Calling all prayer warriors! I’m talking to you — yes, you, the one who knows what she’s doing.
Hey, where did everyone go?
I used to think I knew how to pray. I had some glorious times, late at night while my husband worked a second shift and my kids slumbered upstairs. I could pass an hour or two, face down on the floor, pouring out my heart and feeling God’s presence as a tangible weightiness in the atmosphere.
And then I didn’t have those times anymore.
My excuse? Well, like all of us, I got busy. We moved to a house in which my favorite prayer spot, the living room, wasn’t as private and secluded, and my husband started working days and my kids stayed up later at night. But if I had to point to one thing, I’d say it was because my mom died and I was hurt. Or, to be totally honest, furious. So angry I didn’t want to admit I needed Him.
I didn’t know how to pray to the God who didn’t save her, how to believe that He might intervene in another situation when He didn’t change the outcome of the one situation that had me lying on the floor of my empty church, begging for her life. Because, clearly, God should not have let my mom die of cancer.
Right?
But the hard truth is that we don’t always get what we want. And yet God is still God. Still sovereign. Still good.
Over the past few years, I’ve worked my way back. Slowly, incrementally, warily. I’ve painstakingly torn down some of the walls I erected around myself. I’ve taken a deep breath and let myself be vulnerable. I’ve had to be purposeful and give myself grace every time I’ve stumbled. (And believe me, I’ve stumbled.)
But those intense, beautiful prayer times? Still nowhere to be seen.
I sat at my desk one day, half-praying — you know the way you have a conversation with yourself (and/or God) and you’re kind of arguing both sides and you don’t even think you’re really paying attention and suddenly the biggest, shiniest, brightest light bulb you’ve ever seen appears in the air over your head?
Because in one giant flash, I remembered my friend Peggy’s quiche. She loves it, but her teenage boys and firefighter/soldier husband thought that quiche was a frou-frou food and didn’t want any. Until, in a stroke of brilliance, she called it “bacon pie.” And it became a family favorite.
The only thing that changed was the name. But that was enough to transform her family’s perceptions, and thus the whole experience.
And right then I understood that the problem with my prayer life wasn’t the prayers themselves. It wasn’t that I’d forgotten how prayer worked or that I was doing it wrong. It was that I was limiting myself by the way I was defining prayer.
Because the truth is, I still pray. It just doesn’t look the way it used to.
The more women I talk to, the more I find who feel inadequate. Women who think they should pray more, or pray better, or pray differently. Women who think there’s a secret ingredient they’re lacking.
Remember the bacon pie? It’s still eggs, milk, cheese, and bacon. Just like the quiche, but it tastes better.
And my prayer life? Even if it looks different than it used to, the same ingredients are present — reverence for God. Gratitude. An understanding of Who He is. A certainty that I cannot control or fix the situations I bring to Him. There may be silence where words once reigned. I might type on a keyboard more than I write in a journal, and my prayers may go up in random short increments instead of purposeful hour-long blocks. I may even feel a little more cynical. It might possibly be harder for me to believe He’ll answer the way I want.
But it’s still prayer. He hears it all, accepts it all. And answers it all.
No matter how it’s mixed up — or what you want to call it — prayer still changes things. And it changes me.
So how about it? Ready to join me for a slice?
Kelly O’Dell Stanley, author of Praying Upside Down: A Creative Prayer Experience to Transform Your Time with God
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Related: Feeling stuck in your prayer life? Begin writing your prayers in these beautiful journals by DaySpring.
Leave a Comment
Lisa-Jo Baker says
This is such a good word. Thank you for this helpful, practical reminder that prayer doesn’t need to feel stiff and formal but it can approach God with reverence and intimacy to simply want to be with him and give my everyday to Him. So appreciated this, Lisa-Jo
Kelly Stanley says
Thank you, Lisa-Jo! So grateful for the ways He welcomes us, no matter how we come. As long as we do.
Joanne Peterson says
Boy, do I get this! I do however have a much better day when I’m in the Word. But, it doesn’t have to be in the Word and then immediately following the Word in prayer. With my boys, and the obscene early they want to get up, it isn’t realistic. But, I am praying throughout the day. Thank you for the sigh of relief.
Kelly Stanley says
Realizing that it doesn’t help to beat myself up—and that God is welcoming and forgiving me—made all the difference to me. Hang in there. It’s a tough time when your kids are young but God knows that, too :-).
Kelly Stanley says
Bacon pie is just the best. And guilt isn’t an ingredient :-). Thanks for commenting.
LaNette says
Thank you for writing this…I can relate and I appreciate your encouragement!
Kelly Stanley says
Thank you, LaNette!
Jenny says
My goodness. You nailed it. I am exactly in this place where not only prayer, but my entire relationship with God is being redefined, refined, changed. And it hurts most days. And it’s so uncomfortable because it’s “not what it used to be.” Not is it what I want it to be. But I hope, it is pleasing to Him and somehow, bringing me closer to Him.
Kelly Stanley says
Times of transformation like you describe are indeed painful. But I’m a firm believer that the end result makes the change sooooo worthwhile. Those are exciting times. And if you’re turning to Him for the change, if you’re willing to be open to Him, I guarantee you He is pleased.
Kim Garbison says
Yes! Absolutely, YES!!!
Kelly Stanley says
🙂
Deb Anderson Weaver says
This is an encouraging shift in perspective! Thank you.
Kelly Stanley says
Glad you liked it!
Marty says
Perfect. Thank you so much!
Kelly Stanley says
Thanks for taking a minute to leave a comment—I appreciate it!
Mary Flaherty says
Kelly, this post, like your book is gold! It’s like you’ve released me from this belief that I have somehow failed God and somehow, somewhere along the line become a mediocre and lukewarm Christian. But I’ve noticed lately that my prayers seem to be in the form of emails or texts to a friend. As I write them, the prayer develops. It Is prayer because the other person is often blessed or at times, even “blown away.” (Their words). It’s not so different from a good marriage where we develop a comfortable love that is actually deeper than that new intense passion we felt in the beginning. Thanks for a great post… And a great book!
Kelly Stanley says
Mary, that is the highest praise I could ask for! To think that my writing could open up a new understanding, at any level, for anyone, is humbling and exciting. Like I’ve said a million times before, prayer is prayer—even if it’s by text. I know some of mine are, too. And I am certain your friends are blessed by it. xo
Susan G. says
Thanks for such encouragement – I so agree with you. If we indeed are serious and sincere about what we are praying about, He knows our heart. I have the hardest time lately to even think of the right words I want to say…but He already knows my heart…and I keep stumbling through the prayer. God I’m sure is just glad to have us in relationship with Him.
Thanks!
Kelly Stanley says
The amazing thing about God is He doesn’t require us to do it all ourselves—He helps us reach Him. How amazing is that?!
Charlotte Loveland says
WOW! As always you hit me over the head & what a great wake up call…just got back from an inspiring & wonderfully emotional trip to Israel with our church, and in being in His land & with his people, I was officially renewed…but, in returning home felt a little depressed and so inadequate, remembering when I first KNEW and how I don’t seem to be there as I was…you helped me so much with this message… Thank you, can’t wait to get my book!
Kelly Stanley says
Thanks, Charlotte. I’m sure coming home was a let-down. But even when we do less than our best, He never fails. And He never stops wanting us or helping us. We have ups and downs—you’ll have more ups, I’m sure of it! Thank you!
Peg miller says
Perfectly said. It’s all in the verbiage no matter how you slice it.
Kelly Stanley says
You should know… since you’re the one with the flash of inspiration that inspired the post! 🙂
Beth Williams says
Kelly,
I used to think I couldn’t pray effective prayers. Then after some reading I realized that prayer is simply talking to God. It should contain praise/thanksgiving for what He’s done/given us, and some requests for yourself and others. Now I’m finding myself praying more and more–not because I’m going through a difficult time, but it feels right.
My prayer closet may be unusual. I light a candle in the bathroom and while taking a shower use that quiet time to pray about my day, friends, myself and also to thank Him for what He’s done and going to do!!
Blessings 🙂
Kelly Stanley says
Sounds lovely. I agree—praise and thanksgiving are so important. I try to pray in the shower, too… but am often easily distracted by things like the logos on the shampoo bottles, the ring around my tub, or what have you :-). But every time I get sidetracked, I just start again a little later. Thanks for sharing!
Linda N says
Love this, Kelly! Can so relate. After I lost my husband to cancer, I completely withdrew from spending time in prayer, until I realized one day that expressing my anger and hurt and sorrow to God was prayer. God HEARD my pain and groanings, and He understood. Thank you for the reminder that conversation with God is a form of prayer and he loves spending the time with us.
Kelly Stanley says
Amen amen amen! Exactly. God is big enough and compassionate enough to hear and understand. So glad you were able to see past the pain and still reach out for Him.