It was finally here. My special day.
A day that I was eagerly anticipating and looking forward to as a wife and mother.
A day bound to be filled with opportunity, joy, and glorious bliss.
A day that I was going to be home alone.
I smiled as I got out of bed, buzzing with energy. I had ten hours of uninterrupted time staring me in the face and I didn’t want to waste a moment of it. I had my list of things to do; most of it work, some of it play.
There was one oddity though; I had noticed that in the hours approaching The Day, my list had experienced growth due to new and pressing ideas that kept popping into my head and demanding a slot on the schedule. The number of items I was now looking to accomplish was fast approaching overwhelming status. Not one to be thrown off course easily, I reassured myself I’d be able to get it all done and still have time for chocolate and a nap.
I put the too-long list on the kitchen counter, convincing myself that I needed to set the perfect scene before I tackled any projects. I got my tea, checked my Facebook and Twitter, loaded my inbox with the morning’s email and left it open so I could do my daily communications.
I puttered, doodled, texted and Googled. I knew my list was sitting there, but it had gotten so big that with no structure to my day, I was clueless as to where to begin.
To be honest, the thought of it was starting to overwhelm me.
And it paralyzed me more than freed me.
I thought this was what days home alone were all about. Tackling projects, completing tasks, making pesky phone calls that I didn’t want to make any other day of the week. So what was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I knee deep into projects by now? Spackling and sanding and painting, oh my?
In the middle of questioning myself, I heard God’s still, small voice say emphatically in my head,
“It’s just a day; don’t make it your god.”
I stood stock still. In that moment, I saw what was happening.
I was making an idol out of my free time.
I was so busy worshiping the gift of a day that I was forgetting to worship the Giver. In my busy life, I had put this time up on a pedestal and expected it to meet all my I-haven’t-gotten-it-done-any-other-day-so-I’ll-get-it-all-done-today needs.
I saw that by allowing for an ever-growing agenda I was setting myself up for failure or, at the very least, disappointment in myself if and when I didn’t get it all done.
I asked God right then and there to forgive me. I saw the error of my free-time ways and I wanted to get things right before I went any further. God graciously heard me and answered, and in the end, everything was accomplished and I even had the chance to take a stab at some things that hadn’t even made the guest list. Looking back, I made a mental note to remember that when I do have some cherished hours alone, I need put thought into keeping my to-do list manageable and under control.
And I need to remember to worship God, not my day.