Four tall white rocking chairs swayed gently back and forth in the summer breeze on our covered front porch. Sipping coffee and catching up on life, my heart delighted in a visit with my daughter’s childhood friend, newly married.
Tears gathered in her large brown eyes, as she whispered, “I thought I had married my perfect match, but my marriage is so hard. Tell me the story of your marriage, because I desperately need hope that it will get better.”
Deep compassion filled my heart, as I had watched this precious young woman grow up, fall in love, and enter into her life with the sparkle of ideals and romantic dreams. My marriage had begun the same way, but now, 34 years into it, I had grown in perspective and the gentle straining towards God’s grace covering many seasons.
“Precious one, you have had such passion and vision for marriage. I have confidence in the story you will tell, because I know the integrity of your heart. The capacity to live a great story is all there, now you just have to live in to that potential and engage every day in building your marriage.”
Marriage Embodies your Life Story
Marriage is one of the vehicles God designed where He weaves the character of Christ deep into our hearts. But in this surgery of heart, we feel vulnerable, exposed and surprised by our own selfishness, pettiness and anger. Yet, when we catch a vision for the long-term story our lives will tell, then we have energy for the journey towards maturity.
Epic stories are filled with drama, romance, and heroic actions that save the day. You are beginning such a story. As obstacles are surmounted, and difficulties overcome one day at a time, your marriage will grow stronger and reflect the glory of your tale.
Marriage is Heart Work
We seek instant gratification, formulaic answers for every aspect of modern life, and behavioral methods to solve problems in marriage. “How to’s” fill books—how to be submissive, to have a good sex life, to be a better homemaker. Fulfilling laws or rules as a checklist will not provide soul satisfaction, because marriage and the melding of two lives is a mysterious, sacred process unique to each couple.
A strong marriage is really an issue of heart that says,
I want my marriage to work,
I see my marriage as an act of worship to God,
I want my love to grow stronger and more mature,
I want to leave a legacy of faithfulness for to my children.
When the heart issues are engaged, then the behavior follows the direction of giving and grace. Vision for moving forward starts in a heart that desires to please God.
The Art of Life Lived Well Defines your Story
An artistic, engaging novel unfolds through many seasons of life stories and victories won. My story included opposite personalities, family conflict, 8 car wrecks, sick children, miscarriages, financial stress, 17 moves, and four hormonal teenagers. But we grew stronger, by overcoming obstacles one at a time. Our tale is also filled with love growing deeper, joy shared in the community of becoming a close family, the satisfaction of having run the race and finished the course intact. Deep satisfaction in finishing well is beyond what I could have understood as a young idealistic bride.
Mutual heart commitment to build it over a lifetime: practicing loyalty during hard times, choosing love when life is a mix of stresses, affirming our family ideals when culture tests them at every point. Marriage, then, is more about choices made in hard times than in seeking a perfect relationship.
Commitment Builds a Wall of protection
In spite of flaws and immature moments, marriage became our integrity built over a lifetime of choices made, one day at a time. The commitment before God, “till death do us part,” became an anchor that protected our marriage because our commitment to Him and each other, gave us a way forward.
My commitment:
*I have promised God I will be faithful my whole life.
*I will seek to build into the value and growth of our marriage.
*This is a place I will worship God by choosing to become the best marriage partner I can be.
Each chapter became a tale of love that won the day, perseverance that held our children fast through their years, traditions that defined the character and atmosphere of our home.
After 34 years of marriage, I understand that marriage is a work of divine art, a masterpiece, created over a lifetime of practicing faithfulness. The end is even better than the beginning, because it has priceless value.
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To read more about cultivating your marriage, motherhood and calling through living a life of deep intention, bold faith and generous love, check out Sally’s new book, Own Your Life, available now in bookstores everywhere and visit Sally’s blog for prizes and giveaways all week long to celebrate its release!
Such a beautiful post! Sally Clarkson has been such an inspiration to me in her other books, this looks like such an encouragement to women everywhere! I cannot wait for the amazing webcast!
Interesting. Just this morning in my bible reading/study time, I read in Ephesians about husbands and wives, children and parents, servants and masters, and putting on the whole armor of God. In order to improve, grow and protect these relationships, I came away with the “simple” answer of Prayer. Simple in quotations because of the many different facets of prayer. Ask, release, believe, receive, apply…
A great post! I am so looking forward to reading this book. Every single book of Sally’s has always pointed me closer to Jesus and has impacted my life.
“Each chapter became a tale of love that won the day…” Love, love, love this! Great article and such inspiring words.
Such truth and wisdom. So many give us up when marriage gets “real and daily”. Thank you for giving us an example of a Christ centered marriage.
Thank you for sharing! I can’t wait to read this book. Love Sally Clarkson and this looks like her best yet.
Very encouraging as always.
My marriage has been through a tough trial for the past few years. Sometimes it gets incredibly hard to just keep going day after day. I know God wants me to honor my marriage vows, even if my husband chooses not to. Sometimes I think that is my hardest calling, just everyday living. But, with God, I press on.
http://www.intentionally graced.blogspot.com
Penny, i think God uses our husbands to crucify our flesh. God knows my heart. He knows I want to die to self. So He is using Wayne to “kill me”. He wants to make me more like Jesus. It really is a good thing, even tho it is very hard and painful. May our Father get the glory from both of our lives. Be encouraged and thankful. Judy
Thank you, Sally! Your insight and wisdom from years of faithful living are a gift to me.
And so many are going to benefit from Own Your Life! What an exciting week.
Thanks for the post and your teaching, Sally. Greatly encouraging. I am praying that many hearts around the world will be drawn closer to Jesus through Own Your Life book!
Sally is right:marriage may start out hard. But after all the flaws and immature moments, the end is better than the beginning. Sally’s new book ‘Own Your Life’ is about commitment and being intentional in your life with God
I love the quote on your beautiful picture! How true that is!
During the first year of my marriage, I seriously thought I had made a mistake. Because of our commitment to God and to each other, my husband and I worked our marriage to a pretty good place. Around year 7, there was another bump in the road. We were so unhappy and dealing with issues for which there was no preparation. I prayed for relief from our circumstances, and for the first time in my life, I put my entire life in God’s hands. I thought I had faith. I thought I trusted God. But on this day, when God answered my prayer immediately, I realized that I had a long way to go in my relationship with Him. This was one of many turning points in my life. I decided to be happy, and that my happiness was not going to depend on anyone. I started small. I greeted my husband at the door each day with a smile. He asked me what was wrong. That was a very clear sign I needed to change myself. It didn’t happen overnight, but my life and my marriage has been transformed by my total dependence on God. My husband and I will celebrate 19 years of an incredible marriage this year with 3 wonderful daughters. God has lead us through miscarriages, an adoption, a “surprise” baby, and though 10 moves (so far) across 5 states. Life is such an adventure and we’re so blessed! I can’t wait to see what He’ll do next!
Beautiful picture of marriage and great encouragement for when difficulty hits. (Sorry this may post a picture of my husband, we share an email account…we’ll see).
What a beautiful example you have given me of marriage. I am inspired and uplifted.
I love this! What an example Sally is of a life lived with purpose and courage. Her books have inspired to live by ideals. I know “Own Your Life” will have great impact.
Excited to read the book!
Sally you are always such an encourager! Marriage is hard work, but such a beautiful gift to all those who persevere under the authority of Christ. I love my man more now after 17 years than I ever thought I could. I can’t imagine how my affections for him will overflow after 34 years. I can’t wait to read you new book!
“Marriage is one of the vehicles God designed where He weaves the character of Christ deep into our hearts.” Amen!!! While sometimes painful, it surely is beautiful now to look back on and see His hand!
Thank you for the encouragement, Sally!!!
Thanks for this beautiful post Sally! I am going through a turning a time where I am re-learning what I know about the foundations of marriage as I am in an intercultural relationship. What are your thoughts on intercultural marriages? Do they succeed? Are they much harder? Is it better to marry within one’s culture?
I am also curious to learn what others believe the Bible says about men dating younger women. My brothers are going through a season of dating or wanting to commit to older women and looking to set themselves up for failure.
Would appreciate your insights.
Love the picture and the encouraging words!
Marriage truly is another way we worship God. It is our opportunity to live the love story of God toward His people – to live the Good News – for the world to see! Hard, yes. Hurtful, sometimes. Worth it, always!
Marriage being a heart matter… yes, yes, yes. Oh how God has worked in my heart these last 9 years of marriage. I’m amazed at how many times I pointed my fingers at him and the Holy Spirit would take things back to me and my heart. Love the way He works in us.
Thank you for your words today!
Sally just blesses me so much. Love this post and I am so excited to receive her new book today Own Your Life!
I just found you online. I have been married 27 years and your words are so true. The first of our 4 children was married this summer and I had to send her a link to this piece.
Thank you.
Sally,
Great post! Marriage truly is hard work. I’m going to celebrate 11 years of marriage this January. Between work, & family health issues it has been hard. We’ve had our “major disagreements” “yelling times”, but I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world! I believe God put us together for a reason!!! 🙂 He has always been there for me–especially when my parents got sick & my mother died. He’s been my rock during this past year with my dad’s many health issues & family staying with us.
Yes marriage is hard hard work, but well worth it in the end! It takes prayers, perseverance and determination!
Blessings 🙂
Sally, You shared the Imperfections with the realities…what married LIFE can be like, not “The Movie happily ever after” of fairy tales and dreams. GOD is good and has taught me so much about Loving scarifically through marriage…just like the bride and his church…..a delicate And complex love affair!
Blessings abound despite struggles…and the seasons of marriage can be connected to the seasons of life. I keep looking for God’s goodness, each day.
Thanks for sharing great Encouragement may god bless you .