I have a list. (Surprising, no?) A list of questions that I plan to ask God as soon as I get to heaven. It’s not a real long list, but it has some of the most important questions in my heart:
- Why did my friend Carrie have to die in that car accident?
- Why did my mother-in-law have to die before she was even 50?
- Why did God send me to grad school? (Why didn’t I love grad school?)
- Why didn’t our church plant work?
- Why did I lose my job while I was pregnant?
- Why are Annalyn and I okay and healthy (despite a delivery at 33 weeks)?
These are the hard questions of life. Or at least of my life.
Don’t ask me to ponder why the sky is blue or why birds sing or if zebras are white with black stripes or black with white stripes. We can figure out those things (some of us can recall our biology classes, the rest of us can look it up on Google), and they don’t impact my heart anyway.
But these things that don’t make sense, that don’t fit into a box, that don’t stay resolved – these are the things I long to ask God. Until then, though, I’m thankful that God has the answers. Even if I don’t.
No, especially if I don’t.
Because when it comes down to it, I don’t have to understand or even like the way things are. But I believe that God has a reason, an answer. And part of me is glad that my God is so big that no one can know His thoughts but Him.
I’m thankful (especially this time of year) to love, serve, and know a God big enough for my questions . . . and His answers.
Are the holidays ever hard for you? What are the questions on your list?
If the holidays are hard for you or someone you love, we recommend the best-selling book Rain on Me: Devotions of Hope and Encouragement for Difficult Times by (in)courage cofounder Holley Gerth.