I have finally figured out this stage of my life.
I am in the middle.
Being in the middle is a little confusing. I now have some significant days behind me. I’m not “just starting out” anymore. In pretty much all areas of my life — as a parent, spouse, leader, professional — I have “experience.” That’s a good thing. I know I am not the person I was in my 20s. I’ve progressed and matured and learned since my 30s. I’m stronger and more confidant and much more settled in who I am at this stage of my life. I still lose my keys, get into wrong cars, trip on curbs, and have frizzy hair, but overall I’m getting along fine.
But here’s the thing . . .
The middle doesn’t mean that you are finished.
The middle is just the beginning.
The middle is where your biggest dreams can come to life.
The middle means you have great days ahead, and those days can be the best.
I’ll be honest. I’m a little lost sometimes in this middle land.
I have people in my life that I invest in, mentor, and try (somehow, with grace) to influence and encourage. I wish I had more available hours to do this with more people. I value those relationships. But deep down in my heart I long to be a recipient of investment. The middle people sometimes look like they have it all together. We don’t. We are often longing for someone to come and walk alongside us in this stage. We still need to do life together. We still need someone to believe in us, someone to cheer us on, and someone to guide us through what happens in middle land.
In my middle, I need people more than ever.
In my middle, life is full of a lot of things that I am trying to navigate.
Maybe all middle women have awesome mentors. Maybe they all get calls from someone who sees that spark, who calls out that potential in them. Maybe all women but me have that, and I really need to join some sort of support group. Maybe my introverted nature has just taken control of my life and I really need to get out there.
I have some great imaginary relationships. I call them my “one-sided virtual mentors.” They are amazing people. They write words I soak up; they post blogs that give me chills. I buy their books; I follow their instagram like we are BFFs. And honestly, some of these relationships have impacted my life greatly. But they never talk back. I’m not really chatty so that is ok most of the time, but I’d love to hear a voice sometime. Of a person with skin.
I know this sounds needy. (I prefer the word “transparent.’) Just to be clear, I do have great friends and a social life. I’m not living alone in the woods. Please don’t sign me up on a find-a-companion website. But, as a person who thinks about, speaks about, and writes about mentoring and investment I’ve realized that I don’t know where I fit anymore. I know I am lacking in that area of my life.
I long for a voice.
I want to be better.
I value life being done together.
Maybe you’re supposed to be self-sufficient in the middle? Maybe you are supposed to be able to figure it out?
I don’t really think that is the way it should be.
I believe that life is meant to be shared as family.
I believe that everyone has something to offer someone else.
Every generation can speak into another.
Every person can offer something to another person.
We are never done learning and growing.
I have Netflix and Wi-Fi, an anti-social cat and lots of great people in my life.
But I’m still trying to figure life out.
In the middle.
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Related: Hang this beautiful wall art in your home to share a message of hope and remind family and friends that “We are always better together.”
Leave a Comment
Denise Jarman says
Dear Shelly, As I was reading your thoughts I really felt what you were saying. But I do disagree with one point, and that is that what you described doesn’t just happen to people in the middle. I’m more near the end now and I feel like you . I want to be the person who has someone to mentor me, someone I don’t have to pretend with that I’m the ‘older’ Christian woman with years of wisdom to offer. Sometimes I want to be on the receiving end.
So, thank you for expressing what I feel but am not brave enough to say to anyone.
Shelly Calcagno says
HI Denise! Thanks for replying, and yes – I think at all stages we all long and need to have someone invest in us. I pray this week, you are abundantly blessed!
Shelly Wildman says
I love this, Shelly–I think we could be twins! 🙂 I’m in the middle too (actually further into the middle than you are), an introvert, and a mentor to college girls. Just the other day I was thinking, “Boy, I could use an older woman to mentor me.” This stage of life is hard and confusing and sometimes a little sad, but I often (OFTEN!) think about what dear Liz Curtis Higgs said at the IF:Gathering last year. I was sitting in a room full of much younger women, wondering why God had called me there, and Liz stood up in the very last session and said something like, “I realize that God still has a place for me, because if I don’t speak up and tell you what’s coming, some of you young women will be really scared.” That has really influenced me to keep going, keep working, keep speaking up so that the women coming behind me won’t be so scared. Thanks for your transparency here! 😉
Shelly Calcagno says
Hi Shelly! Thanks for your comment and YES, we need to share for those coming behind, I totally believe that! There is a place for us all! Have an amazing day! (twin)
MamaJoyful says
Exactly. Exactly what I would love to say, if I were brave – er.
Shelly Calcagno says
Thanks MamaJoyful! We can be brave together!
Beth Williams says
Shelly,
I am a beginning middle, semi introvert and don’t have life figured out at all! I love having friends both on-line and skin! Life has been somewhat rough for me since last year. I asked God for spiritual whitespace and turning middle He saw my need and granted it! Now I can begin to dream big and have perhaps some of them come true!!! I feel more mature, outgoing, and more assured of myself than my 20 or 30something self was. Currently I am taking a sabbatical from all work to help assist in the care of my aging father. He is on hospice now. My hair s not gray (shocking as I’ve been through a lot)! We older women should try to mentor the younger ones and let them know what life is all about! Help them make the right choices!
Blessings 🙂
Shelly Calcagno says
Thank you Beth!! Blessings to you as you care for your father (and I think it’s ok to not have it all figured out!)
Marissa says
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Very honest and refreshing. I totally thought that I was the only one that had one sided mentors. I pray that we may find great mentors that we can do real face to face life together. God bless!
Shelly Calcagno says
Thanks Marissa! And yes, imagine if everyone found just one person to invest in! That would be powerful! Have a wonderful day!
Shelly Calcagno says
Thanks Ro! I’m ok with being the older woman, I just need an older woman too – to help me out! Thanks for sharing! And yes to being women of grace!