I had been a believer for years when we decided to adopt. I had gone to Bible college, studied theology, and seen God work miraculously. However, I was quickly loosing every ounce of fire that had once burned bright in my heart. I was growing comfortable with the false sense of control I had over my life. My self reliance quickly dulled the voice of God, and the drastic life change that had once marked who I was, seemed centuries away. I couldn’t quite remember my great need for God, something I once knew far too well! I was “good” and doing a lot “for” God. I only called on Him in dire emergencies, or for His blessings over my plans.
Then we began our adoption process….
Like the good, productive Christian I had become, I quickly turned our paperwork in, ”in record time”, according to our case worker. We got a room together, and made all of the necessary plans one would need to make while waiting for two new additions!
Then we got a picture, of the two sweetest girls ever. These were the daughters that would SOON be ours. They said, “it will only be a few months before you meet them”…all we needed was a court date…
Then the courts closed …
and several months passed before
we were assigned another court date, that the judge didn’t show up for….
and several more months passed before
we were assigned another court date and found out the agency’s license was in flux and it would take several more months to get another one….
After that it only took several minutes before
I began to question the very core of my faith….
“Why would you make this so hard God…we are doing something good right??”
“Are you really good, I am not so sure anymore! There are two little girls living thousands of miles away who don’t even know about us”
“I have done all that I need to do God…what is the deal?”
Then through a sweet friend God began to speak…..
“I am good…you need greater faith. Not faith in me doing what you want me to do, but faith in My goodness despite your circumstances….”
“You believe, but have some areas of unbelief that choke you… I can help you believe”
“There is a purpose, one you may not fully understand, but remember you only see what is just in front of you…I see the entire picture….”
So I began to pray, plead….
“God give me greater faith”
“God give me eyes to see your goodness”
“God give me ears to hear your voice”
“God…I do believe…please help my unbelief ”
Slowly, He began to increase my faith, remind me of His goodness, and bring me back to the understanding of how incapable I am of living this life apart from Him.
Our adoption still took almost two years
but God..
..finally allowed us to bring our little girls home at exactly the right time. He performed miracles almost daily while we were in Ethiopia. He gave us two sweet daughters whose hearts were ripe for the seeds of the gospel…..all while rebuilding my tiny faith, piece by piece.
by Danielle, This Life I Live
Leave a Comment
Amy Hunt says
Amen, sister–He IS good, all the time! I have recently been overwhelmed with thoughts about His timing, and how His plans are for more than just us. Sometimes something needs to happen in someone else’s life–maybe someone who we’ll never, ever see–in order for something specific to happen in our life. Our lives are for more than this, and only God knows how our lives weave with another life He perfectly created. (I’ve struggled to articulate this, and yet giving it a shot.)
Being in the *waiting* is a hard place, yet it’s such Grace to learn how there is purpose in it.
Rich blessings in your new journey, Danielle…
Danielle says
I think you articulated well!
Brittnie says
This story brings joy to my heart. I work in the field of domestic adoption and I know many families that can relate to this story of faith, questioning God, patience etc. The neat thing is that God has all of our stories planned out from day one!! From the first day you saw a photo of your girls He knew the exact day you would meet them for the first time. 🙂
My husband and I are battling some of these feelings as we go through fertility issues/treatments. I love your quote “I am good…you need greater faith. Not faith in me doing what you want me to do, but faith in My goodness despite your circumstances….” This is so very encouraging to me and I am going to concentrate on this quote as I pray this week. I know that just like your family, God has a perfect plan for my future family as well. Thank you!
Danielle says
Just prayed for you….He does have the perfect plan, timing and children for you and your husband!
Christy says
Can so relate 🙂
Stacey says
And as He was preparing their hearts,He was preparing the heart of their mom !!
Love this friend and how God is using this to encourage so many!
What a glorious picture of His grace!!
Jen says
Thanks for sharing this! I have some friends in Ethiopia right now. They just met their son yesterday and have their first court date today!
Rona says
What beautiful family and a lovely story. May all you continue to be blessed everyday!
kendal says
i love the verse – i believe, help me in my unbelief….love your story. love your words. thank you so much for sharing from the heart.
dawn says
thank you so much for sharing this today – it was exactly what i needed to hear.
Jennifer says
Thanks for sharing your story. It seems that God always has to get our attention by making us trust Him.
Nicolette Choi says
Thank you for sharing! I feel like God has been telling me the same thing!
“I am good…you need greater faith. Not faith in me doing what you want me to do, but faith in My goodness despite your circumstances….”
“You believe, but have some areas of unbelief that choke you… I can help you believe”
“There is a purpose, one you may not fully understand, but remember you only see what is just in front of you…I see the entire picture….”
This was amazing and a much needed reminder!
Sara says
Danielle,
There is such a beautiful weight to your story. Amen, sister, to your words. Thank you for your sweet encouragement to me today ….
Stefanie Brown says
What an amazing demonstration of faith ~ faith in Him that He would lead without providing all we need for the trip ahead.
Your story is such a blessing!
LaughingMouse says
I needed exactly this. And not just today. This has been the cry of my soul for weeks, maybe months. But even though I’m a writer I couldn’t quite articulate it this well. Thank you.
If any of you want to pray, here is what is going on. In April my Dad passed away only 7 weeks after first going to the doctor, he had bile duct cancer. In May I went on a date with a man who, though definitely not perfect, definitely held high potential. We went on two more dates a couple weeks later and then two days after that he emailed me to say he didn’t think we were a good match. There is a *great* deal more to that story than I can reasonably post here, but suffice it to say I am very confused, very hurt and very very angry. So, now I am circling around the mountain again crying out to God that “It wasn’t supposed to be like this!” Asking Him “When is it *my* turn?” Weeping and wondering “Why doesn’t anyone want me?”
It’s a hard hard place I am in right now.
Danielle says
I am so sorry to hear about the hard time you are going through. I do know that He is good, He is enough for us….and in time He can heal even then deepest hurts. I am praying for you!!
Rochelle says
LaughingMouse: I’m soooo sorry to read your reply. I’m glad her post was able to help be an encouragement to you, but please also know that others see your response and you are being lifted up in prayer to our awesome God, the only One who can dry your tears and comfort you in your sorrow. He knows the pain of rejection all too well, and wants you to come to him with this difficulty. Cry out to him and He will hear you (Jer 33:3). Let him be your solace. I’m so sorry you are going through all of this. Many prayers & love to you across the blogosphere. {hugs}
Rochelle says
I deeply, deeply appreciated this most. Not only did it really hit me hard where I’m at (not with adoption specifically, but other things in life), but it was also something I was able to forward on to good friends going through a difficult adoption process in Ethiopia as well. What an encouragement to read your relatable words!!! Thank you for sharing. Many blessings on you & those sweet girls that are finally yours!
marcie says
your girls are beautiful! we are waiting to bring home our sweet daughter from china, and i can relate to much of your post. it was really encouraging! i feel like we are “daily bread-ing it” as we try to come up with the neccessary funds and forms to bring her home, and i know that God is using this time to build my trust in Him. some days i feel like i am making progress and other days i feel like i fail miserably 🙂 i loved this line: “I am good…you need greater faith. Not faith in me doing what you want me to do, but faith in My goodness despite your circumstances….” thank you!