There is something to be said for the hardest, most difficult, gut wrenching times in our life. While we are going through them, we may be numb to what is going on. Our minds have a way of protecting us and keeping us from what would otherwise be overwhelming. But when it comes to the surface, the pain is just as fresh as if it had happened that day. It is all still there. Time does not heal all wounds. Only God heals these kinds of wounds. Wounds of the heart. Wounds of the soul. Wounds of the spirit. Wounds that can only be healed by Jesus.
My wound was like this. It was one I had buried for years. It was actually quite a productive little wound. It went a long way in pushing me towards pursuing my degrees. Although, I would soon be disappointed that even after the degrees, the hurt was still there. That wounded little girl was still cowering inside. No amount of education, money, affirmation, or addiction would heal her. In fact, I spent a long time wondering if there was anything that would ever heal her, and for that matter, why my loving Savior let her get wounded in the first place.
I still don’t know if she is healed completely, or that she ever will be. I don’t have answers to all the questions, and that is okay. Like I said, the wound is part of what has gotten me to the place I am today. But…I do know that I love her, and I know that Jesus loves her too. I do know that He never abandoned her, and that she no longer abandons herself. I do know that she is beautiful. I do know that although she blamed herself for years, it really wasn’t her fault. That there is a difference between a 29 year old woman wishing she would have made different decisions as a 15 year old and a 29 year old woman blaming a 15 year old for an assault that she did not ask for. I do know without a doubt that I love her. Which, coming from someone who less than a year ago wrote words to her that she would never have written to her worst enemy, is a gigantic step.
I know that God would ask us to be humble and forsake ourselves for the love of others and for Him. However, for some of us, it is easy to interpret that as, “it’s okay to hate myself as long as I am doing things for others”. And it is absolutely not okay. If it was, why would He have commanded us to love others as we have loved ourselves?
If there is a part of yourself that you have cut off, that you have buried alive, maybe it’s time to bring her back to the surface. Maybe it’s time to let her breathe again. Maybe it’s time to forgive her. The road is long, and the journey is difficult, but it is worth every step. It is worth it to know that you have nothing to hide. That you can love others and God with your whole heart, holding nothing back. It is worth it to know you can love yourself again. It is worth it to hear your Savior whisper I love you in your ear and be able to whisper it back to Him knowing you have given Him all of you, faithfully, forever.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.Leave a Comment
Jules Green says
Your post was absolutely lovely:) I would change but one number in your post and it would be mine….thank you for so eloquently writing into words crafted to reveal my heart after all these years:) I’ve learned that healing is day by day, layer upon layer to create who God intended us to be, who He loves us to be. Bless you 🙂
Jules, I love your name, so similiar to jewels, not a conincidence if I had to guess 🙂 Healing is day by day, good days and rough days, good weeks and rough weeks. And you are so right, there is not a thing that happened to us that God cannot and will not use for his glory and display of his splendor. He rejoices over us with singing (Zeph 3:17) Love and blessings to you too!
Diane Estes says
As always, you have touched me in your writing. Healing, for me, is a daily process and sometimes minute-to-minute. Thank you for continuing to challenge me to reach out in faith for healing. God never ceases to amaze me through words of encouragement from someone, puts someone in my path that seems to “read my mail” (even though they don’t know me), or someone will post something that touches the core of my being that tells me God is speaking to me and to accept the message. He IS amazing and so are you! I continue to “press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus….” Phillipians 3:14 Thanks for your wonderful message today, Steph!
Sweet Diane, your words always make me smile, and you are amazing too! 🙂 It is so wonderful how God uses others that he puts in our life to speak straight to our heart. What continues to amaze me is how he uses things like blogging to allow women across the country to reach out to eachother, what a blessing! Let us both keep pressing onward and upward!!!
Life In His Hands » Blog Archive » Walking, Wounded & Healing says
[…] This morning after church, during which one of ‘those’ moments confronted me (two moms holding their newborns seated in front of me if you must know), I came home and read this blog post: […]
As I was looking on the internet I ran across Whispers of Love which spoke directly towards me. It’s as if word for word I was reading about me. Thank you for encouraging me and I thank God for letting me find this. And in the end isn’t is also awesome that not only is God allowing women around the country to reach out to each other, but also the closest of neighbors. God bless you Stephanie and for your words of encouragement. If you were here I would hug your neck! Love ya! 🙂
🙂 Bless you too sweet Robin!!!
Stephanie, Thank you so much for allowing the Lord to speak thru you. You have spoken right into my situation. I buried the hurt and the hatred for years. And still struggle with allowing myself to be open to God precious Love. How could He love someone as dirty and broken as me? And yet I know His love is based on who He is and NOT who I am. I have worked in the church for years, since I was saved at 16, doing everything from baby sitting to teaching Sunday school, to singing in the choir, to leading ladies ministries and leading Worship. Every one thought I had it all together…but they didn’t know that when I didn’t do things perfectly I would feel so awful that I would cry all night, I’m sorry Daddy !!! This eventually led to me cutting myself out of anger and self hatred. These were very dark times. I have finally began to understand that I was trying to earn His Love and Approval. I’m sitting back now, just letting God deal with my heart. Healing is a process and it takes time, but it is worth it!! Too many woman hide their hurt out of shame. Unfortunetly in some churches you will hear “shake it off” “You just have to have FAITH” It take a lot of Faith to admit you are wounded and allow God to do the work. Thank you for making a safe place where we can help each other.
Blessings to you too! Perfectionism is something I have struggled with as well, and all the feelings of self-hate and stained and dirty that go alone with it. One book that helped me a lot was called “How to Forgive Yourself TOTALLY” and Beth Moores “So Long Insecurity” and “Breaking Free”. And I also had an awesome Christian Counselor who walked with me every step of the way. But Healing absolutely is a process, and in the words of someone who encouraged me “Christ has a way of bending and twisting us into exactly what He wants us to be” although the process can be painful at times.
You know, there is no rule that says because we are Christians, we don’t hurt. Sometimes I think when we are Christians we even hurt worse. The fact that you are hurting has nothing to do with faith. We can have all the faith in the world that God will heal us, and He will, but that doesn’t stop the pain that writhes inside. I do beleive that this pain may lesten with time, as we learn to accept ourselves and see ourselves as the beautiful daughter of the Most High that we are, but a times it just hurts, and this okay.
It will be my honor to pray for you this week Sue, blessings blessings blessings! I admire you for your strength and courage to share, you are a blessing 🙂
I love you sweet and precious one you are strong and vibrant woman who God has chosen to be His very own. He has molded you and made you and refined you with fire. He wil take you and lead you to the high places like a hind on the moutain peeks as long as you allow your trials to be only lessons of His love and healing and grace. His glory shines the brightest and most beautifully in those who are a mirror of Him and that you are and are becoming everyday. Follow hard after Him never let go and never look back and never look down, you have heights to explore with your mighty good sheherd who will catch you every time you fall, and comfort you until you are ready to travel with Him again. Off to the heights with yor God sweet one! All my love always! xoxo mom
Sorry for the type-o’s I did this on my phone, every time I tried to go back & correct I lost what I had done and then there were the tears I was trying to see through!!! Love you more – mom
Thanks ma!!! 🙂 Love you too 🙂
Thank you for sharing this. I struggle with a few things that are alive in my heart and soul. You are an inspiration!
That was simply beautiful Stephanie! Thanks for sharing!!
Jen Ferguson says
This is such an amazing testimony that has such power to allow women to look at themselves through the eyes of Jesus instead of their own eyes — providing them a glimpse of their beauty that they would have otherwise missed.
Amy Sullivan says
This is powerful, and I think you are very brave to share it with us. Thank you.
I struggle looking at the old me. Who was she anyway?
For me it isn’t about degrees or accomplishments, but more of staying busy and focused so I don’t somehow tragically turn into the old me again. Thanks for reminding me that Jesus loved the old me despite all of my crazy flaws.
Ramblings of a Woman says
Even though your story is not mine, I can so relate. And the title and the first paragraph gripped my heart. It is true, He whispers his love to us and will heal our wounds, if only we will let him in.
European Baby Toys | baby toys says
[…] Whispers Of Love […]
You have no idea what an answer to prayer this is. Thank you!
Whispers of Love…repost… | says
[…] first wrote this post for incourage.me in 2010. I have healed and grown since that time, and my writing style has changed a bit, but the […]