I was only ankle deep in mothering when I knew I needed saving.
Looking into the black-night eyes of my firstborn, a gift without instructions, I realized the new momma skin I was wearing would scorch under the heat of parenting without a covering or shelter.
Despite the support of my rock of a husband and the wisdom of women whose babies were grown, I felt an ache of loneliness. My arms were filled-up with the newness of life while a hollow craving sat deep.
I needed the sisterhood of those walking my same road — the same road right then.
As much as I read the books and soaked in advice and relied on my Prince Charming, I needed more. I needed another momma to look me in the eyes and say, “I didn’t sleep last night either.” Or show up at my house with her hair in a pulled-back pony and a spit-up stained shirt. Then I could point to my own shirt (the one I had slept in for two nights) and we could commiserate together. I needed women with whom I could walk with down the road of first-time motherhood.
Because there’s just something about facing the same fears in the same moment with women who really see you.
So I prayed. Lord Jesus, please bring me friends.
And He did.
Within a few weeks I met a group of women that would shelter me with their grace and sisterhood. Women with my same burdens, fears, and anxieties. Women who needed me as much as I needed them. We bonded over our babies.
To escape the monotony of our days, there were the trips to Target, pushing our strollers side-by-side down the aisle. We would show up at each other’s homes in sweats and t-shirts, begging for coffee. A meeting for a cheap breakfast would turn into all-day excursions because mothering alone scared us. It was magical.
In between the diaper changes, the feedings, the shooshing, the exhaustion, and the joy, in between those things, the deep friendship formed. They were the covering my new-momma skin needed. I sheltered under the protection of our relationship — our Jesus-joined hearts.
We were walking life together. Because that’s what friendship does.
We were never meant to travel this life without the refuge of our friends. Life is messy and painful. We face days so dark our minds could never have imagined them — and to walk them alone? Incomprehensible.
Life lived in relationships allows us to survive the deep end. We can test the waters alone, wade out a bit by ourselves, but if we must head to the deep places of life, we need friends to keep the ocean from swallowing us whole.
Our friendships as women help define us. They mark the history of our lives and the seasons we’ve walked through. There was the little girl I squirted mustard all over in the second grade who has been my best friend for thirty years. The three friends who sheltered me from the storm of bullies my senior year of high school. The sorority sister who knows my secrets. My momma friends walking me through those first years of motherhood. And the teacher next door to my classroom who understands the way my mind works.
Each friendship is a line, tethering me to the shore when life has tried to suck me under.
In His great mercy and grace, our Jesus has given us the gift of friendship. And if you’re in the space, ankle deep headed toward the dark waters, pray for hands to hold you. Pray and ask our Holy One for soul-sisters to walk beside you in this journey.
Because the drowning only comes when we attempt to travel alone.
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Related: Share a sweet treat with a friend on these inspiring dessert plates, and remind your friend that you’re in this together, always.
Leave a Comment
Marty says
This line is GOLD: “Each friendship is a line, tethering me to the shore when life has tried to suck me under.”
Thank you so much for sharing this TRUTH with all of us.
Heather Burgess Iseminger says
Thank you for your encouragement, Marty!
erin says
I can’t tell you how many times I have prayed for friends, be it a new season of life or a doffered place that I have lived. Isn’t He so good to provide! My mommy friend, who was all those things for me, is my best friend. She has seen me at my worst and still loves me. Jesus knows how much we need friendship as women and he has blessed me so much! Thank you for reminding me how blessed I am!
Heather Burgess Iseminger says
He is SO good! And He does provide us with the friendships we need. It is a sweet joining our Jesus has given us with friends. I am so incredibly grateful. You’re right. We are blessed–it’s not the “things” in life but rather the people…
Karmen says
This was so truthful! I remember those days having moved with a one-month old to a new state with NO FRIENDS. It was a dark, lonely time. Friendships saved me. Even the not so perfect ones. And as I navigated a different season of mothering later, friendships saved me again. Thanks for sharing.
Heather Burgess Iseminger says
Oh sister, I can relate to the lonely dark times. For SURE! And a one-month old in a new state? Girl. You deserve a medal! Praising Jesus for bringing you sisters in those dark waters.
Andy Lee says
Those hard mommy days i knew i desperately needed friends and He provided. Thank you for reminding me they are a prayer away even at this stage in my life. I know I’ll really need them when my baby birds have all grown their wings and taken flight. August will be a strange month. I might get a cat and call a friend.
Heather Burgess Iseminger says
Oh, Andy…I can’t begin to imagine what that stage will hold. I think a cat is a great place to start. Ha! But the friend thing? Yeah. That too…I know I’ll be clinging to those of you who have walked that road ahead of me.
Lauren says
Thank you so much for these beautiful words. I’m going through a season of medical challenges with a very rare syndrome. It’s an invisible illness and most people, including doctors, haven’t heard of it; which it makes it much harder. Three years ago I reached out to a woman on my support group. She was entering the surgeries I’d just been through, she lives on the other side of the country, and she didn’t have much support at all. I had no idea then, that I needed this friendship as much as I thought she did! When no one can understand I have her. We haven’t met, yet; but she has been a rock for me through this most difficult journey. I am incredibly grateful for her friendship. I am equally grateful for you putting my thoughts into words. God bless!
Heather Burgess Iseminger says
Oh, Lauren. My heart aches for you and what you must be going through. I’m so burdened to pray for you.
Dear Jesus, I pray for my sister, Lauren, right now. Please wrap her tight in your arms. Hold her. Fill her with your peace, dear Father. Allow her to feel your presence this very moment. Strengthen her and allow your light to shine brilliantly through her and her struggles. Continue to bring her those relationships that will provide her with comfort and support. You are good, Jesus. Even when we don’t understand you, help us to remember you are good. Thank you for Lauren, Jesus. Thank you for the way you love her. In Your precious name, Amen.
Lauren says
Thank you so much, Heather. The only thing I do know is that whatever is happening & wherever you are, God is good! There have been many blessings along this path. You and your work is yet another. Love in Christ, Lauren
Beth Williams says
Lauren,
Sometimes you need a “special” friend who has been there done that and can relate and commiserate with you! Thanking God He sent someone your way to help you through this journey!
Prayers for you and your friend! May God send His healing to you both! May you both feel His warm arms surrounding you and filling you with peace and contentment! May you get His strength and courage to continue to fight this battle!! Prayers that you know God is Good all the time and He will see you through this!!
Blessings 🙂
B says
Oh Heather this is so spot on. Being a soldier and then military spouse is so difficult in this area because ones friends become spread across the world, country to country, states apart. You leave friends you may have endured great loss with, for instance my best friend at one times husband was killed last deployment and then they move away back to home for family support. Then there are the locals when you move to another town you must call home for 3 years and they prefer not to indulge in a friendship that they know will be packing up in a few short years. It is never easy longing for “home” and old friends but also realizing “home” wont be the same when you get back there either. There is a time and season for everything and women like myself just cling to the experiences, thoughts of retirement from the Army in a few short years and the blessings such as our families and God that carry us through these years that are less than ideal. Thank you for this blog. What a blessing !
Brandy Koester Currie
MillennialMom says
It’s interesting that all the topics posted lately are about friendships. Lately I have felt so alone. I no longer work outside the home (though we hope that will change in a few months) and while I welcome this season of life, I lost virtually all meaningful contact with humans who are not related by blood or marriage. I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking which usually, for me, isn’t a good thing–realizing that I loathe myself for some reason, that I seem to repel people (probably a lie from the devil), that I can’t “get it together.” It’s as if Jesus keeps me on the outer fringes, or at least won’t help me find my way back in. And there’s no one around with whom to build friendships, true heart connections, deep meaningful relationships. Most of my friendships growing up were superficial, to look back (I don’t think I’ve ever had a tried-and-true loyal friend who didn’t overlook me for someone better i.e. someone louder, bolder, not so religious) and I don’t know why because I’m not a mean, disloyal person. And I’ve always had an easier time connecting with males–my best friend is male–which isn’t exactly ideal given that I’m married. But I hope that God does have something out there for me, because I feel so lonely and forgotten in His grand plan. Thank you for the inspiring devotional.
Heather Burgess Iseminger says
MillenialMom, how I wish I could wrap my arms around you and hold you close. This just breaks my heart. I can understand your struggle in so many deep ways. While my post spoke of a time God surrounded me with friends during my life as a young momma, there have been times I’ve been on the outer fringes (like you). In many ways, I’m there now. I get it. I’ve also been hurt by girls growing up. The process of trusting again was painful and lengthy. But worth it.
And can I just tell you the very idea that you would repel someone is absolutely a lie from the pit of hell. It angers me that he has whispered that into your ear. It is NOT God’s truth!
Please know you are on my heart. I will be praying for you. Praying specifically God brings a friend into your life that will show you what true friendship really is. My sister? God DOES have someone out there for you. You are NOT forgotten. He is El Roi…the God who sees. He sees you. And the wait for your friend–I know will be worth it. Until, hang on to the truest friend I know–our Jesus. He is the sustainer of all things, including our broken hearts.
MillennialMom says
Thank you Heather, I can’t even begin to tell you how much your words mean to me this morning. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I needed the reminder that there are lies being thrown my way daily, which I have grown accustomed to and no longer fend off with my spiritual weapons. The one who prowls like a roaring lion is waiting to finish me off and that isn’t something I want nor something Jesus wants to have happen. How easily we forget His mercies and love. I don’t know where this dark season is leading me or what it’s preparing me for but I do know God’s plans are awesome and also that I truly am grateful for your kind and encouraging words. Thank you <3
Beth Williams says
MillenialMom,
You are NOT ALONE! God is with you always!!! He will never leave you nor forsake you!!! Wishing I could give you a hug. Making friends is never easy and especially when you don’t work outside the home.
Don’t listen or believe the lies of the evil o!!!ne!! You are a beautifully made Christian Child of God! God knit you together in your mother’s womb. You are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made in the Image of Almighty God!! Prayers that God will bring you 1-2 covenant friends with whom you can share all of life!!
Father,
Please help MillenialMOM to see herself as the image of Almighty God someone beautifully and wonderfully made! Shower her with peace and contentment! Bring her a few good covenant friends to love her and share life with her!! Help her realize her true beauty and worth!!
AMEN!
Beth Williams says
AMEN! We all go through various seasons of life and yes it helps to have friends to commiserate with you! I have a good covenant friend. She and I are both in season of dealing with aging parents. We can commiserate and help laugh our way through the trials!
I have other good friends who get me through the day at work or help me laugh at life! I enjoy each and everyone and thank God for them!