I hear that recording again. It’s the one in my head that says, “You are not doing a good job at ______”, or “You’ve really got to start doing_____”, or “When are you going to get a grip on _____”. And when the message is finished, someone hits the repeat button as if I want to hear that again!
All of these messages carrying the same meaning: Epic Fail (in the language of my teenage daughter). I am falling short. I can’t measure up. I’ve gotta get serious about whatever. It is enough to drive this mommy insane.
And drive me insane it does. I find myself feeling anxious, angry, rushed, pushed, crabby, short-tempered, on edge. Then I try a little harder. I make a new plan. I come up with some ways to conquer the world–at least, just my little world. And guess what? IT DOESN”T WORK! I am only repeating the cycle on a different level.
On these days even my prayers burden me down. “Lord, I’m sorry, I failed at that again,” “Lord, I’m sorry
I’m not doing a very good job at this parenting thing.” “Father, will you help me to be a better mom, a more patient wife, a more gentle person, a kinder neighbor, etc.?” No surprise that a prayer life would dry up under those conditions.
Finally, I just say to God, “Father, I want to live for you. But I am struggling in every area. I am struggling just to talk to you. If I could just see Your face, if I could just look into Your eyes and see Your grace there. I need You.”
And then I hear Him so clearly, not audibly, but clearly just the same: “Karen,” He says as He looks into my eyes, “I want you to know that I have never been disappointed in you.” Tears well in my eyes as His grace pours over me.
“Never?”, I ask.
“Never.” He says. And the burden falls away.
I don’t have to try harder, do better, be more. I only have to come to Him. He will give me rest. His yoke is easy and His burden is light.
I can very well relate to this, Karen. Sometimes we are burdened by, even guilty of, our own shortcomings when in fact we only have to tap God’s grace.
This is such an encouragement. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Thanks Abby. In my own life, my striving for perfection keeps me preoccupied with me and my shortcomings instead of allowing me to focus on the greatness of my God. Thanks for reading.
Charina @ Pondered Thoughts says
Yes, if we only remember to come to Him, give and offer everything to Him and trust in Him deeply…..the rest will follow. Blessings karen!
All good things!
Thanks for reading, Charina. I love that even when I fail Him, He still picks me up and loves me and gives me a fresh start. God’s goodness and grace toward us is richer than we imagine. Thanks for your thoughts.
Thank-you. Brought instant tears to my eyes and was EXACTLY what I need to hear.
I am so glad this blessed you. Thanks for sharing.
I feel all of these things on a daily basis. He is enough and I turn to him often. Then I wander around blindly, trying to do better, be better instead of continually turning to Him. It’s so hard, solely relying on Him.
Thanks for your thoughts. He delights in you, daughter of the King.
Thank you. The Lord knew that I needed to hear that. Blessings!
Blessings to you Barbie! Thanks for reading and posting.
Lucille Loeppky says
Thank you so much for this! Reading this my eyes welled up with tears. I love knowing that someone understands my own thoughts and feelings. Thanks for encouraging me with the Truth! 🙂
I’m so blessed that God would speak to you through this. Thanks for sharing.
I have a problem with looking at the broad picture, then I get overwhelmed and don’t feel like I can do it. I have learned with God’s help to take it one step at a time, one thing at a time, and it becomes that much lighter.
I can relate to what you are saying. The big picture (and all that entails) is overwhelming. Grace for the day is something I can grasp.
This was beautifully written. I so often feel exactly the same. Falling short in all aspects of my life. I struggle remembering that I am Loved by Him. I hope that someday I can actually have that knowledge so imbedded in my soul that even through the chaos I can feel the Love!
I read a phrase once in a book that spoke to me and I often say it to myself, “Even so, He loves me.” Much of the time I can falsely believe that I have to live up to some crazy expectation God has for me, when in reality He loves me like I am, where I am, and how He created me to be.
Thanks for your authenticity.
I could have written that exactly! Not so eloquently, but with the same message. My husband is often asking me why I take thigs so personally and the truth is that I really don’t know. It is nice to know that I am not the only one, because most days I feel like no one understands. I too and telling my heavenly father sorry a lot. Thanks for sharing, it meant a lot to me to be able to read this today.
Thanks for sharing and being real. I believe the Father longs for us to stop beating ourselves up and “trying harder” and walk in His love. I pray that you will experience more and more of those moments of His delight in you.
Kathy @ In Quiet Places says
I may fall, and I may fail, but He’s always holding onto me, and working on me, mostly loving me!
Beth Williams says
“Father, will you help me to be a better mom, a more patient wife, a more gentle person, a kinder neighbor, etc.?” That is my prayer for today.
Some days I can be on edge over the simplest things and others nothing seems to bother me. Lack of sleep is one cause, stress, work deadlines, etc are others. I must learn like you to ask God for patience, peace & to know Him and feel His grace overwhelm us daily, hourly.
This was a fantastic post and very well needed. We often don’t comprehend how wonderful God is because our tiny brains can’t take all of Him in. I think when we finally get to see Him, a lot of us are going to be speechless because the mere sight of Him will take our breaths away.
Eileen Jennings says
Once a person told me that God created human beings not human doings, to just be, to just exist is often the only call for a moment that we can manage and it pleases God if we just be still and know He is God. So during those times when I know I just do not feel like I measure up I try to remind myself I am a created human being and put my eyes back on my Creator. Thank you so much for your honesty and encouragement for just being human.
Thanks Eileen. I can remember my college pastor challenging us with that idea of human beings and just knowing Him. At the time I found the idea really hard to swallow. Pain and years later, I have found rest in my beloved.
I really enjoyed what you wrote. It is so true…we try so hard to “do” for Him, when He wants our love and atttention most of all. “Martha, Martha…you are worried about many things. Only one thing is needed…” When we rest in Him, He will lead us to “do” the blessings and work He has for us, and it will flow from Him, not us.
I want to join your website but I went there and it is very messed up. Can you let me know how I can sign up, for when it is fixed?
Thanks. May God bless you all.
Thanks for reading and for letting me know that the website wasn’t working. There have been alot of technical changes on it recently, so I will get my tech crew (husband) to get it straightened out asap (tomorrow).
Sorry, Terri, I failed to post my name. I am not anonymous. I am Karen!
I made some changes on the website. It should be working now. Let me know if you have any more problems with it.
It’s like you were in my head. Thank you for this Karen.
Really needed this Today.
Shelly Wildman says
Wow, Karen, this speaks right to my heart. I do the same thing so often, speaking lies to my heart. I love how you explain God’s grace to us. This is beautiful.
Thanks Shelly. And you hit the nail on the head with “speaking lies to my heart”. That is exactly what is going on when we play those recordings. Blessings.
katie @ Imperfect People says
Oh you are totally speaking my language! I dedicated my whole blog to this subject. You said is to beautifully! Love this! thank you!
My mother told me when I was a teenager, what I’d always suspected. That I’d been a disappointment to her my entire life.
I’ve forgiven her for those words, but the scar of them is still there, and the ones from all the years that I knew the truth of those words before she even spoke them.
I know my Father loves me, and that He rejoices over me and that I bring Him joy, but often I feel like I’m failing Him and everyone else in my life so badly.
It is so good to be reminded of the truth – that He is not disappointed in me!
Donna, You are greatly loved and accepted by the Father.