Lonely. I hate that word. Such a sad word for sad people. But sometimes, as much as I’d like to deny it, I feel lonely.
My husband and sons fill my life, and I love that God chose me for them and them for me. Yet still, deep inside, my heart longs for a friend. Someone in the same stage of life with the same struggles, outlooks, interests. It’s not too much to ask for, right? Just one close friend?
God had a lot to say about friendship, so my heart asks, “Why not, God? Why not a close friend for me?”. I’ve read often that if friendship seems to elude you, then God is seeking to draw you close to Him. Maybe. Maybe. But still, isn’t there just something normal and natural about being human and having another human to relate to?
In these moments of loneliness, I think about my boys. I think about how sad I would feel if one of my boys came to me and said he was lonely and didn’t have any friends. My heart would break, and I would feel such compassion and love for him. I would want to make it right and take away his hurt.
God feels that for me. He responds like a parent because He is one. He longs to take our burdens (1 Peter 5:7), to draw close to us (James 4:8), to take care of us (Matthew 6:28-30). He responds like a good parent, because that’s exactly what He is. A perfect Father.
Sometimes in the midst of a struggle, be it loneliness or worry or fear, the only thing we can do is rest in God. When being proactive and fighting just isn’t in you, just rest. Rest, knowing that God sees you (Genesis 16:13). Rest, knowing that God wants what is best for you (which is ultimately for His glory) (Romans 8:28). Rest, knowing that tomorrow is a new day and God is compassionate toward us (Lamentations 2:22-23).
That desire for friendship will still be there. A night out at the movies with a close friend will still sound wonderful. But your heart will be comforted knowing that you are loved, cared for, protected by the Almighty One who sees you.
Leave a Comment
Gianna says
I have four kids and have been able to stay home with them now for 2 1/2 years. This is a blessing, but there is something lonely about it too. Motherhood is a great adventure, but there is an aspect of loneliness that isn’t welcome in my life. While I am grateful for my life, it’s good to have these hard things too to sit in peace with God.
When friendship eludes me « At Home in the Bronx says
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Christi says
I am struggling with this very thing right now. We are a military family and have been at our current duty station for just over 2 years now, and I still haven’t made even one close friend. Having had so many close friends at our last duty station, I definitely feel a void now.
Mandy says
Hi Christi, I had military families in mind as I was writing this. I’ve moved a few times, and it really does make finding/keeping friends hard, but I can’t imagine how difficult it must be when moving is just a part of your life. So many sacrifices that our military families make. Thank you! Praying for you today.
Mandy says
Hi Gianna ~ yeah I agree, being a stay-at-home mom can be isolating (at least for me). It really does take hard work to establish good friendships! Prayers for you, from one SAHM to another.
Lisa says
I have the same strong desire for just one good friend. But then I remember that my husband is my best friend, my children are my friends, my mother is my friend. I usually focus on that and my sadness over not having that one really good friend quickly dissipates.
Mandy says
Yes! Same here. Praise God for faithful family!
Shannon says
So many people are in this situation right now – what a timely word! Thanks for turning us all back to our true source of hope while we wait on His perfect provision – thank you!
Mandy says
Thank you for your encouraging comment, Shannon!
Amy says
Thank you for this encouragement. I’ve been telling myself these things… I know God is with me, He is my friend and constant companion. I’ve had 3 close friends move away in the past 4 months. I’ve never felt this alone before despite my husband and kids being there to support me.
Mandy says
Praying for you this morning, Amy. I understand, I really do. Wish I could have you over for coffee. May God bless you with the friendship your heart desires.
Katheryn says
Oh, my goodness! I am a homeschool mom to 5 beautiful girls and have the most incredible, amazing husband. Life is good, but lonely. I miss the deep friendships I once had. How I wish I would find that again, but I have no clue at this stage in my life how to find it. Thank you for speaking the words of my heart, there is there. encouragement
Mandy says
I feel ya, Katheryn. God bless you and fill you. Thank you for your encouraging comment.
LaRhonda says
These words are so strong for me. I am an emptynester and I have felt the lonliness for many years. I think that because I am so family oriented, this is even harder. I remember leaving my Daddy’s house on many occasions (we only lived 5 minutes away)and he would say “Sister you and the girls don’t have to leave”. I now know the same ache. He loved family and so do I! Since the passing of both my parents, my two beautiful daughters leaving home for college and moving an hour away, I still to this day feel the lonliness. I finally realized one lonely Friday night, that I was not alone but I was by myself (Southern saying). I know my God is with me always. I also believe he hurts for us as we do for our own children and being “by myself” is very tough at times but being able to read great posts like this makes me aware that I am not the only one who endures loneliness. Thanks for all the support found here.
Mandy says
Wow LaRhonda, thanks for sharing your comment. I can’t even imagine the void I would feel without my parents and children. But God is always enough for us; even if we don’t understand it. Prayers for you today! Thanks for being a part of this community.
BeccyH says
WOW…exactly! Finally a word to what I’m feeling. God Bless!!
Mandy says
God bless you, Beccy! Thanks for your kind comment.
Chick Hatchers says
For years I have had the same loneliness and I have relied on god to fill that void. I knew that he was doing it for me to be near to him, so I wouldn’t replace him with a human being. I trusted him to fill that void and after years and years of trusting him, he hasn’t filled it. He hasn’t comforted me or embraced me through it. I’ve grown lonelier and lonelier to the point where I resent my children because I can’t even spend time in prayer without interruption. The earlier I wake, the earlier they wake. I’ve come to realize that apparently god doesn’t hear my prayers. I’m happy for those he does hear and he does comfort and answer, but angry now that he doesn’t hear mine. I’m moving on without him because I see no difference that he makes to me.
Mandy says
I’m so sorry. Life can just be overwhelming, and motherhood is non-stop. If you don’t mind virtual friendships, you might be interested in joining one of the (in)courage community groups. I’m in this one: http://www.kaylaaimee.com/2012/10/incourage-one-another-mamasingrace/
“The earlier I wake, the earlier they wake.” – YES! Ha ~ same here.
From one mom to another, praying for you this evening. God bless and keep you.
Brandi says
I’m sorry to hear this, but I know what you mean. God wants us to have friends and fellowship. In fact, proverbs 18:1 says “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgement.” basically we become like targets for the enemy to the love we have like our children or husband, against us through resentment. Which sounds like what may be happening. Joining a community online or on facebook. Sometimes the enemy feeds us lies about our insecurities or that we don’t have time or we have too much responsibility to have fun, but JOY is what God’s promise is for us. He wants us to be encouraged and supported by friends AND he works through them to comfort us with human arms and hands.
The church I go to hosts weekly community groups online while we’re studying “The Story” book. Here is the link
http://www.facebook.com/groups/495137927180890/
I would love for you to be my guest to the community board. The actual live chats are hosted on Monday nights at 7:00 PM PST we’ve developed very close bonds already and we’re growing a very deep understanding of the bible. I really will be praying for you and hope you will join us 🙂
ps if that link doesn’t work you can email me and I’ll get you to the board. My email is bdaileyfam@gmail.com
Beth Williams says
It is hard to have 1 really close friend. I am blessed to have one in my hubby’s ex-mother-in-law. She and I can chat on the phone for a long time, we e-mail and text each other & pray for our families.
Older people have a super hard time with lonliness. They may have had some close friends, but as they age move on in life–they lose contact or their friends die. The worst is when a spouse dies and you are left alone. That is when depression can set in. This has happened to my father. Fortunately I have a loving chruch family that cares for him and us and is praying for him now.
I urge people to try to cultivate 1 good friendship and stay in contact throughout life–moving, having kids, etc. Stay in contact!!
Mandy says
Good advice, Beth! Thanks for chiming in!
Dana Butler says
I have recently had a situation that’s entirely beyond my control come between me and my best friend of 12 years…my entire adult life. We try to love through it… but things change. Relationships change. It’s painful… 🙁 I do experience loneliness with this distance between she and I… and I try to respond to God’s invitation to intimacy with Him in the midst of it… and I have other friends in my life but building a friendship of that depth just takes time… time, and shared experience. The difficult thing is to MAKE myself jump into new relationships and CREATE shared experiences. But it takes energy and intentionality and sometimes I’m just TIRED. ANYway… so I appreciate your encouragement to REST in Him in those moments…. Soooo…. thanks. 🙂 😉
Mandy says
Dana, thanks so much for your comment. I agree completely ~ even really strong friendships can go through changes and they dissipate or just aren’t the same any more. It’s hard to be motivated sometimes to build friendships when your last friendship didn’t end well. God is always faithful. Always. He will see you through.
Trista Higgins says
wow. A bit behind on emails, just read this now. This. is. me. Just last night, I expressed my feelings of lonliness to my husband. Every day, I long for that one friend to pick up the phone and chat with, to meet up with for an afternoon of shopping, a brisk fall walk. I know God holds me in the palm of his hand, but I am simply lonely. Thanks for sharing. There is some comfort to know that as a mom, even though I am lonely, I am not alone.
Mandy says
Thanks so much for your comment, Trista. It always helps me to know that there are other people with similar experiences and struggles. Praying for you this morning, that God will care for you and bless you.
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