About the Author

Lysa TerKeurst is a New York Times bestselling author and speaker who helps everyday women live an adventure of faith through following Jesus Christ. As president of Proverbs 31 Ministries, Lysa has lead thousands over the past 15 years to help make their walk with God an invigorating journey. Not...

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  1. totally the ‘being the right partner instead of having the right partner’ part! ouch! 😉 thanks for this! i’d love to have more posts on here about marriage…i know we aren’t all married, but maybe others could graciously skim over them on my behalf?

    • Being the right partner is not enabling. It is healthy to speak up, and not be passive and hide behind God.

      • Just what I needed to hear– God got through to me in your own story. I made the connection to my own story. I saw my own focus was on the “fix him” and leaving out the “love him” factor which is the very way to The Way. And I spoke fixated prayers for God to fix my husband while speaking my “fix him” words to my dear husband. As I read your blog I yielded my pride to the Father above. I love God’s timing. Within an hour my dearest and I were in our marriage counseling appointment. God made real strides in us both. I can look into my beloved’s eyes and he in mine. Thank you for another God gift through your heart to your pen–and for posting it.

  2. “When I shifted my focus on letting God change me, that’s when I started to see real progress.”

    I know the post was in the context of marriage, but this truth absolutely applies to me in where I am in my job today! It’s easy to get frustrated with clients and forget that they are people too, with their own challenges and struggles just like me. Perhaps instead of griping at God about them, I should be asking how He can use me to show grace. Thank you for the fresh perspective this morning!

  3. Lysa,
    All these lessons focus on us letting go of something…our own selfishness. It is always a challenge to deny ourselves and focus on someone other than ourselves (like God or our spouse). What great marriages we would have if every day we tried to out love one another?
    Thanks for a great post on marriage!
    Blessings,
    Bev

  4. I recently learned that my husband’s father has been brain damaged my husband’s entire life as a result of an accident he suffered before my husband’s birth. This explains why my husband is so emotionally distant from me, why he can’t be supportive or encouraging why is is so selfish and can’t think past his immediate needs, why he can’t communicate, why he can’t laugh, – all this is him emulating what he saw as a child of a brain damaged parent. I am heartbroken form him as he has yet to be able to admit it or see how damaged his childhood has left him. I am however thankful that God has gifted me with this information as now I know that his coldness is not my fault. I can also help my babies understand why Daddy is the way he is. I know with the right professional and spiritual help my man can come out of this fog he has been in since birth having only known brain damaged parenting – we are gonna come out on top I just know it!

    • Hi Kate,

      Your situation resonates with me, thank you for sharing (I hate that word, it sounds so ‘group therapyish – but I don’t know a better one). My husband’s father wasn’t brain damaged, but was a ‘typical’ 50’s 60’s father who went to work, put food on the table, sat at the dinner table, etc., and was a wonderful man. But, when he was terminally ill several years ago, I was able to observe the family dynamics – and it spoke volumes about my husband’s behavior that I thought was reflective of my own (perceived) short comings. My husband wasn’t/isn’t holding back, he just never knew different behavior. Sadly, our kids (now adults), especially our son, harbored the same detrimental feelings I did – dad must not love him enough to spontaneously take him fishing, to a game, etc. No matter how hard I tried, our son bore this heavy painful burden. Only recently, as our son is a father himself, can he begin to understand it’s his dad – not him. And, to his credit, my husband is softening…but now we are also very candid around him (we have an adult daughter, also) about what we expect and try to show him a more relaxed and loving way of life. It’s a long journey, and I wish I had my bible study sisters then like I do now. It’s been hard for me to learn, also, to lean only on Him. Hugs.

  5. Wow. I sure did need this today. Sometimes (most of the time) I’m like a little kid when it comes to my sin in my marriage. I see his. I see mine. I just prefer to ignore my issues and dwell on his. The harder thing…letting Jesus fix me…would surely be the easier road in the long run. Jesus-grab my stubborn heart.

  6. I had a similar “God-moment” many years ago and it made a HUGE difference in my heart first which led to a change in our marriage! The prayer I pray most often for my husband is “Lord, please make him a man after your own heart!” and that is it!

  7. If I’ve learned anything over the last 22 years of marriage it is to allow God to work on ,and change, my own heart before I can even begin to pray for Him to change my husbands. To learn to love well is the key. Great perspective today!

  8. Lovely thoughts!
    Marriage is like a work of art slowly forming into a beautiful canvas of color.
    Sometimes we have to paint over the messes we make.
    Sometimes we realize that this marriage is going to be something beautiful eventually with God’s help.
    I love the idea of praying scripture for a spouse. Very practical advice that helps us learn the Word and say and breathe it too.
    Thanks for offering your words to us!
    Sara Ward

  9. Husband/wife, sister/brother, mom/daughter, friend/friend—the relationship may be different, but the ideas and questions are still valid. It’s the ol’ splinter and beam concept. Lord, show me how to be!

  10. All of these are great – but praying to be the right partner instead of having the right partner speaks today. Thank you Lysa!

  11. Such wise but difficult words to put into action. I guess we need to get over ourselves(but not lose ourselves) to see the beauty that has been around us all along.

    Thanks always for such inspiring words Lysa!

  12. Yes. This is the dilemma and where God has me a year after my husband’s affair and all that lead up to it.

    Your words are so much more than lovely thoughts and encouraging ideas. This is the hard core stuff of our lives. The dirt under our fingernails and the worn out knees in our jeans.

    God is faithful.

    Thank you.

  13. I LOVED and NEEDED to hear all of these points!! I really like the irritation vs. issue and praying for rather than praying about my husband.
    Bless you for your words.

  14. YES!! these words i needed to hear today..we have a wonderful opportunity to not have our kids during spring break and all i/we have been doing is arguing..and i do take blame because we are in a debt cycle that i never EVER thought we would be back in….3 yrs later here we are..and instead of enjoying our time I’m whining and angry that hubby isnt doing what “I” ask/want in regards to bills and such…sigh..I need to work on this…

  15. Thank you Lysa for this amazing post. I so needed this reminder, as I have been living out this same habit. I have been desperately praying that my husband change, and love me more… but after a very real self examination, I realize I am not loving him through compassion. … or God. I’m loving him as a “fix him” project. I am so grieved this morning as I painfully accept my faults, but since reading this post, I have begun to pray “God, help me to be less of me, and full of you”… I believe God is refining me, and through this perfectly timed post, I am hearing his guidance for my prayers. God bless and thank you for sharing so transparently.

  16. I’m not married yet, but come this December, I will be (yay!). I look forward to marriage and I really want to be the kind of woman and the kind of wife God desires me to be. Thanks for this advice as I prepare to start this new stage!

  17. I’ve been there more times than I’d like to admit! I usually need to work on fixing my focus – God very graciously redirects my attention to what needs working on in my own heart. I still vividly remember the first time that happened, and am reminded of it whenever I am tempted to go there again.

  18. Such a practical and timely article – timely because not only do I need to be reminded of these things when my focus is off but also when I speak to friends and family needing guidance in this area too (which is often)! Thank you for your openness in what the Lord has taught you!! He will use it to help many others as well!

  19. Lysa,

    Such great advice. We need to pray for our husbands. I have had an issue with my husband for a while now. We’ve had arguments about it. I started to pray about the situation and asking God to help him. I also stopped fussing so much about the situation and just prayed over him.

    During this time we heard many many good sermons on that relate to the subject. I’ve also had open honest discussions about the subject and my feelings. We’ve also done nightly devotions. At times I make him read them. He realized what he was doing and has promised to change. Was this me–NO! I believe it was God doing a work in him.

    So ladies-don’t pray to change your husband-pray for and about your husband. Live such a good Godly life that he wants to change and be more like you!

    Blessings! 🙂

  20. Thank you so much for posting this! I am a 6 month newlywed and this blog post helped to solidify in me that we (me and my husband) are definitely moving in the right direction! Also, there were some true insights about how I need to change me, and love him. I think when both the husband and wife do this they will be consistently moving toward one another and toward God.

    Thanks again!

  21. Hi Lisa,

    I love reading your blog and I have read made to crave and unglued. I have learned so much. I love how honest you are and really state how you feel. When I saw the title Advice to Wives: Stop Praying in my email my first thought was WHAT! this can’t be Lisa what is this Stop Praying? Has she lost it? (I didn’t mean that in a mean way).
    I really really needed this article today! It is crazy how something in your blog will come along right when I need it. While reading it I kept thinking she makes this sound so easy, why should I let go, shouldn’t my husband see his own faults. I never really thought about the fact that I was trying to fix him. Then at the end I read “these words are much easier to type but much harder to live.” That’s one of things I love about you. You are not telling us what to do, you are sharing your struggles with us (not sure I could do that). A huge thank you to you for making me feel I can survive anything. Amy

  22. Thank you for your heart today, Lysa. I readily admit that lack of control frightens me. I am a planner by nature – this turned into co-dependency in my marriage. The control-freak in me reared it’s ugly head during my husband’s active addiction season; and, it continued when he was getting clean and sober. When living in a relationship in which one spouse is suffering from an addiction, it gets pushed in your face how much lack of control we really have in our lives-especially over others. After many years, and wise people to help me along the way, I have come to a place where I don’t feel the need to “control” my husband, per se. I let his actions speak for themselves and trust that he’ll make the right choices for him and our family. That’s not to say that I dont get miffed if he doesn’t agree with me sometimes or feel that he’s not truly listening to me- but I now have tools to use to get me through those rough patches- guidance to God
    for guidance in the situation, practice self-care ( exercise, read my Bible, a book or blog for inspiration and community, and/or
    journal my feelings), and, try to see it from his perspective ( easier said than done! ).

    I love how you encourage us to stop praying to “fix him” because we can only work on ourselves.

    Kristin

  23. Which part applies to me? All of it! I think no matter where someone is in their marriage journey, what you’ve shared here is applicable to every wife. Thank you for your honesty. I definitely feel encouraged with some simple tools to check my heart. I so want to be a “love him” wife and I’m trusting with you that as I seek to be the right partner for him, God will take care of the rest for me. Thank you, Lisa.

  24. No matter what the circumstance….hubby, kids, job, fellow employees, sisters ;-), friends, etc….I truly believe our “focus” and “reaction” to others actions are monumental! We can ignite more flares or let the ashes burn and it will put itself out.

    And I too know how hard it can be sometimes to not ignite more flames but we keep trying and thank God for that.

  25. Lysa,
    This was amazing and very on time. I loved the point about irritation vs. Issue. Amazing!

  26. Good food for thought as my husband and I had a huge fight after church on Sunday! Really? Will remember these words when I try to decide if it is ‘my’ irritation or ‘his’ issue!! Or both!! Thank you!

  27. When I stopped trying to fix him and started working on myself, that’s when I saw the biggest changes in my marriage. It turned around a lot. My heart and attitude softened and every little thing stopped becoming such a big issue.

    Boy is marriage tough!! But worth fighting for!! Great words of advice, Lysa!!

  28. We are definitely have an issue and I am praying God’s word over the matter (I could be a bit more faith-filled about it)… But, my focus, that is an issue all by itself!
    “My focus shouldn’t be on having the right partner. My focus should be on being the right partner.” I will incorporate this into my prayers

  29. This is so hard to live. I also find that when I pray my list of items that need to be fixed in my husband, the Lord shows me how these are the very things I am guilty of as well. I just tend to think his look bigger than mine 🙂 I’m real spiritual too, ha! The Lord is patient with me as time and time again he shows me that when I allow myself to be fixed first, change in my other relationships tends to follow. Thanks for the post.

  30. This is great advice for everyone about every relationship – not just wives for their husbands but mothers in praying for children, friends praying for each other. As a single, I found so much wisdom for ALL of my relationships! Thank you for the post. 🙂

  31. Another blog I read today mentioned a book by Sharon James, “Praying for your Husband from Head to Toe”. The blogger stated that this book literally transformed the way she prays for her husband.

  32. I am in a season where my husband really needs my prayers… but still I am learning how to pray the right way for him. My husband is in law enforcement and some days (sometimes every day) he confronts such depravity, and people spew at him and he struggles to see God’s compassion. I do believe in some ways he is on the “front lines” and most prone to spiritual casualty. I am learning to make my prayers less about the ways he irritates me or I think he is falling short or the way the job is changing him and more about spiritual warfare on his behalf. I am praying a covering over him and the very real and active presence of God to be with him. I am learning how to lift him up. Because that what prayer is supposed to do: lift up. 🙂
    Thank you for this Lysa!

  33. {Melinda} God opened my eyes to this a number of years back. And He has to keep opening them! It’s so easy to fall back into negativity and “changing him” mentality if I’m not conscious of it. The amazing thing is that as He’s changed me and my way of thinking and acting, it has changed him in positive ways. And our marriage has definitely benefitted.

  34. This a million times YES!!!!!! I have lived this — am living this — and so. totally. agree. I have to add that I appreciated the line after “I had to stop praying” when you said, “At least, I needed to stop praying the way I had been.” Or I could even add, I needed to stop praying and start listening. So thankful He speaks to my heart and shows me where *I* am wrong and need to grow!!

  35. I heartily agree! I pray scripture for my husband often. That’s my favorite point. When you pray scripture, you are praying for God’s will. It’s a hedge of protection over all that I do when I pray for God’s will rather than my own. I also agree that this is a tough lesson to live, learn, and practice. Thanks for sharing.

  36. Lysa:

    These words are exactly what I needed today. My husband and I had a fight last week from which I am still reeling. After reading your post, I will be sure to keep in mind the three lessons you shared. Thank you!

    PS: My copy of “Unglued” arrived today and I could not be more excited to start reading it.

  37. Definitely the part :
    God wasn’t looking for me to be a “fix him” wife.
    God was looking for me to be a “love him” wife.

    Thank you for this! I am struggling right now and this came at a perfect time.
    God is amazing with his timing.
    xo
    Theresa

  38. I have struggled with fixing my husband for some 42 years. I took a mentoring course at church on Proverbs 31 and learned what submission to God was really about. As wives when we submit to Gods ways we emulate Gods love and forgiveness towards our spouse. Not an easy thing for a control freak.

  39. I liked the statement that God didn’t want you to be a fix him wife but a love him wife. That’s true in all relationships. We say change but we should really love.

  40. This was meant for me to read today, my focus has been on trying to fix him for the past 20 years ..

  41. AMAZING post that touched my heart. I am so BLESSED to have a husband that ALWAYS puts me first and loves me with a Christ like love. Unfortunately I do not reciprocate and I am ashamed! I so needed to read this and need to dig into Gods word and pray that He can help me be the best wife/partner I can be for this amazing man God has blessed me with!!!!! Thank you!!!!

  42. I’ve been married 20 years; the happiest days of my life with my husband are when I love him for who he is. I decided early on in my marriage that I needed to slowly change me first; he followed only after I made adjustment to my attitude. Thanks for sharing and showing how real this issue is. And that we can grow spiritually from making ourselves accountable to us first.

  43. Wow. Thank you. Don’t usually stop to read these to much but this couldn’t have been any more timely than it is right now. Thanks for the nudge!

  44. God has taught me these lessons some years back, in my marriage and in the workplace. These lessons apply to all of our relationships. We should always pray for others, including those who have hurt us, for God to bless them. It can be hard, at first, but believe me, even if you have to do it (at first) as a matter of sheer will, God will honor your humble prayer, and heal your heart. i have seem many relationships change, including my marriage, just by changing my attitude, refusing to take offense, and looking to the good of the other person despite the fact that they hurt me. Even if we feel what was done to us was unprovoked and undeserved, God calls us to love and forgiveness. Freely we receive these things from him, freely we must also give them (see Matthew 6:14-15, Mark 11:25-26, Ephesians 4.32, Colossians 3:13).
    27“But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29“Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. 30“Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. 31“Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. 32“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33“If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34“If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. 35“But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. 36“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. 37“Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned. 38“Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.” Luke 6:27-38 NASB (See also Proverbs 19.11 & 25.21, Matthew 5:43-48, Romans 12:14-21, 1 Peter 3:8-17.)

  45. Thank you Lysa for sharing! This post will help move this newly wed daughter of the King closer to the Happy Wives Club! 🙂 For right now we are in the mist of building & bonding our foundation offline. But this too has been a struggle. And, that is okay because we resists and know Marriage In Real Life is Life. I long for the good ole days when it was enough to simply placed an announcement in the newspaper.

  46. I read this yesterday morning and by yesterday evening, it certainly applied! Yesterday, was our 9th anniversary.
    The one that applies to me is the Is it an irritation or an issue?

    Also, I should probably start praying for my husband more. I don’t pray for him enough actually. If I would pray for him and my reactions, that would be a good step.
    I’m also pregnant with our 4th baby so right now, the emotions are running high! 🙂

  47. These words apply to more than just wives. They apply to all relationships you have. I need to remember them when dealing with family members!

  48. Thanks SO much for this Lysa!!! I am not married, but I can totally see how I can apply these same guidelines to my relationship with my sons. I really needed to read this today!!!

  49. Thank you for this article. It is beautifully written and pertainant in life. I am not yet married but can apply these principles to every relationship I have. Wonderful advice!

  50. I cannot begin to express my thankfulness for the freedom I received in my heart when reading this. When I put my focus on Him instead of myself, it becomes a gift and a pleasurable thing to love my sweet man despite the circumstance. Papa is teaching our generation of women “selflessness” and how needed we are to help and grow His mighty, godly men. We carry the beauty and grace of Christ.

  51. This year I started praying Scripture for my husband. I’ve asked him about work, his spiritual walk, family concerns, etc. to find out where he needed and wanted to be undergirded in prayer. Besides the benefit in the spiritual realm, knowing that I’m praying for him makes my husband feel loved and valued, and I feel more connected to him.

  52. I give up, I’m tired of the emotional roller coaster. I’m tired of me always being the one to give in and do the right thing and every single time he twist it around on me and I’m still the bad one. I don’t know the plans God has for me but does he really want me in this marriage where I am no longer a wife, lover, but a maid/child care worker!? I’m withering away, a flower not getting any sun or water slowly dying in the darkness…..

    • Please don’t give up Laura – hang in there with whatever skin of your teeth you have left. I’ve been where you are, cry out to your Father in heaven and give him no rest until you come out the other side. If your children are small, it won’t be like this forever and very quickly you will feel like your life is returning. But also get help – it may feel like no-one will understand, but I truely believe you will be pleasantly surprised. God be with you and fill you with his life, that is totally satisfying.

    • Laura,
      I am right there with you. You took the words right out of my mouth. I would love to trade my husband in for the previous model, the one he was when we dated. I liked that one much better. Prayers, time with God, words to my husband, nothing has made much difference. I am tired of the roller coaster and am ready to get off of it. We all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. I hope it gets better in your case. Make sure you treat yourself with dignity and respect. Love yourself and take care of yourself. You matter!

  53. Lysa, I so needed this today. Could you share with us some verses we can use to “Praying for him means digging into God’s Word and praying Scriptures specific to his struggles. That’s powerful! When we pray the WORD of God, we pray the WILL of God.”

    My husband and I have tought marriage classes to young married and engaged couples and it is CRAZY how I can forget what I should do and focus on the negative in the situation or discussion. Thanks for posting this.

  54. Thank you all for your comments. This is something I am really struggling with I know you can’t change anyone. I know I have been guilty of this. I am a fix it wife. My husband left me 3 weeks ago and is a addict. He is again acting out in his addiction. He does not want help at this point. It is very hard to know what to do. I want to show him kindness and the love of Christ, I just don’t know what that means right now. I am haveing trouble finding the love and kindness and grace of Christ and enabling by not saying anything at all to him. I find myself angry and not feeling very kind at this moment and not wanting to do something not just for him but for myself.

    • Colette,
      It is totally different when they are an addict. I was married to an alcoholic and he would regularly leave me on his binges. Showing love to an addict is not enabling them to continue to use by setting boundaries. He needs help but you can’t make him get the help. Seek out a good Christian counselor for yourself who specializes in addictions. They would have the most sound advice for you. In this situation, take care of yourself and don’t worry about him. You are the caregiver for your children and they need you to be their rock. Addicts are like children so trying to find a responsible adult in an addict can be futile. 🙁 They don’t have it to give even themselves. Remember, addiction is their way of running away from their issues, something in their past, etc. Take care of yourself!

  55. Phew! Finally feel like I’m not alone! God has challenged me to be proud of what my husband has achieved and does achieve in his work. To see that he, like me, first and foremost belongs to God. Working on not being resentful of what his work demands of him, will help me be able to love him.

  56. Thank you Lysa… The one that spoke to me the most was that I can’t control how my husband acts or reacts but with Gods help I can learn to be the wife I want to be and the one he needs. I remember one day when I was so angry and upset with my husband. I don’t even remember what it was about now but at the time I was walking around the living room going over and over in my mind thinking about what he had done to upset me , when I heard God gently say, “you can be angry or you can be happy !” Right after that I also heard him say “love your husband”. I don’t always do my best at ” being” the wife he needs… Thank you for the reminder… Sometimes I ask myself ” How important is it”. That helps me to have some perspective. (:

  57. I had a similar moment, although not in prayer. I was complaining about my husband one time in an online chat room. Out of the blue, a complete stranger told me “you have to give love in order to get love.” I’ll never forget that. Maybe that person was an angel telling me that I need to be more loving and therefore my husband would be more loving. I have to remind myself of that very saying over and over sometimes. I need to change my attitude toward things and then things with turn around.
    It’s too bad that doesn’t work at my job. 🙁

  58. Thank u very much for posting this. Im amazed at God’s goodness, this morning he showed me a scripture relating to my marriage and yesterday while at church aa I was praying about a specific thing and asking God to whisper to me. I heard worry about yourself and I’ll work on him. 🙂
    And now I come across this article.
    God is so good. Faithful indeed. I just want to jump up and scream for Joy.
    Thank u daddy.
    I pray this would also encourage any one else who is feeling like. Why? Aren’t things changing, or when? Will they ever change. It will. And it starts with us. God bless

  59. Thank u very much for posting this. Im amazed at God’s goodness, this morning he showed me a scripture relating to my marriage and yesterday while at church aa I was praying about a specific thing and asking God to whisper to me. I heard worry about yourself and I’ll work on him. 🙂
    And now I come across this article.
    God is so good. Faithful indeed. I just want to jump up and scream for Joy.
    Thank u daddy.
    I pray this would also encourage any one else who is feeling like. Why? Aren’t things changing, or when? Will they ever change. It will. And it starts with us. God bless

  60. Wow, god works in mysterious ways .I am not ;married yet, but I am taking my relationship very seriously to prepare for marriage. I always kept thinking to myself if I had found the right person because there were flaws that I did not like, but I love him so much. It was great to hear that we should pray to be the right partner and not to try to find the right partner. If we pray for our partner, God will help to form him in a way that is best suited for us!
    Thank u so much!!!!!

  61. Exactly what I needed. Thanking God for using you to help me… My toes are brushed and almost broken ouch but thanking God for it..

  62. Wow, so powerful! I loved reading this. I’m so excited to start praying for my husband instead of praying about him! & I’m excited to show him the love & respect he deserves:)

  63. This blog was very relevant to my relationship with my boyfriend. I’ve developed a selfishness within our relationship because I set my expectations so high and expect so much from him, I get disappointed when he doesn’t live up to what I think he should. It’s been a slow process but I’m learning to appreciate him for what he does, and choosing my battles rather then getting mad or angry over little petty things. “is this an irritation or an issue” is the question I need to start asking when I find myself getting upset over a minor dissatisfaction.
    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your prayer.
    I now have a better idea of how to handle my selfishness.

    • Typo: I now have a better idea of how to GET RID OF my selfishness, in our relationship 🙂

  64. I just love how God works. How He directed me here to this page. Last night I was praying for my husband during prayer service. I know He answered me through this post. Simply put; stop praying to God to fix my husband and start working on changing me and to simply love. God is good all the time and faithful. He answers all prayers.

  65. I am going out on a thin limb here and breaking ranks it seems. 🙂 I am the husband. My wife however read this and was moved to share it with me. I am a 27 year retired vet as of this last summer. I am going through addiction recovery from medications i was on for years for my injuries, I deal with horrid PTSD, and am less than an ideal husband when confronted. We had a huge fight last night. I said more hurtful things than i can count. I was defensive, angry, bitter… I have been asking not for God to carry my burdens, but to help me find a way to process them and for the strength to be a better and stronger man. My wife is an incredible woman and soldier herself. I see these words you wrote and see they apply to both parties of the marriage/relationship. I just fear I am so far gone sometimes that I cant find the way… Thank you though, for writing these words of faith.

    • Dear G7C,

      Thank you for sharing. You are never too far gone with our God. He loves you and wants to minister healing and restoration to you in your mind, body, and spirit.
      God CANNOT lie and he has promised in Philippians 1:6 that he will finish the work He has begun in you, so be encouraged!
      Rest in the finished work of the cross and receive what Jesus has provided for you!
      I highly recommend that you listen to some messages by Joseph Prince, a pastor from Singapore. His preaching has changed our family’s hearts and lives and provided much needed healing and power to live in the light of God’s amazing love and grace.
      Lifting you and your wife up in prayer today…..
      Lisa

  66. Thank you for the wonderful words. I have sat here thinking about how I can apply them to my marriage. I was told a long time ago, almost 15 years that I can’t change my husband only myself. I had thought I was trying to live by that and just always accept whatever he threw at me. 7 months ago he left me for someone else. I want to be bitter and yell at him I want to pray that God helps him see what he’s done and to make it right. But all I can think about is what I did wrong. How am I suppose to pray for him and for our family. He says he doesn’t believe in God but has gone to church off and on for the past 15 years, was even baptized and joined our church. I want to do what God wants me to do but I still haven’t been able to figure that out.

  67. I am really glad you posted this extremely helpful information. I realized I was putting my focus and attention in the wrong place. I needed to accept and love others for who they are instead of feeling like it is my duty to teach them and direct their path.

  68. Omg I am so glad I am not alone this is so good and I thank God for you woman of God for posting this I needed this so much praise the Lord.

  69. Love this! And amen! So blessed to see a wife sharing that her walk is just that- her walk. Yes, prayer changes things, but as wives, we should be more focused on us changing, rather than seeking to change our husbands. I’ll gladly let the Lord deal with my man. 🙂

  70. A very familiar story because it mirrors my own life,marriage and feelings after 37 years of marriage. I am just loving him. I have tried all that I know to figure out when we lost each other. I have a million answers and no answers. I am frustrated and weary. Thank you for your words of encouragement today. It is no accident that I stumbled onto your site. It was meant to be that I hear words of encouragement on this day. Blessings to you always for being willing to share your heart with so many. I feel less alone knowing there is a place that I can go and feel less alone on my journey.

  71. It’s grand. It’s tight but right. But when you’ve told your husband countless times how parched you are and how much you need him and he WILLFULLY keeps himself from you; it’s emotional abuse and you have to let go. You have to remove yourself in Christ. I’m struggling to do so but in Jesus name I will pray for my husband and for myself. I am hurting with a deep down hurt. Bruised in my heart and soul but He binds up my wounds everytime do they won’t overtake me. Today I can say that after three years of neglect my heart is getting stronger with Jesus. I no longer cry. Years of tears have finally failed. My Heart is turned once again to God alone. He will restore. What was taken from me will be released for
    He has redeemed…bought it back. I will have an Ephesians 5 husband as I continue to strive to be an Ephesians 5 wife.