About the Author

Annie F. Downs is a bestselling author and nationally known speaker based in Nashville, Tennessee. Her most recent books include 100 Days to Brave, Looking for Lovely and Let’s All Be Brave. Read more at anniefdowns.com and follow her at @anniefdowns.

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  1. Thanks for sharing why you think you shouldn’t write a book on being single. I am not single but I think it’s neat that you are living life while being single. So many single people in today’s society just sit and do nothing about being single except whine they can’t find anything to do. I really think there are things to do as you have shown all of us.

  2. Being single myself, I can’t imagine wanting to read such a book either. It would probably be more “interesting” for those that are married… to get a glimpse of the {sometimes} lonely life that we can lead. Yes, there are times that I am grateful for the freedoms that I have (not needing to “check-in” with anyone or having to tote small screaming children through the grocery store)… but it’s tough at times not to focus on this.

    Thank you for this post… and the reminder to focus on what I *do* have… not what I am missing out on.

  3. Thank you for being honest. After turning thirty myself, I’m not very good at being single either 🙂 I always wonder why people who aren’t single think that automaticaly because I am single that I want to work in a singles ministry or write about stuff like that. Uh…no. Maybe someday…but not now. I struggle to not make this thing an idol in my life…so being confronted with that everyday. Not. a good. idea. Right now, I like to write, believe God for the impossible, serve in my church, hang out with my family, and pour into my friends and have them pour into me.

  4. THANK YOU! women need to hear more honest women, especially christian women talking about this, or not talking about it… either way i LOVE your piece.

    I read this before going to work, and after a tough year of singleness, it cheered me up! I must add, its not been tough because of the single-factor being is bad, but because everyone else thinks you think its bad! (lol) Its the .. ‘hows your love life’ at weddings and the left-on-the-shelf *sad eyes* looks other married couples give you that really grate on me..
    After expressing to a girlie friend about how im lovin what Gods doing with me right now and im glad im able to absorb my time with Him and not think about a guy aswell.. she looked at me as if to say – ‘aww.. youre really just convincing yourself youre ok, when youre not, arent you!’ ………. id had enough!

    So i understand, I love your blatentness, and your persepective 🙂

    Can i also say that i just somehow got the ‘how to fit a fitted sheet’ youtube vid to my email.. i think incourage sent it me… and I laughed so much, how CUTE are you!

    You are fantastic my friend, you are hilarious and fresh 🙂

    I hope you have a brilliant day, may God bless you richly x

  5. Your perspective is awesome, but along with cooking from scratch and serving at church, please add having a secret crush on Seth Godin! Or wait, that’s mine. Oh, nevermind!

    I love you. That is all.

  6. Encouraging post Annie. I thinking focusing on an issue tends to make it bigger than it really is. It draws attention where you don’t want to draw attention. I admire your perspective.

    It’s all about living and enjoying the here and now.

  7. Hi, I’m a 52 year old single since she was born girl. What you’re doing, living life to the full is the best thing to do. Not oh poor me the best I can do. But full, vibrant life best I can do. I love weddings, they make me cry but they’re fun and sweet. My brothers and sister have taught me to live life, go make friends and focus on happy not sad. I’ll pray for you that you find a husband soon…a godly one who will love and cherish you. But until then focus on the Lord and keep doing exactly what you’re doing! You’re great at being single by the way.

  8. Annie, I so much appreciate this post. Choosing to REALLY live is so valuable, and I think sometimes being single helps us realize that more than we might otherwise.

    I want to make an argument about this statement:
    “When I think about being single, it still sometimes makes me cry and sometimes I feel confused and sometimes (and this is full-on confirmation that I shouldn’t write a book on being single) I wonder why God hasn’t answered my prayers.”

    I think that fact that you are willing to say “hey, singleness does make me sad sometimes, it does make me question God, it is confusing on many levels” is so, so, so valuable. No, it might not mean write a book about it; BUT, using your voice to shine light upon doubts that many of us single gals experience is absolutely a worthwhile topic to cover. It is deeply encouraging to acknowledge that many (most?) single people experience those moments, but choose to live in the present, instead of in the doubt.

    Maybe we need more books that make it okay to express doubt and questions out loud, whether it’s rooted in singleness or anything else.

  9. I so understand how you feel, I don’t think any one is “good” at singleness, I know I sure wasn’t. There’s always something in our lives we wish were different. If we get caught up on the things we don’t have (for me it’s a different home in a different city) we don’t appreciate what we do have (a wonderful home, albeit with some problems, that I can raise my family in). I’m so glad you posted this it really touched me. Instead of a book on singleness, how about contentment, that’s something everyone needs to work on : )

  10. I love this entry, Annie. I’m not single, but I read it several times anyway—identifying, for some reason. I guess this entry is really about accepting the life you have, and that’s something we can all relate to. Thanks for being open. —Heather

  11. I’m no longer single and I believe that when I married my wonderful husband that he BECAME the man that God had for me. He has blessed my life abundantly.

    But, in a moment of honesty, I can tell you I married because I wasn’t good at being single. I try not to dwell on what if’s and rather focus on the ministry of wifehood and motherhood I now have but in the dark of night sometimes I wish I embraced the singleness God had blessed me with and waited on Him with my life instead.

  12. Annie, girl, you are all kinds of wonderful and I’m missing you right now more than I can even express. Thanks for finding the joy right where you are–and helping us find it too. Here’s a bazillion hugs sent your way…

  13. Amen, because HOW do you REALLY write a book about it, anyways? Maybe one day, when we’re on the other side, and little old ladies who are living in and seeing the redemption of all God was doing in these years. But right now, I’m with you- living it is enough 🙂

  14. me too, Annie…me too….thanks for this…and for being honest and saying the things that us single girls are still dealing with….and that we don’t want to dwell on it for long periods of time…thanks, my friend…we are all in this together!

  15. “I’m not real good at being single. But I’m learning, every day, how to really live.”

    Me, too, Annie! Focusing on the adventure that is my life gives me perspective.

    I have to note, though, that I was going to read a book about singleness I’d rather hear from someone in the trenches than the typical fare with “one size fits all” application.

  16. Oh, I love this post. I so relate, especially with the part about being single making you sad sometimes and wondering why God hasn’t answered your prayers. Ooph. Yeah. I’m there. Often.

    If it helps, I don’t want to read a book on singleness, I want to read a book on living and finding joy in every situation.

  17. Love this post, Annie. I used to have regular pity-parties for my single self; however, I had a lightbult moment, and realized the only person I can blame for my lonliness is myself. There are tons of other lonely people out there, too-I choose to love freely & wholeheartedly thru my singleness doldrums. I am blessed more than I deserve, I will tell you that much…. I know that I know, that I know, that I know – God know’s my future, and I am at peace.

    xo

  18. Thank you for a beautiful post! I am single, in my thirties and struggle with singleness myself. I have made the decision to focus on the life and blessings I do have and let God fill the “husband” void in my heart.

  19. Annie, what a vulnerably beautiful post! While I am married, this still challenged and encouraged me! You inspire me to focus more on what God has blessed me with, rather than dwell on what he hasn’t chosen to bring into my life. And to LIVE! Blessings!

  20. “I’m not real good at being single. But I’m learning, every day, how to really live.”

    Amen, sister friend. My “really living” might take me out of the country, too. We’ll see what happens. Thanks for putting words down on paper that echo my heart. I’m not good at it, either, but I’m still trying to live a life of worth with the “blessing” God gave me! 🙂

  21. Dear Annie,

    You’re a brave soul.

    Thank you for stepping outside of your comfort zone and sharing from your heart!

    May God continue to strengthen your faith and trust in Him and His plans for you.

    Read Jeremiah 29:11 and be encouraged!

    Sincerely,

    Alexis

  22. Very well put. I have plenty of people wanting me to write or tell my story to encourage other women. I agree with you, I am healed, healthy, & a strong woman resting in God’s love who has a LOT of blessings. But telling my story would mean I’d have to dwell on my situation & recount details of my divorce with two babies involved to bring me to where I am now. There are things in my past that will always be a part of my story- but they do not define who I am nor where I am going. SO I completely agree with you, someday maybe I’ll tell my story as well. But I too am not very good at being single… yet.

  23. I love this post. I’m in my mid 50s and I’ve been single for most of my life. I married in my 20s, was widowed in my thirties, and since then have been a single parent, and then as my children left home, an older single woman. I’ve experienced life on ‘both sides’. Although I certainly do wish my husband was still alive, and I will never stop missing him, God has given me a busy, happy, contented life. Yes I have down days, but I had down days when I was married. One thing I would like to see is more single women blogging about their lives generally, but not just about being single. There are so many great blogs and websites out there written by married women that talk about all sorts of subjects, not just being married. Why can’t we have more blogs by single women that talk about their relationship with God, creativity, home design, nature, good books, animals, travel….anything interesting. Keep on writing Annie, and certainly leave that book on singleness on the shelf for another day. Stella x

  24. love. this. i get questions like this regarding my blog, too. “you should write about how to be a single mom and be happy!” and i what i really want to say is, “um, have you seen me? most of the time i am not so happy that it’s worth writing about.” so yes, i get this. definitely.

  25. Annie,

    Seriously. You’re AMAZING. I love how open and honest you are about all of this! I just signed my next book on relationships and just as you said I’m good at other things so why not write about those next? Nope. Not what God has for me. WOW! I’m SO encouraged right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Renee

  26. Great thoughts! I’m not single, but I have many friends who are. While I was single, I didn’t want to focus on what I didn’t have. I wanted to praise God for what I did and use what he gave me to grow and live and so much more! Thanks for writing!