It's the days when the quiet pounds in my ears. The deafening sound of silence. I often wonder if the silence is so loud because it's not silence at all, but invisible darkness and muck swirling around, hidden behind supernatural walls. Taunting me, pricking my skin, laughing at my weak resolve. Lashing fire at me, screeching at me. My soul "hears" them, knows they're there. My flesh can't see them so my soul must decipher. My energy flairs the panic, I know not not how to silence the silence.
It the moments of mayhem, when everything is spinning so fast and the children are pawing at my arms and legs and brain and each other and I can't catch up or focus or even know what to say. So I stare off, do the minimum. I survive. And I do not bless.
Sometimes it's the memories, when I've slipped up and allowed myself to think the "what if…" Memories that are so painful, wrapping themselves around loss and choking. Their vine permanently entwined in mine and I meekly believe that it will always be this way. This grief. The roots too deep for soul surgery.
A lost cause, just give up now, stop trying so hard. Stop trying to grow and mold and change.
The lies pile up until I stop believing and finally knock them over.
The tower of deceit crashed down.
Not with my faith or with my hope or with anything but with my blessing.
"I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth." Psalm 34:1
I reset myself. Blessing Him is first. Not my list of pleading, not my list of need. Not my list of want. But making mention. Saying the name of the Lord over and over if that's all I can get out at first.
Jehovah Jireh, God our Provider. Jehovah Shalom, God of Peace. Jehovah Rophe, God who heals. Elohim, God Almighty. Immanuel, God with us. Ancient of Days. Messiah. Jesus!
As I call each name, as I make mention of Him in my prayers, the Spirit builds. I can feel the peace, I can feel the healing. I can feel Him near. Just from blessing His name. What power in just a name!
Then it dawns on me. This revelation. This epiphany.
Without this moment of despair, I might not have slowed down. I might not have stopped with the lists. I might not have just blessed His name.
Coming to Him with so much to say, wanting to rush the intimacy, the conversation, I almost missed it. That peace and healing I needed.
It didn't come from me asking and Him giving, though it sometimes does and can. It came from me obeying. Me blessing the name of the Lord.
And in my obedience I saw His power, His love, just waiting for me. A love so strong it has cried out for me to come accept it my entire life. Waiting for me to step into the bedchamber and be with Him. Just He and his bride. Just us. He has washed me clean, and I can be with Him forever.
At once the silence is truly silenced. I feel peace wash over and I finally understand why this is His greatest commandment. To love Him, with all of me. To bless Him without ceasing.
In love I will start there. In hope I run there. In faith I rest there.
With Him and for Him. Because of Him. Amen.
Photo by Sara SophiaLeave a Comment
That was truly beautiful and inspiring!
So much truth in such understandable words! It seems the Lord is teaching us very similar things at the moment… I love this post! Thank you very much for sharing this with us and be blessed!
Kristen@Moms Sharpening Moms says
Oh wow, this is just…breathtaking. You show me how obeying out of love for God brings His peace, healing and His like-no-other LOVE. I need to live out this truth more often.
Thank you for this!
Deb Martell says
Wonderful!! Expressing so much that I feel and live in my heart.
thank you for this…sometimes I feel…inadequate…when I cant voice what my heart and soul feels and I cant get beyond just ‘Jesus’ but there is so much power in His name…so much.
Kandice Penny says
I’ve never seen or heard anyone explain what silence is like for me. You did it. I could never do it. You, through the Spirit, did it. Just in the act of obeying you put words to that silence and my fear of it.. and the constant desire to avoid it, hide from it or fill it. I will tell you that the Lord used you to help me when I didn’t want it. I was just sitting here thinking… “I quit! where do I go to quit!”. Now, I’m just sitting here whispering His name… crying on my keyboard.
Thank you for writing this. Beautiful.
Lisa-Jo @thegypsymama says
Oh Ari – you have walked the dark road into the deep places of grief and I can see you there, all shining in His glory light. You blaze a trail for us to be bold and follow. You light the way with His name. You make me want to sit in the pool of your quiet and listen to the silence with you.
Does this even make sense? It does in my heart. I would show you my heart if I could Ari. I would open it up and show you the places where you have touched my heart.
This was a great post! Amen and Amen!
Laura@Life Overseas says
I love the reminder that sometimes we must CHOOSE to bless, to obey, to love, to pursue–though our emotions may not be clamoring for those things. This was a beautifully reminder of that truth. Thank you from a coffeeshop in Chiang Mai, Thailand.
andrea frazer says
Very very inspiring indeed. Also wanted to remind you to take a break and sip some tea today on your porch! Homeschooling 3 must be a challenge, and while I know you’re up for it, take a tip from a virtual stranger who has two rowdy ones of her own… BREATHE! (I’m not as brave as you. I stuck them in L.A. public school as fast as you can say Alleluia.)
Alli Worthington says
Sara Sophia says
I’ve read over this several times.
Dug through the meaning
and pondered its weight.
This is my eighth reading.
He reaches out through you, Ari.
He touches my heart with your words—leading me through the obedience of my sister.
Your ministry is love.
Your words speak truth. Only truth. Amazing things come when we bless the name of the Lord. When we thank Him, exalt Him, love Him, worship Him… even when we might not feel like it. If we just do, if we just allow our spirit the time to open up and sing His praises, He always brings peace and love.
I am so thankful, that even when the enemy attacks with death or disease or even just depressing thoughts God is right there to lift us up if we just allow Him to do so.
beautiful beautiful beautifull. Yes, beauty full. I love love love this post. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
cheap jordans for sale says
You have officially made my head spin. LOL, have you ever heard of TED? Yep, you should speak on TED.
I learned a lot from your blog, thanks.
Around and about… | Memoria.Arts says
[…] Read more over at (in)courage: The Call to Bless. […]
The call to bless says
[…] Read the rest today over at (in)courage… […]