” and have Gods joy and peace. The Lord always sees me through my depression episodes and I know these seasons are for His glory but the pain and hopelessness is still sometimes too much to bear. I appreciate others transparency on here regarding depression and anxiety. I sometimes feel like an island all alone…I wish there were support groups where we could go in person and connect with other struggling from the same struggles.
Dear dear Melissa, I really feel for you and your pain I am so very sorry for your loss x I will pray for you tonight may you take comfort in sharing this news with your friend, a friend whom I pray will comfort you and wrap you up in a warm embrace. Sister no words can comfort but the Lord Jesus Christ love you, cares for you and is with you every step of the way
Lisa-Jo,
I never thought I would walk through the valley and come out the other side of verbal/emotional abuse, infidelity and divorce, but God, in a way that only He can, brought beauty from those ashes. A big part of the healing was allowing others to share my pain and love on me…without them I don’t think that I would have survived.
Lately I’ve been recalling the smell of that little newborn head – my son – who just turned 22. My life’s prayer is that he would have a close and intimate relationship with his Lord and Savior. He is very far from that right now and it breaks my heart. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t know that friends and family are continually praying for him. Even when I am dying inside, I still know that our God is able, and that keeps me going. That, and knowing that others share my burden and that I am not alone. Thank you for a beautiful post that I needed this morning.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Hi there Bev – just standing with you in that faithfulness today and praying to the God who loves prodigals and never gives us waiting for them. Standing with you and trusting that Father for your son, Bev. Much love, Lisa-Jo
Luke 15:17-24
Bev, My heart breaks with you. I have that with my daughter too. I watched a video yesterday from the website called Homebody. It was started by Fr. Gregory, or also known as G-Dog. He works with gangs and works at rehabilitation for former gang members, and teaches them the love of Jesus along with job training, etc. Amazing story. But in the video of a thought for the day before the day gets going was “The Good Journey.” He explained that people make distinctions between the bad path and the good path because of our choices. He went on to explain that when we all are on the good journey, and I heard in my heart Jesus explaining because the journey will bring good and will lead to Him. And will lead us to how Jesus will bring us to our True selves making us like Him, and not the outward that we see now. Living out who we really are. To listen to the stories, and knew it to be true was very encouraging for me to focus and stay the course of trusting Jesus knows what He is doing.
Much love, Joanne
Bev,
You sound like an amazing woman. Know that I’m praying and have been praying for your son to come back to God. May God give him a heart change and bring him back! God won’t give up on him and neither will I!
Blessings and ((((Hugs)))) E. TN
Hi Bev, my prodigal son is going to be 25. Oh, how I miss my little man who was closer to Jesus than all of us. And now he has walked away from his faith, and dealing with depression (runs in the family – i know it well). A dear friend taught me how to give him to God daily. Don’t give up. God is doing amazing works in their lives that we cannot see. Trust in faith that angels walk with him!
Thank you so much…
xx
Bev, prayers for you. Prayers for your son as well. I can understand a bit of that particular burden and pray God brings him home in that special relationship with Christ.
Tears in my eyes as I read these words… The last few years and especially this past year has been so heavy. Nodding along while reading – the death of my mom, the estrangement of my daughter and more that I do not want to divulge. In moments of heavy grief, I have absolutely grappled with the thoughts that I am dying on the inside, in so many ways.
I would absolutely appreciate prayer for myself, my husband and children. I have drifted in the last year, feeling very abandoned. Just this ast week did I finally fall on my knees and pour my heart out to God
Oh Michelle, I will pray for you to feel His love and for you to find the strength you are looking for. You are not alone.
You are not alone. He is with you and for you… I’m praying you can feel His presence in this place now. I’m speaking the name of “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…” Over you. The enemy has to flee, at the mention of His name! Be with Him, He will carry you through!
Michelle,
Losing your mother can be hard. Prayers for you to grieve and allow others to grieve with you! Prayers for the whole family!
Know that you are never alone!! We are here for you praying for you. God is ALWAYS with you no matter what!
I pray you can find a bff that you can confide in and who will be there for you. Someone to talk to and give you a shoulder to cry on!
Blessings and ((((hugs)))) E. TN
Michelle, prayers for you, for your children, for your husband. I can understand the “estrangement” of a daughter so a special prayer there.
for everyone of you dear womens:you are so precious and beloved,there is nothing hidden for our God,and He knows our heart as no one else can,so take couragebecause He is faithful and He helps us in a surprisingly way,i pray for each one of you dear sisters,let the mighty love of our God fill your heart,soul and spirit,in the name of Jesus,amen!
Melissa, I am so sorry for your loss. Big hugs to you! Lisa-Jo I just turned 50 and my mom died when she was 47, and I feel like I’m on a countdown to make it to 48-there, I’ve said it out loud, just like you suggested! We are all here for each other!
Hi there Kerry, I know exactly what that countdown feels like – praying that it doesn’t scare us – it simply encourages us to remember the things that matter and let everything else go. Much love, Lisa-Jo
I’ve been struggling with post partum depression for 5 1/2 months. I love my baby, but I don’t understand how I deserve his love, or my husbands love anymore. I’m slowly unraveling and I don’t know how to make it stop.
Hi, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Post partum depression is more common than you think and you can get help. Go to your doctor and share with him/her what is going on. You don’t have to understand their love, just accept it. Why does God love us? We don’t deserve it but its His grace.
Praying with you, and for you!
Sitting here with you friend and just quietly wrapping my arms around your shoulders and rubbing your back. It’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to grieve this huge change in your life. But you need to let someone else in. You need to tell the people around you so that they can help you carry the load. They can love you and help you keep going on the days you feel you can’t. Will you tell one other person in your real life today? WIll you let one other person know so they can get to you and they can help carry your pain? Praying this verse for you today: Romans 8:37-39: “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities nor powers, neither things present nor things to come, neither height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Zephaniah 3:17
I too struggled with post partum depression after my first child who is 18 now. I can understand how you feel alone and unworthy. But God gave you this precious gift and in His eyes you are worthy. God loves you and cares for you. When you think I can’t do this, God will give the strength to go one just lean on Him. Just like your baby depends on you to care for all of his/her needs, God wants you to trust Him to meet all of your needs. If you need help, please reach out to professionals or support groups. There are so many women who feel the same way you do but suffer alone because of shame. I know because I was one of them. I will pray that God meet you in your in your darkness.
I understand and there is help out there! Talk to your obgyn…talk therapy or sometimes anti depressants can help take you out of the fog until your body and hormones can regulate.
My heart goes out to you because I have four kids now all young adults but experienced dark persistent post partim depression with two of them. It’s so important to realize the huge role hormonal changes play. For me antidepressants and a good christian counselor to coach and encorage me through were so crucial. I am fine now and you will be too! You must believe this truth. You are the best mommy and wife for your family. You will come out stronger! I am praying for you dear sister.
May I gently recommend this book? Living Beyond Postpartum Depression: Help and Hope for the Hurting Mom and Those Around her. I would love to purchase it for you, please e-mail me if you want to. Know that this is NOT your fault, that you are not any less of a woman, mother, wife, or christian, dear one.
I’ve been struggling with post partum depression for 5 1/2 months. I love my baby, but I don’t understand how I deserve his love, or my husbands love anymore. I’m slowly unraveling and I don’t know how to make it stop. Most of my days are spent feeling like I’m not good enough anymore or that I will never return to my happy optimistic self.
Oh ashley post partem is just awful! Please just take on day at a time and get help if it’s needed. So many of Us soldier through this tough time. Praying for you today. You will heal.
Ashley, I too have dealt with post pardum anxiety/ depression this year. I felt so alone and so confused as to why I felt this way. Like you, I’m normally a pretty happy and optimistic person. I wasn’t sleeping, couldn’t stop worrying etc. do you relate? Just want to encourage you that for me, seeking some help and support was the start of feeling like myself again. I spoke with my doctor and counsellor and got some support. Whatever that may look like for you… There is definitely hope. It’s a journey I’m still walking, but with time and understanding of what I was going through, I started to feel like God was lifting me out of a pit I couldn’t lift myself out of. Which I had never experienced before in my life. You WILL be okay. My post pardum stuff got really difficult around the time my son was 5 1/2 months too. Let me know if you want to talk further! Just want to pray for and support you.
Ashley, praying for your to find help — wherever it is available. I have a daughter who struggled with this and I don’t know first hand what it is like but it broke my heart watching her struggles. Praying God gives you peace.
I am dying on the inside to a separation from my husband, his heart has become hard, and refuses to try to work on the marriage. He has been gone for a month now, and my heart is so broken.
Daria, just sitting here and aching with you. Recognizing this broken limb and praying to the God who makes all things new to come and heal you. Much love
Thanks so much! God bless
Revelation 3:7
Thank you Jeannie, I needed this so very bad today. It was no mere coincidence I came upon this post this am. I appreciate you all so very much .
This verse tells me HE is still in charge. Not the world. Not the people around us. HIM. And I’m so glad He’s on your side…
Amen. I know this, and I know either way, I will be more than a conquerer, and I should just surrender it completely. I’m wrestling with it, but in my human weakness, the pain is overwhelming me. The spirit is willing but the body is weak. Ily sweet ladies for your prayers and concern.
Darla,
Oh sweet Darla, praying for you now! May you feel God surrounding you all the time! May God change your hubby’s heart! May He bring complete healing to your soul!
((((hugs)))) E. TN
Thank you so very much, I am praying for God to reconcile us, and I know He can do anything! With man, it’s impossible, but with God, nothing is. Thank you for your prayers for my family.
Don’t give up! I’ve been in your place. After crying out to God I was able to surrender my anger and let go. God began to humble and to speak to my heart about my responsibility. It was painful
But I let myself be vulnerable to my husband again and began to listen to his hurts. I started to focus on changing what I was doing wrong and when my husband saw a change in me then he began to soften. Little by little we began to communicate and really listen to the others hurts and needs without being defensive. I know every situation is different but with God all things are possible. Even if it looks hopeless. Praying for you Mary
Thank u Mary , I am hanging in by my faith and encouragement from friends like you, bless u for your prayers and kindness!
Tears…just tears as I read this. Waking up this morning still broken inside, needing my Savior’s Love. Thinking no one really sees or wants me this broken…everyone just wants me better, happier, and that I must be happy and “move on” for “them”. I really wonder if the body does hurt while I’m broken as my vulnerability seems to result in most distancing themselves even more. The situations in my life aren’t changing…she’s not healing, his “change” can not be trusted, teens are growing up and wanting out of this mess. Although my tears flow abundantly and I think I could have filled my own kitchen sink with them I am lovingly reminded that my tears aren’t for me to bottle up or contain. There is One who has taken on this care for me. And so I let them go… Thank you, Thank you for burden carrying today.
Praying for you right now, MelAnn.
MelAnn, we see you. We sit with you here, in this quiet space, and we pray for you. May you have peace and hope today.
Though my eternal self is is settled and safe, my today is not fine. Separated with divorce to follow, after 25 years of marriage – broken hearts, broken dreams, broken lives. A new empty nester with my only child off to college. Work difficult with many changes and a stove that burns everything I cook. It’s so silly to miss my former kitchen appliances – but how I cook is a good part of what I think of myself. Too many surgeries and hospital stays this year and though I am home now I am yet feverish with a stiff neck for days. Life eternal is good – my hope. But how did the “good Christian girl who married the Christian man” get so far off track. I feel lost, though I know I’m not; I feel alone , though He is with me.. I am not fine. Today, I am struggling.
Praying for you right now, Kathy!
Kathy, you most definitely are not alone. God is with you and so are we. He specializes in making broken things whole and bringing beauty from ashes. Rest in Him and His unfailing love for you. Nothing has caught Him off guard. Allow Him to bring good for you and glory for Himself out of all of this. He is forever good and faithful even when life hurts and is hard. He is your refuge, your peace, your comfort, your strength, your healing and your friend. Be encouraged by the lifter of your head. He is near!
Kathy
Oh how I wish we were friends. We have so much in common. Good Christian couple raising kids in the church and thinking they were doing it the right way. Then 28 years later it all fell apart. Last year at this time I was facing a divorce(since then, We are working on our marriage and making progress. God has done amazing things in both of us) My daughter pulled away from
me and still is somewhat estranged. I hate being an empty nester. Soo lonely. Neither one of my two children are walking with God. Work has been overwhelming and I doubt my abilities all the time. The pain of it all is too much to bear. I ask “what happened? What did I do wrong?” I pray and pray. I feel alone too but I know he promises to be with me. Just know you are not alone. I am walking a very similar path. I will
Pray for you. God is not done he is at work. Mary
I’m just so tired and exhausted. I have a 9 month old son, who is amazing. We moved across the country 4 weeks after he was born and moved in with family
while my husband finishes his masters degree. I’ve had to deal with a lot of grieving the life I lost and miss and then just trying to trust God has a plan in all of this… I know he does. But on the tired, early mornings, my heart feels weary. Thank you for your words, Lisa. So grateful for this space.
Amanda, I feel your pain of exhaustion and know what it’s like to just want a break. Know that you don’t see the bigger picture, and you’re not supposed to. You are His child and He is leading you on the path that you’re supposed to be on. I know it’s difficult but I will pray for you to have peace and rest.
Jeremiah 29:11
I also feel lost and empty. I have one friend that I can talk to so its hard to be told to share my struggles with friends. I have been rebellious towards God and today He broke me and I am coming back to Him but I have been in this place before and I don’t know how long I will stay committed to Him before my rebelliousness takes over again. I’m so tired of this cycle.
One day at a time – You can’t put one foot in front of the other if you’re expecting to stumble with every step. Just know that He sees your heart and knows that you were made to love Him and He will be with you every step of your journey, whether you want him there all the time or not.
Thank you Ashley for the encouragement. I tried to listen to a worship song just now and I couldn’t, I don’t know how to break through this.
Romans 5:5
Thank you Jeannie
Hi Tracey…Didn’t mean to be “short”, or simplistic, but His Word offers so much more than anything I can say. I run to it when I face mountains, and use it as a Sword to defend myself against the enemy.
Big Hugs & Prayers for you today,
J
ps – The New Living Translation has a beautiful wording of this verse….
Hi Jeannie, a Bible verse is enough, you don’t have to write a long message. God’s Word is sufficient. Thank you for your hugs and prayers.
It is so hard to keep the faith when you are going through something and you feel like you can’t hear our father. I am there now. Push through everyday, keep praying even though it may seem like it’s pointless. I am praying for you. God knows exactly what we are going through.
Thank you Michelle. I have rebellion and anger in my heart towards God and I don’t know where it comes from. I can’t write any more, my thoughts and will to write have dried up.
I don’t have tragedy today. Just that question that always wears on me. Do I pack the kids up in this 6 inches of snow and slip and slide to childcare and work so I can try and save enough time off so they don’t have to go to daycare on Christmas break and I can be with them then? Or do I tell God I just can’t do it today. With facebook pictures of other families sledding and playing or staying in pjs with popcorn and movies. Do I stay snuggled in today and pray my time off will be enough this year. Hoping no one gets really sick. When did snow days turn into dread instead of fun? No tragedy here. It just wears on me. Boys are begging me to stay. Lord let it be enough.
I wrestled with working mom guilt today too. Even in the “minor” things, I’m praying for you right now, Paige.
Such a great post in so many ways and it touches all in different ways….thank you for reminding us we are not alone in our “dying”~ and in our “living”!!
Beautiful and well written. Thank you Lisa-Jo… You’ve shared pains you know and pains you don’t yet know, but that you understand…somehow.
I’m broken from the goodness of God – to care for one like me. For seeing His hands at work in this vagabond life and to care enough to be two steps ahead, preparing me/us for whatever is next.
Sorry to not be simply stated… But God knows the details, and the brave it will take… I need Him in the brave.
Joshua 1:9
Yes, friend…the quote in the graphic, repeated in the text, is stunning. True. Important.
For a lot of years, I was a “dead man walking,” aching, grasping, reaching for the elusive, unable to hear God, truly sense him in those places. I never stopped believing he was at work during that long season, trusting his word to be true. His ways are not mine, and praise God, HE never let go of me when I was floundering.
Reading over the comments so far breaks my heart; I know it does yours, too. I’m praying for strangers this morning, knowing your words in this post will be a comfort to many.
Love you. xo
Thanks so much for this Robin, especially knowing that you’ve been a rock of encourager to so many of us over the years. So grateful for you Robin.
Yes today, and for some days now, i feel i am dying from inside. I feel the Lord is very far, and i am dying. My heart is broken beacause i am separated with the man i love, and my eldest doughter is in the hospital with depression. Shy tryied to kill her self. Hes sisters are so sad… I can not take it any more. Still we have friends to supports us, but i would like that God take tha pain away, because it is killing me. I have the feeling that the pain is making me crazy. I am out of logic. I feel ridiculus to tell you all this, but i need you. YOU. Please come around me, give me your hands, stay with me… Me crazy. Me stupid. Me lonely.
I just prayed for you Niki. You are not alone. I have had deep depression and two of my daughters have gone throught anxiety and depression. Also my oldest son is far from the Lord and daily I have pain in my heart as I pray and wait for him to one day return. I’m so sorry you are in so much pain. Praying for you as a sister in Christ
Nancy
Dear Nancy, your words were like a big hug . Thank you… I get the hand that you offer me, and i hold it near to my heart. I pray for you and your daughters and son. In God’s love, Niki
Niki,
I’m so glad you felt “hugged”Truly I have learned more of Gods unconditional, stubborn love because of these struggles. I would never have had to run to His arms or seek to know him like I have if not put in these places of total inadequacy and dependency on him. And my husband and I have been in ministry for all our married life. I am very sensitive and I have cried rivers but I know how to feel with others. I have kicked and screamed and then laid my broken heart down before him and then lived to fight another day whatever that may look like. But I long to encourage others. This has been my road to growth in knowing my Saviors love. One of the other commenters said “I run to the one with the nail scarred hands” He has gone before and holds us now. Our pain is not for nothing.
Psalm 22:3-5
Your Father loves you and He will provide.
Dear Jeannie, Thank you for putting these words for me today. Some times it is hard to see how the Father provides us… But, when i get words like yours it is perfectly clear… Thank you
He has carried you too far to leave you now, sister!
Hugs,
J
Oh dear Jeannie… Thank you for giving me this today.. Blessings to you
I am carrying something inside my heart & soul that really only the Lord knows about and I must keep it in the secret chamber of my heart for the time being, for reasons only He & I know about. It has been a very long valley of the shadow of death with this issue that’s really not mine, but someone very close and dear to me and impacts my life. Only the Lord really knows and He is my hope, our hope, our only Hope! And I trust in Him to heal and deliver as only He can. I would be so grateful for any prayers. God bless you all with the Amazing Grace of Christ Jesus this day!
Donna,
The hardest hurts are the ones we carry alone. Know that I am here, praying for you, putting my virtual arm around you and lifting you up to our good Savior. Love and prayer for you today, friend.
Thank you for the encouraging words. Me too I am dying inside…I brought my children up in a christian way…but it seemes I failed. They are far from God now…my eldest is without a job for about two years now, and try to earn his living in a way that is not good in the eyes of the Lord! I have no relatives or husband anymore with whom I can talk. Txs
I know what you are feeling I seriously do. Know this you do have a promise from God that they may wander but they will return. There are times when we are so weary that we cant even hold onto His promises that is when we have to call out to other believers and ask them to pray for us. I will pray for you through out this day. I sometimes just say thank you Jesus you are holding me in your beautiful nail scarred hands..you are loved.
I love your prayer: “Thank you Jesus for holding me in your nail scarred hands” I am adding that to my prayers for these sisters putting their names in place of the word “me”.
Margareta,
I hear you. I feel your pain. I am praying for you even now. Our God is a God of REDEMPTION. It may not look like what we think or hope, but He is good and we can trust Him. Just to give you hope, my sister was ever so far away from God and I personally had given up on her. BUT GOD. She is now walking with the Lord, has children, a husband, and lead Bible study at church. Not every story turns out this way, but it is possible. Love to you, friend.
Margareta,
You have all of us to talk to and I will be praying for you. I brought my kids up in the Lord too and they have turned away. I’ve cried many tears over this and feel I failed in some way. It is so painful but we have to hold on to our faith and keep praying.
Would appreciate prayers. Both of my parents have been diagnosed with dementia in the past two years. It is very difficult watching parts of them fade away. They have recently moved into a place that has independent living all the way to nursing home care. I feel very emotional most days and most recently they asked me this weekend to take over their finances. I realize it is a blessing that they asked, but it has also been a reality check on how bad it is getting. My children are still young and I homeschool. So I’m feeling like I’m not giving them all they need right now. I’m not very good at expressing myself with written words, but would certainly appreciate the prayers of anyone.
Lord I pray for Cheryl. Would you please comfort her and sustain her? Please give her the energy, the time, and the grace she needs tondo that which you called her to. Please give her natural and supernatural help as she serves her parents and her children. Give her extra grace for herself. Help her to plalce her heart in your gentle hands. Allow her to know that you both grieve with her and empower her. In Jesus’ name.-Amen
I need prayer. I have been in a battle for so long I’m weary. I dont sleep thru the night the devil brings such tormenting thoughts..you are going to die..you will be poor. I have been standing on the His Word and it does not change. This is my fear that Gods Word will not come to pass for me..even though it always has. I have told this to no one, if confessing His Word does not renew my mind then what will.
Psalm 71:1
Connie
I have the same tormenting thoughts. I pray and repeat his promises over and over. Satan is working so hard to discourage us but we can’t give up. Satan tells everyone the same lies. I know how horrible it is to fight those evil thoughts. I just keep reading, praying, and putting the armor of God on everyday. I will pray for you.Mary
Mary..Thanks you so much I will keep you in prayer too!!
I feel like I have been dying deep down in my soul for more than three years…my mom passed away, my marriage is completely falling apart, we have been in counseling more than 3 years and it isn’t getting any better… I have a son I have not seen in almost 5 years, so many difficult relationships all while trying to keep close to God and be positive for my 2 young kids…the biggest obstacle is trying to decide to stay in my marriage or end it…so many days I feel leaving would be best for me and the youngest kids…the uncertainty of what lies ahead is so overwhelming…just feel lost and confused.
Praying over you now, Lisa. The Lord knows your hurts and He sees you. I know it has got to be SO hard just now. Lifting you up and standing in the gap for you, friend, as we wait on HIM.
A home that needs some healing. A husband that needs some Jesus. A wife that needs some hope and fewer tears that a bond may be mended and some help may come
Praying hope and healing over you, your marriage, your home, your husband. Sometimes words just aren’t enough, but I rest in the fact the HE is enough. He is there with you and can give you the hope and peace I wish I could. Jesus, be with our sister M, just now.
John 16:33 …..You have the Ultimate Overcomer in your corner!
Lisa-Jo,
You spoke directly to my heart this morning when you said, “Maybe it’s your son you haven’t seen in a month, who’s stopped returning
your calls, stopped talking to you, stopped letting you into the nooks
and crannies of his life.” My 32-year-old stepson will not answer our phone calls. We have not heard from him in almost 2 years, and we have no idea what happened. We have heard that he wants to ‘disown’ us. He has absolutely crushed his father’s spirit, not to mention damaged their relationship. My husband won’t even talk to me about it anymore. It hurts him too deeply. My stepson doesn’t know the Lord, but we continue to pray for him every day. We are praying that he will come to the Lord, and come back to us!
Zechariah 13:9
BethAnn – I have two sons and my tummy aches just imaging this. Just sitting here with you today and acknowledging your sorrow and not trying to fix it. Just trusting that there is a God who lays himself down in our greatest distances to bridge the gap. And that we can hold onto that and trust Him with our children – no matter how far away they are or how much it hurts.
It’s simple: I do it all on my own from the housework to working a full time job and a part time job and most of the care of the children and I’m broken down now… Trying to mutter the strength for another day. This message Lisa is just what I needed. Bless you!
Praying for you right now, M!
Crossroads for husband’s career, and I don’t know where we will live come June (or May? I don’t know the date.) meanwhile my precious child, only daughter has such struggles with voices in her head telling her lies, and she doesn’t always tell me because she doesn’t want me to worry. I don’t want to worry; I want Jesus to heal her, rescue her, save her from this oppression!
Psalm 102:17 and big hugs…
Thank you for your words of grace. I am worried so much, I am caregiving a brother who has severe depression with anxiety, He was just divorced in October from his wife of 23 years and has panic attacks. All he does each day is just survive, smoke and watch tv. He was self-employed, can’t work, is heavily medicated and doesn’t qualify for disability as they never paid into state disability. We are applying for Medicare and thank God get food stamps for him. My father physically abused him as a child and my elderly parents have left me with the care of him. I am single, 50 years old and have been in Recovery classes myself over all the old wounds. I feel overwhelmed each day but God has been my refuge and my Helper. Please pray for us. Thank you
Malachi 4:2
Thank you=)
Dee, I understand where you are. You are not alone!! I am with you in your struggle. God will be your ever present help! Continue to lean on Him….He will lead you through, and give you all the strength and peace you need! Love you!
thank you Sabrina=) may God bless you and meet your needs today too. Hugs n luv
Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone. I am Struggling with my teenage daughter. She’s making horrible choices and she is so lost right now. im so scared she’s just going to be one of those kids that will keep making bad choices and end up pregnant or on drugs. she is and always has been just so rebellious. I know she’s looking for love and attention from boys because of not being raised by her real father and having a step father that never really connected with her emotionally. It’s just so complicated. I was recently told that I am her enabler because I parent her with too much grace and that her consequences when she messes up haven’t been severe enough to change her actions. That I’m the reason she is the way she is because she hasn’t been patented correctly. So I just feel like a horrible mother.
I’ve walked your shoes with a daughter we’ve adopted. She did end up on drugs and pregnant three times. And those who say you are enabling may not know the real way to reach your daughter. We are not the ones who are responsible to change our children. We can discipline, but it does need to be in a firm love, not out of fear, that’s what I did, and not out of feeling sorry for our children, and that’s what I did. Jesus is the one who will change the heart of your daughter, it is your job to love her, and to disciple her, and pray, pray, pray for her. But, keep seeking Jesus, He knows what is going on, and He cares! both for your daughter, and for you, the whole family. When one person is hurting, the whole family hurts. I shall pray for you. This walk you are walking will change you for good just as much as your daughter. Jesus will show His tenderness, love, and strength in a new way. We can make things tough for our kids, and change the outside actions, but Jesus changes the heart. We are after a heart change. A book I am currently reading that is helpful is “Parenting is Our Highest Calling and 8 Other Myths” by Leslie Leyland Fields. Very freeing. As I said earlier, I shall be praying, you are not alone. Hugs, Joanne
I really needed to read this post…to be honest, I don’t feel like my pain or problems are that big compared to others’ struggles. I sometimes have a hard time believing that my pain matters much. I know in my head that it does matter to God, but it is much harder to believe it in my heart. I am coming out of a really long and hard battle…so hard that I don’t have much of anything to fight with, very little strength or will power. I am in a place in life where I am trying to learn about who God is all over again. My faith was totally broken and had to start anew. I am struggling financially and we need to move to a better place, but where I live there aren’t many nice places that we can afford. I am praying for a new job that pays more money so we can have a better life, but it seems that nothing is changing.
I need to be really honest here. I am saying all of this because my heart truly hurts. I am 27 years old, and I still live at home. My father has been in prison for most of my life. He abused my mother and my brother. My parents divorced, and my brother does whatever he wants in his life. He has mental disabilities and anger issues, but he does live on his own. He can be out of control, though. I am not married, and I live with my mother. She has mental disabilities too, and she is suffering from everything she went through in life. I love her so much, but it hurts so bad. Since I do not have a father in the home, and my mother has certain mental disabilities, I feel the heavy burden of taking on the lead role. I feel as if I am the one who needs to have a better paying job, the one who gets the car, the one who takes care of her. I even feel like I have to be the one to lead her spiritually. It drains the life of out me so often, and I feel like it is not my role in life to be doing this…my father should be leading, not me. I feels like my dreams are washed away and I will just have to tough it out to take care of her and our finances. I know that the Lord is in full control of our lives and that He wants me to give my burdens to Him….and I do. It is just so hard on me, and there really isn’t anyone godly for me to turn to who will really listen with an un-critical ear. I am so thankful for this blog and for all of you who are there to listen and pray for us sisters. We do need each other. I need Jesus…and I need all of you.
Please say a prayer for me….I am just tired of struggling in life and carrying such heavy burdens. I wish things were easier sometimes. I really want to see Jesus do amazing things in my life…and soon, lol. I sometimes feel like I am not important enough because He does miracles and things for other people, but I don’t see those things in my own life. He knows my heart….
I could really use some words of encouragement from my sisters. I know that I don’t any of you, but I love all of you! We are all in this together. <3
John 10:25-30
Sabrina – we have never met but I am praying for you. Praying for the strength to continue on. Praying that you will see God’s love break through for you in a very obvious way this week. I understand the feelings of your heart. I have been there too. Sending you hugs so that you can feel you are not alone!!
Thank you so very much, Lyn! I need those prayers and hugs! >hugs back< I know the Lord will reveal His love in a very special way!
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Please don’t think that what you’re going through is harder or easier than somebody else’s struggle because its not, we all struggle. I hope that you can find a local church where you’ll find somebody to talk to who won’t criticize but will give you the support you need. God’s timing is perfect, just keep trusting Him and talking to Him and take one day at a time.
There are times the ache is hard to put in words. 2014 was a year of wounds and loss, at the hands of our brothers and sisters in Christ. We were also tossed out by a deep, covenant friendship. It’s a new year, and while we have been drawn to His side, it is still difficult to get past the hurt and let believers close. It will come. I hope.
Praying for you now Katrina. I’ve walked this road too. It is hard. Praying for His comfort for you.
Im sad because I’m deciding to let go a relationship with a guy that I really care about, He has really disappointed me. I’m sad because I do not get satisfaction from my workplace or even feel like I can trust anyone there. It saddens me because I really believed in that place and the difference we could make, I’m disappointed. But I do think I use to use it as a security blanket so thats gone now. I’m excited to be starting a new job but the sadness dulls the excitement and I am hoping it doesn’t end up being the same as my current position. My new position is exactly where I want to be (career wise) but its hard to believe that its actually about to happen, scary at the same time. I hope I don’t fail in this new job position, I hope God will be there with me each step of the way literally. The last time I stepped out and went to a new department I failed, it didn’t end up working out. I had to end up going back to my old department (which is my current department now) I know confusing right. I am waiting for my background check to come back and then ill start my new job, I guess I’m scared. Even though this is a job I want, I am scared.
I am also struggling with finding satisfaction in God. I am seeking him, I am needing Him to fill a lot of empty places. I am praying and asking to receive his Holy Spirit (Like how they did in the book of Acts) I want to be led by his Holy Spirit.
I also struggle with loneliness. I am 27 and I am not even dating anyone, I guess I am not that happy. I am going to start praying for a husband. Not to mention all of my family issues and the issues of the world.
Matthew 6:33
Thank you
Praying that He will fill you to overflowing, like nothing else can!
Thank you I appreciate it !
I don’t share what’s going on inside me with others because I fell like they all have their own problems. I don’t want to bother them. But it leaves me feeling lonely. I’m working on opening up more and embracing where I am instead of wishing I was somewhere else.
Praying for you Nancy.
I am not fine. My heart is breaking while my husband is deployed and I feel like the few good parts of our marriage are crumbling in pieces around me. I am lonely. I am tired. I am dying on the inside.
Praying for you Debbie
Marriage. Kids. Ugh. You know the drill. There is such strength in numbers. Tight hugs to all of us! Sister on! ❌⭕❌⭕
Big tight squishy-cheek hugs, from me to you. Sister on indeed!
Just feeling this awful wall between God and myself. I feel a little lost and unsure with a hole in my heart of who I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to do. It’s like I’ve lost my identity of who I am in Christ, just trying to huff it in life in my own pitiful strength. I want to be renewed in Christ and want Him to fill in all the holes of my tired and empty soul, especially the part where I grieve not being able to get pregnant. I have a beautiful daughter I love so much and I’m so grateful to be her mommy. Still I feel sad and full of grief because I can’t have another. Im mad at God I think for not fixing it and letting me dream die. I feel so selfish and awful over that and for getting so irritated when well-meaning and living people say we can just adopt. It’s not that I don’t want to adopt, it’s just the fact these well-meaning people try to neatly wrap up and heal my grief with this suggestion. Can they just listen and help me bear my grief instead of fixing it? Grief can’t be fixed it must be gone through. Thank you for prayers:)
Amy, I’m reading “Lost on a Familiar Road” by Kimberly Sowell…hope it helps. Psalm 36:7-9
Fear and anxiety gnaw at me today, even more than usual. It is even coming through my dreams. And it makes me want to hole up and hide. But I must bravely face the day though I feel so ill-equipped. And then there’s my health and that of my husband. It just feels like too much to bear today.
I know that gnawing feeling, Kristy! You are not alone…I know what it feels like to open my eyes and feel fear right in my face from the moment I wake up until I go to bed that night. I know what it feels like to have so much fear and anxiety that I cannot go on any longer or even lift my head for help. It is a very hard and lonely place to be. God will break those chains, Kristy. I believe it. He will carry you through….just rest in His arms and place your fears and anxiety in His hands. He will hold you close to His heart today….and not just today….every day. I am lifting you up in prayer to our Daddy. He will help you!
Thank you!!
I am in need of some of the holes in my heart being plugged.
I had a toxic marriage where verbal/emotional abuse was the norm, followed by a bitter divorce process where the goal of my ex-husband was to ruin me financially, emotionally and mentally. And he achieved his goals.
I was told in directly, indirectly that I was not good enough. I am at a job that does not pay enough with a boss that also think that I am not good enough. I feel like I have lost everything and that my ex-husband has been blessed by God with everything he could possibly want. It feels, as a result, that God too thinks I am not good enough. I have been struggling for the past 8 years to try and hold things together and failing. I am tired. I am lonely. I am dead inside.
I am right there with you, Lyn. I can relate to what you are saying…I, too, feel like God doesn’t think I am good enough. I even feel like He doesn’t think I have enough faith in Him, or trust in Him, or belief in Him….so then, He won’t do anything amazing for me. It is a very troubling way to live…God is showing me that I don’t have to be enough. He alone is enough. He is the one who holds me together. I just have to rest in Him…and it sure is hard sometimes.
He will sustain you and make a way for you, Lyn. I pray He showers you with His true love and shows you who He really is. Wait and see, my sister. He will show you. >hugs<
I feel like this was written specifically for me today. Especially the parts about letting people in and letting people help. I’ve been struggling with illness and disease my entire life. As soon as I beat one thing, another thing comes along. I put on a good, strong face for everyone, like everything is okay, but I’m not okay…my insides are crumbling. I feel like God has abandoned me and most days I don’t even want to get out of bed anymore, afraid of what new pain awaits me. Just yesterday, though, I made the decision to go into counseling. I’m going to call today to make an appointment…
Praying for you Ria!
I’ve been fighting depression off and on since I was 14 and it seems like 9 years later, this one hits the hardest. I want to have the joy for life and people that radiates out to shine for the Kingdom of God. Most days I feel as though I wouldn’t be missed if I wasn’t here. I’m trying to not feel like a constant burden to the few around me. I’m hoping for a close friend to do life with. I’m just afraid the loneliness won’t end and the light won’t come back in my eyes.
Praying for Mandi! I’ll be your friend!
Mandi
You are so valuable. Please Don’t believe those lies from the enemy. I’m praying for you that you will have wisdom and find the help you need. There is so much hope. I have been to the depths of depression and understand the pain. Jesus loves you Mandi! Sister Hugs
Wish we could all meet someday. Our hearts are all so connected. So many of us are alone and hurting. I’m so grateful to have a place to share.
I could really use some prayer. I have been out of work for almost 6 months now. I was not able to take care of my finances when I was working full time, but the small portion I’m getting on E.I. forces me to rely on others to just pay my basic bills. I just cannot afford to be in this situation any longer. My faith and trust in the Lord is wavering and I’m losing hope.
Take care all & God bless,
Lisa
Praying for you now and for God’s provision for your needs, Lisa!
Im in month 7 after my husband passed away from an addiction. I have two little boys and am turning 31 tomorrow. Life just seems heavy and my heart is weary. I know how good God is and how He’s cared for us in this time, but the routines of life seem to wear me down.
Yes, I hear you. The routines of life can be a heavy burden and oh so wearisome. Standing with you, sister, in this time of weariness. Praying grace and peace over you now.
I am going through a divorce, which was my choice. After over 20 years, I couldn’t bear his verbal abuse and drinking. He has vowed to destroy me but I know that God is with me every step of the way. I’m human so yes, I have moments when I break down. I just want my daughters to have a happy, healthy life.
Praying for you Kimberly.
Thank-you for this post and letting us know we are not alone. I am struggling with watching my son walk in the world and turning from Gods ways and waiting on the Lord to bring him home to himself, I have so much anxiety sometimes and depression over my parenting mistakes and sometime wondering if I will see him come back to the Lord
Praying for you Debbie
What a precious word today! Thank you! While I am in the process of emerging from yet another valley where my heart was broken and bleeding and I was not “fine”… I had even sidelined myself from ministry because I just couldn’t do it anymore… I couldn’t face feeling alone and disconnected… A failure. I couldn’t even answer the question in my book study about what dream my Lord had deposited in my heart to pursue… I felt empty and useless. Praising My Beloved Lord Jesus for His patience and faithfulness – when I asked Him about the dream (what my purpose is for being here) He began to speak into my pain and into this trial of heart and BLESS HIM! He gave me a dream about Community. In the aftermath of my sidelining myself… He gave me opportunity to meet with the leader in my church under whom I was directly accountable. You are right in saying that when one part of the body is sick or is “dying” inside the body does feel it. Jesus wasnt alarmed at my decision, but He did override it and did not sideline me – He has a plan – “a plan not to harm me but a plan to give me a future and a hope!” Jeremiah 29:11. I honestly believe it grieves His heart to see how many people live in isolation either self-imposed or otherwise. Love is meant to be shared. That, I believe is why He came for us – to demonstrate what love truly is and to teach us that sinful pride destroys that which He created to be beautiful. Community is always injured by pride. With the many blogs I have read even since the New Year began, it seems our Lord is speaking this message of Community louder than ever. While all the “nuts and bolts” of the dream haven’t come together, my heart is joyful in the ideas He has whispered and I have faith walked into! He truly does lay Himself down in our torn places and pulls it together for our good and His glory. “The Lord God is a sun and a shield. He lavishes on us grace and glory and no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly” Psalm 84:11 – my life verse. Thanking my Lord for you as He gave you eloquent words that touched my heart this morning – further watering that which He has already planted. Praying for you as you allow Him to redeem those hard places in your life to bless others. Amazing grace indeed!
“Maybe your insides hurt so bad you’re amazed no one notices. Because a Hello Kitty bandaid can’t possibly hold back the bleeding from a broken soul.”
This is how I feel many days, like no one notices. It seems that friends and those closest to me get tired of the bleeding that never stops, with chronic illness. They just want you to be who you used to be. The girl who used to be carefree, full of fun and laughter. Oh, how I would love to be that person again too, but the reality is that many days I am barely keeping my head above water, a silent drowning, if you will. I don’t really expect them to understand my illness, as I’m not sure I would truly understand it myself, if it were not happening to me. Chronic illness has robbed me in more ways than just my health, I have endured loss upon loss. Loss changes who you are, and although I may not be the person I once was, my heart bleeds the same. I miss my old self, but God is doing a new thing in me through all of this and for that I am grateful.
Thank you for this post and community. I feel so loved and embraced here. I pray that our brokenness will be used in a mighty way by God and we will exchange our ashes for His beauty in our lives.
Kim, I am noticing right now, and praying that you feel seen. Though I do not struggle with chronic illness, I so, so deeply understand your words – “The girl who used to be carefree, full of fun and laughter.” This is a struggle for me too and I pray for you – that you feel and know that you are enough, and for your friends and family – that they may see the same.
I too have struggled with depression for years! I’m so tired and weary that I just keep going through the motions to get through the day. I really struggle to understand this round because nothing truly “tragic” has happened in my life lately. I have a husband who loves me dearly and 2 wonderful daughters! I think probably the ‘worst’ thing has been that our oldest daughter ( who is my very best friend) is away at college – 17 hours from home. I am to the point that I have to face that although hopefully she will be coming back closer to home to settle down but she will not be back beside me every day! I still have my youngest at home for 2 more years and that is truly a blessing but I don’t feel as close to her as I would like. Her personality is so different from mine and her sisters. Her sister is very affectionate, positive and giving where she is not a hugger by any means. She is very generous and loving just in a different way. I don’t want to miss out on any of her life while she is home! I am so invested in my girls that over the years I lost touch with my friends and just feel so alone! Talking to anyone has me feeling guilty even because I really have a wonderful life with a loving family but I can’t stop this feeling inside. Thank you for writing this – it really speaks to me! Thanks also for listening!
I believe that God meant for me to see this post today. Last night I came to the realization that I have holes in my life. I used that exact word to describe how I was feeling. Holes. That’s no coincidence.
I just told my friend this morning about the holes in my life. I have parent-shaped holes that weren’t filled as a child, so I blocked them so that pain couldn’t get in. I struggled with depression and addiction for years. It wasn’t until after my mom passed six years ago that I realized I still had that hole, and that it would remain.
I was the first in my family to graduate from college. I have a degree in American Sign Language. About two years ago (5 years after graduating and being in the field) I was diagnosed with chronic nerve issues in my arms and elbows and I had to stop interpreting because I couldn’t work for more than 10 minutes or so because of debilitating pain. I still am in a great deal of pain every day. Now I work a desk job making 60% of the income I made as an interpreter. The career hole is gaping and empty.
At the age of 32 I’m still waiting for God to send me a husband. I desire so much to be a mommy. There are two more holes. I could go on, but I think I’ve said enough.
I believe that God is good. I believe that He is good to me, and loves me. I know that all of these holes are essentially God-shaped. I know that only He can fill them. How can I bridge the gap between my head and my heart?
“How can I bridge the gap between my head and my heart?” OH sister this is THE question, isn’t it?? Praying right now that that gap may be closed, filled, stopped up with Him.
I am not fine. Workload has been overwhelmingly heavy, i have been working over 12 hours a day, even weekend to complete the tasks assigned to me. despite my calling is a missionary at workplace, i want to quit so much, and often struggle with loyalty to my calling. Physically exhausted and pressure to meet deadlines, surviving different types of boss and colleagues, and accomplishing seemingly impossible tasks…. i want to say I am not fine, though I know my God has been with me all along.
Hi Karen. Totally get the heavy workload stress and pressure, and I am praying peace over your frayed edges tonight.
Lisa-Jo, this is an amazing devotional! and It hits me right where I need it most in my heart. I go through periods where I am really okay, and periods of where I am struggling. With my marriage, my two little adopted boys with special needs, my almost 25 year old daughter, exhaustion, the bills, and then I see Jesus’ face and His hands, and I’m good. But, I feel like I’m on a roller coaster. I would like to be more on of an even keel. My mom is in assisted living now and it is not what she thought what it would be, and that hurts to see and hear her. I am trying to do the speech therapy, occupational therapy, and bonding therapy at home with my boys because of the money situation to accommodate not seeing a therapist as often, and I’m feeling overwhelmed…..
Our adult children who walked away from God
When I read the writing for today I was amazed! I feel so alone. I went through a divorce 5 months ago, my Mom passed 1 1/2 years ago, my son and I am estranged, I cannot work yet due to clinical depression and a knee surgery that is taking forever to heal. But as I read so many comments I see I am not alone. We live in such an isolated society and I long for connection. I do have 2 friends who I can talk to openly.
A lot of people shy away from pain. I LOVE the word “redeemed”. It has become something very different to me in the past few years.
Mj
I feel like I am dying on the inside as the tears flow the depression sets in the isolation starts and I feel at a very low place in my life. So much loss in my life feel alone and lost I need to reach out to my Christian friends please pray that I have the courage to ask for help. That I stop struggling alone 🙁
Thank you, my heart is so broken, i lost my last parent almost 2 years ago and I had just turned 40. I feel alone and even with the live and support of my husband, that hole is there and is not closing. In a sense I feel I have lost my family, the extended family is not close and my brother is in another state. I moved 15 years ago and found happiness, but now saddness and anger, have found their way in along with anxiety. My daddy is not here to talk me through thing and guide or listen, i miss his voice. My best friend is in the middle of chemo that lives here, my bff is in another state and she lost her husband a year ago. So much saddness and pain.
So very sorry for your loss, Lisa. Praying peace over you tonight.
What a beautiful, powerful message and a great reminder! My marriage died several years ago and I like the tweet….holes can still ache when we’re whole again!
Lisa Jo…
Thank you!! I desperately needed to hear these words today… I needed to hear it’s OK to not be “ok”. Yes, God has worked unbelievable miracles in my life, and restored my marriage (while society screamed there was no way it could ever be restored). But I’m learning that just because He Redeemed and Healed, doesn’t mean it will never hurt again and things will always be “sunshine and roses”…
Thank you for reminding me that I am surrounded by sisters who LOVE me! God put theses treasured women in my path for moments just like this- When I realize I am not ok and need some extra love and prayer…
Bless you, and each Sister facing their own struggle today… God is sooooo GOOD!!!!
xoxo,
~Michelle
Thank you Lisa-Jo for this timely message. I will be traveling back home to visit family today (14 hour flight away). My heart aches because my mother will not be there. As much as I should be looking forward to this big family gathering, I have no joy, just a deep sense of sorrow, and even some anger that my mother made the decision not to be there. We have not talked to each other for the past month since I honestly shared with her my feelings about her decision to move away from home. But as we approach Lent, I am praying that God will bring healing to this very broken relationship and that I would learn to love her with the love of God. Thank you for the prayers!
Isaiah 58:9-12 prayers for a reunion….
Thank you. I’m in the hallway waiting for a door to open. I’ve been here a long time, but just recently I got a job offer, just waiting for the finger prints to go through. Meanwhile, I’m learning to breath…. Empty nest after home school, 27 year marriage appears hopeless.. I can make the list of what’s wrong, but need to focus on what’s right. 2 kids graduating with BS degrees this May, new job, bills paid, one of four married now to a Christian even. Breathing, it all seems to be about breathing. Lord help me breath in Your spirit and rest in Your plan. My heart hurts.
Praying that prayer of breathing over you today, Deena Marie.
Today I am hurting so much— body, mind, and spirit. I have been suffering with a chronic illness now for 4 years that seems to be taking many twists and turns and is completely wearing me out! Between the physical symptoms and all the meds I take, I am in bed and not able to participate in life like I used to. I grieve for my old healthy vivacious self full of happy energy serving the Lord by actively “doing”. Now I am in bed a lot serving Him in quiet prayer which is beautiful but accepting this new season of my life is not easy when my days are long and in pain and often isolating. I do have a most precious, strong faithful husband at my side as well as 4 amazing sons ( in college ) and one on his own and wonderful girlfriends so I do feel very blessed indeed! But I discovered this amazing website of encouragement which is so beautiful and I read it everyday. I humbly ask for prayers to sustain me in this journey of this difficult season God is bringing me though for His greater glory and that I may unite my will to His. I feel exhausted and weary as I carry my cross. Thank you. I am praying for all those intentions mentioned as I am truly a BIG prayer warrior now! Blessings.
Lisa, I’m quietly praying peace, healing and a heaping portion of joy over you right now.
What beauty you offer in praying in brokenness. Praying now God meets you in the most real ways in your hardest places. xo
I know I’ve mentioned this in other posts but I really do need more prayers and lifting up. My husband passed away from cancer last June. I’m only 51. I miss him terribly. We were together since I was 22. We didn’t have any children and I don’t have family. It is so hard living alone. I’m constantly worried about things like the house or the car. I’ve been praying so hard that God would bless me with a good Christian man to be my best friend and companion and helper. Please pray for me. I will pray for everyone who has posted here. Thank you.
Sweet Therese. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. My eyes well with tears for you and I am lifting you up to Him right now.
Thank you with all my heart Anna!
Therese. I’m so sorry. I’m praying just now for God to work His perfect plan in the midst of this loss. That He would be gracious in allowing and sending a human friend and companion for you. He loves you so. He hears your cry. And you are not forgotten. Sending much love to you today. xo
Thank you so very much Jacque!
Yes! This!
The never ending drain of chronic pain, never ending commute, never ending gray of my cubicle, never ending household chores, & the never getting to finish writing what God told me to write on my blog. Desperate to get out of this rut! And somehow simultaneously never been more aware of Jesus present in my life. I don’t know what to make of it all.
Today, I can only focus on making it through the next hour.
Thank you for writing this!
With you today. Hour by hour looking to God for strength. Fighting to see His gifts and blessings. Much love to you today. .xo
Much love to you too, Jacque! The blessing of community abounds here on this page!
Lisa-Jo
What an inspiring and insightful post! So true that we need others to help bear our burdens and grieves. The body of Christ should be there for us to listen and help carry our burdens with us!!
I am blessed to have a good church family and one really good friend. Last year my aging dad went into assisted living and had a myriad of health issues landing him in hospital 2 times and ER 4 times. These wonderful people were there to encourage me and just listen. It helped to tell the story and release some of the pain and stress.
Adding to that stress my hubby almost lost his job and changed it twice within same company–Praise God. My job got more stressful and now I must demonstrate some nursing skills or be out of a job myself. I know that God and the body of Christ is there for me each and every step of the way!
3 weeks after our 4th son was born I had an emergency appendectomy and then started having scary symptoms and signs of an auto-immune disease. It is 6 weeks later and I am still not okay. I am struggling with major anxiety and depression and doctors are still figuring out what if any disease I have so I am not being treated right now. I wake up every day in fear that something terrible is going to happen to me and go to bed with the same fear every night. During the day I am depressed and anxious. I feel like I have lost my joy.
Lord Jesus be with Latrice even now. Help her come to you. Help her anxious heart rest. Send the peace you promise as she gives thanks to you for even the littlest things today. Help her know You are near. Because we know the nearness of You is our good. Amen
Psalm 73
Philippians 4:6-9
Here is my story. I am in my sixties. I was shot in the eye with a bow and arrow at the age of 3 and lost my eye at the age of 6. I grew up in a very emotionally abusive home with an alcoholic father who had served in WW2. I believe he had PTSD but that was not recognized at the time. He died at a young age and I became very close with my mother who contracted blood cancer in her sixties. I lived with her for four years and she died at the age of 73. My brother became an addict at an early age as he could not cope with the abuse of my dad ( had a gun held to his head, etc.). He died at the age of 55. My only surviving sibling is an alcoholic and has tormented my life as well as my mother’s life when she was alive. I now have blood cancer and have been battling it for 13 years. I have relapsed twice and am now on my third course of treatment which insurance does not cover under medicare since it is in pill form rather than infusion. We have huge co-pays, which are eating up any reserves we had for retirement. The battle for me has been dealing this amount of pain and worry out to my family. My faith has grown a little thin as we deal with one thing after another. I have three children – one of whom is battling with alcohol at this time and tried to commit suicide a couple of years ago. My other two are doing OK except for financial issues in this poor economy. My mother-in-law is 93 and in a nursing home. There is more but I won’t write about it here. I am immune compromised so can’t attend gatherings of people – i.e. go to church. I would appreciate prayer for my situation in that I would love to have my first love (Jesus) back in my life with all the hope and optimism that I used to have.
I am praying friend. Just now. Begging God to meet you in very real and deep ways as you look to Him and ask Him to. He is so very near. I’m so sorry. Wish I could come hug you today. You are loved. xoxo
When I read your words I felt the tug on my heart that I’ve been feeling for a long while. I am not fine. I was admitted to the hospital last week due to a terrible stomach virus for 4 days. When I was discharged I texted and asked my daughter to give me a ride home. She went ballistic. She informed me that she’d have to load up my three grandkids and when she got to the hospital exit to be out front or she would leave. I was heartbroken at her response. She told me that that was all she had to give. I love her so much and have always been there for her when she needed me. I have cried myself to sleep every night since. Unfortunately, she’s been acting like this for quite a while. I’ve prayed for her constantly. I feel so alone and she just doesn’t want to help. I have isolated myself a lot for the last 4 years so my friends have given up. Please pray for her and I. I have a feeling something is not right with her but she won’t talk to me about it. God bless you and keep you.
Praying even now for you and your daughter. Trusting how God knows and agreeing with you for healing between you. And in the darkness of those nights crying, for you to feel held by our God who counts every single tear. xo
I thank you from the bottom of my heart. After commenting on my circumstances, I had this incredible “message” come to me. My daughter’s in need of prayer and help. So I blew my nose and sent her a text. She is indeed in a trying time right now. She said she would talk to me soon about it. I know this was your prayers and I am just so happy I can be there for her. I guess no matter what if you love enough the truth will come. God is an awesome God! You, my friend, are an awesome prayer warrior. Blessings!
I’m sad today because I found out a week ago that my father died. He died alone and I didn’t know and I feel so sad wondering what his end of life was like and what else I could have done. He suffered from depression all his life and quite recently physical pains..he never wanted me to worry so he sheltered me from much of it. We lived in different states, but I loved our phone conversations and texts. Towards the end of his life he started having heart issues. They think he had a heart attack. He never gave up like he promised, and I know he was saved, so that is such hope, but the end of his life and not knowing if he struggled and knowing he was alone is where I find myself struggling now. I am 33 years old and have already lost my mom to breast cancer and my brother to a car accident so I’m the last one alive in my immediate family. I’m struggling with that too. I have a wonderful husband though by my side. I know he is in heaven now, and I hope to one day just feel that peace and know that his pain on Earth and physical death are done and need not be in my thoughts.
Oh Kelly. That is so hard. And your care and love for your family shows so deeply. I’m so sorry for your loss. Praying for you just now. May you feel loved and seen today amidst your great loss. xo
Thanks Jacque! I love listening to your podcast so much and in fact listened to it yesterday about grief as I began sorting through Dad’s things. Thanks for sharing your precious gift with us and for allowing others to share their story too.
This is me. Maybe your insides hurt so bad you’re amazed no one notices. Because a Hello Kitty bandaid can’t possibly hold back the bleeding from a broken soul.
Praying even now God would send that one someone to you who feels safe. Who is willing to notice. Who you feel open to share your heart with. I wish that could be me today. Reaching through the screen today with love. xo
Thank you, Jacque, so very much for responding
Thank you so very much for this. It is especially meaningful today. There is a hidden spot in my heart, someplace at the core of my soul, where I acknowledge that I still don’t want to live. After my wonderful passed husband suddenly 6 years ago, I was so ripped apart and devastated that I very nearly took my own life to stop the excruciating pain. I am not healed. I am better and the bus-sized hole in my heart is smaller. Things have been especially difficult and I’ve also had to endure 2 life threatening illnesses without him beside me. Many times I’ve asked God why he allowed it or why he took my husband away from me, to no avail. I ask him every day for my heart to be be healed. Sometimes, when I have no words, my only prayer, repeated a dozen times daily, is “God, pleease help me”. I feel in-between lives still but take steps every day to move my life forward towards a new one. Thank you all for sharing a piece of yourselves here in the comments. I truly believe that we never know how our words can uplift, support and help sustain each other – recognizing that we are not alone.
Just sitting here with you and feeling that “bus-sized hole” – those are the exact same words I used to describe the ache the loss of my mom left. It’s OK to ache and hurt and cry and ask all the hard questions. Just keep asking them to the God who loves us even when we can’t always understand Him. I’m sitting here today asking and loving and believing with you and for you.
i’m so very sorry. i wish i could read every comment here and reply to each one. but since i can not, i have read the comment before and after mine, specifically praying for both of you who left those comments… for you, and for rebecca who commented after me… and praying generally for all who have commented and are hurting here today. I will be lifting you up in prayer today whenever you come to mind. i understand what you mean about a hidden spot in the heart… i have one too. sometimes, mine’s so hidden, even i don’t see it or know it’s there. but some days, it’s all i see and it’s a weight i cannot bear. praying you will know healing and sense it every day, no matter how small or great, and that that hidden spot will one day be gone.
Joining you too. Sitting and acknowledging all you’ve endured and are still facing. You are not alone and I’m saying a prayer now that you would feel your prayers answered by His presence. That you would find Him as you seek Him. And that there would come a peace that is unexplainable except for Him. Sending much love to you today…xo
my pain is that i’m not over the death of my six-hour-old little girl that happened a year ago. and i can’t seem to move forward well in life. it’s become harder now than after we first lost her, somehow, and i can’t seem to shake the depression and sadness. while i function as a wife, as a mom to a three-year-old boy and as a friend, i don’t feel like i’m functioning well. the few people i talk to anymore, i tell that it feels like life will never be the same and i struggle to see anything redemptive in our loss. i had such peace and faith in God right after we lost her. i struggle to know that now. it almost feels like we are just now beginning to see the true effects of what we went through. and i’m struggling deeply… with very few to even mention it to, because most people think i’ve moved on, or have moved on themselves. i badly want to be whole, because i want so much to give all that i can to my son, but feeling empty to give to him. feeling like i’m not present in his life the way i would like to be. thank you for letting us share our pain and lifting it up. it was like coming upon a small oasis in the midst of this desert i’m in. i definitely needed the reminder that i am not alone.
Hugs. Prayers as you navigate grief and Grace to you in all things. In my own loss the second year can feel
thank you, rebecca. i think, in a way, you just did. thank you. i’m sorry for your loss. i was thinking the same… that, likely, it’s so much harder now because the support is gone. and like i said, i’m just now beginning to see the millions of ways, big and small, that losing her has affected everything else. i’m seeing the effects it had on my son. and it’s like i have to grieve all over again. the loss is so much more far-reaching than you realize it will be when it first occurs. thank you for your kind encouragement.
Grieving while caring for little ones who are grieving as well is its own kind of grief. Love to you.
Just sitting here with you and remembering a daughter who will always, always be yours, no matter how brief her earthly life. Acknowledging that motherhood never forgets, never gives up, never stops loving. Praying you are able to let go of the hurt parts and embrace the beautiful that is still with you – especially your son. Much love today.
thank you. very touched by and grateful for your reply.
Sliding in beside you today to tell you you are seen. And loving you in your pain. I can only imagine the grief your heart is facing. Even still. And if I might humbly offer a tiny thread of hope?? if it would help? An interview I did recently with Tara Storch who shares about her heart’s grief as she picks up the pieces after losing her daughter.. Praying for you now and wishing I could give you a big big hug. I’m so sorry. May you feel Jesus ever so close with each paying day…xo
jacquewatkins dot com / episode30
thank you, Jacque. listening to it now. looking forward to reading their book, Taylor’s Gift. thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement and taking the time to share the podcast.
Thank you. My husband would be turning 30 in a few days. But he was killed suddenly in a work accident a little over a year and a half ago. Trying to find the grace and strength to celebrate his life and grieve his death with our three babies 5.5, 3.5 and 1.5 years old. The valley seems so long and so dark sometimes. I miss him and this earth doesn’t feel like home without him in it. It is truly those who are able to sit in the shadow with me that have been my sources of strength. And also those who pray for me when I can’t. I’ve been carried. Thanks for reminding people to show up.
Oh, Rebecca, I have three little ones 6, 4.5, and 2.5 and I can’t even imagine. So I’m just sitting here with you today. Praising God for His goodness and strength and yet asking Him to continue to reach into your darkness, to fill in the gap for you and your precious kiddos in a way no one else can, and to send Jesus with skin on to hold you and grieve face to face with you when you just need to be touched. He is able. Lean in, friend.
So good to be seen and loved and prayed over. Thank you!!!
Just read your own comment here, Rebecca. Praying for you today. Praying for your children, too. I’m so very sorry.
Thank you for writing this. It is timely for me, as I am struggling (and failing) to really believe in God’s love for me. I feel like a failure in most areas of my life, and I don’t yet see redemption. If I could only believe the gospel, (I mean, not in the religious way I “believed” my whole life, but in a real heart-transforming way) I would begin to be free. Free from all the horrible mistakes, the inadequacies, the mountains of shamei feel. This burden is too heavy for me to carry, and I honestly don’t know how to let it go. How does one make the shift from believing intellectually, to believing in your soul? I am literally exhausted to the bone, and I need God to be real in my heart. Thank you for listening to my story.
Julie, this afternoon I am praying boldly over you – that that real heart-transforming belief may be yours in spades. Praying that God makes Himself crystal clear to you and to your heart, and that He would absolutely cover you in His love in a very tangible way. Blessings, Julie.
God blessed me today by reminding me that He can give me victory over fear!
Thank you for this! Perfect for me today. I am not fine. I feel like a failure at work! I have been in a job I hate that is wearing on me mentally, emotionally and physically. I have a meeting today and feel like my job is on the line. I am worried and scared. I am thankful though that I have my best friends, those awesome girlfriends praying for me!
My teenage son has started counseling for drugs. I’m looking for hope that everything will turn out well.
Joining you as a fellow mama..trusting and hoping and praying with you for recovery and character growth and relationship-deepening in the process. So much.
oh, how you spoke to me today…tears as I read the words. And I feel guilty, because I have survived the cancer…I should be joyous. But I feel assaulted, broken. Perhaps surviving one battle just prepares us for the next one? Oh, you touched on so many of my struggles – thank you for speaking to my soul today. For letting the tears come. I am learning how to be real – to share my pain. For there are others out there who need to know they are not alone. Oh Lord, please help me through this dark valley. I am not afraid of death. But I’m so tired. I am way too good at putting on the happy face, and I need to be authentic and vulnerable. There is a reason why God is taking me through this valley, and I need to trust HIm.
Such a beautuful perspective Jen..standing with you in the surrender of our hearts to His way no matter the valley. We trust You Jesus.
I hurt. I feel empty, like I just want to sit and let the days go by. It is so hard to smile. I want someone to fight for me. I want my husband to love me and not just himself. I am worn out and tired of fighting the fight. I need someone to love on me now. I can’t be the giver anymore. It might sound bad, but I need to be a taker a bit. I don’t want to be the strong one anymore. A husband who takes but doesnt give and four little kids and I am tired. Drained. Empty. I know the Lord is my strength, but sometimes I just want it fleshed out. I know I’ll make it, but I want to do more than survive.
Yes. Yes. More than survive. And strength yes. And it is the JOY of the Lord that is our strength. But how to have joy when there’s so much pain? And just ever so gently leaning over with care and whispers to remind us all. .Jesus holds out His arms to you today and begs you to be a taker.To take from Him grace and mercy and love. To come to Him and let Him love on you through His Word… that He could carry your burdens and weariness and give you rest. For you to cast your care on Him…write it, whisper it, yell it…because He can handle it and He cares for you. Praying a prayer for you now and sending much love Amie..
It always amazes me that God knows just how to show up in my inbox. I gave birth to my daughter just over two months ago. We had known for weeks that she would never live outside my body and would die any day inside. It hurts everyday. I want to do it over again and hold her beautiful, yet still body. I wish I had been able to hear her cry and to see what color her eyes were. We are trying to find our new normal. We are still homeschooling and that is probably the only reason I’m still sane. I haven’t been sleeping well for months now. Thank you for your prayers! Melissa, I’m praying for you and your family. I’m so sorry for your loss and want to share 2Chronicles 20:12b, it has been a comforting verse for me. “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”
Wishing I could hug you today. I’m so sorry for your loss. And how you encourage others in the midst of your pain?? Just beautiful. xoxo
I feel like I’m dying on the inside a lot of the time, when I see everyone around me with marriages and children. I’m 37 years old and have never been married. I also have a lot of health issues that make me feel bad most of the time. I’m the only believer in the household I live in. I do my best to stay in a good mental space most of the time, but sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Thanks so much for your thoughts & prayers.
Oh Brandee… reaching across the miles and through the screen and whispering how beautiful you are. How strong. And brave. And praying as you seek Jesus right there that you will find Him. That you’ll know deep peace and that He will send companionship to you in His time. With much love to you today. xo
I was “fine” until I got to the paragraph which begins, “Maybe it’s your son you haven’t seen in a month….” And although he (of course!) came to mind when my interest was piqued by this post in my FB News Feed, I did not expect to see him–my un-fineness–there in black and white as I was scrolling down. And then I did see it. And I knew your message really was for me, after all.
My 20-year-old son, whom we adopted from a Russian orphanage when he was 9 years old, whom we gathered up and named and held and nurtured and warmed until he blossomed, who cracked us up with his antics and loved being part of a family, and who mightily–foolishly–fought his demons by forgetting they ever existed, has left us. He has spiraled into a darkness we cannot reach into. That chosen child has chosen to orphan himself again. It’s been over two years since he flipped some internal switch and became someone else: skinny, smoky, sunken-in, colorless, and utterly cut off from us. It’s been over a month since he last responded to a text message and even longer since we met face to face. I don’t even know where he’s living, although occasionally I see him out walking, here in the town we both live in.
I don’t call out to him anymore. He doesn’t want to be chased. And, like the demons he used to fight to forget, he doesn’t want me to exist.
So I’m waiting. And I am praying. Because I believe in the power of a God who understands my son and loves him perfectly and isn’t afraid of his hurting or of being hurt by him. That God can raise a life.
But in this way–although I live full days and mother my other children and sing and laugh and create and dream and even have moments when I (almost) forget–in this way, I am un-fine.
So thank you for your words, for your prayer, and for the invitation to share.
Praying Luke 15 over your household and town, sister.
Gentle hugs, J
To everyone here, please know of my prayers for you. Of how I join you because I have known the pains that many of you talk about and still feel them daily. I know that I am dying inside and fight to hold onto the only One who can save us, to reach out for His love when I know how unworthy I am. The Lord truly is our light and our salvation 🙂 My heart hurts with each of you. Yet I have to remind myself that in this world there will be tribulation; yet take heart for He has overcome the world. May His love and peace enfold each of us today in a way that only He can, joining each of us in fellowship and love within His hand.
I am someone who suffers from OCD and panic disorder. Every so often, it sneaks up on me and steals all the joy out of my life. Sometimes my anxiety seems too big to handle and it seems that God has left me. However, He is providing lots of ways for my healing and I am beginning to see that He is carrying me when I feel like he has abandoned me. I feel afraid even to post this because it feels so vulnerable and dangerous. Thank you everyone for sharing so honestly. This post today was a great encouragement.
Everyone is going through some struggle, so there’s no judgment here. Just sharing traveling journeys. Life is better when you know The Pilot.
I am a homeschool mom who had my only child at age 38. I love Jesus and brought my son up with His Love and celebrate creation science. There is not another human that I can tell this. My son is almost 18 and told me 4 days ago that he is an atheist and thinks evolution is fact. This was difficult for him, but he felt he had to be honest. He says he is not glad about it, but this is how he feels. My husband doesn’t understand and just won’t deal with it.
We have been struggling for quite a while to obtain enough credits for graduation and he just isn’t interested. I had hoped that despite my many failures, raising a Godly son would be the one thing I would see. Because it isn’t me and my abilities, it’s God who would do it. He gave me this wonderful gift.
I have suffered from depression and anxiety from at least age 10 and it is genetic from my father’s side. I fear for the LIFE of my son. He is dealing with not knowing where to find meaning in life and a source of values. There is some depression there, but he refuses a Christian counselor, so I am looking for one who at least won’t turn him further from God. I fear for the SOUL of my child. I always thought the only way I could live if he were taken, was knowing that he would be with Jesus.
I have been cracked many times, now I am broken. Utterly squashed.
Thank you for the opportunity to share. I will pray for all the people who have written their prayer needs.
Praying that your love, forgiveness, prayer, and service will speak to his heart in silent witness to a Savior who was present at Creation, and will be present at Judgment.
One helpful publication might be former atheist’s Lee Strobel’s Case for Christ. Lee was an atheist who investigated the facts and resulted in becoming a believer.
You might encourage your son to investigate the logistics of the scriptures as well…
I have this book. He is not receptive at this time. Thank you for the reply. Breaks my heart that my witness has be so weak that he is at this point.
You are not to blame, sister. We have an enemy that prowls to seek whom he can devour. Will pray with you that strongholds are demolished and Light can be re-established in his heart. God’s Truth will stand, no matter what…
Gentle Hugs & Prayers,
J
Thank you for your encouragement. hugs, and prayers. It’s been so hard to be alone in this struggle.
Anxious. Restless. Being wound tight in fear and unsettled circumstances. As a single mama of a 12 year old boy, I’m waiting for a situation to bring resolution and clarity for us and I can barely breath because of fear. It’s dark. I’m worn. I feel heavy in body, mind and soul. Like I’m going to crumble. I can’t keep it together. Covet the prayers.
Chris, you’ve got my prayers tonight.
I’m so here!! My husband of 30 years is abusing pain pills–going on 8 years now. I’m so so tired. And so tired of putting on the “I’m ok” face all the time. I have a 16 and 17 year old son and daughter who are suffering, too. and also seeing me as the bad guy in this. I try to protect them from the ugly details of the mess, but they can see some of it. There is a fine line of caring for someone and enabling someone. I’ve declared war on these demon of drug abuse that has gripped my family, but I need prayer warriors and co-warriors in this fight. I claiming God’s word and promises, especially Psalm 35:17-28. “How long, O Lord, will you look on and do nothing? Rescue me (my family) from their fierce attacks…..Oh Lord, you know all about this. Do not stay silent. Do not abandon me now, Oh Lord. Wake Up! Rise to my defense! Take up my cause, my God and my Lord….” Thank for this post!!
As I read all of these comments I am hesitant to reply. How selfish am I, to see what all of you wonderful ladies are going through and I can’t even pull myself out of my horrible OCD and depression. Reminding myself how much God loves me helps.. but I cant help but think in the back of my mind that I will not be forgiven for the thoughts that go through my head that I can’t get rid of. I want my faith to be strong, non wavering and constant. The one thing that I will say is that I pray now more than I ever have.. and in few moments of having a clear mind I feel his love. All other times it almost seems as if he has left me. Hurts my heart, but I will keep pushing through. I don’t know any of you, but I love all of you. I will pray for each and every one.
No, Michelle, your hurts are absolutely as valid as the next persons. Praying peace over you tonight. You are forgiven, and so very deeply loved.
I understand and your hurts are just as real and legit as anyone else. Depression is a dark black hole…you aren’t alone.
Grief hits every one of us, whether we lose a person, a body part, a pet, a relationship, even a jog or a friendship lost causes grief.
Jesus wept. God is love. Love the intersection of that. Jesus wept, EVEN though He knew what He was about to do–call out Lazarus. From 4 days dead. Stinky dead. Yet He calls us out.
Do you hear him?
I do – in your beautiful words, Lisa-Jo. Thank you for sharing. The need is great.
“Yet He calls us out.”
Wonderful words, sister.
I better get these grave clothes off me and get out there….
I lost my husband (11 years ago) and although I did my proper grieving and have plenty of good friends, I feel so alone in life….I have trouble trusting in God’s plan during this time of being alone when all my friends seem to be so happily married. I feel like I’m dying on the inside. — Thank you for writing this….it’s comforting.
I can’t breathe after reading this today, as I cry out the pain! How true that redeemed does not mean fixed and the holes still hurt…. I have been divorced almost a year and I feel more messy now than in the midst. Will you please pray for healing in my heart and for the strength to forgive……myself and him! Thank you…Lois
I don’t really have any friends or anyone to talk to besides my husband. I just feel like such a failure, every time I turn around I am faced with demands, conflict and pressure to be everyones answer or problem solver. I can barely get my own stuff done between working full time, having 3 kids at home when my husband works full time and goes to school full time. People are my biggest frustration. I don’t know how to ignore negativity, It seeps into my mind and swirls around as I try to go about my business. It seems nothing is ever good enough. I’m past burnt out, and now my mom is staying with us, We are crowded and money is so tight, I feel like I’ve given so much there’s no more to give. I can’t seem to forget all my past failures in life, but that’s a whole other story! I’m trying to be thankful but it seems impossible.
Praying for you. You are not alone.
Thank you so much Lisa-Jo for sharing this special message that truly spoke to my heart today, and it looks like many others as well. I feel depressed from time-to-time and don’t really understand why. My life is good right now and I feel very blessed, but I am around that menopausal time in my life and blame my occasional depression on that. I felt depressed yesterday and also this morning. I was going to skip going to my women’s Bible study this morning, because I didn’t have the energy or emotional strength to make myself go. I felt that Satan was trying everything to keep me from getting myself there, until I read your blog. WOW, did it hit home for me. Somehow I suddenly felt this feeling that I needed to get ready and go to my Bible study, even if I arrived there late. I made it and I’m glad I went. I feel renewed and grateful that God helped me work through my feelings of sadness, thanks to your amazing words that truly spoke to my heart. Thanks so much, and GOD bless!!!
Cheering you on, girlfriend, for listening to Him and allowing Him to guide your life, rather than anyone else!
I needed this.
Today everything came to a head. The constant mantra of “be positive” and “look on the bright side” clouded over and the storm clouds rolled in; I’m not fine. I think I finally admitted it to myself instead of shoving it underground with “I’m okay” and “This is only a season” assurances. I have been waiting for change… any change. New job, new apartment, new something, but nothing is changing and I see no chance for it. I feel stuck and hopeless, like no matter even if there is a change that I will be content, ever. I don’t know how to express it to my friends or to my husband. It’s too much, too dark, too broken. But today the “unfine” over came me and I blew. Anger spewed like a burst volcano and now I feel like an empty shell. Nothing has changed but at least I’m not alone.
John 8:29 He is with you. Turn to the Savior. He can be your strength.
Peeps, I’m just so tired. Satan chose long ago to attack us through money (or the lack of it). And he’s done it again. I’m tired of working. I have a full time job, a part time job, and my own business. My husband? No job for 3+ months. I’m tired of the struggle. Please pray.
Prayers going up tonight, Scubagirl…
I am listening to Word of God speak as I write this. I know God is reaching out to me and this is just what I needed to read. Thank you.
Oh this message. Thank you for this. My greatest hurt right now is around my 13 year old son who has ADHD, mood disorder, anxiety, and other behavioral/psychiatric issues. His behavior is typically quite good when he is at school or church or anywhere in public, but changes dramatically at home. He becomes oppositional, angry, and even aggressive. He has hurt me and his little brother many times. It feels so unfair that others get to enjoy the “good” side of him while we only see the negative side. Moreover, it makes it seem as though his negative behaviors are all the fault of my husband and me. My own father as much as told me that it is my fault that my son hurts me because I am too controlling. It hurts so much to be misunderstood and to not feel supported or encouraged, and it hurts even more to feel like a parenting failure. We have sought out so much professional help and yet it seems as though we make little progress. I’m worn and hurt through and through. Leaning into Him and trying to trust that He will carry us through and can mend the brokenness.
Thank you for this. I loved my soulmate for 50 years and 8 months. We finally married on the 50th anniversary of meeting in April 2014. He became ill in October and passed away with me at his side, holding his hand on Dec 28th. I feel like half of me is gone. There is a pile of his folded clothes on the washer that I scoop up and hold against my heart and face every day and cry on his shoulder. I am a believer in our Living Lord. I know I will survive this, but I don’t know how to overcome this loss. I miss him so much I ache.
Grieving is different for everyone. Time will help. Knowing where a loved one actually is helps the most. Read “Angels in the Fire” by Dann Stadler for a first-hand account.
Crying so much on the inside, even though all I can do is get really teary eyed and just feel how much I feel wounded and broken. My heart, mind, soul/spirit longs to be whole as when I born again at 19. Now at 39. I wonder, when will I get better? I’ve been struggling so hard since 2009.
Just when I thought my life was going to move forward. Out of my three issues. Into healing and freedom. I grieve so much, for the ways I fall short and grieve God’s Holy Spirit.
But one thing that recently has become clear. God is with me. He has given me a new good christian friend. Who encourages me everyday on Facebook, since I recently met her there.
Found a new christian christian counselor, who can let me pay a fee lower than her lowest scale fee, during this hard time of job searching for another part time job. Getting very few hours in my current job. Finding the person I work for, very hard to love.
Recommitted to take good care of myself, and keep learning how to keep reseting healthy boundaries with others. Advocate for myself and verbalize my needs in peace making words. Keep discerning when my codependancy rears it’s ugly head and I need to reset my healthy boundaries within in Christ.
Letting God refine me, instead of striving so hard to fix myself.
After 8 years before 2009, I hit total burn out. Serving the Lord, but also got caught up with the need to rescue people, trying to fix all their problems. Overdoing it. Doing too much. Getting involved in too many ministries. I was trying out so many. Going to 3 bible studies a week. Part of it was good, for my good. But part of me was getting caught up in codependancy.
In 2009, I finally was diagnosed with an emotional disorder called Cyclothymia. One of my three issues. Which as I look back, started to develope since I was a baby, really started to show symptoms since I was 11.
God amazingly did heal me of suicidal thoughts in my mid 20’s.
Since 2012, it’s been a hard road job wise. And various things I have lost.
I’m starting to feel hope again. After loosing more and more of it since 2009.
This blog post, really reached with God’s Love, that part of my heart that feels lonely, forgotten, rejected, abandoned, neglected and unwanted.
Need to overcome the fear of joining a new home church.
And most of all, keep moving forward, pressing in closer to Christ, and walking in step with God’s Holy Spirit in Jesus. Even if it feels like I am growing slow as a snail moves.
Praying for peace and understanding for you. The Lord knows your hurts and struggles and He loves you. I understand depression and suicidal thoughts. I am thankful for The Lords mercy!
Thank you for praying for me.
God bless you as you walk your own journey of healing for depression and suicidal thoughts.
My christian sister in Christ in FB, reminded me. Those feelings of been unloveable, are the thoughts = flaming arrows of the enemy of God and His children.
I choose to keep on standing firm in the whole Armor of God. Ephesians 6:10-18. Or another name for it in the Bible, His Armor of Light.
Romans 13 (NIV)
12 The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.
Thank You, Lord. That You never leave, nor forsake us.
Praying for a covering of blessings and healing for all in need in this blog’s comments thread.
Thank you! The Romans verse is an awesome one!
Melissa I said a prayer for you. God is carrying you. You are not alone.
Feb 17th was my daughter’s 31st birthday, the one who doesn’t want me in her life anymore and has chosen a rebellious lifestyle. One son is in prison, my other 3 are going through struggles, and my marriage is pretty much dead. Please pray for me, I am finding it hard to go on.
I wonder what the purpose of my life is for. God has saved my life twice through health issues. Yet still I wonder why. I live alone, would love to have a husband and children and feel stuck in a job where I feel I am invisible and trapped. I applied for new jobs all last year. If I’m to be alone for the rest of my days, God at least show me how I should intentionally use my life for you instead of feeling trapped and that life is so so hard to do each day.
Praying for you.
I just wanted to join all of you in acknowledging our holes together. I may be a bit “late” for this discussion as I realize often people respond mostly in the first day or so. However, one of my “holes” is having the energy and cognitive clarity to respond in a timely manner. In the past, I would just opted out of commenting because I would think, “It’s too late.” Well, the Lord continues to challenge that mindset in me, so I’m stepping out in my “slowness” trusting He will bring good into it all. His grace is sufficient for me (for us)!
When I read through your article, Lisa-Jo, initially, there was a specific “hole” that triggered an emotional response. I have an illness where I can have severe disabling reactions to most scents (i.e. personal care products, laundry and cleaning products, perfumes, essential oils, etc.), along with a great number of other environmental substances. This makes it very difficult to nearly impossible to connect face-to-face in Christian community. I love the opportunity to interact online, but there’s still a longing in my soul to hear a voice, touch a hand, and see a face of the one(s) I’m connecting to. And, there are other things about Christian community that is just impossible to experience without some kind of face-to-face (e.g. baptism, the Lord’s supper, corporate worship, etc.)
Well, yesterday I took the advice being given to some of the wounded souls here to reach out to friends. Though I have come to understand it is important to realize there are many “friends” who are ill-equipped or unwilling to hear a broken story and respond with love, there are those who are enabled by God through the Holy Spirit. I emailed the small group of people who am I slowly getting know through a local church where we live now (we had to move from our home state to another state about 1 1/2 years ago to find tolerable housing due to my increasing sensitivities to our home). I poured out my heart in a vulnerable way as many of you have so bravely done here. And, as I’ve also seen done here is they have responded with a love of Christ which is already pouring into my aching holes. I thank the Lord for His amazing grace through you at (In) courage and my new friends at the Village Church.
I know there is more healing to be done, but I also know our Lord is most capable to do what He has promised through Christ. To each of you who are struggling with grief in loss of love, loss of a loved one and/or depression, I pray that the Lord will continue to slowly (or more quickly if this is what He deems best) to fill your holes with His love in solitude and/or through the body of Christ. In the meantime while we wait for the fullness of this healing, let’s cling to His promise, “My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness.” Blessings to all of you!
This is so raw and beautiful that I couldn’t even reply yesterday when I read it. I still have few words… many years in isolation, grief, loss, abuse. He is such a tender Healer. Grateful for our Savior.
I am feeling so broken right now. Over the past year I have gone through the stillbirth of a daughter, an early miscarriage, changing jobs with a cut in pay, losing a large sum of money due to a bad business investment, and marital tensions that are only getting worse as time goes on. Right now I am expecting again, and though this baby is healthy and strong so far, I can’t help but feel the intense fear sometimes that I’ll lose this one, too. It is only by the grace of God that I am still breathing, and though most wouldn’t know it to look at me, I am not okay.
Just more than 5 months ago our almost 4 year old granddaughter passed away – after a 9 month battle with leukemia during which I was with her most days for at least twelve hours. She was in remission when “something” caused septicemia and she died from multiple organ failure (the autopsy and microbiology tests never found either a viral or bacterial of fungal cause for the sepsis). A part of me died with her. This weekend on our church camp it was hard to see all the happy families and to feel all the emptiness inside me. And nobody understands (and I don’t expect them to) because they have not experienced such a loss. I know she’s happy and whole in heaven. And I will hold her one day. And I know God has a plan and that He works ALL things for good for those who love Him. But for now the pain is sometimes overwhelming.
Thank you to the friend who saw my sadness this weekend. I appreciate you.
I’m not fine. And it takes courage to say it. I’m broken. Big cracks. Dark, hollow ones. Dreams shattered. Trust made dirty. Pearls thrown to pigs. Disappointment. My husband left me for another woman he had been having an affair with. His behaviour has turned ugly and mean towards me. He says it’s all my fault. I have lost my home because of it, and am fighting to keep my son with me. I’m not fine. But He is more than fine, He is everything mighty fine. And His Light shines through my cracks. His dreams are bigger. His appointment for my life is there still! His trust is clean. And my ashes are becoming beauty. Scarred beauty is sometimes the best kind of beauty, because it is the beauty that says, “I know. I’ve been there myself.” And so it goes, for His glory. Painful but oh so glorious.
So many tears after reading this today. Was reading slowly line by line and then the message stopped me cold. I closed my eyes and was still. Wondered should I share… I never do. My beautiful daughter had cancer at 4 1/2. Through only one of the horrors of treatment, her beautiful blond baby ringlets fell into my lap. We survived. She relapsed June 2015 at age 12. It wasn’t supposed to come back, but it’s here. So much harder for a sweet one to take at such a pivotal age. Her statements to me.. “Why doesn’t God love me?” … “I am so ugly.” Again, her beautiful blond hair on the floor. So much physical PAIN and SUFFERING for her. I can’t fix it and make it better. It is beyond a mother’s power. Doing all I can to help her just get through one day of treatment at a time. Everything else around us is falling apart. Collateral damage. My heart is just too broken.
My heart breaks with you. As a young woman who has seen cancer, it isn’t nice. God loves you and your daughter. Sometimes we don’t know the why of the situation but tell her he loves her. Both of you, cling on to each other and cling on to him
Thank you for noticing that someone is dying on the inside. I don’t even know where to begin everything has fallen apart and I’m not sure I have the strength to even look at the broken pieces much less figure out how to put them back together. I’ve got 6 babies whom I feel like I’ve lost since having to go back to work after my husband lost his job. Now God has “blessed” me with another as I’m 5 months pregnant and feel helpless to care for the ones I have. My husband has sunk into a deep depression and I’m struggling with so much heartache, exhaustion and fear with all this weight on my shoulders and noone to share it with. Thank you for offering to help me carry it even for a moment so I can take a desperately needed breath.
Don’t look at the broken pieces – he will redeem them. Be patient. You sound like a beautiful Mama! Much love xx
Thank you. No words can express how much I needed this. My soul is drowning in a sea of doubt & confusion. I’ve lost contact with God it seems; reading His Word but not truly meeting with Him…I’ve cried out to Him, but sometimes wonder if He’s just stopped listening. Please pray for me; I don’t know what to do.
He hasn’t stopped listening, he never does. Just carry on meeting HIm xx
Thank you for writing this. I have to admit I’m not ‘fine’. Most of the time I feel like I’m such a failure or disappointment. I feel like I’m never ENOUGH no matter how hard I try to manage it all. I have a husband and two wonderful children, a full time job that drives me up the wall and more guilt and helplessness inside of me than I can bear sometimes. My grandma passed away last September – the same week my daughter started school. Since then my beautiful daughter, who has always been so independent has turned clingy and insecure. Then my work situation changed and I have been on a lot of business trips, even right before Christmas. My children reacted very poorly to me being gone so much and they are more stressed than ever. School is not going well for my daughter and it’s come to a point where the teacher asked us for a talk.In just six months this school has managed to break my beautiful daughter’s spirit completely and made her anxious and afraid of being “wrong” or “a failure”. He curiosity, her joy of discovering new things is completely gone and Sunday usually finds her sitting in bed crying and saying she never wants to go to school ever again. I feel helpless and unable to protect her, to make it better somehow. She’s in first grade … how will I get her through school at all if this goes on?
I know, my problems must seem so small compared to the grief others have suffered. I know most people think it’s not that big a deal – after all what child ever liked school? But all I can see is a little girl who is unhappy and scared has no one but hubby and me as “backup”. I will cherish every prayer sent our way. Thank you so much for “listening”
I’ve just been coming out of the denial of how emotionally shot I am. My husband had surgery in Oct., had to spend 5 weeks in a nursing home because he was so weak he couldn’t return home from same day release surgery. 5 weeks of daily trips there and laundry. Getting ready for his homecoming involved clearing clutter–a lot of clutter–from his “lair”. He’s a hoarder. It meant moving furniture, having help remove a door to a bathroom so his wheelchair could get in. And our adult son with autism and schizoaffective disorder hasn’t been doing well either. For the past 2 months it’s been driving to every appointment and doing shopping hubs used to do. I’m disabled, too, and it meant getting our son to help, which led to him having meltdowns. Think 4 years old in an adult man’s body. My chronic pain conditions are worse (what a surprise, huh?) and I’m exhausted. I have adrenal insufficiency from the decades on high doses of steroids. So maybe my current steroid dose isn’t enough to cope with this stress level. Have to look into that. And I’m the only driver in the house. A lot to carry. I’m fortunate to have friends who share my load. Thanks for your writings and your prayers.
Many prayers. Those are heavy loads to carry. May God lift you through it.
Yes, it’s true that tragic and heart-wrenching events like miscarriages or sicknesses/deaths of a loved one can be terribly traumatic, I have found much peace in prayer at these times. However, I have come to believe that more insidious and dangerous to the soul’s well-being is complacency. Things go right, life gets busy, and we ignore God and forget to thank Him for all these blessings. The leader of our Prayer Chain keeps reminding us all that the daily discipline of regular and meaningful prayer is one of the hardest jobs for a Christian. But t
to not do so is truly dying on the inside.
I just found out earlier in the week that the cancer I am battling has spread to my brain. It was a great shock because I was doing so well. God continues to bless me through these trials and often makes His presence known to me which is a great comfort, however, I still get overwhelmed and my human side gets the best of me. It’s comforting to know that others struggle in those hard times as well. I often pray for God’s will…but it’s hard to do that because deep down inside I know what I’d prefer and it very well may not be what His will is and what’s best for me. Sisters, thank you for lifting me up in prayer! Blessings to all!
I am 55yrs and too young to b put on the shelf. I am in a wheel chair w no hope of walking again. My doctor told me not to come back because there was no point.
I was dealing-honeymoon phase- now; not so much.
I have no one to talk to me at this level of suffering in my spirit.
My coping skills are moody.
Sometimes I can b optimistic.
sometimes I lay prostate at The Master’s feet.
I have not seen my son in 3 months. He is 3hrs’ trip away and too busy.
I long for a long, hard rocking hug from someone who loves me. Not just random..this hurts.
The loneliness in my spirit. Needing to be loved by a spouse. Trying to b strong here…I’m not pullin it off.
I will be your friend. I will pray for you. I will be thinking of you. You are loved by God. You are not alone.
Beautiful. Thank you.
Thank you so much for the wonderful words of encouragement. My family and I are facing foreclosure on our home of 25 years. We need a miracle to keep it. While I know it is just a material object that can be replaced it is still painful to think about. Please pray for us that by our Lords’s loving grace we will be able to stay. Thank you
Melissa, reaching out to a sister in pain. Loving you. Hugging you and praying for you and your husband. Picture yourself lying in Jesus arms as he wipes-your tears and tells you how much he loves you.
Kicked in the gut today after fighting for a
Good marriage and believing it was for the past 33 years. Waking up today- after crying out to God during the night- I realize that my husband really isn’t the godly man that I’ve thought he was for so long is beyond sad to me. But the verbal abuse and belittling has shaken me once again to the point of asking where we go from here and what do I do with myself as I share a home with someone so mean. While in my heart honestly wishing for a way out.
Wow, Lisa-Jo thank you for this so very encouraging post and right on time for me this morning. I too have had great loss and especially this past year with the passing of my dear sweet Mom (my best friend and prayer warrior) and serious huge business deal gone south. As a single Mom of 4 for 30+ years, I feel very much alone and dying inside with no one that cares or knows how deep my pain is. I know God is here, but feel like I’m failing Him and everyone else in everyway…Just can’t seem to muster the strength to manage these days. The pain and hurt have been fogging my memories of all the past miracles and blessings He’s brought to my life and although I know that He will leave me, please pray that this great grief and sadness that clogs my heart and mind will pass. Praying for these sweet sisters as well. Thank you again, God Bless You Always!
This is so mundane compared to everyone else’s problems, but it hurts. My husband and I are not fine. All of our grown children, and even our grandchildren, ignore us and have simply stuck us on a shelf. We search our hearts for what we might have done “wrong”, outside of trying to raise strong and independent children. When we reach out to them we are received politely, but at a distance. Posts on Facebook pain us, as it’s glaringly apparent their lives are going on just fine without including us in any way. It feels like there’s nothing to do, in our 70s, but sit here and wait to die. If it weren’t for our relationship with our Savior and a church family, we would be lost. Praising God for Jesus and His love! It’s the only salve we have for this pain.
So sorry for your pain. It is so hard to understand our children sometimes. And even more painful when they act unloving. My heart goes out to you. I will pray Gods love will lift you.
I’m am broken. My holes are big empty ugly nothingness. After years of mental and emotional pain, broken marriage, bankruptcy, broken relationships, struggling to know how to continue to be a single mom to my 20 and 23 yr old sons. Diagnosed with sever treatment resistant depression… had to do on long term disability thru work. ..A job I’d had for 25 yrs. After a year they kicked me off disability. Now my monthly bills are are bout $2000 and my income is $620. (Plus $800 my boys pay me for rent)… how can I live like this any longer???
I am just so tired. .. most of those I thought were my Christian friends do not even acknowledge my problems. When I ask for help there is no help… That’s not the way it’s supposed to be. I would and have helped so many out in the past….
Makes me very sad and discouraged.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’re not alone and depression can be awful. Please reach out and find a Christian counselor who you can talk to. There is help out there…just know you’re not alone.
I too want to thank you for the words at a time I needed them. My heart is sad for Melissa, Melanie, Bev and all who are suffering sorrow and pain. I reached out to a church friend today as I was feeling so lost and forlorn, last night I looked at the sleeping pills, poured them on the counter and thought how precious it would feel to just sleep and be at peace. I know that isn’t the answer, and I walked away. Life becomes such a load sometimes, I pray but have to be more trusting that God is listening but can’t always answer when I feel the need, but when he feels he needs to. I have put on a happy face since childhood hiding so much sorrow. My friend told me when the load gets too heavy hand it to the Lord, I did that with a relationship with my one child that had become so toxic that I couldn’t let it in my life and asked God to do what he saw fit as I could no longer manage. Like the words above said I felt like I was dying from the inside out, each day is a struggle, but I am still praying for clarity and guidance. I hope I am worthy. Thanks for the blessing of this showing up in my email box today, it will remind me that there is hope and I have much to be thankful for.
You are worthy. Don’t give up.
I’m not fine there are so many things going on in my life right now that I’ve fallen in to a depression plz pray for me my name is Kelly
Hi Kelly,
I too am battling depression. And anxiety. I will pray for you. Love, Sysan
Me too…praying for you both!
I live alone and am lonely, heartbroken and feel forsaken and unloved. I have two jobs and come home at night and sit at the computer going through the days FB posts, then watch Netflix. On my mornings off I don’t want to get out of bed. I got into a car accident over a month ago and had my car totaled, I wasn’t hurt, but I still can’t find a car. I feel like I’m being punished for something, like God took my car away and doesn’t want to replace it. I know that sounds selfish and trite, but I guess it goes in line with feeling forsaken. I feel as though God doesn’t hear me or want to hear me, prayers that I’ve prayed over the last few years haven’t been answered. Now I’m afraid to pray because I’m afraid God won’t listen. I just want to die, I have no purpose, no passion, I feel like there was no reason for my being. I am not suicidal, I just so want to not be here. I have no friends, so I have no one to talk to but my mother and she harps on what I need to or should do. I stopped going to church a couple of years ago, but don’t have any friends from that church. I almost feel like Job, but without his faith.
Thank you for writing this..I came into my job today singing Amazing Grace and when I checked my email and saw the song I had to pause and read..Thank you for letting God minister through you to us. Life has been hard…in all areas. I’m a single mom and I work for a christian nonprofit, on which most days doesn’t feel very christian. I accepted my call into ministry and started my masters in divinity..yup seminary. ever since, my job cut my hours, my pay, turned my office into a cube, took my duties, and put in a little data entry box and insist i work every Saturday. My son’s father who hasn’t been around in the last six years and married someone else while I was eight months pregnant has decided to want to play dad and though I live on my own with no assistance my parents have decided once again to verbally beat me down and insist I’ll never succeed….and I broke a few days ago. In my car, crying like a child asking God why does His love hurt, why the level of rejection? Yet, in the midst of my tears, heartache, and breakdown..I started praising God. I could not help but think of though I am in great pain now all He is doing for me everyday. I have shelter, Food, a job–that through is causing me great grief–a job none the less. my son is healthy and so am I. Even when it seemed I should not have made it, I did. I just revel in the revelation given in this writing. Singing the song is one thing but reading the words..the words.. spoke to my soul and I just thank for you for posting this.
Ohh, But Grace…your heart of praise in the midst of your pain and perplexity is such a testimony of Christ’s love in you! It is evident that the Lord is near to you in your broken heart. I thank the Lord for your faith in these overwhelming trials you face. And, I pray that the Lord will bring a special splash of joy into your soul on the heel of the tears you are weeping. I just read this morning in Luke 6 Jesus’ words, “Blessed are those who weep now for you will laugh.” May His words bless you. He has used your words to bless me:)
I lost my husband to cancer Dec. 12, 2014. The pain is so overvwhelming. We were married for over 26 years and having him at my side is all I know. My 3 children, all grown, are each dealing with the loss in their own way. Our youngest, a daughter 24, is struggling so. I am trying to support her as best I can but feel I am failing most days because of my pain. Please pray for me and my family as we try to survive such a loss.
Aching still about mum and dads divorce later in life -they are in their late seventies-even though it has been one and half years.
God bless you
Ana Maria
dear sabrina, I would encourage you to read what posted for Lyn, just above you. I believe you’ll find some answers in listening to northpoint. org. Andy Stanley is the most bibical
commuicator i’ve ever heard. I’ll be praying for you, my sister in Christ. Judy
Amen ! Thank you, I will def check this out ! 🙂
Every line of this post was written just for me…my heart is crushed by the man I loved. We have been through so much together and I thought the next level would have been marriage. Yet in the last quarter of 2014, he started distancing himself only to find out that he got married to someone else in December. Oh how it hurts …I’m leaning heavily on Jesus and I would appreciate my sisters helping me lift this so that I really can begin to breathe …thank you so much
~ Iva~
Wow ! This really hit me ! Praying for God’s healing, emotionally. Praying that my son will re-connect !
Thank you for this. I feel I am dying. My son who is 3 has been diagnosed with Autism and a developmental delay as well. He is my only child and I do not know what life will be like for us. His speech is very delayed and I worry he will never fully catch up due to the dual diagnosis. I struggle because before his birth I prayed so much for his mental well being and it has not happened. I struggle with anger and grief and feel no one really gets it. I get told things like it could be much worse, or it’s not the end of the world, that he probably will be really smart because he’s autistic. I find it hard sometimes and find it hard not to worry about his future.
I am not fine today. Going through a drawn out divorce from a man who was verbally abusive, controlling and a alcoholic. I need closure and a fresh start for me and my girls. I’m struggling financially and emotionally.
I don’t have very many words to describe my situation, except to say that I am Tired. I am a wife. I work the night shift 6 days a week. And I take care of my almost two-year old during the day. I manage the finances and day-to-day operation of our home. With all of life’s responsibilities I often feel heavy-laden. I push past my feelings to meet the needs of my family. But days like today, after reading this post, I just have to cry. I Don’t know what else to say…I’m just tired.
Hi Melissa, I’m so sorry for your loss. I too lost my first child, 15 years ago. It was painful & the pain ran deep inside but God is faithful & just. He will see you through as he did for me. I pray his comfort & peace upon both you & your husband! The greatest comfort for me was knowing my baby went back to their heavenly father.
Praise The Lord. God sees & knows your pain & will heal you with his healing balm. God bless you x
Melissa, my heart breaks for you. I know that exact kind of sorrow as I too miscarried in my first pregnancy. It is a loss. You have the right to grieve. Please allow yourself time to grieve over your baby. The best thing someone told me is that you will see your baby again when you get to heaven. As Christians we have that amazing hope in Christ Jesus that we will see all of loved ones again and that includes miscarried sweet ones. I’ll be praying for you Melissa.
I have several chronic pain conditions that keep me bedridden for days to weeks and sometimes an entire month like recently. Being on the phone drains my energy. I feel so isolated at time in hurts deep. I do have friends but a lot of them disappeared when they realized I couldn’t always go out when they wanted me to. I do have one close friend that keeps in contact, but even extended family is distant. They don’t understand the depth of my pain. I know Jesus is with me all the way and that he’s all I need but it’s so discouraging sometimes and my heart just breaks.
I am asking for help during my soul bleed. In 2009, I got in touch with grief I had held inside for 66 years about my twin not coming forward with me to this plane of life. I did not know that grief was there. My life has not been a walk in the park from before birth. My Dad physically abused my Mom while I was enutero. That abuse continued with me after I was born, along with emotional and sexual assault by him and by a cousin. The “physical” stuff stopped when I was 14, as my mother walked out on him. At that time, he came into my bedroom and said. “Your Mother left, now I’m leaving, and it’s all your fault.” They both returned after several hours with nothing said to me about it. With that example of love, I made very poor choices in mates…four of them…all ending in divorce….8 yrs, 15 yrs, 2 yrs and 7 yrs….my giving it all I could and praying for miracles, that never happened. The sexual abuse memories were suppressed until age 50, when they came bubbling to the surface, putting the pieces of my life together, helping me understand why I had made the choices in my life…and I began to have compassion for me. I tell you all of this not to say wawa….but to tell you of my journey. I have spent a lot of money in therapy walking my path to where I am today. All I ever wanted was a little girl dream of a happy marriage….and that all came crashing down in ’09 when my ex was granted the divorce because he “did not love me as a wife” any longer. That year I also lost my aunt, who had been like a Mom to me, an 11 year old granddaughter, my father and my pet cat. So abandonment and rejection has been a pattern in my life, having married 4 men who struggled with addiction in one form or another and blamed me for everything wrong. I retired in 2014 and have given myself permission to “feel” my life, which I had been always too busy with home and work to do….thus all the grief I am feeling…grieving the loss of a dream….and the loss of s life that I had hoped, worked and prayed for. The biggest thing I feel is I never had a chance at a normal life….again, not feelings of self pity, but just…I did not know how…I was not taught. I was taught abandonment, abuse, rejection, lack of respect etc. Help! I don’t want to take prescriptions to relieve the depression…I feel that only masks the symptoms and does not get to the root of the problem. I feel as though I should be able to walk through this pain and get to the other side. The song “Something Beautiful” often goes through my mind. I feel if I could just really cry and let it all out and let go, I’d feel better…but it feels plugged up. Help!
Melissa I am sending prayers to comfort you during this time I can’t imagine how you feel. But I’m not alright either. I have a son who is 39 and in the past 4 years he has turned away from me. We used to have a very close relationship but since his relationship with the mother of his fourth child and my seventh grandchild he says things to me I would not say to my worst enemy. His girlfriend/common law wife is an atheist and now he claims to be one also and they attack me online and he never acknowledges my birthday or this Mother’s Day. His girlfriend is worse and is also an alcoholic and goes into tirades against me when she gets drunk. It breaks my heart and I feel like I have lost a child. All I can do is pray is for him and for her and especially for my precious grandson who is not allowed to even hear the word Jesus. If I send anything Christian it goes in the trash so I quit trying but I still pray for this innocent beautiful little boy everyday. Life is not easy and doesn’t always go the way we want but it hurts so much. I still have my daughter who is 42 and we have gotten closer and closer in our relationship so that makes it a little easier, also she and her three children are Christian and we talk almost everyday even though both my children live in Montana. She’s moving back home to Texas next summer and I look forward to that so much to finally be able to spend time with three of my grandchildren. God is good and He knows what we need. Thank you for your bog today, I really needed to hear this.
I am so sorry about what happened to your son and his girlfriend. It truly breaks my heart to read about it. I cannot even begin to fathom your pain….
I thank G-d that your daughter sounds wonderful and that you have grandchildren you can be close to — albeit, I do understand, that one can never replace another.
May the Almighty G-d have mercy, and enable your son to think clearly again. May He give you an abundance of strength, blessings, health, and courage to persevere.
May you always feel G-d in your life and always feel loved.
Most sincerely,
Rebecca
I’m dealing with depression and I feel like I’m not good enough for anyone or anything and like I just constantly upset those around me. Especially my loved ones and boyfriend. I want to remove myself from their lives so that they won’t have to worry about me. But it’s hard because they care about me too. I don’t know what to do and how to get out of this contant funk. Is this normal or should i seek out professional help?
I don’t have anyone!