I sit at this blank screen, the little black line blinking at me, and I have an overwhelming sense that I need to conjure up something deep and dark to fulfill my online persona. Sometimes I feel like I won’t be a worth-while read if I don’t bring the Heavy.
But tonight, though I ate too much and tornado threats are coming, I feel about as light-hearted as I can be.
I don’t want to be flippant, but I don’t feel like worrying, and I don’t feel like hashing anything out. Right now I happen to know that the world isn’t on my shoulders, and it’s funny to me that some days I get confused about that, especially in regard to my children.
But tonight, my feet are on the coffee table, my little ones sleep, my sink is full of dishes, and it’s Spring.
Right now I feel just plain happy, and maybe it’s because today a college guy came to fix some shelving in my apartment and talked to me about his mother. He said she had had a past similar to mine.
I asked him how old he was when she shared her past with him and if he had been disappointed by what she shared. He had been pretty young to hear such a story, and he said he wasn’t disappointed at all because he knew her well.
He shared that as long as he could remember he had seen his mother cleaning their home while listening to worship music. He said he watched her worship, and that’s how she changed his life.
So when the shelf was done, he left. I opened the front door, and I turned on the music. My boys played in and out, and I sang. I cleaned and made a mediocre dinner. I clapped. I danced. And when we all gathered once Daddy came home, we all danced together.
Tonight my oldest played air guitar. So I sit here at the screen, and I smile. And I accept this as a good day, a day to leave it all in the hands of the One to whom it all belongs.
written by Amber Haines