Today, my ugly came out. And I’m not the kind of girl who likes to own up to the ugly so I’m only gonna say this once: It was ugly. There was an incident involving a doll named Sarah and a couple of fighting twins and my name being called, high-pitched and shrill-like over. and. over. Throw in some gnashing of teeth and a loud roar and you’ve got a pretty good picture of my house just after bath time. That’s right. I said roar.
It was me. I roared. You know, like a monster?
It never ceases to amaze me how quickly I can move from patient, sentimental, thankful mommy of kindergarten twins and a toddler boy to crazy mommy monster of tyrants. It happens fast. One minute I’m a happy, loving, Betty Crocker and the next? Well, you know.
It’s not an easy admission, especially here on a site that is all about faith and encouragement. Where is my faith in a source outside of myself? What’s so encouraging about a mommy who can’t hold it together? If anything good can come out of my ugly, let it be this: I can’t do it. I can’t live life as it was meant to be lived. Not consistently, anyway.
And the good news about that? I was never meant to. I need Someone else to stand on my behalf, to be patient in and through me, to love and serve even when it isn’t deserved and seems impossible. Especially when it seems impossible.