“I have to ask – when will I stop second guessing my parenting?”
I cradled the phone with my shoulder, turned off the sink and wiped my hands while considering the question. Of my (almost) daily rituals, one of my favorites is the customary phone chat with my best friend. Together we talk through this crazy life of ours, sometimes with excitement and wonder and other times with fear and uncertainty. I move through the house organizing and putting away while we talk it all out together.
“I don’t think you ever will stop.”
I’m not sure if that is what she wants to hear, but I really don’t believe that there will ever be a time when the clouds part, the music soars and I’ll think “I’ve arrived! This is it! I have it ALL figured out, I am the PERFECT PARENT! Ta DAAAA!”
If you are anything like me, marking something as “unachievable” just doesn’t cut it. I’m one of those people with the stubborn belief that I can probably do just about anything if I work at it hard enough. Unfortunately, no matter how hard you work, how gentle or firm, scheduled or relaxed, consistent or gracious, fun loving or militant you are, achieving perfection as a parent is impossible.
I know this all sounds rather hopeless, but hang on a minute.
The good news about raising kids is this:
It doesn’t require perfection. It does require grace.
Grace for your children. Grace for other parents. Grace for you.
It can be hard to accept grace for parenting because it is important – and highly emotional. We carry these babies for 9 long months, stroking our bellies and promising ourselves we will never raise our voices, always be patient, make all the right decisions. Then they are born, small and helpless and the inner mother bear growls protectively.
The onslaught begins almost immediately. Epidural or natural birth? Formula or Breastfeeding? Disposable or cloth diapers? Convertible or Infant car seat?
I remember being a new mom, overwhelmed by all of the choices, exclaiming to my mother in exasperation “I wish the world was more black and white!” She smiled and patted my hand and said “Just wait until they are teenagers.”
The funny thing about grace is, the more you realize you need it, the more you are able to give to other people.
Becoming a mother softened my heart toward my own mother and the faults I perceived her as having. Now that I am on this roller coaster called “Parenthood,” I can recognize when someone else is just trying their very best.
And that is good enough, because grace covers us all.
2 Corinthians 4:9 says,
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
His grace is sufficient to cover the nitty gritty of parenting, yes, even the ugliest moments. When we accept that grace, we can move toward a more peaceful, joyful and fulfilling life.
By Lydia J Will at smalltownsimplicity
Leave a Comment
bekah says
I had my first child about 11 months ago now, and I was completely unprepared for the onslaught of guilt. I felt so inadequate, sometimes I still do, but its mostly through other women that I have learned that its really not about perfection. Like you said, its about grace.
I love this post, thank you for writing it
Andrea (Lil-Kid-Things) says
Absolutely true. Thinking back on my childhood, I don’t remember perfection. I remember a mother who was always there. That is my new goal, being present and available for my children.
Anonymous says
Such a beautiful post about grace in parenting. Thank you for sharing!
MarshaMarshaMarsha says
Wonderful post. After my guilt-full weekend, I really needed this. Thank you!
Sonnie says
Thank you for this post. This morning my 16 month old son fell in a store and busted open his lip. He was screaming as blood came out of his mouth and as I tried to keep everything under control all I kept thinking was…”I am such an amateur parent.” I haven’t been able to shake the thought since it all happened.
I often forget about grace and I’m so thankful for the reminder. The God we serve is quite amazing.
Lydia says
Oh Sonnie I could have written this exact comment earlier this summer! I have an 18 month old and the same thing happened – what can I say, children fall! Mine bit almost through his lip and his teeth were bleeding – all I could think was “I am not equipped to handle this.”
Thankfully God is with us always, even during our perceived “failings” at parenthood – and His grace is sufficient to cover them all!
Anonymous says
A friend posted your link…thank you so much for sharing this!
I thought I had “arrived” when my eldest turned 18. Everything was so at peace. We were so close and everything was so…just good! Not that I ever thought I was a perfect parent or even close to it, but things were finally calm, settled. But no sooner then I had taken that deep breath in and laid back to relax…satan seized that moment and took over. Big time. Her 19th and 20th years were the most painful of my entire lifetime…and I’ve lived through infidelity, divorce, a genocide overseas, and more.
Thankfully, being able to look back now, I found that God didn’t want me to just lay back…yes, He wants me to enjoy the peaceful times, but he doesn’t want me to rest! He needs for me to be ever-vigilant in my prayers for my children, even the “grown-up” ones and even in the wonderful times. Oh, and did I ever learn to pray! Did I ever learn to rely on Him! And to let go (and hush my parenting mouth)! And true unconditional love! My sweet, sweet daughter is now back in our lives and in the fold and healing (GLORY be all HIS), after the longest, most painful time we’ve ever experienced.
I share that to entreat…once the spills in grocery stores, bloody lips, teenage angst, or other seen battles are a thing of the past…please don’t stop your daily, vigilant prayers for your children! 🙂
JANETTEHayden35 says
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Lydia says
Updated my twitter name to LydiajWill if you’d like to follow 🙂
Stacey says
Grace over mommy guilt! I love it…thanks for the encouragement today, on a day when the mommy in me is just so plain worn out!
Grace abounds!
Kelly Langner Sauer says
A terrific post. Really terrific. Thanks for the encouragement!
Mandy Ford says
This is such a wonderful message – thank you! I struggle so much with the guilt of feeling like I”m not being the best parent I can be. I actually even blogged about it today. 🙂
Elizabeth@GoodnessAdded says
A while back I was at lunch with my mother feeling particularly tired after a rough night with a sick kid. I turned to her and asked if she would tell me if I was screwing this parenting thing up. She laughed it off at first. But I told her she seriously HAD to tell me.
It can be so hard to find balance between striving to doing my best and accepting my limitations. My mother’s advice was to pray more. She was right.
Thank you for the above post. It is a wonderful reminder.