I sat next to her that day, the two of us in those old, wing-backed chairs, holding a lifetime of memories – the chairs and me.
I raced through them, the memories in my heart,
searching,
desperate –
She was unaware, locked in her own thoughts, as I searched her face, my eyes probing deep and my spirits heavy.
My heart burned within me, knowing I needed to say something, do something. But my lips remained silent while my heart searched for the words.
But it wasn’t the right moment – too many people milling around, and meddlesome ears listening in.
So I sat, me, all tongue-tied and stammering, my heart aching, yearning for her, she whose name was Grace, to know grace.
The hurt had flashed hot not long before and to guard against more, she put a straightjacket on her heart and chose a hard path. She knew all of the answers, but she didn’t know grace.
I so longed to give it – for her to taste it, to experience it, to live it; longed for her to know the very Grace that rescued me from the pit, the Grace that washed it all away and brought Hope.
Tender, daily, victorious grace. … She didn’t know that grace.
But I said nothing, vowing to call the next day, hoping to meet over coffee and words, sharing hearts and healing and hope. But once again, I didn’t.
I didn’t call.
I let busyness and distractions and fear keep me from doing what my gut urged me to do. And seven days later, it was too late.
One of the biggest regrets of my life: not speaking, not calling, not obeying His leading as the love of Christ compelled me.
This year, she would have been 25. But instead, her life was cut short at 18. Only 18. Full of beauty and promise…and hurt.
She knew that Jesus saves. Knew Him and accepted His gift. But she didn’t know Him, didn’t know that He saves … rescues … each day, each moment we call. Not just in the beginning but every day.
I don’t know where you are, who you are, or what you’ve done, but I know Grace, and I know that it … HE … is sufficient.
He, the perfect sacrifice, died!
He gave up His life, taking on our shame, our regrets, our mistakes … our sin, washing us clean by His blood. But the Good News doesn’t stop there. He’s ALIVE! He sits on the throne today, and the power that raised Christ from the dead … did you catch that? The power that raised Christ from the dead, is the same power that is at work within us.
We don’t have to live defeated!
Dear Sister, you don’t have to live in captivity any more. It is for freedom that Christ set us free. In Christ, we are a new creation. The old is gone!
Stand firm, then, and do not be burdened again by a yoke of slavery!
Cease striving, Sister. Be still. In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. Stop trying to do it on your own. Stop running from Him. Stop fighting with the world and with yourself.
The Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion….How gracious He will be when you cry for help! As soon as He hears, He will answer you.
Are you longing for freedom?
Turn, Sister, turn! Turn to Him, and don’t wait. I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation!
Galatians 5:1, Psalm 46:10,
2 Corinthians 5:17, 6:2,
Isaiah 30:15, 18-19
by Erika @ More Time With Our Kids and erikadawson.com (coming soon!)
Do you ever have a hard time living in His grace? Is there a load you’ve been carrying, that you’ve struggled to unstrap, lay down, and leave at the foot of the cross? How can I pray for you today?
Erin says
I’ve learned sometimes He teaches us most through our regrets. Thank you for sharing a tender part of your heart today.
Erika says
…and the grace He gives freely and abundantly in those times, overwhelms. So. thankful. for grace.
Tania says
Dear Erika, thank you so much ! Your writing expresses what i’ve been struggling through the last few years. If it wasn’t for the grace of God I wouldn’t have been here anymore to write this. Thank you for reminding me to leave the past behind, that’s the hardest part of all .. Have a nice day and may Grace be with you, with love, Tania.
Erika says
Oh, how I can relate! Grace has been the theme of my life. Sometimes I wonder where I would be … who I would be … apart from His grace. I shudder to think….
You’re right, sometimes leaving the past in the past is the hardest part of all. It’s hard to expect blessing and hope and restoration when I’ve been the one to make the mistake, and yet, the amazing grace of our great God allows us to come to Him, surrender and have a fresh start. Praying for you today, Tania, that you will be able to surrender it to Him and choose by faith to start a new beginning!
Beth Williams says
Erika,
Thanks for sharing such a tender part of your life! Your post reminds me of the song “Blessings” and the part that says “What if our blessings of our life come from the trials?”
May God Bless you with Grace!
Hugs
Beth
Erika says
The Sunday after my cousin passed, we sang “Blessed be the Name of the Lord.” I sat and wept as I agreed with all my heart,
“He gives and takes away.
He gives and takes away.
My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your Name.”
What comfort and hope we have that ALL. is. grace. All of it.
Blessed be HIS Name!
Thank you for your sweet words, Beth.
Hugs right back to you today!
Erin says
This was my song as I was going through 2 miscarriages back to back! I cried & praised my Jesus at the same time through this song. It was such a blessing for me. And, yes, so thankful for His covering grace.
Erika says
Oh Erin! I am so sorry to hear of your loss! Just. so. sorry…
This was my cousin I wrote about. One year and ten days after we lost her, my husband’s little sister passed away.
Lamentations 3:17-33 was especially heavy on my heart and pouring from my lips. V.22-23 are rather “popular” but I hadn’t been as familiar with the verses preceding or following them. Once I read them, though, I clung to them. It was like my heart was spilled out right there on the pages of Scripture.
“…for men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He WILL show compassion, so great is His unfailing love…” (v. 31-32)
Praying you know His compassion today.
Jennifer says
Erika, this was for me this morning. I’m struggling accepting Grace in some areas of my life. There is a situation I don’t know what to do about. I’m torn up about my responsibility in the situation and not knowing how to handle it. I’m fearful about what I think God may be asking me to do. It’s hard to stand in Grace when your not sure how to be obedient. *I’m not sure that makes any sense*. I just have a heavy heart. Please pray for me today, if I come to your mind- that I would have wisdom and the courage to be obedient.
Erika says
Oh sweet Friend,
I WILL be praying for you today. I am right now.
I don’t know your situation, but may I encourage you to get in the Word…to just saturate your mind and your heart with His Truth? There is no better way to know His heart for you and to take captive each thought, each confusion, each emotion, than to be in the Word. Our God is not a God of confusion or fear, but a God of peace and love and hope and joy. I am praying for you today, that you will know His peace and grace today.
“He will keep in perfect peace {she} whose mind is steadfast because {she} trusts in You.” (Isaiah 26:3)
Erika says
Oh sweet Friend,
I WILL be praying for you today. I am right now.
I don’t know your situation, but may I encourage you to get in the Word…to just saturate your mind and your heart with His Truth? There is no better way to know His heart for you and to take captive each thought, each confusion, each emotion, than to be in the Word. Our God is not a God of confusion or fear, but a God of peace and love and hope and joy. I am praying for you today, that you will know His peace and grace today.
“He will keep in perfect peace {she} whose mind is steadfast because {she} trusts in You.” (Isaiah 26:3)
Jennifer says
Erika, thank you so much for your encouraging words and prayers. Your words are just what I needed to hear. Thanks for reminding me that God is not the author of confusion- that has given me so much peace. I’m at work right now *shh* but as soon as I am home, I’m getting in the Word.
Amber says
I am truly blessed by you today! I also have been wrestling with some things this week and have lost sight of Grace. I find myself about to face this issue and am feeling so very unprepared. I believe God has given me this reminder through you and I thank you for allowing him to use this very difficult thing. Please say a prayer for me as I deal with these things and that I may bathe myself in his word. May God bless you greatly!
Erika says
Amber, I will! I am praying for you, Friend!
Teri @ StumblingAroundInTheLight says
I have a Grace, right here at home; fourteen years old, reminding me every day of His Gift, and the calling I have to bestow it upon my seven children. And yet, life is busy, days are full-to-bursting, tempers flare…
So. Hard.
As you said, “He rescues…each day, each moment we call.”
Thank you, thank you for the reminder. I needed it this very moment.
Erika says
Teri,
YES! Each day, each moment we call…
I must defer to you on this one, though! I only have two so far, and still some days are just hard! I wrote about it once…when my quick temper flared up and I remembered that I just don’t have it in me on my own strength, only in His. Maybe you’d be blessed to read it? http://moretimewithourkids.com/2011/02/on-patience.html
Praying for you today…that in each moment, you will know His strength and grace!
Erika says
Teri,
YES! Each day, each moment we call…
I must defer to you on this one, though! I only have two so far, and still some days are just hard! I wrote about it once…when my quick temper flared up and I remembered that I just don’t have it in me on my own strength, only in His. Maybe you’d be blessed to read it? http://moretimewithourkids.com/2011/02/on-patience.html
Praying for you today…that in each moment, you will know His strength and grace!