Growing up, our family was not wealthy by any means.
My father was a full time pastor (and later a seminary professor) who had taken on the call of Christ with the understanding that our finances would be meager but adequate. A rare dinner out meant that my sister and I would get a hamburger (no cheese), water, and split a fry at McDonalds. I had never been to a sit down restaurant until I met my husband. My mom would pray on her way to the grocery store for marked down meat so that she could contribute something other than her usual meatless dishes to the church potluck. We drank powdered milk. My sister and I never ate school lunches. We only shopped at Goodwill for our clothing. We had one Mazda GLC 2 door hatchback (only) for years. We did not have the finances in those early years to be in sports or extra curricular activities. Our vacations were stay-cations or camping trips at the local lake. My mom was a genius at frugality and my father has incredible wisdom when it comes to a Biblical management of finances. We did not use credit cards, paid cash for our cars, and had no outstanding debt (save a home loan). We tithed consistently and my parents gave over and above the tithe to any who would have need.
I am so thankful for my upbringing. I have learned much about how to be responsible with money. My parents have modeled godly habits and practices to us. I can stretch a little into a lot and I have found it a fun hobby to see how much I can save at the store. I am able to wallpaper, paint, sew, cook, and bargain shop. We, too, have managed to stay out of debt the entirety of our marriage However, living in that environment of frugality does not automatically mean that I have had a completely healthy view of money. Yes, I know that everything belongs to the Lord. Yes, I understand that the love of money is the root of all evil. Yes, I know that I need to be a good steward of everything that God has given me. But, it has only been in the last few years that I have been able to develop an attitude of healthy detachment toward money.
Sometimes, being devoid of things makes you hold onto them all the more once you actually have them.
Sometimes, your first inclination is not to let someone else have the leftovers or the hand me downs.
Sometimes, trying to live frugally means you think about money more often than you should.
Lack of material things is the opposite of wealth, but both can lead to the same outcome…an unhealthy attachment to money. Rich people are concerned about money, but so too are the poor and the frugal.
I remember my sister sharing with me, as a returning missionary from Africa, some exhortational words her mentor gave her. “As missionaries (ministers of Christ), we will not allow ‘poor talk’”. My sister was bemoaning the fact that they could not afford all of the dinners out that they would be having with supporters on their furlough.
“Eat dinner beforehand, and then, when you go out, order a coke and tell them you have already eaten”, she calmly suggested. “No poor talk”.
Meaning, do not let money be the reason you do not do ministry, the topic of your conversation, or a reason for people to feel sorry for you. (Disclaimer: there are appropriate times and places to share your financial struggles and as a body of Christ we want to bear that burden with one another, but that is different than “poor talk”). Be free from the power of money. Detach yourself from it. Open your hands so that you are free to give to those around you, even in your poverty. The best way to do that is to look for ways to give.
As Christians, even when times are tough (especially when times are tough), or even if we are frugal, we should be the first to lavish love on others in whatever way we can. We should be looking for ways to give to the Lord through our finances, our resources, and our relationships. We are wealthy people in Christ Jesus and we should live in such a way that we rejoice in that factwithout calling attention to our financial status, whatever it may be.
Money will come and money will go. It’s just money. What lasts forever is the Lord and His Kingdom. He will be faithful to provide much for those who love Him and follow His commands.
No poor talk. A healthy detachment.
Lord, break all ties of attachment to money in my heart. You will take care of me and I am rich in you. Thank you for all that you have given us by the gracious power of your hand. May my own frugality not be a license to dwell on money more than I should. Help me to give more often than I receive. Help me to focus on your kingdom business first and I will watch you adorn me in a life more beautiful than the birds of the air or the lilies of the field. Thank you for your amazing blessings. In His name, Amen.
“The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand. I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his descendants begging bread.” Psalm 37:23-25.
By Joy Dombrow, www.joydombrow.blogspot.com
Leave a Comment
Susie Davis says
Love the idea of ‘no poor talk.’ Thanks Joy!
Joy Dombrow says
Thanks for reading, Susie!
Beth West says
You are so right that whatever end of the financial spectrum we’re on, we can dwell too much on finances. This was a nice article.
Joy Dombrow says
I’ve been there, done that. Even when I didn’t even know it was what I was doing! Thanks for your kind words, Beth.
I Live in an Antbed says
You are exactly right! That “poor” mentality is such a negative place to be. I love Ann Voskamp’s call to count all the blessings. It changes a mindset of “not enough” to one of “more than we can ask or imagine”!
Joy Dombrow says
So good. We have Jesus and His sacrifice. How much more do we need?! Anything else is just icing on the cake.
Roberta says
This is such a great post and I’d love to share it on my blog if that is okay? Through-out my adulthood I have seen money come and go and it has not bothered me as much as it has my other family members and I think it is because NO matter where I find myself, I am grateful for what I do have first and it is not about the STUFF at all. I just love the way you have worded this post and would love to para-phrase some of it and link it back of course. Thanks so much, fondly, Roberta
Joy Dombrow says
Hey Roberta. I am so glad you were blessed. I am totally fine with you reposting and linking it back, although I can’t speak for (in)courage. I say, go for it!
Conny says
Thank you for sharing this … I was truly touched by it – and as someone in the ministry, I finally felt like SOMEONE put words to my thoughts. I have shared your article with my blog friends in hopes they will read this & be touched as well:
http://thehutchhaus.blogspot.com/2011/01/its-just-money.html
Joy Dombrow says
Yay, Conny! I’m glad that you found like-mindedness this morning. Blessings to you sister-friend.
Lynn says
Wow, this is powerful. As an MK, I really get where you’re coming from. It’s taken years of struggle and study to get me to the point where I can see money as a tool instead of just something everybody else is allowed to have while I’ve always been denied.
No poor talk – I like it. This concept should apply on the flip side also – no rich talk.
Joy Dombrow says
I love that phrase, “money as a tool”. That’s precisely what it is and yet we can get so obsessed with and entrapped in it. Who knows what God working in us because we don’t have money weighing us down? It’s all a matter of perspective. And yes, I agree…no rich talk either…except for our incredible riches in Christ!
Beth Williams says
It is interesting how growing up with meagerly causes you to be that way as an adult. I, too, had parents who taught me Godly ways about money & savings.
Now in my adulthood I have a strong connection to money – always wanting to save every dime, shop at thrift stores, get the best bargains. I’m learning to be a giver and to praise God for what He has given me!
Joy Dombrow says
That is wonderful, Beth! I can so identify. We can have freedom in all things in Christ….including how we view money. Love it!
Courtney says
Oh, wow. This is such a great post. “No poor talk” is now a powerful phrase that I will take with me. Thank you!
Joy Dombrow says
Thanks Courtney.
thefarmerfiles says
Love, love, love. We were a family that had more than enough, and my family consistently used “poor talk.” Sadly, poor talk was a gauge of their hearts and willingness to give. “Poor talk” also included being poor for time, and ultimately being too poor to serve others. It was a huge lesson they taught that I had to unlearn. There were so many things my parents did right, but this they could have done better.
Joy Dombrow says
Thank you for sharing a bit of your story. All parents could have done things better, I guess. Praise God that you are learning from even the places where they fell short. It is so true that our “poor talk” often is an excuse to not move forward in loving others. May we never be paralyzed by our money, or lack there of!
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Emily says
Your description of family life during your childhood is so similar to mine. My dad was a pastor also, and we didn’t have much. I’ve noticed in myself exactly what you said about still having an attachment to money, but I’m learning to be a giver!
Joy Dombrow says
Hello to a fellow PK! So glad to hear of your journey and that God is transforming you into a giver as well. Thank you for taking the time to read.
Beth Werner Lee says
I so resonated with this. Thank you for sharing it. Yes.
What changed me was my mother’s death: when I went through her stuff I had more than enough! So much more I had to share and it was a delight to give away stuff.
Then there was a wildfire in our community and although our house didn’t burn, some neighbors’ did. So I realized the extras (from Mom’s house) were there for the sharing. If they came through the fire they were to be shared, used, not hoarded! So what if the beautiful things broke? They were on their “second life” anyway, not having burned down. Then I wanted to keep being generous…so I catch myself when I return to what you call poor talk.
Joy Dombrow says
Thank you, Beth, for sharing your story with us. What a wonderful way to grow in giving…blessing others with your mother’s things! Her life is being honored as her “stuff” is being put to good use in the lives of those who need it and as her daughter expresses love through generosity. Beautiful.
Caroline Collie says
Such a great word. Thanks so much for sharing it! I am a missionary in Africa, too, and I need to hear this!! God is so good.
Joy Dombrow says
Caroline, thank you so much for your sacrificial service to the Lord in Africa. Bless you, bless you, bless you! May He pour out abundant riches (of all kinds) upon your life as you focus upon HIM! Hugs.
Terri G. says
This post spoke to me. Thanks! I’ll repent, my kids are probably tired of my poor talk.
Staci Brown says
Wow! This post came at just the right time. I’m currently looking at my finances and wondering how I’m going to make it through the month. Thank you for this reminder!
Joy Dombrow says
Oh, Staci. Praying for your finances now. God will provide and “poor talk” wouldn’t change anything anyway. What a great opportunity to trust Him. Hugs.
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