The clock on my grease-spattered oven read 5:40. I gave the pot on the stove an extra stir and set my peripheral vision to the dark street just past our living room window. Were those headlights? Would they even be arriving in a car? There’s so much we didn’t know about them—including their last names. They were ten minutes late, and I stewed.
I, of all people, should know better. For my family, ten minutes late means right on time. We’re fashionably relaxed, and we’re here to show the world there’s really no rush.
But I was edgy on the other side of that minute hand. I pushed mason jars against the ice dispenser with more force than necessary and minced the life out of two cloves of garlic, feeling every bit a fool. “They’re not coming. I told you this was going to happen. It happens every time.” My husband’s shoulders shrugged just a little; his eyes were kind. He knew I had more at stake. He hadn’t forgotten that just two days before, I’d run to Wal-Mart for a griddle so the sandwiches could toast at the same time only to be ditched two hours later, us and our tomato soup.
It was all too much.
I set the table for five, relieved I hadn’t wasted my time changing back into my jeans. (Rejection and constricting fabrics decidedly do not pair well together.) This was still time well spent, I told myself. Cooking a meal with love for my family was more than worthy enough. And I knew it was true. I knew.
But how are we really supposed to continue, God? How many times can this happen before we fold? I’m done.
Recent months made me an acquaintance to the slow boil of cynicism. It sneaked up on me when I wasn’t watching and there I stood—a frog, half-cooked, in faded sweatpants and mismatched oven mitts.
The door opened and closed, a burst of cold air. There was nervous laughter and rushed apologies and a small votive candle with glitter along the edge.
“I got this for you. It isn’t much, I hope you like blue.”
We sat around the table, passing overly-charred garlic toast and plastic bottles of salad dressing. We noticed the soft way he watched her when she spoke and the way she picked her cuticles when he mentioned his past.
Don’t we all want the same things? Aren’t we aligned at the core, aching to believe we’re wanted, appreciated, worthy of community?
When I’m not careful, I begin to believe “they” are all the same, whoever “they” happen to be.
When I’m careless, I forget I am one of them. We’re in this together, pushed and pulled into untidy piles and misshapen knots.
This Christmas, I want to lose my world-weary heart. It’s no use to me. I want to box it up, tape it closed, wrap it tight, and let it go—my gift to the atmosphere, where it floats and drifts like a thinning plume of smoke, splitting and scattering until it’s altogether gone.
I want to receive my community without apprehension and give without reservation.
I want generosity and gratitude to string our lives together, note by note, until we make a song. There’s no music in self-preservation and no rhythm in doubt. The magic moves in the brazen hope that all is never lost, not for any of us.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:7
Grab my hand, we’ll find the beat.
Leave a Comment
Bev Duncan @ Walking Well With God says
Shannan,
I am one of “them” too. The world does want to make us weary and cynical, yet God calls us to a different standard. When I get lazy I slip into old ways, but I am just a ragamuffin myself and who am I to withhold love from others? May we all join hands and move to the beat to His loving heart. Absolutely beautiful post…much needed…thank you.
Blessings,
Bev
Flower Patch Farmgirl says
From one ragamuffin to another, thank you.
Love to you today, Bev. xo
Andrea says
You are speaking the truth right to my “world weary” heart. I just said well, “it probably won’t happen” last night I hopes to dampen a disappointment as fear crept into my heart. Thank you so much for this moment
Flower Patch Farmgirl says
Oh, I need my own reminder, every single day. It can be such a fight.
So thankful that sometimes everything falls into place, or at least “close”. 🙂
Those moments sure do help.
Thanks for speaking up here today, Andrea.
Karen says
ME TOO…..to this….. This Christmas, I want to lose my world-weary heart. It’s no use to me. I want to box it up, tape it closed, wrap it tight, and let it go—my gift to the atmosphere, where it floats and drifts like a thinning plume of smoke, splitting and scattering until it’s altogether gone
Flower Patch Farmgirl says
Karen, you’re such a good friend to me!
xo
Jesika says
We’ve been through a whirlwind of junk in our work as hosts for Safe Families for Children…and my heart needed to hear this part so bad:
“When I’m not careful, I begin to believe “they” are all the same, whoever “they” happen to be. When I’m careless, I forget I am one of them. We’re in this together, pushed and pulled into untidy piles and misshapen knots.”
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Thank you for the important reminder!
Flower Patch Farmgirl says
Carry on with that Jesus work, Sister!
Deena says
Yes, I’m with you there little sister. Three younger of four kids in college, one of those married. The oldest living with her cat and driving a school bus. First Thanksgiving since the June wedding. I don’t even know these people I call Offspring. I huddle on my bed hearing baby girl, senior in college, asleep on the couch. In two hours I will be driving the 150 miles in the mountains to the ocean to return her to her college home.
I will return to my community for 4 weeks and then do this crazy week all over again… with an artificial tree instead of a 3 herb pot with a China turkey as the centerpiece.
Jesus hold my hand as I walk this unfamiliar season of life. Help me to be a witness of your love to my community.
Frederica says
God Bless You for this touch to the core reminder. May God’s Richest Blessings be poured out on Your Home and Family. 3 John vs.2
Kelly says
I can always count on you for one line, one zinger, that zaps my heart. “This Christmas, I want to lose my world-weary heart. It’s no use to me.” {zap} That one’s going in the journal. I’ll be meditating on it for awhile. Thanks for always being willing to share your heart.
Beth Willis miller says
Love your open, honest, transparent writing, you had me at…”Rejection and constricting fabrics decidedly do not pair well together.”
Flower Patch Farmgirl says
You’re clearly my soul sister. 🙂
Lori says
Beautiful. God has stretched my heart in ways I never dreamed possible (or ever wanted, if I am being honest—-I thought my own family and church people were enough). My alternative high school kids are my joy and anguish, all at once. They don’t ask for anything— they don’t know what to ask for. The one-step-forward, two-steps-back dance continues. Pass an equivalency test, get suspended for a fight, keep selling drugs. Get a job at Arby’s, girlfriend pregnant, hauled to jail on a bench warrant. I pray a tiny taste of unconditional love will lead them to look for its source. If “success stories” were motivation, I would’ve skated out of here to Advance Placement-land in a high-performing school. But it’s hard sometimes. Thank you for the reminder——love you.
Flower Patch Farmgirl says
I love your words and heart here SO much. You’re speaking a language I understand. That feels good! 🙂 We keep learning how our definitions of “success” are so backwards and plainly wrong. Thank you, and carry on!
Marian Vischer says
Just thank you for this. Because you’re so right. There’s no us / them dichotomy. We’re all us. And every day I forget and have to learn all over again.
Char says
beautifully written.
Taryn says
Oh Sister! Our hearts are so very much in the same place! You have reminded me of the importance of making the space and taking the time to allow truth to refocus my heart. Loving you and missing you across the miles between us!
Annie says
I thanked the Lord for you today. You make me cry in that oh so good way. You make me want to be more like you. Thanks XO
Flower Patch Farmgirl says
I promise you being more like me is the recipe for disaster and ruin. 🙂
I’m just pointing to Jesus in my flawed way and hoping we all keep inching closer to Him!
Bronwyn says
SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL, WE CAN TAKE A LOT AWAY FROM THIS. MAY YOU HAVE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS, AND I KNOW YOU WILL BE A BLESSING TO OTHERS.!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE POST!
Elsie says
What a lovely piece! With many meanings – if you think about it. And the perfect Scripture to accompany the gentle but powerful words.
Sarah Coleman says
I long for acceptance. I long for community. I want to live without apprehension and give without hesitation.
We’re you reading my mail? Thank you.
Flower Patch Farmgirl says
I have to think we all sort of get the same mail. 😉
Lori H says
As always, so well-written with not an extra, unnecessary word. I often read these stories of yours where you are painting a picture to make us think, and feel like I missed something, the part of the story that would tell me what is going on. Like, who are the people she is waiting for, what is the back story, did I miss a post. It has taken me a while to realize (duh, sorry!) that you aren’t reporting a news story that gives all the details, like some blogs recount the day’s happenings. You present just enough to make your point, and it is open-ended enough that we can relate it to our own experiences and mold the lesson to address our own story. Does that make sense? I am not the writer you are 🙂
Flower Patch Farmgirl says
Well, I probably don’t do an adequate job of filling in the gaps. I’m sorry!
But yes, the point isn’t usually the actual story, or the folks in them.
It’s everything behind all that. Thanks for getting it!
Sherry says
Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. It’s so wonderful to know there are loving people in this “weary world”.
Tanya says
Thanks….I needed to hear this, as well as many of the comments.
Lolly says
Gratitude and Generosity. 25 days of RACK`D (random acts of kindness) Tender hearts Sweet Jesus.
Debra Alexander says
You always pull me in with your heart.
Kristina says
I love this! It sounds like my life, it is so good to know that other people are the same. 🙂
Tyra says
So happy to know sister that God is calling His people to #ALoveRevolution. While we are weary His eye roams seeking those He can strengthen. We’ve been made strong now it’s time to love. I’ve purposed in my heart to commit a deliberate, purposeful act of love toward someone inside and outside my home every day. Let’s do it!
Marty says
Such a sweet post. Thank you for sharing. Your words encouraged me today! 🙂
kimberly wood says
I have been seeing “[in]courage” posts come through my email for quite some time now…
However.
Today is the first time, I read my [in]courage email without bitterness… I read it with an openess that is foreign yet, inviting… I read it without even one, “Ya, but…”
I thank you for your honest- to- goodness honesty and unrelenting willingness to share… I thank our Father for your God given talent that speaks to the broken parts-in all of us-who are willing to listen and begin to hear what community. Sisterhood. Belonging really looks like…
Flower Patch Farmgirl says
Thank YOU for reaching out with this encouragement.
I sometimes fear that my heartbeat is too different, that people can’t relate or would rather think about happier things. Thank you so much for being right here with me, along with so many others. When we believe we’re alone, it’s such a lie.
Happy Thursday. 🙂
Edna says
thank you for this message. I feel so drained in this man -made December . I feel so encouraged.God bless you and use you
Dr. Love says
These messages are uplifting and encouraging. Be Blessed! John 3:16.
Jenny says
Thank you all for the encouragement There are so many of us who can identify with one another. You have been very transparent so many of us and we know that we are not alone but God in His Almightiness is with each and everyone of us. Across this planet. Praise Him!
Jewell says
Oh, how I needed to read this today! At the end of each year, I find myself world-weary and depleted, AND feeling rejected and unappreciated by community. Your post was such an encouragement to me, as was many of the comments, and I can face today and the next, and the next, with renewed purpose, knowing that many of my sisters are right where I am; and linked arm-in-arm by God’s Spirit, we can continue to be conduits of God’s love! I am grateful to God for using you in such a special way to bring refreshing and encouragement to the “world-weary.” Good bless you, my sister!