About the Author

Angela Nazworth is a shame-fighting storyteller who writes mostly about the beauty of grace, faith, friendship, vulnerability and community. She is a wife and a mother of two. Angela's also an encourager, a lover of good books, coffee, girl's night out, sunshine, and waterfalls. In the 15 years since she...

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  1. i think i’m a mean girl to myself. and those thoughts? “entertaining them means I’m arguing with God”. that’s a cold cup of water to the face sobering. ugh. time to re-evaluate self talk. and perhaps make a habit of it! thanks for sharing so doors wide open about yourself angela. needed that pressed on my heart today. xo –kris

  2. i really can relate with this and it makes me sad that it is true. as i get older though i realize i do it less and less. probably because i have given up on my need to compete with beautiful young women. thanks for writing about a difficult-to-admit topic.

    • I have noticed that I go through spurts. When I am most aware of where true security lies …. in the hands of Christ and not in stuff of this world … I am less likely to access that mean streak.

  3. ive been the mean girl, only because someone stole from me i felt. when i lost what God had given or it was taken from me God allowed it. My self esteem was wounded and i seeked to wound in return, instead of building others up i tore them down, the weakness they saw in me was in turn returned i dont want to b this friend. not in the least. God does see our hearts and when we are judged its on our hearts and whats inside not on the outer

    • I understand your pain. A very wise friend once told me that “hurting people HURT people.” Praying healing and peace over you tonight. Thank you for sharing a bit of your heart with me.

  4. Wow, an amazing blog! I am no longer that cute little blond either and I often catch myself mentally trashing other women. I’ve been working on it and getting better, with God’s help, but I have a way to go. I want to be an encourager and truly the woman that God made me to be!

  5. “The wounds of a friend are sweeter than the kisses of an enemy.” Thanks for the friendly wound. I needed that reminder today.

  6. Ouch! Thank you for the straightforward reminder that our negative thoughts about ourselves is destructive in so many other ways.

  7. Great post. Such an epidemic in our world today. Self-talk that is destructive. I think it is across the board in some measure.

    Thank you for the reminder “We are fearfully and ‘wonderfully’ made. God does all things well.

    Blessings ~Debra

  8. Oh, did this ever hit home! I flail between the “good girl” image a lot of people have of me and the “mean girl” that many others know from my work setting. I, too, at first giggled at that tweet when I saw it–from my 19 year-old daughter, who has little tolerance for the meanness in other girls but is pretty capable of dishing it back. Why is it we focus on what “the prowler” brings to our attention instead of digging deeper for what the Holy Spirit wants us to see?

    I keep struggling with this, as there are days I feel like a failure as a mother because my youngsters display behaviors and use language that I don’t agree with, but when I think about it, where did they REALLY learn it? From me, sadly enough. Having a hard time spiritually right now. Thank you for redirecting my eyes with an honest post!

    • Oh Shauna … I feel your pain, but please know that you are not a failure as a mother. Not at all. Kids will learn our bad habits, that is true, but they will also learn from us admitting our flaws and repenting … and the latter is such a beautiful lesson to learn.

  9. Angela,
    I desperately wish I could privately email you regarding your blog post When You’re The Mean Girl. In the past 24 hours I’ve gone through yet another in a serious of “mean girl” scenarios with a few of my girlfriends. Praying and meditating on it last night as I lay unable to sleep, sick to my stomach over it all, I felt God show me all the ways that to the depths of my soul that these scenarios stem from a huge personal flaw dwelling within my own wicked heart. You post today drove the stake home. Thank you for posting it. I plan to print it out and tape it to my bedroom mirror and read it often. It’s something I so desperately want to change about myself.
    Love,
    Sheena

    • Sheena, thank you for sharing so honestly. I’ve been where you are and encourage you to be gentle with yourself as you grow closer to God through this time of learning. You are precious.

  10. “Lastly, allowing my inner mean girl center stage rights is a tragic waste of time. It’s a waste because such self-centered behavior hinders love. It tempers service and acts of kindness and makes me a lazy giver. My time … my life … would be much better spent offering encouragement to each person I encounter and keeping my heart and actions focused on glorifying God and not my fragile ego.”

    Whoa!!! That’ll preach!

  11. Thank you for this post! I am a recovering mean girl, myself. This all began when I was hurt deeply at the hands of another mean girl. I struggled for months with the hurt and questioned why God would allow it. As with all struggles, He is faithful and I have greater understanding and am a better person for it. I have vowed to never be the girl that causes someone to question their worth. It is my desire to see people through the eyes of Jesus and in doing so I am unable to focus on their flaws or imperfections and I am able to see their great worth as a creation of the Almighty. I have learned the power of being an encourager…not only what it does for the other person, but the joy I receive from it as well. Admittedly, I have days that my imperfections can get the best of me, but by the grace of God I am a work in progress.

  12. Angela–
    So convicting, but in a good and necessary way. How can we hope to overcome a tendency to be mean-spirited (even if it’s only in our minds) if we can’t first be aware of it? And even though it may be painful at first to acknowledge it, there’s such HUGE and SWEET freedom in letting go of the need/compulsion to tear down people . . . people who are (as you so wisely remind us) *wonderfully* made.

    If I’m gonna take comfort in that truth for my own deeply flawed self, I’d sure better be willing to view *everyone else* through the very same grace-saturated lenses.

    Thanks for an especially thoughtful (and vulnerable) post.

  13. I’m sure I’ve been a mean girl before. Not because I wanted to be but often because sometimes my statements are misconstrued. So not being a mean girl means checking before action. Great post!

  14. Yikes. Unfortunately that’s true in my life. I agree with Shauna ^ that I see this ugliness in my kids and realize they’ve learned it from me.
    Thankfully, God loves me enough to correct me and remind me to let Him change me.
    Thanks for speaking the truth in love, sister.

  15. Thanks Angela! I apprieciate your honesty. This is something that has frustrated me for a long time. Women are so bound up by there appearance and what others think of them. It makes it difficult to have any real friendships. I have never been a small petite blonde. (my mother informed me of that in high school. She dashed my hopes that one day a cute little cheerleader would somehow pop out of this 5’11” frame)
    We are so critical of others that we assume that is the way others are looking at us. I remember going to a Women of Faith conference years ago. I was lonely for a friend. As so many women passed me in the hallway, my thoughts were “She looks like someone I could become great friends with” Or “I bet She and I would have alot in common” . Maybe they thought I was looking with critical eyes. but it was more like “Would you be my friend?”
    I have experienced the wrath of mean girls in my childhood who made fun of me being the token fat girl. But God can work all things out for good. He showed me how even my being over weight protected me in my years of following the crowd and has helped shaped the person I am today. Hope many women read your posts.
    P.S we miss you in S.C

  16. Thank you so much for your honesty, it’s good to know we’re not alone. Another reason I’ve seen is that when I have these mean thoughts, I let it/Satan become a condemnation of myself – rather than proof that God’s still working in me…which might even lead to more mean thoughts! No wonder Paul exhorts us to guard our minds!

  17. Actually, God has also given us the gift of discernment. If one has been given this ability to discern the truth behind the flesh, then righteousness is justified. This seems hard and unlike Christ, but Christ is God and God is righteous. Sometimes we need to be righteous within our relationships. God Bless.

  18. Wow! This was just great! By nature, I have a critical spirit; not just towards others, but also to myself. In fact, probably more to myself than anyone else.
    While reading this I was reminded of a quote from a past bible study (I think it was Jennifer Rothschild’s “Me, Myself and Lies”):
    *Constantly thinking little of oneself is STILL constantly thinking of oneself!* (not sure that is a direct quote, but I know it packed a punch for self-critical me).
    Thanks for this post!

  19. “I’ll silence my tongue and keep my smile honey sweet, but my mean girl’s mind will be churning…” I was guilty of this just moments ago as I judged a stranger only to have the Lord allow me to overhear something that let me know that she was indeed a sister dearly loved by God. I was so ashamed…and now I understand a little better why. Thanks for your openness today. I, for one, needed it!

  20. Such a great post! “My time … my life … would be much better spent offering encouragement to each person I encounter and keeping my heart and actions focused on glorifying God and not my fragile ego.” That statement is so true.

    I find that when I am overly critical of other women, it can cause me to be overly critical of myself as well. Instead of focusing on the positive, and encouraging others, I can focus on the negatives too often. This often leads me to be more vulnerable to believing lies from the enemy. And in turn, I become an even ‘meaner’ girl to myself and others. Thank you for sharing this. It’s a great reminder to focus on encouraging others instead of tearing them down.

    And you’re right. Even if we don’t say those mean things out loud, God still hears them.

  21. Knowing how other women think can make me terribly insecure at times. For me I tend to lash out (mentally) when someone has been unkind to me first, but man my thoughts get ugly fast. The fact of the matter is we all need to give ourselves and one another grace.

  22. This really struck a cord with me, because right now I AM that “cute, blonde, girl next door who looks much younger than her age”. I have been starting to doubt my own beauty and am very hard on myself because I am starting to feel like less of that “thin, young girl” and am terrified of it! I have never struggled with weight or the insecurities that many teens go through during puberty, but am now starting to feel it in my mid-20’s. I struggle to achieve perfection and always seem to fall short of the standards of this world. Thank you for sharing this.

  23. I think you have reminded us that if we do not like being the victim of mean girls that we should try very hard not to be a mean girl, not in thought or deed. God will bless us for not becoming a part of the mean girl society. That tendency seems to be rampant in the world today. It comes from expecting too much of ourselves and others.