About the Author

Ann Swindell is passionate about equipping other women to share their stories beautifully and powerfully through Writing with Grace, where she teaches Christ-centered writing courses. She is the author of Still Waiting: Hope for When God Doesn’t Give You What You Want.

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  1. This really got me thinking. I have always been the pursuer in my relationships with women. It made me think if I have ever been pursued. I can think of two different women who pursued me and they ended up being toxic. I have a few close friends who always remind me that they enjoy the fact that I “plan” things and invite them into my home. I’ve often wondered “why is it always me?” But when I do, my home is always full. So that tells me that I’m doing something God wants me to do. Thank you for your words. They have been an encouragement to me today.

  2. I am always the pursuer and I can’t help to think that I would like to be pursued also. Just doesn’t happen much and sometimes that is an ache. And then I read Louanne’s comment… her house is always full when she pursues. I agree she (we) must be doing what God wants us to do. And we know that God always pursues us!! We just have to pay attention to it.

    • It can be difficult to always feel like the pursuer, but as you said, God always pursues us! out of that place, we have the grace to pursue others. Thanks for sharing your heart, Hope!

  3. I agree with all three ladies comments. I so often feel alone in the act of pursuing. Satan often puts doubts in my mind that I am being a pest to people who are already busy. This has encouraged me to continue on. Great timing too. Thank you!

  4. I too am a pastor’s wife who 95% of the time is the pursuer of relationships and times together. The very few times that someone calls me to arrange for lunch or shopping or meeting for coffee have meant so much to me. I think we often assume that others have all the friendships and connecting times that they need and if so, then they probably assume the same thing about me! This was so encouraging to keep pursuing important times with other women and then let the very rare times that I am pursued be an encouragement to my soul. Thank you!

    • Yes, it’s so easy to assume that others always have better friendships than we do! Usually, though, we are all hungry for meaningful relationships. Thanks for taking time to reply, and grace to you in ministry with your husband!

  5. He that hath friends must show himself friendly… proverbs 18:24 (kiv)

    I know the challenge of this. I often wish/want more friends and yet… I have to grow in being the pursuer in order to make this happen.

    I appreciate this post. A little extra bump of encouragement! for sure..

    ***
    On a side note. Thank you! (in)Courage. I received my box (Giveaway WIN!) in the mail today.. what a blessed treat. I’m left smiling.. 🙂

  6. Love those- – those just-because cards, emails, or visits. I remember them most vividly because if the pure heart and intention behind them. How wonderful that your friend brought you a yummy cake, just-because. She wanted to make sure you knew that you were thought of and cared about. We should each take that step today ♡

    • Those “just because” moments are such gifts that we can give to one another, Kristin–you’re right! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  7. I am a pursuer; rarely pursued (please I hope this doesn’t sound pathetic!!!).

    I think it is natural in our gifting of encouragement to pursue. To help. Many times those who aren’t gifted in these areas don’t even think about such things. God has it all meted out – He is so faithful!

  8. I too am the pursuer and the one who encourages the few friends I was blessed with and there are days that I seek that in return but rarely feel that. My friends keep themselves busy and never make the time. I love to bake so usually they know that I will bake something and take it to them just when they least expect it. We should not be so busy that we don’t make the time for those we consider our friends. What a friend we have in Jesus is what keeps me comforted..

    • Jesus is the greatest comfort, Paulette. I’m thankful for how you bless your friends, even if it isn’t always easy. Thanks for sharing!

  9. Hi Ann, We briefly met this weekend at Hope Spoken during the new moms share group. It was so nice to meet you and I wish we could have spoken more! I really enjoyed this article because like you, I tend to be the pursuer and sometimes I get tired of that role. Thanks for the encouragement to keep going!

    Jayme

  10. Hi from the UK!

    Woah. It’s almost as though God is speaking directly to my heart. I have been a relentless pursuer most of my life, and lately I’m worn and ragged and find myself wondering what it’s all for. I love surprising friends with gifts or notes, and arranging get togethers but cannot recall the last time a friend pursued me. And it really hurts. I have a potentially tough time ahead when my husband will be away. I feel that even if I reach out, I’ll be rejected, and they will not have time for me. But ultimately, it’s about Him. I can keep on keeping on for Jesus!

    Thank you x

    • Melissa–my guess is many of the women in your life don’t reach out because they, too, are fearful of being rejected. You offer such a gift to them when you give them the opportunity for friendship. Keep it up, sister!

  11. so many of your sentences struck a chord with me…thanks for sharing your story…so thankful to be learning and realizing that Jesus is a friend who sticks closer than a brother! He will never fail me nor leave or forsake me as you stated…verses I’ve been pondering lately!

  12. There have been times when I felt I was always the one inviting people and times when I let that drop. It changes more than just my friendships, though, to do that.

    I soon realized I was losing track not only of my friends but also of the pleasure of anticipating their presence and using my skills to create food and fun events. Hospitality is a gift, both to the giver and the receiver, but done best it’s a gift to God – where two or more are gathered, etc.

    If I ever feel that I’m the only one giving I need to take a step back to see what my friend’s strength are, to see if I’m really noticing them or just focusing on what I’m good at doing. I’m not very good at reaching out with a call, for instance, but other friends keep in touch anyway. Or some people may be better about thinking and praying for me at moments when I need that.

    • Emily–such a good insight to appreciate our friends for the gifts they do have, even if they aren’t as strong in hospitality or reaching out. All of the women in our lives have gifts to share, if we have hearts to receive them. Thanks for your thoughts!

  13. My local (in)RL group recently started sending each other “snail mail” … little notes of encouragement, postcards, greeting cards. In our private Facebook group, I’ve noticed the ladies commenting on how much it meant to them that someone took the time to send them something, how much it brightened their day. Most of us are spread out between two states, so this is a way we have chosen to pursue each other. It’s such a small thing, but it means so much to us!

  14. I read your words thinking that I could so easily have written them. I am not generally an outgoing person, but I’ve come to recognize the God given need I have for Godly women who can and do speak into my life and circumstances. And so, I step outside of my comfort zone to arrange “get togethers” with my friends. I recently purchased a new home and my “village people” gathered to pray through and bless my new home. It is my desire that it be a place of love, joy and peace to all who pass through it’s doors and that it serve as a place of peace and rest for those I care about. Thank you for encouraging me to continue stepping outside of myself and to continue creating moments to gather with my “village.”

  15. Being the new mother of a high needs baby for the last year has changed my social life quite a lot. I’m blessed to be a stay at home mom and I appreciate being able to leave the former 12 hour shifts behind, but this new life also comes with its challenges. My husband is not frequently home and we don’t have in-laws in the area, so it’s also been a taste of almost single parent life. I can’t go out to eat due to finances and a baby who won’t make it through a meal without a meltdown. Even cooking in is a challenge. My house is small and with projects midway finished as they’re frequently interrupted, so at this stage, I prefer not to entertain more than a couple people at a time. My child used to hate her car seat to the point once the belts snapped she would scream almost the entire trip to anywhere and I didn’t enjoy traveling. In my mind, this is just a stage of life that will pass, and I’m thankful to have my child. I’m also thankful to the women who have, in the midst of days like these, offered to go for walks with us or brought over treats or a meal. I feel I haven’t done well returning the favors, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t appreciated.

  16. I really enjoyed this. It encouraged me!! I been in a new town and lately I have grown weary from trying to engage people. It been a year and progress of establishing myself in a new place been slow. This encourages me to keep reaching out and the important a of hospitality. I love to cook for friends and have people in my home at least once a month, as a single lady it helps me not feel as lonely.

  17. I enjoyed this article. It made me realize that truly I am not alone. I often ask God why am I the one always pursuing. As an only child I like to have people around me, so I am always planning and bringing friend together. Sometime for once I wish someone else would plan and invite me. But guess what I enjoy the planning so I will continue to do it. Your words have encouraged me.
    Thank you.

  18. I love the encouragement here… I am a pursuer … and yes at times it does get weary… but as I have aged… I have found to do anything different … part of me would wither… and die. As a younger woman, I would draw invisible lines… I am not going to be the one stepping there any more… And over and over the Lord has challenged my heart… are you giving…pursing to get… or are you responding… doing what I have made… called you to do. And doesn’t really come down to this… love others as I have loved you… He never stops being a pursing Friend. Blessings and grace to you~

  19. Sometimes people just need ideas of what it means to pursue someone else. It’s not a big scary task, it simply showing up. Thanks for the ideas!

  20. This has definitely encouraged me – thank you. I am the pursuer in almost all my relationships and sometimes I wonder if I am pushing myself into other people’s lives. Mostly, I think others are just busy and appreciate it. I certainly feel loved when someone takes the time to send me a note. The little things do make such a difference and we must not let self-pity stop us from caring for others. Sometimes, I think others don’t bother out of their own insecurities.

  21. Ann.

    I love those intentional cards, emails, gifts, etc. it can be hard for me to find time to pursue friendships. I still pursue–send those cards, call friends, make meals. I want them-my friends to know I value them and that Christ lives in me!

    Blessings 🙂

  22. I really enjoyed this article it reminded me of my ups and downs of reaching out to others. My husband was in the U.S Navy and we had the opportunity to travel. It was not always an easy journey to reach out to make friends, because we moved so often and I got tire of the good byes and starting overs. My motivation to gather military wives at my home grew weary over the years. As I started longing for friendship I attended planned events set up by the base family support and met new ladies in the process. I look back and I am glad I attended because their friendship help me get motivated again. Being around them was very edifying; I felt their encouragement and their support. It reminded me that I was not alone, and how grateful and bless I was that they reached out to me, because at that time I needed a friendship boost.