About the Author

Bonnie Gray is the author of Whispers of Rest and Finding Spiritual Whitespace, wife, and mom to two boys. An inspirational speaker featured by Relevant Magazine and Christianity Today, she’s guided thousands to detox stress and experience God’s love through soul care, encouragement, and prayer. She loves refreshing your soul...

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  1. I have lived in hiding most of my life, encased in fear. Thirty years ago when Jesus found me, I found relief from fear when I ran to Him. Then, He allowed overwhelming trials that lasted 15 years. When relief didn’t come, and didn’t come, and didn’t, I retreated into my fear and hiding. Just in this last year I am starting to come to Him, break out of my fear, find relief, hope, joy. Thanks so much for sharing this, it really aids in my growth toward Him once again.

    Mary

  2. Oh Bonnie, I was also a little girl who held it all in. I wanted to be brave for my family. I went through open heart surgery at the age of seven and always tried to never shed a tear. I didn’t want to cause them pain.

    But sometimes life does change suddenly. Both you and I have become familiar with that. But praise God for the rainbows! I always look for them after the rain as I just know they will appear.

    I am so thankful for you and glad that you are beginning to open up your heart to us.

    Blessings and love,
    Debbie

    • Sweet Debbie — do you think maybe that part of us — the little girls in us may be finding friendship with each other, as Jesus brings us along on this journey of faith? 🙂 It is tender to trace the rainbow together… even if the beginning is oh so tentative, but real.

  3. Loved the rainbow references. It is magical to see a rainbow. Or is it a holy experience? Thank you for some good questions for me to examine my heart with.

  4. Your vulnerability is beautiful, Bonnie. Keep walking with Him through the dark and grey and whatever, wherever it takes you. He is with you through it. And the through is where He will refine you and make you new. That is Lent. “Out in the big wide world — as is.” Thank you for sharing your As Is.

  5. Listening to the downpour of rain here in the Florida Panhandle today I was intrigued by your title of tracing the rainbow. I did not expect the honesty of emotions I found in your post. Days like today, cool and wet, my physical body is the enemy. I am afflicted with several health issues in the past few years. Yet with these afflictions God has drawn me closer to him and has increased my joy tenfold. His blessings overwhelm me on days like today when movement requires focus on Him. Thank you for finding a phrase that fits these days. tracing the rainbow is just how it feels when you know the beauty of colors are there, but you cannot quite place yourself in them. I pray you find blessings from us, your readers, just as we find blessings from you.

    • Dear Amanda, may you feel the comfort I’ve received, as I listened to your story and thinking of you, as you trace the rainbow through the rain in Florida. Sending you thoughts of love in Him.

  6. I,too, held it all in as a child, having to be the adult in a home where I needed to be the child. So many of us , isn’t there. His promises are what I cling to. His strength is what I need. Making room for Him daily….trusting Him hourly.

    • This is so hard — more than many of us can express isn’t it? Renee, thank you for sharing and coming alongside to share the journey. There is comfort together & encouragement.

  7. Bonnie what is so apparent is the fact that God has blessed you with the gift of writing your thoughts in a most beautiful way! There is no doubt that you have touched many others with your words! You have Jesus in your heart and that is such a beautiful thing!
    Continue writing and using your God given talent. Blessings to you!

  8. I look forward to your posts. There is so much of what I’m experiencing in your words. I may be walking this thing out as an individual, but what a comfort to know someone else is doing the same. 🙂 Thank you.

  9. Thank you, Bonnie, for this wonderful post…as soon as I read the title, I started singing all the lyrics from one of my favorite old hymns, I thought others might be blessed by the lyrics too…

    O Love That Will Not Let Me Go
    I Rest My Weary Soul In Thee
    I Give Thee Back The Life I Owe
    That In Thine Ocean Depths Its Flow
    May Richer, Fuller Be
    O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

    O Light That Followest All My Way,
    I Yield My Flickering Torch To Thee;
    My Heart Restores Its Borrowed Ray,
    That In Thy Sunshine’s Blaze Its Day
    May Brighter, Fairer Be.
    O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

    O Joy That Seekest Me Through Pain
    I Cannot Close My Heart To Thee
    I Trace The Rainbow Through The Rain
    And Feel The Promise Is Not Vain
    That Morn’ Shall Tearless Be
    O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

    O Cross That Liftest Up My Head
    I Dare Not Ask To Fly From Thee
    I Lay In Dust Life’s Glory Dead
    And From The Ground There Blossoms Red
    Life That Shall Endless Be
    O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

    By George Matheson—1882

  10. Dearest Bonnie, I am continually amazed by your words and how they always encourage me. I wish I could come through the computer and sit with you and walk with you through all your own pain, as your words online have so often done for me. And your words encouraged me yet again. “When you don’t allow yourself permission for your heart to speak, you can never step out into the big wide world that God created for you — even as the waters rise and carry your soul through the desert or the storm.” I just yesterday wrote a letter to God asking me to give me strength to share from my heart with my husband instead of hiding it. To give me courage. These words pierced through the walls in my heart. Thank you dear friend.

  11. I remember those days curled up on the stairs, my back pressed against the rise of the step, without comfort. Unfortunately, I still find solace in food. But today I started a new way of eating. Today, I am writing a new story. For my sanity I have to leave my past behind and begin this new story. This is a hard thing to do…I’m hungry for both food and a new story.

  12. Oh Bonnie, your words touch places deep within my soul that long to trace the rainbow with you. I loved this line, “Because He is reaching out to touch us, even as we stare into the things that distract us from the life He wants us to freely live.” It spoke volumes to me. Volumes. Thank you for sharing this piece of yourself with us in your writing.

  13. oh, how i love that Jesus is there with us – in the rain, in the pain. Crying with us . . .and leading (if i allow Him to) us through the pain. but that walking through sure is hard. trusting is hard. sometimes instead of facing it i just want to hide and pretend – -but i know that doesn’t bring healing….. and oh, i really want to be whole.

    so, Jesus, forgive me when i am scared to take the steps forward. i will do it, one step, one breathe, at a time.

  14. Bonnie, I am still almost catching my breath, holding my hand over my heart after reading this passage. Unbelievable. As I read, it seemed that my eyes raced through gathering unbelievable parallels as in my existence. Well stated, my sister. You have a beautiful illustrative writing ability.

    Thank you for sharing.
    Vanessa

  15. Thank you for sharing your words today, Bonnie. They truly strummed the strings of my heart. I am very adept at retracting from confrontation and often-perceived failures in relationships and activities. I go out and try again today with a smile knowing I am not alone and have hope in the One who gives the rainbow with the rain.

  16. YOUR WORDS TODAY REALLY STRUCK A CHORD WITH ME ALTHOUGH IT IS NOT
    QUITE CLEAR WHY. SO MANY OF THE THINGS YOU SAID SEEMED SORT OF LIKE
    A MEMORY TO ME BUT I AM NOT SURE WHY.

  17. A beautiful picture of hope for the anxious. I’ve struggled with a really challenging season of burnout and anxiety. I have been amazed at how God speaks to me through his creation.

  18. Dear Bonnie, what I would give to be able to hug you and sit down with you. I feel like I say it almost every time but I really mean it, it touches me so much that you minister to us even in your pain. Thank you once again for a post that helped me look at things from a different angle. *smiling thru the tears* <3

  19. Thank-you for helping me feed me spiritually as I go through some challenging issues. Thank-you for being real and honest. It is so comforting to know that we are loved as we are, pain, struggles, issues, questions, fear, loneliness and all. Just as we are. That is a rainbow.

  20. “Jesus is coming alive more than ever in us, folding our heart into His.”
    Love this!
    I used to think I needed to get through something first before I would see and have the joy and ready to work on learning that lesson I need to learn. Not so. He is right there with me IN that storm I am going through – “folding our heart into His” and learning that lesson in ways we never could have imagined. Helping us come alive in Him as we realize and believe more of who He is and what that means for us personally.
    As always, thankful you are sharing. ((hugs))

  21. This hit home as I read it today like Jesus wrote it just for me! I want to run away from these difficult times, times that Father is pulling me out of my safe hiding place of control. Thank you for the reminder, that not only does Jesus want me to embrace all that life has to give, but that I am not in this alone. He is here and so are those of you.

  22. “But I’ve been wandering to find my direction–to reconcile what I know in my head with the uncertain realities I’m experiencing in my heart”. Perfect words for where I find myself today….thank you for your ministry to my swirling head and hurting heart.

  23. “I’m really alone, ignoring my heart — just like that little girl, who had to learn to keep holding onto herself because that was simply what she knew best to do.”
    Oh my, Bonnie….you put to words something that has struck me deeply…something I haven’t been able to verbalize. Thank you for your open heart. I must not stop with these words but grow from them…to a place where Jesus will take me…the rainbow, perhaps.

  24. Bonnie,

    You have a gift of words! Eloquently spoken! I would love to go into the world & show them Jesus–just leave my job and do local missionary work.

    For now, I’ll try to be Jesus to everyone everywhere!

  25. Dear Faith, thanks for sharing the deep places of your heart. It is one of those days when I want to hide away to a place of peace and rest. My heart today is anxious and afraid, so it is the only thing I can do at the moment. However, it’s a beautiful day and there’s a big part of me wants to go outside, breathe in the fresh air and share some good company with friends. I know that I will have to be content to rest, bacause that’s all I am able to do today. The words to ‘rest my weary soul in thee’ will help.
    With love Maria x

  26. Bonnie, I can’t tell you how deeply this spoke to me. It was beautiful, honest, and vulnerable sharing – and it meant a great deal to me. I was especially struck by this phrase:

    “… as I struggled to reign in my heart.”

    I think for me that is the biggest difficulty. Joy is hard to find when I am wrestling for the *throne*. It is only by accepting His Sovereignty, which is expressed through His perfect Love, that I can lay down my struggle and let joy and peace RAIN in my life.

    When I need to trace the rainbow in my life, I start in the rivulets of gracious blood shed for me.

    GOD BLESS!

  27. Love this! I know this was posted a while back, but man, I needed to read it right now…in this moment of rain. Just a more creative way of saying find the positive in the situation & remember Who God was, is, & will be. Thank you for sharing. I’ve got to remember God made me a rainbow for storms…I can be that rainbow for others too when they face storms. God provides rainbows to show His promise to us that He’s always there & is very much able to handle anything I face. 🙂