In yesterday’s post, Megan shared the struggle through heartache and confusion that began the journey toward Spirit-Led Parenting. Today, her co-author, Laura Oyer, shares the second part of the message – the one God used to bring redemption to their mothering journeys.
Laura and her high school sweetheart-turned-husband, Mark, have two children – Maya, a sensitive, wise almost-second-grader, and Noah, a four-year-old version of Buddy the Elf.
Laura blogs about the real and ridiculous things of life at In the Backyard, and is a contributor at Grace for Moms.
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As Megan shared yesterday, her first weeks and months of parenting were a time filled with fear, namely the fear that she was failing.
Her story echoes mine. We each found ourselves overwhelmed by the weight of failed expectations, intense confusion, and total lack of direction. We’ve told you how parenting manuals caused so much distress for us when we were new mothers. So why on earth would we write a book on parenting?
Because somewhere along the way, we discovered a beautiful truth: there is another way.
“There is an approach to parenting that looks fear in the face and boldly speaks an answer: Freedom. Freedom from required formulas, unrealistic expectations of our children and ourselves, and the belief that we must force our babies to fit into a mold that may not have been designed for them.”
In the lowest, most darkest moments of weathering the shock of parenting babies who in no way acted the way the books said they should, God spoke into our lives a radical idea, that He had a unique path for each family – one that honors the beautifully-created individuality of both parents and children – and that we could embrace the freedom to follow His lead.
“This idea of beginning without a clear plan can be unnerving. We want consistent guidelines and cold hard facts. We want outlines and directions that are easy to read and follow. But Spirit-led parenting doesn’t work like that. And the reason for this is yet another radical idea: the first year should be less about training our babies and more about God developing us as parents and human beings. If we let Him, God can use that first intense year of baby’s life to train us how to live a life that is fully surrendered to Him. To cultivate in us a trust that follows His lead, seeks Him first, and understands His grace.”
Eventually, we had the courage to tell others about this revelation. We shared our stories, and were surprised and overwhelmed by the response. Other parents shared their own journeys, how they had been burned by trying so hard to follow one parenting methodology or another, how the quiet promptings of the Spirit were drowned in the clamor and noise of the Mommy Wars.
And that is how God first stirred our hearts to write this book. We are passionate about sharing the stories of our own lives and those of others to illustrate how the first year of parenting doesn’t have to be marked with insecurity, shame, and worry. Instead, it can be a year of life-changing growth and transformation.
“He gently leads those that have young.” (Isaiah 40:11)
Our invitation is for you to join us in discovering the freedom that God offers to families everywhere:
Freedom to lean wholly on the wisdom of God in the trenches of parenting … because He is faithful.
Freedom to embrace the beautiful uniqueness of your child … because they were fearfully and wonderfully made by the work of His hands.
Freedom – yes – even to fail … because He loves and redeems and there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
We would love to share our stories with you. Because we know now and declare for the rest of our days that He has truly set us free.
By: Laura Oyer, In the Backyard
Baby toes photo by: sabianmaggy on flickr
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Megan and I are offering five copies of Spirit-Led Parenting to (in)courage readers. To enter to win, leave a comment on yesterday’s post finishing this sentence: My biggest fear about having a new baby was/is _______________. Your answer can be silly or serious. We’ll choose five commenters to win a copy of the book on Friday!
Purchase your copy of Spirit-Led Parenting here.
I am so overwhelmed at the beauty of this worship of yours. Your bold courage to trust and to share how trusting transforms, and how it brings us to an even deeper intimacy with Our Father.
This is only the beginning for you. I can feel it. He has so much more in store for you both and I pray you rich blessings as He leads you.
It’s silly but I thought, “what am I supposed to do with her?” The joy of being pregnant to the fear of doing everything right was a huge emotional change of mindset
My biggest fear about having a new baby WAS…that I would totally and completely mess it all up and my child wouldn’t have a chance. I was not yet a follower of Christ when my daughter was born (6 years ago next week-YIKES!!!), so my life was void of grace and Spirit-filled direction, and I had zero Christ-loving mentors to run to for guidance. I was consumed with being the perfect mom, and everyone knows, the perfect mom is reflected in her perfect baby’s perfect behavior and perfect development. I literally would not let anyone hold my daughter because that must mean I was not good enough to calm her or meet her needs. The world and Satan had filled my mind with incredibly distorted thinking. Thankfully, the walls were finally demolished and God broke through to my heart. I accepted Christ into my life four months before our son was born, and a little over a year before I was diagnosed with cancer which claimed my ability to ever birth children again. I am forever grateful that I had God to lean on, God to compensate for my inadequacies, and His ultimate sacrifice that takes away the need for me to ever beat myself up in self-hatred. The perfect mom is so overrated. She is most definitely NOT fun and has no room in her heart or her life to share Christ with her children. I thank God every day that she left our home. I look forward to adopting in the coming years. Not just to show a child what true, unconditional, unfailing love and a forever family is like. Not just to show my children already at home what true, unconditional, unfailing love and a forever family is like. But to go forth in Spirit-Led Parenting like I’ve never before experienced.
Thank you for sharing your story…I really needed to hear it put that way!!!
I am in the process of kicking out that “perfect” mother….she has tried to live in our home for too long!! It’s time to throw her bags out on the street!!!!!
Thank you for sharing your story…I really needed to hear it put that way!!!
I am in the process of kicking out that “perfect” mother….she has tried to live in our home for too long!! It’s time to throw her bags out on the street!!!!!
My greatest fear was that I would be inadequate. It’s a fear that still frequently rears its ugly head…especially on days when I find myself yelling, or getting angry with my son. I do however seek God’s face every day in how I parent my son, especially now that I’m a single mom. My son knows Jesus loves him and for that I am so grateful. My son will be turning 3 on Saturday. I’d love to win a copy of this book… sounds like it would be extremely beneficial reading.
My biggest fear about having a new baby was changing diapers…I hadn’t ever changed a real baby’s diaper before, just the doll in the parenting class! I thought I had it all together and I was ready to be a mommy! Boy was I wrong! I had no idea that having a baby was such a challenge and there were so many times in the beginning when I felt lost and was asking for everyone’s opinions…everyone said something different! Now here we are four months later and looking back, I should have brought my fears and questions to God and leaned into Him instead of letting my anxieties push me away. All glory be to God for this beautiful baby boy I hold in my arms!
I have a son and I guess part of me heavily relies on my husband teaching him to be a good man. I feel confidant because I know my husband is a good godly man. I just had a baby girl and I know I am so faulted and so far from perfect. I worry about all the ways I will mess her up. I would love to raise a good godly girl but i’m afraid I won’t do it
Right since I grew up inn a
The biggest fear I had when my son was born was that I would lose him. I had lost my first baby to a miscarriage and my son was born at 32 weeks and was very ill. He survived but this remains one of my biggest fears and I tend to be very overprotective of him and very hard on myself when I feel that I have failed him in some way as a parent. My biggest fear when my daughter was born was that I would not love her enough. Silly, but she was unplanned and the pregnancy was .. not good. She is a sunshine child and I cannot ever imagine that I felt that way.
My biggest fear about my new baby was the long nights and if they would ever sleep through them.
Fear of losing their hearts was what shook me most…what if my failures to love unconditionally would damage our bond forever? I’m past this now- yet mindful of the influence…it’s humbling in a good way.
My biggest fear about having a new baby was going to over dress her. She was born in September and I didn’t know if she was too hot or not.
My newborn is currently a little over a month old. I would have to say that my biggest fear about having her is that my chronic depression and past addictions will damage our relationship. Right now she has colic and it is so hard for me to cope. The devil is constantly whispering lies into my ear. I find myself so tempted to turn back to the addictions that I have been in recovery from. Every day is a challenge and a test for me. I’m constantly having to turn to the Word in order to block out the lies.
You can do it, Kaelynn. Just know that one month old are a chalange but it gets easier with each day. All my babies were colicky. I bought that natural colic medicine from the health store. It helped some. Some babies are more sensetive then others, but it will pass and your little one will love you for staying strong for him. Jesus is our rock and foundation, lean on Him, tell him all your fears, your struggles, and he will help you. God bless you.
Kaelynn…continually praise God…play worship music and declare out of your mouth….”I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. You are an overcomer!!!!!!
When I brought both of my sons home, my biggest fear was, “I can’t do it”. With my first son, the thought came the first night he was home. With my second son, the thought came my last night at the hospital. God continually reminds me that these seasons will pass, which is such an encouragement to my overwhelmed soul.
My biggest fear about having a new baby WAS having no idea what to do. I was never one for kids and then having to do it on my own with no one else, that was overwhelming. Thank God my parents and sister were there, they have been such a help the last ten years 🙂
My biggest fear was that I wont have time for all my children. Being a mom is a selfless job, you have to give up of yourself so much. I know it is all for good though, because even in the bible it says that we are to serve others, to love others, to be a selfless, and more Christ like– and it starts rigth here at home, with little hearts and messy hands.
When I had my first child almost eight years ago, fear was in the forefront. I am now a mother of two and have learned to let God lead my life and mothering. We’re considering baby number three. I’d like to read this book to refine my spiritual view and life as mom.
Love and prayers,
Jen
My biggest fear with our first was what if I didn’t do it right….what if I wasn’t perfect as a mother and I messed her up…..I have learned that I am not perfect, neither is she and while I have messed her up in some ways, God chose me to be her mom and He doesn’t make mistakes AND our God is bigger than anything I can do wrong and is a redeeming God and His love covers EVERYTHING!!!! She is 15yrs old now.
With our second it was what if I didn’t love her as much as the first (I’m an only child so I didn’t really grasp the whole “you can love more than one child” concept)…..I have since grasped that whole concept….Praise God for unconditional love!!! She is 13 yrs old now.
With our second she came at a time of MAJOR MARITAL STRIFE AND DIVISION…so my fear was what environment were we bringing her into….BUT GOD!!!!! BUT GOD!!!! BUT GOD!!!! Only God can care for us in such a tender unique way that we don’t even realize or understand!!!!! With the addition of our last daughter, He showed me how to keep loving….myself….our girls…..my husband….life itself!!!! She is 10 yrs old now.
God showed me that the environment doesn’t matter when He is present in our lives… He showed me that He loves me and will ALWAYS be present to direct me as I mother our girls…He showed me that I can be free from all the guilt and uncertainty that often comes with being a mom. He showed me all the lies I have believed as a woman, as a wife and as a mother….lies I don’t want to pass on our daughters!!!!
Thank you Father God that through your Holy Spirit and in the name of Jesus our children and our youth have the opportunity to become the mighty men & women of God that you have created them to be!!!!!
“But seek Ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
~ Matthew 6:33
Lisa,
Thank you for your comment. Praise God, that your post followed mine. Your journey, as a mother gives me hope for the future of my family. Yes, your comment may have followed mine, but it certainly means so to know, that you’ve come before me in life. By the grace of God, you’re in a very good place:). Hallelujah!!!
Love and prayers,
Jen
Thank you Jen…your comment really blessed me!!!!
That should read…. with our third daughter…..she’s 10….we are blessed to have 3 very beautiful, healthy, smart young ladies in our household!!!
My biggest fear about having a new baby is allowing my control-freak tendencies to take over (in addition to sleep deprivation and worrying that I will neglect my hubby).
Beautful! I have a question though…What happens after babyhood? I mean, I have four children ages 13 months to 11.5 yrs old. Do you continue to follow the same path? The same prompting from the Holy Spirit?
Thanks!