It’s night.
I can hear flowers growing in the quiet hush outside our bedroom window. My husband’s feet are by my head under the feather tick, because I can’t sleep with my head right next to his.
He breathes too loud and I’m the kind that fights insomnia.
Tonight I’m thinking of all the women I am not, and I’m comparing myself to them, and falling short.
It hurts, this comparing, yet I can’t stop, and I’m pulling up my knees to my chest like a child. Finally I pray a raspy prayer, the desperate kind, “God help me,” and fall into sleep.
I don’t normally dream things that matter, but this night I do. Within my dream, I find my husband sobbing beside me, because doctors had apparently prescribed me too much medication, and “you should have died—but you didn’t,” he says, weeping, and my husband never cries.
And then I find my sons, ages two and four, wading in a lake, all by themselves and I don’t know how they got there, they should have fallen in, they shouldn’t be alive, but they are.
I wake up from that dream to find God, all around me.
Because here’s the thing: I should have died, twice. Once when I was thirteen and sixty pounds and hypothermic, my braces showing through the skin of my cheeks. Nurses shaking their heads wondering why I was still alive, this anorexic preacher’s kid in a green hospital gown.
And again when I was 26 and married for three years, starving myself again and drinking 12 cups of coffee a day and addicted to sleeping pills. Jealousy eating me whole for doctors saying I wouldn’t be able to have kids, and my biggest fear being gaining weight and losing my husband to a skinner woman.
Comparison was literally killing me.
And my husband and I were driving home one day and we were fighting, as we always did. I tried to drive the car into oncoming traffic, and Trent took the wheel and pulled us over the side of the road and that’s when we started over. That’s when we quit our jobs and moved to Korea and started over.
Because sometimes it takes moving to another country to see what is right in front of you.
And then a pastor prayed over us, that we would be able to conceive a son within the year—we’d been trying for a year and a half—and, following a miscarriage, we conceived our eldest son, Aiden, within the year. And two years later, his brother Kasher.
Two boys who shouldn’t have been, save for the grace of God, and I wake from that dream, the morning like a flash of yellow wings outside our curtains.
I walk to the bathroom, and this verse on the calendar on the bathroom wall.
Matthew 6:28, “Why do you worry (about clothes)? See how the lilies of the field grow? They neither labor nor spin, yet not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.”
My wrist is tattooed with lilies. I got it tattooed when Mum was dying of brain cancer, because I wanted to remember that I didn’t need to worry, even as I changed her and fed her and read to her.
And now Mum is gloriously alive, after eight years of dying, and the tumor, gone.
It’s a morning of miracles.
“Look at you,” I whisper into the mirror. “The Maker of the Universe is taking care of you.”
And, sister? He’s taking care of you, too. You, whose heart has been wounded, whose soul has been scarred. You, who wonders if anyone sees you—if you’re just another mention in a tweet, just another pin, just another status. You, who compares herself to all the women around you.
Remember Hagar, and how Sarai used her and then banished her from her sight? Hagar ran away and found herself alone in the desert. But God searched for her and found her. He found her, and he called this female slave by name, and he promised to bless her.
And Hagar called him “The God Who Sees Me.”
He sees you, too, friend.
He knows your name.
He knows how many hairs are on your head.
There’s no one like you, sister. You’re one of a kind.
And He wants to bring you home.
My memoir, ATLAS GIRL, is releasing this month, and I am excited to give away THREE copies today.
From the back cover:
“Disillusioned and yearning for freedom, Emily Wierenga left home at age eighteen with no intention of ever returning. Broken down by organized religion, a childhood battle with anorexia, and her parents’ rigidity, she set out to find God somewhere else–anywhere else. Her travels took her across Canada, Central America, the United States, the Middle East, Asia, and Australia. She had no idea that her faith was waiting for her the whole time–in the place she least expected it.
“Poignant and passionate, Atlas Girl is a very personal story of a universal yearning for home and the assurance that we are known, forgiven, and beloved. Readers will find in this memoir a true description of living faith as a two-way pursuit in a world fraught with distraction. Anyone who wrestles with the brokenness we find in the world will love this emotional journey into the arms of the God who heals all wounds.”
Click HERE for a free excerpt.
And leave a comment below for a chance to win.
I’m also giving away a FREE e-book to anyone who orders Atlas Girl. Just order HERE, and then enter your book receipt info HERE, and you’ll receive A House That God Built: 7 Essentials to Writing Inspirational Memoir — an absolutely FREE e-book co-authored by myself and editor/memoir teacher Mick Silva.
ALL proceeds from Atlas Girl will go toward my non-profit, The Lulu Tree. The Lulu Tree is dedicated to preventing tomorrow’s orphans by equipping today’s mothers. It is a grassroots organization bringing healing and hope to women and children in the slums of Uganda through the arts, community, and the gospel.
Emily T. Wierenga is an award-winning journalist, blogger, commissioned artist and columnist, as well as the author of five books including the memoir, Atlas Girl: Finding Home in the Last Place I Thought to Look (Baker Books). She lives in Alberta, Canada with her husband and two sons. For more info, please visit www.emilywierenga.com. Find her on Twitter or Facebook.
Leave a Comment
Sue says
Thanks for sharing your story. I hope that the message will be one of hope and love and peace to those who most need it, but I also realize that I too need all those things. It sounds like a beautiful book!
Emily Wierenga says
Sue, I’m so grateful it spoke to you. Bless you sister! e.
Victoria says
What a beautiful story of redemption. <3
Emily Wierenga says
Thank you Victoria! Bless you, e.
Heather P says
“The Maker of the Universe is taking care of you.” I really needed to be reminded of that today. The monster of comparison so easily ensnares me. Thank you for your message of hope.
Emily Wierenga says
oh Heather, the monster of comparison OFTEN ensnares me too. You are not alone. And yet, the Maker ADORES you. Love to you today. e.
Jess says
What an amazing journey filled with insight. Would love to read the book.
Emily Wierenga says
I’m grateful, Jess, thank you! e.
~va~ says
Reading how God worked through your story gives me hope that my story has not been abandoned as too messed up by God. Thank you!
Emily Wierenga says
Oh sister, no story is ever beyond the rewriting of God’s Holy Spirit… You have not been abandoned. Can you feel His arms around you today? Holding you? Bless you, e.
Amy says
Thank you for the excerpt – would love to read the rest of your story!
Emily Wierenga says
Thanks Amy! This post is not actually an excerpt, but you can read excerpts here: http://assets.bakerpublishinggroup.com/processed/book-resources/files/Excerpt_9780801016561.pdf?1399554412. Bless you friend! e.
Karen says
I would love to win this book. I spend a lot of time listening to the hearts of women and this comparison/destruction is a lot of what I hear. Thankful you are sharing your journey!
Emily Wierenga says
I’m grateful for your ministry Karen, and the hope you bring to others. May Abba strengthen you for the days ahead! e.
Laura says
Thank you for your beautiful words. Looking so forward to reading more of your story…
Karen Netzband says
I would love to read more. A very engaging story. I would love to win this book!
Sharon says
2 miscarriages in a year (3 babies total), a marriage that is sucking the life out of me, and loneliness like i’ve never known. i can identify with the impulse to drive into oncoming traffic. how did you find your way out?
Emily Wierenga says
oh, my sister Sharon…. I’m bowing right now to intercede for you. Girl, sometimes life just seems so hard you can’t breathe–if I can, I can promise you: this too shall pass. That often keeps me going. But sometimes you need to call for help. For friends who can come and pray with you in person and hold your hand and bring you gifts of chocolate and wine and just reassure you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. God sees you sister, in your desert, and He wants to bless you. Praying, praying, for that blessing over you today Sharon. Loving you. e.
Kate Carman says
Sharon! You are important. You matter!
Blessings and God’s peace!
Beth Williams says
Sharon,
((((((((hugs)))))))! Want to encourage you that you matter to your husband, family, us here at IN(Courage) and mostly to God! He made you and loves you immensely!
Prayers that you will find comfort and peace through all this! That He will give you His calm and contentment!!
Blessings 🙂
ro elliott says
Just stopping in to give a big (((((((hug)))))))) … I love you… I love your words of encouragement!!!!!
Sarah M says
I just picked up Atlas Girl over the weekend at the library and I am loving it so far. The descriptions are fantastic and I’m finding myself sneaking ahead to read bits and pieces because I’m too impatient!
Sarah M
Emily Wierenga says
Wow, thank you SO much Sarah! That means a lot to me!! Bless you girl, e.
Mel says
Beautiful post and just what I needed to hear today!
Emily Wierenga says
I’m so grateful it resonated with you Mel. Bless you! e.
jamie c says
would love to read your story Atlas Girl! we all need encouragement!
Emily Wierenga says
Thank you Jamie! I agree–encouragement is as crucial as food or water … Bless you sister! e.
layla bb solms says
the comparison game knocks me almost flat – “almost” because if i were truly all the way down, it couldn’t pound me down again… it’s like a parasite feeding on my insides, my heart, my soul, my goals and dreams and responsibilities… sucking out just enough and leaving enough residue to keep me – the host – alive so it can keep coming back for more.
i’d looooove to win a copy of your book, and you can be sure i will share it with others.
Emily Wierenga says
oh Layla, you describe comparison SO vividly here. I think every woman can relate. The enemy longs to kill, steal and destroy our joy…. cling to Jesus sweet sister! Love to you, e.
Marybeth says
Thank you for sharing your message today. I found myself within your words, and God has given us a spirit of hope.
Emily Wierenga says
Praise Him MaryBeth! I’m so grateful he has given you a spirit of hope through my broken story 🙂 Love to you! e.
Jennifer W says
Such a beautiful post. I always seem to stumble across your posts on Facebook exactly when my heart needs to hear them. Thank you for bravely sharing and compassionately leading.
Emily Wierenga says
oh Jennifer, this encourages me so much! I’m grateful the Holy Spirit speaks through my words to you. Bless you friend! e.
Karen S. says
This blog title caught my eye because I have been doing exactly that – comparing myself to others lately and have been praying about it. Thank you for sharing your story with the world. Karen
Emily Wierenga says
Karen, I LOVE your humble heart sister. May Abba continue to encourage you and speak to your spirit about who you are and who He made you to be. xo
Jillie says
Emily, I would love to win a copy of your book…to give away to someone I love. I finished my copy of your book yesterday, and I cannot recommend this book highly enough! I was swept away by your words, the longing, the pain, for your Daddy’s love. I’m there right now, as my Dad wastes away with pancreatic cancer, never having told me he loves me, he’s proud of me. I have resigned myself to the loss, but it still hurts.
All that you’ve gone through with your Mom, and the miraculous answers to prayer. You have convinced me that God still reigns and He still hears prayer, and He still answers according to His will. I am so blessed to know He gave your Mom new life…and that YES! You did find all the love you sought for so long, right there where you began. Full circle.
Emily Wierenga says
oh Jillie, thank you! This brought me to tears. Yes, God has done a wonderful full-circle in my life… and He longs to do it in all of our lives. To restore the years the locusts have eaten (Joel 2). To cause the desert to bloom (Isaiah 34). To bring life to dead bones (Ezekial 37). Praise Him! e.
Anne says
You are so brave to share your story…but I’m sure it will be a blessing to the many that will read it. I’ve learned that God often allows us to suffer through the mire in order to be raised by His strength and shine His light to those around us. Thank you for shining that light. Blessing!
Emily Wierenga says
Thank you Anne. It’s definitely not easy–but Abba is faithful to give me strength and courage. Bless you sister, as you encourage others! Keep shining! e.
Amy Krance-Wendt says
What an incredible story of faithfulness by our incredible God. I believe every woman can relate to at least one facet of your story. It will be an honor and privilege to read your full account in your book. Blessings to you today!
Emily Wierenga says
Thank you so much Amy! Bless you sister. e.
Shelly says
Thank you I needed that reminder today
Be Blessed
Liz Curtis Higgs says
Thrilled to have this honest, beautifully written book out there, Emily. I loved it! To all our friends here on (in)courage, trust Lizzie on this: Atlas Girl is a moving must-read.
Emily Wierenga says
Thank you dear Lizzie 🙂 SO grateful for your endorsement and friendship, sister. XOXO
Alisa says
As I sit here with a broken heart these words were just what I needed to hear. Thank you.
Emily Wierenga says
oh Alisa, may Abba be SO very close to you… he says he is close to the broken-hearted. May you feel his arms wrapped tight around you sister. Love to you, e.
Moriah says
Such a beautiful testimony!
Hannah Johnson says
THANK YOU for being so honest, so real, so unfiltered. And as a dreamer of being a mommy one day (5 years waiting), it’s always encouraging to hear about stories of God’s miracle of children.
Emily Wierenga says
Hannah, I LOVE your name… I am believing in a Samuel for you, sister… May the Lord encourage you today and reassure you that he HEARS your cries, and he LONGS to bless you. XO
Lana says
Love how God works and sees us and pursues us!
cheryl says
Lookihg forward t o reading this
Tara says
Thank you for the beautiful picture of God’s timing and love.
Stephanie Reed says
I would love to read your book – thank you for sharing your story!
Marty says
Beautiful post and a great reminder. El Roi, the “God who sees.”
Kim J says
I love the story of Hagar, to know that God sees me, when at times others don’t brings such joy to my weary heart. I would love to read your redemption story and how God used it for his glory and your good!!
Emily Wierenga says
Yes, He sees you sister… He loves you and he longs to bless you. All my heart, e.
kathy says
Thank you for your transparency and honesty about your own journey and struggles. Bringing it into the light encourages others so greatly and it is in community that we find acceptance healing and love.
Emily Wierenga says
Thank you dear Kathy… it is hard to be so vulnerable, but I know the darkness has NO power over us if we step fully into the light! Love to you sister. e.
Tara says
Thank you for sharing your story!
Marla L says
Would love to read your story!
toyin says
So grateful for those timely words : the maker of the universe is with me!
Emily Wierenga says
Amen, He IS, friend. xo
Julie says
Sounds like an amazing story. Would really like to read it. Thank you for the chance
Ann says
Just reading this excerpt brought me to tears–would love to read this! Blessings!
Emily Wierenga says
I’m so grateful, Ann… I love your heart. While this post itself isn’t an excerpt from the book, you can read Chapters 1 and 2 for free here: http://assets.bakerpublishinggroup.com/processed/book-resources/files/Excerpt_9780801016561.pdf?1399554412. Bless you! e.
Beth says
Would love to read this — it seems as if it wouldn’t just apply to those with eating disorders, but anyone struggling with self-worth issues (and don’t we all, at some point?). Thank you!
Emily Wierenga says
That’s right Beth; I long for ALL women to find freedom from whatever bondage they are in… Bless you! e.
Janet says
God searched for Hagar and she called him “The God Who Sees Me”. I am so glad I read your post today – I always thought this part of the story was sad – and now I see hope and love. Thank you. Your book – it’s full of hope and love as well, yes? Beautiful words, beautiful heart.
Emily Wierenga says
oh Janet, I’m grateful for your heart, sister… yes, my goal through my book was not to dwell on the sad, but to highlight the joy, the redemption, the hope that resulted through the sorrow… to show the light that shines through the cracks of all our narratives. 🙂 Bless you! e.
Karen says
It’s always good to be reminded about the “God who sees me”. Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in what’s going on and forget the God is interested in every aspect of my life. Thank you@
Emily Wierenga says
oh friend, yes, he’s SO interested… bless you sister! e.
Margaret says
Thank you for sharing your story, “the God who sees” does indeed see us all.
Linda says
I am so glad you shared your story….there are many of us (I am sure) who are too afraid to share ours because of judgement or misunderstanding of those who hear it. I praise God for your courage, and pray that He will answer my prayer for more courage to do what is right, even if its unpopular and to know that if it feels like I am standing alone, He stands with me
Emily Wierenga says
This brings me to tears Linda. Yes, He is with you! He is mighty to save! Take heart sister. He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind. Stand strong! e.
kari says
Beautiful. This sounds like just the thing right now.
Emily Wierenga says
I’m grateful, Kari, thank you! e.
Heidi menges says
This book sounds really good! I hope I win it
Callie says
I am looking forward to reading your story
Trudy Den Hoed says
Thank you, Emily, for being so transparent and for encouraging me today that God is watchful over us with His tender loving care. I’m so grateful your mom made it and you were gifted with two boys. Your book sounds powerful. I checked out your Lulu Boutique, but I see you aren’t opening until in the fall. I pray this ministry will be blessed and profitable for many.
Emily Wierenga says
Trudy, thank you so much for your encouragement, particularly regarding The Lulu Tree! We are selling a couple of things on our FB page, but yes, we’re waiting to launch until the fall. Here is the link to our FB page: https://www.facebook.com/thelulutree.
Melinda says
Thank you for your vulnerability. It has the power to bring freedom and save people from additional pain. Would love to get your book.
Emily Wierenga says
So grateful for your encouragement, Melinda! Bless you! e.
Shawn Bensley says
Would read and then pass on to my niece, who battles with eating disorders.
Emily Wierenga says
oh Shawn, aching for your niece…. I have also written a resource called Chasing Silhouettes: How to help a loved one battling an eating disorder, which might help? You can find that here: http://www.amazon.com/Chasing-Silhouettes-battling-eating-disorder/dp/0984009558. Bless you! e.
Anna says
Comparison. Such a battle for me too. Thank you for sharing! And thank you for te book giveaway 🙂
Holly says
Whispering to God…”you see me. Thank you.”
and thank you, for the reminder.
Emily Wierenga says
Yes! He sees you dear Holly! SO much love to you… e.
Gayl says
Your book sounds like a captivating read! I would love to win a copy, and then share it with others when I am done. You have a powerful story and I’d love to read about it.
Emily Wierenga says
Thank you so much Gayl! I’m honored. Bless you sister! e.
Claudia says
I would love to have a copy of Atlas Girl. It sounds like a book that many of us need to read.
Anne says
Thank you for sharing your beatuitiful message.
mae says
thank you for sharing this story…today is the day i needed this reminder so much. thank you. god bless.
Emily Wierenga says
oh Mae, I’m grateful it resonated with you sister. Bless you! e.
Tiffany says
I cannot wait to read your book.
Wendy Roberson Welch says
Thank you for sharing your story…today of all days. It is a day when I needed a reminder of all the blessings God has provided for me and that they are there….even if I have to dig through all of my burdens and troubles at the moment to find them. Can’t wait to read the book.
Emily Wierenga says
My dear Wendy, yes. God is there. Even amongst all of the mess, He is there… just longing to tell you that He sees and hears you, and wants to bless you. May you feel Him today. All my heart, e.
Cassady says
I would love to read this 🙂 adding it to my book list!
Emily says
Just what I needed to read today. Thank you! I struggle with comparison a lot but am SLOWLY learning that I need to get my eyes off myself and look at Jesus continually.
Would love to read your book!
Emily Wierenga says
oh girl, thank you for being real with me today! You are not alone sister. Keep your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith… Philippians 2 always encourages me. Bless you! e.
Robbie says
Your words spoke to my heart somehow, even though I am an older woman who has lost both of my parents. I, too, yearned for a closer relationship with my father. We became somewhat closer after my mother passed away after many years of suffering after having a stroke. It is so painful to watch your parents get old and sick, no matter your age. I miss them terribly. I can’t seem to find home anymore, and I also feel unseen and alone, even though I know how much my daughter loves me, and I pray to Jesus for hours everyday to help me find peace on this earth for the rest of my time here and a place to fit in and find a job. It seems the older you get, the less visible you are. Even to those you thought loved you. I would like to finish your book and hopefully, find some wisdom and hope for the future.
Emily Wierenga says
oh Robbie…. how this made me cry. My sister, I see you. I hear you. And I feel the Father’s heart beating through my chest for you. How he longs for you to know how significant you are… how loved you are. And you are right, this earth is not our home–we’re like aliens on this planet, the Bible tells us. But God is building us a beautiful place of glory where we’ll never feel lonely ever again. May He reassure you of your PURPOSE and your worth today dear daughter of the King. Love, e.
Mary Johnson says
I needed to hear this, too. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself.
Emily Wierenga says
I’m so grateful it spoke to you dear Mary. Bless you, e.
Tabitha says
Thank you for sharing. I live in the comparison trap myself. As a widow, I always wonder if I will ever meet another prince charming (seems to be a lot of frogs out there) and get to have children of my own. Social media does me in on some days and I have to completely back away for awhile for the feeling of everyone else moves forward and I sit on the bench waiting to play. This really spoke to a deep part of me. Thanks for the encouragement to continue to seek the Lord and remember that He hasn’t forgotten me.
Emily Wierenga says
oh Tabitha, yes, there are a lot of frogs out there… and yes, social media does me in many days too. I love how you are realizing your purpose and your worth do not depend on others’ opinions of you… rallying for you sister! Bless you, e.
kelly says
I am afraid I am raising a daughter is questioning everything and anything because she doesn’t believe God loves her for HER…this hurts me deeply that ANYONE could ever not like/love this very emotional 14 year old…but I am just “mom”..I would love to win this book and maybe it will inspire my daughter to eventually realize that to find the love is to love herself. I pray that she will know this sooner rather than later…please Lord, give me the words to help her see this.
Emily Wierenga says
My dear Kelly, I love your heart for your beautiful daughter. I can reassure you that we all go through these times of wondering how anyone could love/like us, especially in the teen years–oh those are SUCH hard years–but God has your hand on your daughter and I trust that He will speak to her innermost being, reassuring her of His everlasting love for her (Ephesians 3:17). Keep loving her. You’re doing the right thing. XOXO
Corinne says
Oh my, I would love to read this book and then give it to
my daughter who is 26 and caught up in ‘comparison’
and has not yet found Christ as her Saviour!
Thank you for sharing from your heart what we all really need to learn!
Corinne
Emily Wierenga says
I love your heart for your daughter, Corinne… oh yes, Lord, may she meet Jesus. Bless you sister! e.
Danielle says
Dear Emily,
How you’ve hit a nerve. I know that moment of laying in a fetal position, sobbing, and asking God for help. The thing that I struggle with the most is believing that God loves me like He loves everyone else. I long to encourage others and tell them of His love, but for some reason find it had to believe that message is for me, too. Comparison robs our joy and is suffocating.
Thank you for sharing a part of your story with us today. I’m looking forward to hearing more from you this fall at Allume.
love,
Danielle
Emily Wierenga says
My dear Danielle, I cannot wait to hug you at Allume sister. May you know how deep and long and wide and high is the love of Jesus. Love to you! e.
Victoria says
Thank you Emily for the reminder that God still sees me, especially in this moment when I don’t feel I am worth seeing.
Linda N says
Different story from my own, but similar feelings at the core of it. Thank you for the reminder that God is there during the tough times. The times we want to quit, He holds us up. Thank you for the opportunity to win a copy of your book & for being so open & honest sharing your story. It gives hope.
Eva Marie Gugino says
I am more and more aware of how all women, not just me, compare themselves to each other and find ourselves wanting. It is always a comfort when I find out other women feel like I do, that I’m not alone.
Tracy says
Excited to read your book and share it with my daughter!
LeeAnna says
What a beautiful blog post – I love “The God Who Sees Me.” Excited to read your memoir!
Janet says
I am so thrilled to read about this book and can’t wait to read the actual book! As a Bible teacher of women, all ages, and a mother of three daughters, I would love to have an “extra” copy to use in my “lending library” to the many women in my life who have been or will be in these darl places!
Jeanne says
I appreciate your transparency with your life, your pain, and your survival. There are so many things we do that look good or right to the world, when really they are devilish addictions or habits or worldviews that eat us alive and destroy our relationships. Thank you for helping me see those things in my own life.
emily says
I have been able to see bits of your story in different places and am thankful that you share your story…
Linda says
I have also traveled widely in my life and often chuckle at what I found so close to my roots, after I had been a wanderer! Your book sounds like a story I would truely enjoy reading!
Meg says
Yes, I’ve been there. This is beautiful. Beautiful truth is spoken here.
Pam says
Emily,
Thank you for having the courage, strength and wisdom to share your life with us. Yesterday I found myself weeping and feeling so small…I needed to be reminded that God sees me. Thank you from this mother of 7, professor, pastor’s wife who struggles with body image and feeling insignificant. Praise God for giving us others to spur us on.
LeeAnn G Taylor {The Mosaic Life} says
What a beautiful picture of God’s redemption in your life!
Rachel H says
Love the authenticity and vulnerability with which you write. Can’t wait to read this book!
Harmony says
Wow. I would love to read your book. Comparison is something that God has been really tuning my heart and ear to these days….why do I do it? Because I feel inadequate about something within myself and I think someone else has it all together when, in reality, noone really does. Thanks for your post!
Traci McNally says
Thank you for being so transparent! Love your ministry and love your heart!
Kathleen K. says
I love the way you write. Would love to read the book.
I read some of the comments and my heart went out to Sharon – miscarriages, difficult marriage, etc. I have been there and I have to tell you that you this too shall pass. You may not think or feel it right now, but it does. Please know that I am praying for you Sharon. If you want to write, my email is
Katjam4233@yahoo.com. I am in a new season of life called the empty nest. I know loneliness, hurt, rejection, loss and I know love, peace, joy and yes happiness. Life has not been easy for me at all but this I know to be true…. God is faithful and he knows exactly where you are and what you need. Crawl up into the lap of your Abba Father and rest your head on his chest. Let him hold you and love you. Share with him your thoughts. Listen as he will talk to you.
Kathleen
Emily Wierenga says
Love your heart Kathleen. Bless you, e.
Gretal Cromwell says
Looking forward to reading.
Lisa Smith says
Sounds like a great book!!!
Jamie Bickle says
I trust completely that I am always given exactly what I need and coming across this article is your gift to me today. Thank you. I can’t put it all into words yet but the feeling of connection and hope has truly blessed me.
Emily Wierenga says
I’m so grateful it encouraged you sister! Bless you, e.
Marie Bride says
Thank You Emily,
For reminding me/us that we belong to Him and how that should help in the everyday trails.
Thank You for sharing your journey in faith and the encouragement as we discover Him on our own.
Blessings!
Robin in New Jersey says
This book sounds amazing! I look forward to reading it.
Carol says
Would love to read your book. Thanks for sharing!
Allison says
That’s a beautiful reminder…looking forward to reading the book!
Dana says
I am so looking forward to reading your story.
Marilyn says
Thank you. Great reminder. 🙂
CyndaP says
I’m looking forward to reading your book. Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty.
Kate Lantry says
Comparison-my old frenemy. I struggle with this one a lot. People say “Don’t compare yourself to anyone-you’re wonderful the way you are.” Then in the next breath, they’re telling you how you should raise your kids, how your house should look, what you should wear, how much you should work, what you should/shouldn’t eat and drink, and the list goes on and on and on. It gets so you don’t know who you are and you feel like the real you is disappearing and who cares anyway? No one seems to like the “real” you; they want to change everything about you.
If I haven’t said this enough, thank you for sharing your story. I can’t imagine the courage it took. Every one of your life posts has resonated with me, and I cry every time I read one. Why? Because I see myself. I’ve been where you are in so many ways; I’ve struggled with anorexia. I’ve suffered through two miscarriages. I’ve wondered if my marriage would survive and I still think my husband will leave me one day for someone better, smarter, less prone to rage, more talented.
Blessings to you, sweet Emily.
Emily Wierenga says
oh Kate, you sound like a kindred spirit. praying for both of us, that we’ll be FREE–abundantly and ridiculously FREE–to love. all my heart, sister, e.
Bonnie says
Halleluja!
Amber B. says
Amazing!!!! What a great reminder…I can’t wait to read it.
Susan says
This is just what I needed to read today after a Sunday afternoon of feeling sorry for myself and feeling like my family’s hired hand. Thank you for the honesty in which you share this wisdom that is way beyond your years. This fellow Alberta girl (transplanted in the U.S.) is glad to have found you!
Emily Wierenga says
Hello fellow Albertan! I’m so sorry you feel like your family’s hired hand 🙁 I pray that God speaks to those lonely and wounded places and declares truth to them; that he declares Ephesians 3:17 over them… he SINGS over you and delights in you and quiets you with his love.
FRANCES BOUCHILLON says
Would love to read your book. So real and refreshing to hear this from someone whose life most would think was so stable. Best wishes, Frances Bouchillon
Joyce M. says
Wow! What a powerful story to tell. God is good.
Julie C says
So very thankful for you!
Lina says
Sounds like a wonderfully inspirational book! I know just the person I want to give a copy to.
Kate Carman says
WOW! This really sucked me in – in a good way. This looks like an intensely good read. Very raw and moving (in a good way). I like you pack a punch with few words – you make your words count and that is favorite trait of mine.
Heidi says
So helpful, thank you. I looked forward to reading your book.
Amy C says
This really hit me hard; a tear jerker for sure. I’ve been in a extra tough place lately, feeling lost and uncertain, comparing myself to everyone else and where they are and what they’re doing. I keep asking God for His help and I know He’s there and I know He’s with me, but still I’m uncertain. I hope to find myself and my way through Him soon. Thank you for this post. It is always comforting to know there are others who feel and have felt the same way.
I am really looking forward to reading Atlas Girl!
Emily Wierenga says
Sweet Amy, you are not alone… may our Abba open your eyes to how he DELIGHTS in you sister. Love to you. e.
Sherri Y. says
What a beautiful testimony! Blessings!
Robin says
As I read the words from the back cover, I got chills. I also found God in a deeper, more personal way when my mom was sick and dying and I was caring for her two years ago. My dad had died when I was 13. I was so sad to see my mom suffering. At the same time, I had never before and have never since felt God’s presence like I did during that bittersweet time. But my faith and trust in Him has become more firmly and deeply rooted. I would love to read your book. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Emily Wierenga says
oh wow Robin… you sound like a kindred spirit. So glad to have our journeys overlap here, today. Bless you sister. e.
Marie Krum says
“Atlas Girl”, an intriguing title indicating a universal experience. Do you explore different countries? The experience of world wide adventures? Do you probe world phlosophies seeking peace? Do you analyze the person who burrows their authenticity behind the guise of a world of glamorous expectations? Do you tour the Word of God researching love, grace and mercy? Yearning for answers? For faith? What map do you travel, Atlas Girl? I will read, search and learn.
Emily Wierenga says
Hi friend, these are great questions! I would say YES, a little of each… love the insightful thoughts 🙂 Bless you, e.
Anya says
Could use a book with a story of hope. Thanks for the chance.
Kenedy says
Wow, I loved this! My devotions this morning were on El Roi (The God Who Sees) and I read Genesis 16… an even more encouraging and deeper understanding of this passage!
Emily Wierenga says
LOVE this! God is so awesome!
Julie Sunne says
I wonder if there’s a woman out there who does not compare at some point. So destructive. Bless you, Emily, for writing this book and addressing such an important topic. Thanks for the giveaway.
Shauna says
I am captivated by the beginnings of your story mentioned in this blog post, Emily. Looking at your pictures, it is so hard to believe the trials you have endured. I am encouraged that God does “restore what the locusts have eaten.” I am caught up in the comparison game myself and yearn to be free and grateful. I struggle believing God will ever release me from my trials. Social media sends me in a downward spiral. I am about to pass my 15 year anniversary with a very difficult, emotionally abusive husband. I have many people who love and support me, including my church leadership, but, at the end of the day, I am trapped in a lifeless marriage with three young children, and I am constantly evaluating the best way to care for them. I cannot wait to read your memoir. I would love to win it, obviously!
Trish says
So thankful I stumbled across this on FB tonight. Funny, I just got home from an unexpected vacay and as I waited to see if I was going to get the seat on the flight, I heard they were holding a service in the airport chapel. I knew when I heard that announcement, I wasn’t getting the seat on the plane. I didn’t even know airports had chapels!! Anyways, I didn’t get the seat on the flight, but I most certainly got the message intended for me to hear in that chapel. Thank you for your message!! God bless and keep you sister!!
Emily Wierenga says
Very cool, Trish! Bless you girl! e.
Judy says
I love that God speaks to us in dreams. I love that God seeks us out. I love that God loves us as we are – as God created us. We all play that comparison game, and we all fall short. Thank you for sharing your story. And thank you for caring for mothers on the other side of the world. After visiting my son in Guinea, West Africa, this year where he’s been serving in the Peace Corps, I have discovered a love of other peoples, other countries, other cultures. Our God is big and intimate.
Emily Wierenga says
I love your heart Judy…. Bless you sister. e.
Sandy says
I’m looking forward to reading your book while I’m on vacation and have time to read it all the way through. A friend shared with me the other day.”To be blessed is to be satisfied by God.” I pray that for all the women,including myself that have struggled with self image. And honestly I think most women do…. So …Be Blessed!
Emily Wierenga says
I LOVE this quote Sandy…. thank you. e.
Kim Campbell says
Oh my gosh! What an amazing post! I am definitly keeping this one in my folder so I can reread it. You hit the anil on the head, I find myself struggling with comparison on a daily basis. This was a breath of fresh air. Whether I win a copy of your book or not, I am adding this to my library. THANK YOU!
Emily Wierenga says
Wow, thanks Kim! That means a lot to me! Bless you, e.
Lyn Dershem says
Your words of honesty were an encouragement to me as I, also a PK, have struggled with letting go of perfectionism, as a mom. Young or old, the temptation to feel defeat doesn’t go away easily. But we do have all we need to fight the battle! Praise God!
Emily Wierenga says
I’m so grateful it could encourage you Lyn! Bless you. e.
PHyllis says
REall loved the free excerpt and was glad i was availabe in Kindle format, so ordered it. thanks for sharing your story.
Emily Wierenga says
Thank you so much for your support Phyllis! Bless you! e.
cassie says
I’ve been dealing with a broken heart and your book is exactly what I need. You are so inspiring. I’m definitely going to start following your blog.
Thank you
Cassie
Emily Wierenga says
oh Cassie, may Christ speak to those wounded places, and bring you such comfort, sister… He is close to the broken-hearted, the Psalms tell us. Love to you, e.
Janet from FL says
I pre-ordered Emily’s book “Atlas Girl”. I just finished reading it, and loved it! If you don’t win a copy, buy one. If you are a young woman comparing yourself to other women and feeling less, or if you struggle with anorexia, or if you don’t have the best relationship with your parents, or if you aren’t married yet, or if you don’t know if you can trust Jesus — Read this book. Emily breaks open her heart and pours it into this book. Don’t miss reading it!
Emily Wierenga says
Wow Janet, this just blessed me SO much!!! Thank you friend. Love to you. e.
Tammy says
I would love to read your book!
As I’m 44 and still single, perpetually, eternally single, I see the Married women around me and wonder how they found husbands? Am I not special enough? Not pretty enough? Ugh. It’s so painful. And not helpful.
Emily Wierenga says
oh sister… you are SO loved… Ephesians 3:17… you have a Father who delights in you…. may this bring you peace tonight. Bless you, e.
renee says
Comparison…… I spent 20 years trying to be the PERFECT wife, the PERFECT Mom. Only to wake up one day to find my perfect husband tangled up in an emotional affair with a “friend”. A friend who offered to leave her husband, offered herself physically, etc.
Comparing myself to her I couldn’t compete!! She was skinner, prettier, younger, way more exciting, since obviously she’d risk or do anything!! I so wanted to commit suicide. So. Many. Times. I still struggle with not being enough, I fight my self loathing. I mean I must not be worth much if the man of my dreams would choose to do something so horrific to me.
Slowly realizing…….. That I should have never lived for just a man, I should have never set him up so high. Realizing that my heart needs to totally belong to the One who sees ME, and he loves and values and cherishes me, exactly as I am.
Trusting him with my marriage is the scariest thing I have ever done. This spoke so much to all the hurt and pain that I carry.
Carrie Cheecham says
So touching. So true. I’m truly tired of comparison. I’m excited to read this book.
Becca says
One of my favorite verses has always been Luke 12:27, “Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.” Thank you for the reminder today that God sees me, God knows me by my name, God knows every little minute detail about me and yet He still wants to bring me home because He loves me.
These days seem to just go from bad to worse and I don’t know how to fix it; I trust in God yet life is in a disarray.
Jenna Senter says
“Hagar calls him ‘The God Who Sees’.” I love that. I needed that reminder today. Can’t wait to read the book either!
Susan Shipe says
I confess. I was not real familiar with “EmilyW” but reading two posts in one week, I feel like I’ve known her for years.
I’m not even sure what to say except, that every woman, regardless their insecurity, their status in life, their strength or their weakness, needs to read this. This.
Amen.
Paula A says
Thank you for sharing your story. I have been really going through similar experiences. I’m not a PK but similar. My parents, my father mainly has been a leader in our church all my life. I have a brother and a sister and we have all disappointed our parents. My sister bad I found out we were both pregnant within months of each other. I ended up marrying my baby’s father and having another baby with him. He is not a Christian though he has attended church all his life. My brother was married and is now divorced and living with a new girl.
I know my parents wanted more for us all. I am trying to follow Jesus in this broken world, but feeling like I’m failing nine times out of ten.
I so appreciate all of the comments here because I realized I am not alone in this. Everyone of us is fighting a battle of some kind. The key is to “look to Jesus, the author and perfect of our faith…..”
Beth Williams says
Sounds like a great book for many women!
My problem isn’t so much comparison, but one of feelings. I need to know that I matter to people and that they love me. Just simply state that you love me and give me hugs. Don’t ignore me and act like I don’t exist.
May God bring about healing through your book!
Blessings 🙂
Caitlin S says
What an amazing story. Thank you for sharing!