In a frustrated swipe of my hand, I erased two huge columns of tasks on my whiteboard the other day. Some had been crossed off, others hadn’t even been started. I’d stared at that list, willing something to fall off of it, waiting for someone to see it and say they could help me out with a few things, but all of those things I’d said “yes” to stared back at me stubbornly.
They weren’t budging.
So, in a moment of choice paralysis, I erased them and declared a fresh start for myself. With an exhale and a clean slate, I reevaluated my “yeses” and chose to turn some of them into “no’s.” The items that made their way back onto the list were priorities — job responsibilities, promises to family and friends, and a few small personal goals.
But the tasks that didn’t make the cut? They were all good. Some were exciting opportunities while others fell under that miscellaneous category of “would be nice some day.” But as I said “no” to some good things, I was able to make room on that whiteboard — and in my heart — for some great things that God had planned for me.
When we pack our to-do list full of good, we don’t leave space for great.
I’m such a task-oriented, reward-driven personality that the more items I have on my list, the more wanted, needed, and successful I feel. But it’s a false sense of security that ultimately leads to burn-out, when my heart desperately wants rest and space to find security in Christ alone.
Over the last several months, I’ve gotten more comfortable saying “no” with grace and love. I’ve learned to find ways to support others so that it honors their efforts and brings me joy in the process. I’ve been able to graciously extend the option of “no” as I’ve asked others to help me, and I’ve created space to be able to say “yes” when God gifts me with something great.
Your “no” could open the door to a great “yes” for someone else.
Earlier this year, God opened one of those “great” doors for me — my “yes” allowing someone else to say “no” in a season where He was asking them to focusing on something else. In August, I officially became the new host of Nester’s “Write 31 Days” challenge — a writing challenge that invites bloggers to write every day for 31 days straight, October 1 – 31. {You’re all invited, by the way!} After 5 years of hosting, Nester felt called to pass the torch, and I was only able to say “yes” because I’d felt the nudge to leave room for “something.”
That “something” is now the delightful task of hosting more than 1,200 women in a Facebook group, encouraging them as they plan and prepare for the 31 Days challenge. It’s given me the opportunity to use the gifts and talents God has been refining in me over the last few years, and I’ve also been able to raise up other leaders to use their gifts of love and encouragement alongside me.
It’s okay to say “no” to the good things so you can save space for that next “something.”
In the waiting, commit to doing the things that stayed on your to-do list to the best of your abilities. Find women to collaborate with, work with, and cheer for. Keep learning, seek God’s will, and trust that He is for you. And pray that your “no” will be a blessing to someone else who may never have received the chance to say “yes” otherwise.
With love,
Crystal Stine, host of Write 31 Days & author of Creative Basics
[linebreak]
Crystal,
Congratulations on being the new host of the 31 day challenge. I think this will be right up your alley! I’m such a remedial learner sometimes that God, literally, has to take me out of the game (sideline me with surgeries) to get me to re-evaluate my priorities. I want so much to do good things “for” God that I don’t allow room for the great He wants to do “through” me. Big difference! I find, though, when I do less and I allow Him to work through me, together we can move mountains. It’s only taken me half a century to learn this. Thankful He’s seen fit to teach you early 🙂
Blessings,
Bev xx
Oh Bev, I love that – the difference between doing “for” and doing “through.” So good!
I can TOTALLY relate to your drive. I understand my identity isn’t wrapped up in success or checked-off to-do lists, but at times, it’s hard to step back and hit the reset button. My dad always encouraged me by using the phrase, “Just remember, Kristin, when you say ‘yes’ to one thing, you are non-verbally saying ‘no’ to something else.” Thank you for the reminder, Crystal.
I love your dad’s phrase! I’m going to write that one down 🙂
I’ve been watching you from afar and learning from you. As I enter a new season, a different place I am trying to learn from you. Thank you for your honesty and transparency.
Mary, you are such a sweet friend. Thank you!
First of all,
Congratulations Crystal, I wish you well.
Thank-you so much,
I was just thinking about this last night.
Trusting that by turning good things down, it can be just the right thing to do.
Penny
Thank you Penny! And there really is so much trust required when we say “no,” isn’t there?
Crystal, first of all, congratulations on being the new hostess! How exciting!! Like you, I’ve been learning that it’s okay—good, even— to say no to good things. God’s taught me that when I say no to the good, I can say yes to His best for me. And really, isn’t that where I (and all of us)want to be anyway—walking out His best for our lives? Oh yes. It’s getting easier for me to say no. The biggest thing I’m having to be okay with is missing out on some of the “fun” some of my friends and acquaintance enjoy because they were able to say yes. When I remember that I’m walking out God’s calling for my life that makes the no’s easier to embrace.
Thanks for such a great post!
Thanks Jeanne! That fear of missing out thing is so real, but I’ve had to remind myself that I’d sooner miss out on what the world wants me to say “yes” to so I don’t miss out on what God has for me (still makes it hard some days, doesn’t it?).
Your post is so timely, Crystal. It’s always such a pull b/c of course something good should get a YES. But I’m saying no to something this week and prayerfully leaving margin for rest (which is always pretty great) and ministry. I’m finding it’s hard to obey God’s nudges when my schedule is packed too tight.
I’m learning to appreciate the value of rest so much more this year – will be praying for you as you say that “no” this week.
Beautiful, Crystal. This is a word I NEED today. So many questions coming at me. Hard to know. But giving myself the freedom to say no means I’m more open to REALLY hearing God and following Him rather than saying yes out of obligation.
Crystal,
WHOOT WHOOT on being the new host of the 31 day writing challenge! You will do great!! Like you I’m a task oriented person. I have this “need” to feel useful doing things!!! I often compete with my husband as to who did more things in a day–crazy huh? Since last year though I’ve found myself craving more “spiritual whitespace”. Wanting to do more for God, but still have time for myself and definitely more time with Him! This world says go…go…go…do…do…do… rush…rush…rush…have it all and you are successful. God says “Be still and know that I am God”. He wants us to slow down and appreciate all the gifts he has given us!
Blessings 🙂
Thanks so much for all the goodness in this post–I love that my “no” can be someone’s great “yes” AMEN–it all works together. May we not be afraid to let things go!
Love from Holland,
Jasmine