*Thank you to everyone who wrote on community and linked up! We so loved hearing your words. A winner was randomly selected and has been contacted!*
She told me to return the gift. It was too much. She wouldn’t take no for an answer.
I thought I was finally figuring out how to be a friend, to be part of a community. I thought I found someone I could trust, and I let her in to see the real me. Laughter, tears, joy, fear: all of it. I opened myself to this new friendship, so excited to see it blooming.
The night she told me to return the gift she also called me selfish. Said we should no longer be friends if I couldn’t see things her way. I was devastated. My heart began to harden toward community.
Sweet friends, I have been hurt by community. More than once I’ve walked down the painful road of rejection. The kind that makes you want to pull the fuzzy covers over your head and eat double-stuffed mint Oreos. For a long time. By the grace of God, He refused to let me stay there.
When I look back on those moments, somewhere in the middle of mourning the end of the relationships, I see God at work. I see Him drawing me closer to Himself, loving me through the pain, and bending my heart to prepare me for where I am now. Without those hurts, I wouldn’t have come across the incredible online community of (in)courage.
Women who go out of their way to spread the love of Christ through the written word and reach deep into the lives of women around the world. These friends? They took a chance on me. More than once. Now they have become an answer to long-ago prayers as they let me help encourage the (in)couragers and watch God do amazing work to build online community groups.
Check out the video intro to our (in)couragers over here. Tune in next week for the full story.
I realize now that, over time, God has turned the ashes of broken community into beauty. Like my blog – I first used my blog as an escape, an online journal to pour out my heart and my hurts where no one would see what I wrote, until God called me to make it public and use it for His glory. And now? That blog full of hurts is a place where God has built community and a God Sized Dream to use my words to encourage women, especially mamas.
And I would never have had the courage to do something like host (in)RL last year, at a time when I was craving real life community. But I knew women on Twitter who were excited about it and they gave me the boldness to go for it! God met me there, in my home with some of my closest real life friends and He started the seed of another God Sized Dream in my heart.
God uses our pain for His platform. My struggles with community have given me a heart for building community and encouraging women – because I’ve seen the other side. My desire to escape into online community has turned into wonderful, amazing in real life friendships that I could have never imagined. Online community has given me the courage to be in community in real life. So I stay in community even when the enemy tries to convince me I’m not good enough to be there, when he reminds me of my past and brings the scars to the surface. Bottom line? I know this is where God wants me right now. He has refined me, transformed my story of broken community into a story of hope, restoration and joy. He has made beauty of my ashes. Because life? It really is better together.
Click here to come over to our (in)RL page to register for FREE and find out how you can join in on the real life community fun on April 26th & 27th!
Join us today for an (in)courage link up – share a blog post telling us where you have seen God at work in your communities (online or in real life).
Each of you who link up with us (and help us spread the (in)courager’s trailer and a FREE (in)RL registration invitation) will be entered to win one of of the amazing new (in)courage ((together)) necklaces by Lisa Leonard!
1 necklace for every 100 blog posts linked up!
by Crystal Stine, (in)courager cheerleader
Leave a Comment
Michele-Lyn says
I love reading your word here, your story you are sharing so honest and true. There are so many lines I want to copy and quote for you, and say this, I love this. But it’s all there already. So I’ll say, you, I love you. I love your heart and your passion for God, for His people, for community.
You are a light that shines so bright in my life, even in the dark times.
We, as (in)couragers, are so blessed to you have you. I am so blessed. You’re beautiful, friend. He’s beautiful in you.
Crystal says
When I think about community and how God has redeemed my experience with it, He always brings you to mind. I am blessed to call you friend 🙂
Michele-Lyn says
I love reading your word here, your story you are sharing so honest and true. There are so many lines I want to copy and quote for you, and say this, I love this. But it’s all there already. So I’ll say, you, I love you. I love your heart and your passion for God, for His people, for community.
You are a light that shines so bright in my life, even in the dark times.
We, as (in)couragers, are so blessed to you have you. I am so blessed. You’re beautiful, friend. He’s beautiful in you.
Jacque Watkins says
Beautiful Crystal…may we continue to risk so we can know the joy that is only found in a community where we are loved. Thank you for your leadership and devotion. What a gift!
Crystal says
Oh if I had known that so many years ago. It does take risk, and a bucket of bravery, to stay in community, doesn’t it? I can’t do it without beautiful encouragers like you!
Brenda @TripleBraided says
This is a beautiful example of how God uses “two are better than one” in the online community. So blessed to be a part of it. Thank you!
Kimberly says
Love seeing you here, Crystal! You have been community for me in the (in)courage groups, and I so appreciate everything you do to make me feel a part of something bigger. Maybe someday we will meet in(RL)?!
Crystal says
I would love that so much, Kimberly! And sweet friend, you ARE part of something bigger – (in)couargers are, to me, the hands/feet/online voices of Jesus to your groups..it’s some special kingdom work!
Crystal says
So thankful to have met you through online community! My heart is full 🙂
Cathy B*****y says
Shared on Fb and on twitter!
Cathy B*****y pbprojecthope at yahoodotcom
@projecthope7
Cathy B*****y says
Shared on Fb and on twitter!
Cathy B*****y pbprojecthope at yahoodotcom
@projecthope7
Karlyn Hillman says
A friend and I began praying 2 weeks ago how to minister to our neighbors. She is in Texas and I’m in Arkansas. We shouldn’t have been surprised what God did, but almost immediately we were given opportunities to be involved in their lives. Even the smallest things you do to build relationships matter!
Crystal Stine says
I love that story! Yay God 🙂
Crystal Stine says
I love that story! Yay God 🙂
Jennifer says
Crystal, It is just amazing how God uses our struggles to bring hope to others. I love how you note how, in our places of vulnerability, we have the choice to be softened, by His love–equipped to pour His love onto others—or to stay “safe”, with a wounded heart, afraid to be stretched by Him and used. You are stunning in the way you pour Him out, sister. Oh, how you encourage us! You are just beautiful. Thank you.
Crystal Stine says
You read beauty into words I didn’t even know I wrote 🙂 Thank you.
Crystal Stine says
You read beauty into words I didn’t even know I wrote 🙂 Thank you.
Nasreen Fynewever says
Thanks for showing us that community can be present for even the scared and those hurt before. You are inspiring.
Crystal Stine says
Thank YOU for always cheering me on – you’re an important part of community to me!
Crystal Stine says
Thank YOU for always cheering me on – you’re an important part of community to me!
Amanda says
I’m so sorry you were hurt by community, Crystal. The hardest thing about community seems to be that need for reciprocation, which is sometimes so hard for hurting, broken people to do. I was jaded by Christian community during Bible college, and over the past several years God has done so much to restore my love for His Bride. Through church, friends, blogs, and the (in)couragers, He’s shown me the beauty and value of belonging together. Thank you so much for being vulnerable, for all you do to encourage the (in)couragers. It’s such a gift to serve by your side!
Crystal Stine says
I couldn’t be more blessed than to walk alongside you as God works through us to build community. I wouldn’t trade any of the past hurts, knowing what I know now 🙂
Crystal Stine says
I couldn’t be more blessed than to walk alongside you as God works through us to build community. I wouldn’t trade any of the past hurts, knowing what I know now 🙂
Nikki says
Well now I just want to hug you proper, Crystal! And bring over some Nutella and talk about how God uses our scars to create a smoothe masterpiece of glory and grace.
Thank you for being brave. For ignoring the lie belting in your ear…oh what God can do through you. And I’m honored to catch a glimpse of it here… {HUGS}
Crystal Stine says
Oh one day, my friend, we will have that hug/Nutella/chat and it will be glorious 🙂
Nikki says
Well now I just want to hug you proper, Crystal! And bring over some Nutella and talk about how God uses our scars to create a smoothe masterpiece of glory and grace.
Thank you for being brave. For ignoring the lie belting in your ear…oh what God can do through you. And I’m honored to catch a glimpse of it here… {HUGS}
Crystal Stine says
Oh one day, my friend, we will have that hug/Nutella/chat and it will be glorious 🙂
karyn says
To be honest it’s hard for me to join in with people I don’t actually see or know as I’m a people’s person. Like, right up close and personal. More, there, or, here and it’s all happening. Guess I was raised this way. The freedom of space and lots of people around. I think I could get lost in it. There are so many people around me and friends that I know personally that I can talk to and hang out with and those who have left, we Skype. It’s fun to live for right here. I like to connect with a real person. Type of thing. Wishing y’all were here or me there. So far away.
My dad told me when I was so little never to worry about never having anyone to talk to or to be friends or to know as ….. there are so many people and to take my time and … be a part of the real world and all its people around. Make friends. He told me. Make friends as you go along. There are lots to come by and lots to make ….
Just sharing.
Crystal Stine says
I love that! In real life community is so important, and what a blessing I bet you’ve been to so many who needed a friend – and you were brave enough to make the first move 🙂
karyn says
To be honest it’s hard for me to join in with people I don’t actually see or know as I’m a people’s person. Like, right up close and personal. More, there, or, here and it’s all happening. Guess I was raised this way. The freedom of space and lots of people around. I think I could get lost in it. There are so many people around me and friends that I know personally that I can talk to and hang out with and those who have left, we Skype. It’s fun to live for right here. I like to connect with a real person. Type of thing. Wishing y’all were here or me there. So far away.
My dad told me when I was so little never to worry about never having anyone to talk to or to be friends or to know as ….. there are so many people and to take my time and … be a part of the real world and all its people around. Make friends. He told me. Make friends as you go along. There are lots to come by and lots to make ….
Just sharing.
Crystal Stine says
I love that! In real life community is so important, and what a blessing I bet you’ve been to so many who needed a friend – and you were brave enough to make the first move 🙂
Move Over to Make Room | She Getz the Shot says
[…] this comes in my email this […]
Cindy says
Praise God for you! I really appreciate your statement: “I see Him drawing me closer to Himself, loving me through the pain, and bending my heart to prepare me for where I am now.” I also like “God uses our pain for His platform.” Such potential when we give our pain to God and allow Him to heal us and use our hurts for His glory. Thank you for all the thoughts you have shared with us.
Crystal Stine says
Thank you 🙂
Crystal Stine says
Thank you 🙂
~Karrilee~ says
Loved this, my friend! So honest and real… and isn’t it just like God to turn around and use all things together for good? Love the community He has built up – in real life – and that is just as real – here, online! Both are needed and oh so invaluable!
Crystal Stine says
He does…He really does make all things work together for His good, and His glory. Sometimes it just takes awhile to see the puzzle come together – which is, itself, a good reason to choose to stay in community!
Crystal Stine says
He does…He really does make all things work together for His good, and His glory. Sometimes it just takes awhile to see the puzzle come together – which is, itself, a good reason to choose to stay in community!
shari lynne @ faith filled food for moms says
Fun! Shared of FB and I so fun to see Stacey on your video! I met her at dotMOM last September through LifeWay! It was awesome and she is sooo sweet 🙂
Blessings!
https://www.facebook.com/shari.lynne.7/posts/370690149710807
Crystal Stine says
She’s pretty much one of my favorite people on earth 🙂
shari lynne @ faith filled food for moms says
Fun! Shared of FB and I so fun to see Stacey on your video! I met her at dotMOM last September through LifeWay! It was awesome and she is sooo sweet 🙂
Blessings!
https://www.facebook.com/shari.lynne.7/posts/370690149710807
Crystal Stine says
She’s pretty much one of my favorite people on earth 🙂
Kaitlyn says
Love seeing your name on the front page, girl. 🙂 Dreams coming true.
Crystal Stine says
Couldn’t do it without you – literally! Behind the scenes ninja 😉 #glitterglitterglitter
Crystal Stine says
Couldn’t do it without you – literally! Behind the scenes ninja 😉 #glitterglitterglitter
Missy says
Community can be helpful and hurtful and everything in between. I’m so glad you shared a glimpse into your pain with us, here. It helps us all to remember that God is always waiting to gently trade our mint oreos for something even better. 🙂
Crystal Stine says
And only God can create something better than mint oreos 😉
Crystal Stine says
And only God can create something better than mint oreos 😉
alli says
God sent me here. I have lost friends family and community over and over again. Nothing sticks like me. I am the runaway bride and runaway friend,daughter, everything i run away ppl make me mad i run. I want to learn how to fight and stick. So used to rejection but it teaches me to lean on God and Him alone. But sometimes community is very necessary.
Crystal says
Sweet Alli, praying that God would call you to the community He has planned for you, that He would be your strength and give you the courage to stay. I SO hope you join us for (in)RL in two weeks, I think you will love it, and I’m so glad He brought you to (in)courage – sending you big hugs.
Mel says
I love the community that God is building for me here…and thankful you are a part of it! And WOOHOO for the front page…happy for you, friend. 🙂
Crystal says
Thanks Mel 😀
Amy Tilson says
My, my, my Crystal Stine!! Love, love these words borne out of such deep hurt. Your eyes are seeing the hands at work behind the scenes and giving glory for it all. Here is where we can hold each other up and share these stories. We ARE gonna make our CB date happen soon! <3
Crystal says
Yes! Bring on the biscuits 😉
JoAn says
Community can help.
Beth Williams says
It is always amazing to see God at work. Thank you for your open, honesty about community.
Right now I feel a bit, well=hurt, by my current boss. I feel she doesn’t like me and wants me out of the office. Truly hard to go to work daily. The good thing is that God has placed a number of Godly people in the office and they all encourage me daily–whether they know it or not.
Thanks for sharing!
Crystal says
Oh Beth…goodness friend, I wish I could have coffee with you and promise that I’ve been there. I’m there, even now. But thank God for people who encourage, and who remind me that my success and satisfaction in life come from God and nothing else!
Beth Williams says
It is always amazing to see God at work. Thank you for your open, honesty about community.
Right now I feel a bit, well=hurt, by my current boss. I feel she doesn’t like me and wants me out of the office. Truly hard to go to work daily. The good thing is that God has placed a number of Godly people in the office and they all encourage me daily–whether they know it or not.
Thanks for sharing!
Kristin Taylor says
I have been hurt too. Sometimes I catch myself being timid or jealous or worried about a friendship because of a broken relationship with a childhood best friend who chose to take a path in life that didn’t include me. I’m always thankful God reassures me that not everyone and every relationship will end like that did, but it’s bad there in my heart. I’m encouraged by your words and how you’ve used the brokenness to help others.
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