How do you say goodbye to home? How do you bid adieu to dear, familiar faces? How do you walk home from the park you have visited on the still-frosty days of spring, the scorching summer mornings, and the twilight afternoons of winter — knowing it is the very last time your feet will follow this familiar path?
Most importantly, how do you say goodbye well?
For much of my life, I rushed through goodbyes. Recently, it occurred to me that I have transitioned to a new state every summer for the past ten years.
That’s a lot of goodbyes. And too often, I barely looked over my shoulder to the people and places I was leaving behind as I hurried on toward a new horizon.
I didn’t leave well.
So, less than two months ago as our family prepared to leave our home of three years to head to a new one almost 2000 miles away, I resolved to leave well.
For the first time, I wanted to say good-bye the right way: with gratitude.
So I visited favorite spots and lingered, savoring the memories. We ate our favorite meals — one last time. And, most importantly, in the midst of the boxes and cleaning, I tried desperately to make lots and lots of time for the friends who had welcomed us without restraint into their hearts and homes.
We gave hugs. We choked back tears.
I wrote notes, trying to so hard to express on paper how months of loving and sharing life together had touched me in the deepest places.
And, then, finally, after all of that, I boarded a plane and said a final goodbye to a city I had grown to love. But I had learned something in the processes of endeavoring to say goodbye well. I had learned that gratitude is at the heart of a good goodbye.
When I rushed off to a new places hardly glancing back, I was essentially forgetting the value of what lay behind me. I was ignoring the experiences that God had used to shape and mold me ever more into His image. I was brushing past dear friends, who had extended compassion, grace, and mercy to me.
I was missing out on seeing all the good gifts I had been given simply because I had forgotten to end each season with gratitude.
I don’t know what your goodbye is right now. It might be a move. Or the end of the semester. Or the final family hugs at the end of the holiday festivities.
What I do know is that we are all saying goodbye, in big ways and small. And before us lies a choice: we can choose the path of ingratitude I know all so well, or we can choose to leave slowly, with intention, and with gratefulness.
We can choose to stop and say the things that our really on our hearts.
We can pause and look back and marvel at how we’ve changed.
We can laugh — and cry — at the memories that we will cherish.
We can leave with gratitude for lives shared, for meals eaten together, for places visited. And ultimately, we can leave with gratitude to the Giver of all good gifts, “who richly provides us with everything to enjoy.” {1 Timothy 6:17}
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Related: With antiquated appeal, these lovely notes are a wonderful way of expressing your heartfelt gratitude to those who have been a blessing in your life!
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Anna Smit says
What a wise and beautiful post. It’s made me reflect on a different kind of goodbye: having Mum depart for heaven last year. But even in these kind of goodbyes we have the choice to pause and take the time to say goodbye, naming that which has been lost to both be thankful for the gift it has been and to recognize and grieve its present loss. Thank you so much. I’m realizing that I’ve never really fully named both the gifts and the loss.
Courtney Lynn Harris says
I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum, Anna! That must hurt very deeply. May you be blessed as you give thanks amid your grieving.
A says
Thank you so much for this perspective shifting post. There have been many seasons of suffering over the last few years, leading to a having to say goodbye to people and old perspectives. Its hard to change and grow, taking hold of new ways of being, being thankful for the journey that has led to this gift of deeper relationship with Christ and new journey places. Praying your new journey with Him be so very blessed and the goodbyes full of gratefulness 🙂
Courtney Lynn Harris says
Thank you!
Sarah Leimer says
I loved this post for so many reasons. It caught me completely off guard this morning in a really important way. My parents are preparing to move out of my childhood home where they have lived for close to 40 years. I have been caught up in the details of helping to pack and assisting with organization etc, and not really allowing myself to prepare to say a HUGE good bye to a large keeper of my childhood memories and story. Sure it is a home, but I am so thankful for all of the goodness and life and memories we have made there as a family. Your post reminded me to stop among the boxes and gently allow myself to remember and be grateful for all of my life I was allowed to live under that wonderful roof. I’m so thankful for your writing and sharing this with all of us today- thank you!
Courtney Lynn Harris says
Thank you for your kind words, Sarah! Wishing you the best as you help to pack, move, and stop to remember.
lhamer says
I love your writing. Your words are so beautiful and such a poignant reminder to be grateful for everything. I moved this past summer and it was really hard uprooting. If I had remembered to be grateful and live with gratitude, it would have been much easier.
Courtney Lynn Harris says
Moves are tough! Thanks for your encouragement!
Alyssa Torregroza says
Beautifully written and so good! It also caused me to reflect on the deepest loss I have experienced in my life so far. Just a couple of days ago, my grandma left this earth. But in this time of extreme sadness, the thing that has given me an immense amount of peace is the fact that I cherished every moment when she was alive. She knew how much I love her, she knew who I am, and I knew who she was. I savored every memory and took every opportunity to thank her and to tell her I love her.
I’m so glad I stumbled upon this article, it was so timely!
Courtney Lynn Harris says
Wow– what a sweet, powerful testimony, Alyssa. I’m so sorry for your loss and so glad that you were able to love and communicate your love to your Grandma while she was here.
Alyssa Torregroza says
Thank you so much Courtney! And thank you for this piece of writing again!
Beth Williams says
Courtney,
Goodbyes are never easy! It is important to reflect on what you learned and how you’ve grown in that place and time! God has us on a journey and He brings people and places into our lives for a time! my next goodbye will be to my dad-the last remaining parent. It will be sad, but good in a way.
Blessings 🙂