The movie was almost over when my sweet little girl fell asleep in my arms.
I looked at my other children and gave them the “shhh…” lips as I attempted to gently lift myself and carry my girl to her bed. As I tugged gently on the blankets and pillows surrounding me, her eyes opened. I picked her up and carried her up the steps heading toward her room.
“No mama, I’m not tired, I don’t want to go to bed.”
“Yes, honey, it’s bedtime. I’m going to carry you to bed and lie down with you.”
The wriggling began.
The screaming, the crying, the desperation in her body for me to let her go…she started acted crazy.
But I know this, and I’ve seen it before, and I know she is just so tired. She is not being bad, or disobedient; her body is acting out. Her little self is a mess as she is between sleep and awake, and her brain is fumbling to figure out which it wants to be in.
I put her in her bed and sit next to her. She yells at me, tells me go, tells me she wants to get up. She is sweating, and kicking.
I close her blinds, turn on her fan, and close the door with me inside her room.
I lay my head down close to hers, and I just say, “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. It’s okay.”
More kicking, arms flailing, more shouts.
“It’s okay, honey.” I rub her head.
And just when I think she will never settle down, I decide to start singing.
“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound…”
Five seconds doesn’t go by and her mouth closes with her eyes. She leans into me, tucks her head in between the pillow and my cheek, and wraps her arm around me.
I keep singing.
Her breathing slows, and she is going deep.
I wait a few minutes, rubbing her head, nuzzling into her hair, and then I say quietly, “I’m going to go tuck in your brother and sister.” She nods, and sinks into a final sleep.
I get up, go out, and thank God for the delight that is my little girl. That precious one who just needs her mama when she feels out of control.
That girl, she’s a lot like me.
There are days I feel out of control, anxious, frozen by the day ahead of me. I start to panic. Can I make it through my day?
And then, as soft as a breeze on my face, I feel it. I feel the Spirit inside me calming my anxious heart, reminding me that I am not alone, that He is with me, keeping me tucked in close as He sings over me.
I can make it, I’m okay. And my little girl, she’s okay, too. We’re going to make it.
No matter how out-of-control we feel, or how desperate, or how overwhelming life feels sometimes, we have a Father who is close, and kind, and gentle, and who will never leave us.
In fact, He delights over us.
Today, in the midst of whatever anxiety surrounds you, meditate on these words…
The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.
Zephaniah 3:17, ESV
And if you time, take a few minutes and let your soul worship: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMYReIv1ax4Leave a Comment