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Doubt Like High, High Hurdles

by Sheila Seiler Lagrand Jun 18, 2011 in:Guests

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So there we stood, two hopeful, middle-aged lovers with history. And failures.  And children old enough to speak their minds. A diamond glittered on my finger and I was hopeful that somehow our families would understand the risk we proposed to undertake.

Risk is a fair topic when you have history to live down. We’d made, and broken, covenants before. And the family saw it just that way. “Who gets married at YOUR age?” one demanded. “It’s not like you’re going to have kids or anything.”

Even the respected older sister, more circumspect, ventured, “Maybe you should wait a while. This seems awfully soon.” I responded with only a smile. But later, alone, my tears shimmered more brightly than my engagement ring. And when his man-child shrugged and said, “You know, I have nothing against you,” I shrank inside.

I didn’t know I wanted love until it tripped me, one day. But now a promise sparkled in my heart and on my finger. I wanted him.  I wanted us. And I wanted us without complications, without the reservations of well-meaning and well-loved family.

Doubt stretched before us like high, high hurdles.

“I’m not worth the drama,” I thought. “His family is so dear to him. This opposition will end us.” I sobbed silently into a pillow whose summer-fresh cotton case mocked my despair.  Sleep came hard that night.

I awoke in the morning with a healing heart, remembering the price that was paid for my ransom, remembering how perfectly I am loved by the One whose love matters most, the One who gave us love.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:18-19

So I went to my beloved, and I told him perhaps we should part. “We both are loved by the King,” I reminded him. “If our marriage is going to bring this kind of pain to the family, perhaps we need to forsake each other and rest in His love.”

Before my eyes, my gentle, kind man drew himself up and showed steel. “No.” He said. “They’ll see. I am pledged to you, and I will honor my promise.”

I knew when the phone calls were urgent suggestions to reconsider, because he would not discuss the conversation with me. I knew he withstood pressure, because sometimes, when he thought I wasn’t watching, I saw him sag a little.

“As the Scriptures say, ‘A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’  This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:31-33

Our day came and my white-haired father guided his gray-haired daughter down the aisle as the organist played and the pastor nodded and the groom waited, steely and smiling. We stood before our families and we spoke our covenant and rings slid onto fingers and we became one in His eyes.

Now some time has soothed worries. We gather with our precious kin and we laugh, easy, as if it was always just fine. Today, when my tears shimmer, they are tears of gratitude.

“Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13

By Sheila Seiler Lagrand, Godspotting with Sheila

by Sheila Seiler Lagrand
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Sheila Seiler Lagrand

Sheila worships, lives, and writes in rural Southern California with her husband Rich and their three dogs. She spots God everywhere.
Author Website

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Cindy in PA says

    June 18, 2011 at 5:39 am

    Thank you for sharing your love story, your struggle, and your blessings through God. It brought tears to my eyes and blessed my heart. Thank you!

  2. Emma says

    June 18, 2011 at 5:46 am

    Thank you for this. We met with similar opposition, only for marrying “too young” 🙂
    You write beautifully.

  3. Shelly W. says

    June 18, 2011 at 7:49 am

    What a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing that today!

  4. Sharon@HikingTowardHome says

    June 18, 2011 at 7:50 am

    🙂 Thanks for sharing your story here. It made me think of my grandmother who married her best friend when they were well past the age of 60. I remember she wore a gold dress. I think it was the first wedding I ever went to!

  5. Anonymous says

    June 18, 2011 at 8:07 am

    “I didn’t know I wanted love until it tripped me, one day.” Mine blind-sided me. Glad you said yes, glad your man held fast against those who disagreed. You’re right: Perfect love casts out fear. So glad you told your story.

    • Nancy says

      June 18, 2011 at 8:08 am

      Ooops. Forgot to fill in my info. Congratulations, Sheila!

      • Sheila Lagrand says

        June 18, 2011 at 12:02 pm

        Thank you, Nancy! So nice to see some familiar faces here today.

  6. laura says

    June 18, 2011 at 8:28 am

    Oh, Sheila, such a beautiful love story. Thank you for sharing it with us.

    • Sheila Lagrand says

      June 18, 2011 at 12:03 pm

      Thank you for reading, Laura! As I mentioned to Nancy, it’s so kind of you to stop by. Thanks for the encouragement.

  7. Karen says

    June 18, 2011 at 8:31 am

    What a sweet post. I got chills reading this! May you both live happily ever after. Thanks for sharing your precious heart!!

  8. Caryn Poling says

    June 18, 2011 at 8:32 am

    Thank you so much for sharing this, beautifully written. You actually gave this old gal hope.

  9. Amy Hunt says

    June 18, 2011 at 9:12 am

    This is incredibly touching and I’m singing gratitude for you and the courage you and your groom lived through, knowing your stories were meant to be weaved together and make one beautiful quilt of {Grace}. One of my neighbors lost his beloved bride over a year ago and without warning, God invited this gentleman to step out in courage to take another woman as his bride. After only a brief time they are engaged to be married and it is the most beautiful picture of obedience, trust, surrender, and service to God.

    Rich blessings to you, Sheila, as you live out His promises for you that He’ll never forsake you…

  10. Drey says

    June 18, 2011 at 9:27 am

    You really made me cry this bright Saturday morning. I’ve been reminded that we serve a big and mighty God who is also our Abba. Live well in His love my sister and brother!!

  11. Miranda says

    June 18, 2011 at 10:26 am

    How beautiful! My great grandma married when she was almost 90 and had her wedding in an old folks home. I still smile when I remember that day.

  12. Sheila Lagrand says

    June 18, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Ladies, thank you all for your kind words. How you bless us!

    Marrying at the age of four-dozen, as we were, adds interesting twists to the process. I walked into a bridal shop with my 25-year-old daughter, searching for a dress for her to wear–the consultant assumed that Elaine was the bride. I think she was a bit dismayed that she’d only be selling a maid’s dress that day.

    Rich’s then-three-year-old grandson was our ring bearer. After I joined Rich at the altar, he looked up, noticed me standing there, and in a big happy voice said, “Hi, Grandma!”

    By the way, the photos in this post were taken by my amazing brother-in-law, Anthony Mack.

  13. Hazel Moon says

    June 18, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    I thrill at an awesome Love story and yours is a beautiful one! My eyes teared as you tole your beloved, how can we cause our families this pain! Your man of steel, refused to accept the pain that a break up would cause the two of you – – and in later years the families! I smiled at the remark of the 3 year old grandson! Hi Grandma! So sweet!

  14. Sara Frankl says

    June 18, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    this is beautiful, sheila. my great grandmother married my great grandpa Greg when they were in their 80s. he was of no blood relation to me, but was always my favorite… i loved him and their story.

  15. Brenda says

    June 18, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    This is a beautiful love story. Any time God writes a love story it is priceless, thanks so much for sharing.

  16. Beth Williams says

    June 18, 2011 at 9:16 pm

    What a testimony to His great love for us!! This is such a wonderful love story – a testament to your love for each other!

    May God richly bless this marriage!!!

  17. JoAnn says

    June 22, 2011 at 11:58 pm

    What a precious blessing this day must have been for you all! The Lord gives us the desires of our heart… He really does know what is best! Thank you for sharing this. Love it!

  18. Betty Draper says

    June 23, 2011 at 11:52 am

    Beautiful story…we got to witness a blessing such yours when my best friend married after nine years of being a widow. My husband married them even though her children were reluctant to give their blessings. Their lives are full of Jesus, loving each other and a wonderful testimony. God bless you for your courage to follow your heart.

  19. Sheila Lagrand says

    June 23, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Ladies,
    Thank you for your comments, which bless me so.

    JoAnn, Hazel…especially nice to see you here. 🙂

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