God is in no hurry. Compared to the works of mankind, He is extremely deliberate. God is not a slave to the human clock.
You tell me your desert stretches for miles, and how you lived in it for weeks, months, or years. And I know exactly what you’re talking about because I’ve seen the same friend-making landscape. True, sometimes friendships form quickly, but usually I’ve had to wait on them.
And really, how many of us like to wait on anything? I want what I want and I want it now, thankyouverymuch.
I can do all the right things in hopes of finding heart-friends, show up, open up and lift up. Still, sometimes it doesn’t happen. Heaven knows God wants my heart connected to others, but when those connections remain elusive, what’s a girl to do?
Your comments to When You Want Friends But Have a Hard Time Finding Them told me just how many of us have experienced this season. Your insightful words encouraged me, and they made me exhale in relief that it ain’t just me. Like so many, Aundrea describes her own season with few friends, and her comment reads like fresh air:
I’ve spent a good amount of time asking God why this is happening, and what I can do about it. I haven’t received a direct answer yet, but He has put some things into my mind:
1. During this time of few friends, I have spent a LOT more time with my husband and kids. Our relationships have all grown exponentially and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
2. I’ve had more time for God. It’s often during times of need that we turn to Him. My relationship with Him has deepened, and I’ve found myself relying on HIM to minister to my needs rather than running around from person to person, ignoring His wisdom.
3. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on myself and do some much-needed soul searching and work on issues I’d been ignoring for most of my adult life in the hopes they’d somehow disappear.
4. I’m learning how to choose friends more wisely. I was so desperate at first that I RAN to every Christian group I could find and desperately tried to begin an intimate friendship with the first woman who had kids the same ages as mine. That was not wise. I made mistakes and have learned some valuable lessons. Intimate friendships take time to grow.
God is now starting to slowly bring women into my life that I probably wouldn’t have chosen myself. They’re older or younger, they may or may not have kids my age or share my interests in homeschooling or music. But I’m learning to pay better attention and value people for more than similarity. While I still don’t have a BFF here in this area, I’m finally okay with it. I really am. I’ve learned to lean more on Christ and my husband, and I’m pretty sure that is the result of the lesson I’m supposed to learn at this time.
Aundrea has been a real-life friend for 20 years. I tell you this because I know this girl is as likeable as can be; she could make friends with anybody. I’ve witnessed her in a variety of social situations, and she maneuvers them brilliantly. If she struggles to find friendships in this season, it’s not because she’s doing anything “wrong.”
It’s because God wants her focus elsewhere.
Friendship connections become cluttery distractions if they overshadow priorities needing attention. It’s a lesson I learned kicking and screaming, but one I learned just the same.
God is the God of perfect time, and He arranges and spends it purposefully. If I’ve done all I can do to seek something and I still don’t have it, there’s a good reason. Maybe several. May I spend that time purposefully discovering what He wants me to learn in the waiting.
What have you learned while waiting on friends? On something else important in your life? What do you find to be the most difficult part of waiting?
Kristen Strong, Chasing Blue Skies