“Everyone does motherhood differently. There’s no one right way.” she said. “At the end of the day, my kids are all serving the Lord, so I’m obviously doing something right. That’s how I know I’m a good mom.”
I rinsed the skillet, drained the sink, and turned her words over and over.
I went about my day, and her words went with me.
I’m sure I’ve spoken similar words. There was a time, much earlier in motherhood, when I clung to the cute prayers my toddlers would whisper at dusk, all their s’s filed down with a lisp. I remember “praying the prayer” years ago with our preschooler and believing I had fulfilled my life’s work.
And then our oldest son came into our life.
I penned entire volumes on yellow legal pads while he sat in prison, loaded with Bible verses and the usual spiritual cheer-leading. His responses landed like a song in my mailbox, stacked with questions about God, loopy script devoid of punctuation but pulled hard toward possibility. Robert had found God apart from us, and I know nothing of the jailhouse Jesus. But I know He cannot be outrun. He sniffs people out in dark corners where they’re positioned to listen. I know this from experience, from a different kind of jail.
Yet all around were Christians who found themselves incapable of holding a steady gaze when I glowed about the redemption of my newest son. Their skepticism showed its face in the single arch of an eyebrow, and I burned with unholiness. Others dove straight into the deep end of my hallelujah, and I worried I hadn’t given them the full story.
The truth is, opinions had no bearing on the gravity of the miracle.
Wait, was it a miracle? Or was I just naive? I became vigilant about Robert’s spiritual health, constantly taking his pulse, checking his vitals, looking past his pain in search of fire. I was a good mom, after all. My status hinged on it staying lit.
Over time, it quieted. I grew satisfied with just a few curls of smoke.
He moved toward us, and away from God.
He sat in the dark — we sat there with him — and he said he wanted us forever, but not our faith.
The longer I’m a mom, the less I really know.
But here are a few things I do know. I know the church has allowed us to believe our job is to raise children of God, or maybe it’s soldiers for Christ or Jesus Freaks or some other cliche that feeds our hunger for independence and pride. It’s half true at most, and the distinction is important. We are tasked with leading our children well, pointing them to the cross while bearing the unique weight of not owning another’s soul. Nothing more.
I know our kids who look us straight in the eye and say they don’t want God might be the very people God uses to remind us of His unflagging affection and authority.
I know when we default to boring, blanket statements about whether or not we’re getting things “right,” it’s only because we know there are so many glaring things we’re getting wrong. We are all hardwired to self-soothe. We want so badly to sleep at night. I get it. But we are not fooled by our own words. These platitudes do not strengthen the kingdom.
The wrenching truth is, I pray for the salvation of all my children but I can do nothing to secure it.
There are moms who have “heard from the Lord” that their children will all come to serve Christ. I am not her.I do hear from the Lord. Our talks are unfancy treasure, infusing the air around me. They are my feet on the pavement, my hand on my child’s cheek, the water beating down on my shoulders in the morning, the closed fists of blossoms making promises they will keep. He loves me. He adores you. He created Robert in His image, with intention. I can be sure of this.
Our job is not to lasso our kids’ hearts for God then hand Him the rope.
We cannot tie our goodness to an outcome that was never ours to create. We’ve gotten this all wrong. Our job is to reflect His goodness while we are here in the land of the fumbling, wrecking-ball living.
It’s time to reshape this narrative.
When I walk in my limitations, I am a good mom.
When I remember my cupboards are bare of power and sovereignty, I am a good mom.
When I have the courage to look at my screw-ups and past theirs, I am a good mom.
When I am willing to see myself in their thin places, I am a good mom.
When I pull my wanderer into a tight hug and promise there is no end to my love, I am a good mom.
When I speak the truth, pray, and hold up my light with shaking arms because it’s all I know to do, I am a good mom.
When I never stop hoping, I am a good mom.
God holds us in His palm. We can only feel the ground under our own two feet.
But it’s bright here. It’s warm. We radiate the goodness of our safe place.
It’s impossible to know who might be moving toward the light on our faces.
Maybe that’s the whole point and perhaps it is exactly enough.
These were the words I needed to hear this morning, after a sleepless night agonizing over an angry, wounded, relapsing child. Thank you.
I have lost similar sleep. I’m so grateful these words found you right where you are today. Much peace and grace to you and your sweet child, Jude.
Yes!
Thank you.
I opened my incourage email today to delete before reading. The Holy Spirit nudged me to check out the first few lines…. Thank You Jesus for this precious encouragement from you. An answer to my countless prayers of lament for my 3 sons. I’m grateful to be each of their moms. I’m grateful for Hope. I’m grateful God is in the business of miracles. I’m grateful my aching heart doesn’t beat alone. I’m grateful to hear your words of permission to say “I’m a good mom”.
Rachael, your prayers so very much echo my own. “I’m grateful to be each of their moms.” YES!! I’m holding on to hope with you, Mama. Your comment was tremendously encouraging to me today and I’m so very thankful the Holy Spirit leads you. Have a wonderful Tuesday!
Thank you for speaking out these truths. Praying for all Mom’s this morning to understand that our children belong to God and our job is to live a life of unconditional love while praying for our children without ceasing. Mom’s need to lift one another up with encouragement and prayer and stop comparing and judging one another.
Thank you so much for those words!!
I am a new reader. This post breaks my heart. Because YES, we want to be able to lasso their hearts and and them over to God. I, and I habe to believe every other Christian mom, want nothing more than for our children to know and follow Christ. To imagine anything less is so heartbreaking.
I am not sure how to comfort you in this, but I am thankful that God does.
Of course that’s what we want! All I’m saying is that it’s God job to do the lasso-ing. It doesn’t hinge on me, and that is a massive relief. 🙂
I re-read my comment and can’t believe you could read it with all of those typos!
Yes. I didn’t really flesh out what I was meaning to say, either. I meant: It’s heart breaking because we can’t force our kids to follow Christ and sometimes they just don’t. My worry for my own children is that they will stubbornly refuse Christ some day. I don’t know how I will be comforted in that because there will be nothing I can do but just hope that some day they will respond to God.
I am someone who struggles with letting God do the work in most areas of my life, so in this area- my cherished children- I really, REALLY struggle with it! I can’t imagine how to comfort someone in that situation and I wish I did because for me it would be so hard to wait. I assume it would be such a hard thing for you, too, because you obviously love him and are thinking about it. To imagine a life for him without Christ must be incredibly difficult for you, and I am sorry that you (and he) are going through this.
That is what I meant by my comment. ☺ I apologize. I was attempting to encourage and commiserate with you but didn’t sit down and give it the time I should have to write a legible comment.
No apologies necessary! I usually get so lazy that I just comment with a string of emojis. Ha! So I’m way impressed. 🙂
Shannan, you have brought such a deep truth to light this day!!! I will read & re-read these truths until they are kept ‘in my knower’. My prayers will continue on my adult son’s behalf in hopes he will experience the true redemptive salvation & relationship of the Lord. Thank you for sharing your heart today.
“In my knower”. This will have me smiling all morning. 🙂
This is food for MY soul, to know there are many of us praying for our lost sons and daughters and loving them with everything we’ve got.
So very true of what you said about praying for our kids salvation but not really having the ability to secure it. I feel as if I am in a similar position with our oldest. We raised him to look up to God, follow His Word and yet at the end of the day, he now refuses to attend church with us. He will be 21 in September and I feel as if I had failed somewhere along the line. As if I did not get it right like some other moms out there where their kids are going on mission trips, being in church events and so forth. All I can do is have faith and the hope that somewhere deep inside, God will remind my son how great His love is for him even in his wanderings. Thank you for this. I truly needed it today!
My prayer for my son often begins and ends with “Show him who you are and how you love him.” Once we really SEE that, everything changes. Praying for all our sons today.
Such Truth…pointing him toward Jesus, the lover of his soul. Love it:)
Maylee,
I think a lot of young adults leave their parents’ church for a while. Your son needs to choose church for himself, as a young man, instead of being required to attend, as a child. You have laid a strong foundation for him. He will go back to church. Trust Jesus to bring your son back to Himself.
This was exactly what I needed to hear today. God has used you to speak a truth to my heart. Thank you for sharing your heart and being real.
Wow, thank you for this. My kids are still young but I already struggle with this. Thank you for the reminder and encouragement today. I hear so many around me talking about how compassionate, gracious, loving and serving their young children are and I just don’t see those qualities in my kids (very often). I get discouraged and wonder what I am doing wrong… But thank you for reminding me that my job is to be wholly dependent on God and just show them the way.
Yes, yes, yes. I wrote this post primarily about our oldest, but my 3 littles at home have me questioning myself just as often, if not more. I identify with every word you said here. God is our rescuer, and theirs.
Our job is to reflect His goodness whilst in this world – that’s the words I will carry with me. I am a mum to 3 young ones 5,6 and 10 and you are right we can only steer them in the direction of God the rest is up to Him, we can only set as best and as good of an example as we can because we too are only human. He will do the work and we all pray for our children to be saved and safe, warm and dry blanketed in His protection and love and I too. I feel like I am only coming back to the Lord now, fumbling so badly, making the same mistakes I think God must get sick of my broken promises, but I know He loves me because of who He is and not because of who I am. I hope that makes sense – thanks for writing your truth here, it will help a lot of us mums and parents to just trust in Him, that God forgives and has His own plan.
“I know He loves me because of who He is and not because of who I am. ” Makes so much sense to me. Honestly, loving my wayward son has helped me understand more of God’s love for ME. I love him because I couldn’t possibly do anything else! I’m mad about him. I desperately hope he comes to know God, but if and when he does, it won’t make me love him more.
This article is filled with truth and authenticity. The Christian mom circles are just as brutal as the sports circles but seem justified because it’s “for the kingdom”. One of the best most freeing articles I have read! Thank you!
Thank you for posting. I needed to hear this one that through it all with my prodigal and my encouraging Christian daughter I am still a good mom.
LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.
Absolutely beautiful. Thank you for your honesty, Shannan.
Shannan, such a beautiful post. I blogged today on the teenagers in our home, and the things I’m learning as a mom. I love how you remind us that our “good mom” status isn’t based on results our children produce. Rather, are we loving well? Are we pointing them toward Jesus? Are we leaning hard on the Lord?
I needed your reminders this morning. Thank you!
Shannon this is so beautiful and it touched my very soul. I wanted to cry, “yes, yes, yes!!” Thank you for sharing these words, I think so many need to hear them, as did I. I have been drawn to, bumped into, stumbled over, preached at and led to the word freedom lately. What a complex but refreshing word it is – freedom. Your words hold some gems to freedom – it involves the saving grace of a saviour. Thank you again for sharing. In the loved song by Toby Mac – people can hold our heads up but our eyes need to seek freedom in Jesus. Praise God He has come for even me, for even you, and He will faithfully and lovingly continue to seek out even them.
These words needed to be spoken. Thank you for having the courage and honesty to speak them.
Oh my, this post is chock full of such truth and wisdom. In fact it makes such a GREAT bold assertion that I believe it will make some uncomfortable. But truth cannot be denied. Despite our best parenting efforts we are NOT our children’s Holy Spirit, we are not the navigation of their destiny we’re simply a travel guide pointing out information along the way. As a mother of 6 I wonder a lot of I’m getting it right, if I’m helping or messing them up. All we can do is trust in HIS sovereignty while loving them as best as we know how.
Amen, Tyra! I constantly struggle with wishing I was the Holy Spirit in my child’s life and being tremendously, profoundly grateful that I am not. God is moving in ways we cannot see or understand. We can trust that.
Shannan,
Oh how I remember my words as a young mom…”If my children grow up to have a personal relationship with their Lord and Savior, then I will consider myself a success.” Boy, was I wrong!! I did everything within my power. I have one child who walks with the Lord, but her walk is far from perfect. My son, however, followed the path of the prodigal and wrestles with God. I can no easier secure his salvation than fly to the moon. I can pray, however, that the Holy Spirit would do a work in his heart. That has been my earnest prayer for years. I am no less a “success” because my children don’t both walk with the Lord. I find my identity and worth first, foremost, and ONLY in Christ. It is easy to feel like you failed when you see others seemingly perfect lives on Facebook. Comparison – also a dead end. Joining with you Shannan in laying our children on God’s altar and trusting them in His more than able hands. Beautiful…this brought me to tears…
Blessings,
Bev xx
Oh, Bev! Thank you for this. Believing with you that the God we have is so much bigger than the God we think we have.
My daughter is 34 years old with 2 teenage children of her own. She was raised all her life in a Christian home and was saved from liver failure a few years back (a miracle according to the doctors), but for some reason, she has decided now that she no longer believes there’s a God as we believe him to be. She believes in a “higher power” but doesn’t necessarily believe it’s the God that she learned about most of her life. Of course, my heart hurts over this, but I’m believing that she will soon come back to her roots and believe in the one and only God Almighty!
Keep loving that daughter and leave the heavy lifting to the Lord. He’s working in ways you can’t even begin to imagine!
Wow…. really powerful antedote to the lie that we are not good if we don’t produce children who meet some measure of Christian holiness. Thank you for reminding me that my children are not mine… that they belong to the Lord… that we are stewards but not owners. Isn’t that what we say when we dedicate them to the Lord as infants? That this child belongs to God? It is such a gift and privelege to pour ourselves into our children and such an exercise of trust to allow the Lord to do the work in their growth….and to let go and let them find their way. A wise parent once said to me that parenting is a process of letting go from the moment they leave the womb. I have held that advice deeply as a “good enough” Mom.
Amen and Amen. Bless you for speaking for all good moms who feel “less than” because the results are not what they and others expected.
I love this so much!!!! As someone who has spent 7+ years in prison oversight, I know so well the need for there to be people like you who are willing to step forward and be a parent, friend, mentor, spiritual guide, what-have-you for those who are incarcerated. And I absolutely love and commend you for the fact that even though he is not practicing the faith that he had while locked up, you are keeping the faith for him and not giving up on him. God bless you!!!! You are an inspiration.
“We cannot tie our goodness to an outcome that was never ours to create.” YES and AMEN Shannan! Thank you for realigning us to the truth today. (PS…If readers want more of Shannan’s wisdom, preorder her book Falling Free!)
So much love to you today, Kel. XO
Your words reached deep into my soul today and struck a chord… my daughters are lovely people who put God last. It pains me to see this and I’ve spent sleepless nights praying that God would draw them close. Thank you for saying it out loud, we can do nothing but pray, this is their relationship with God, not ours.
Thank you for writing this- it is so true. I am living the same with my precious self-destructive daughter. I can’t save her. All I can do is stubbornly love her through her attempts to prove herself unlovable, and never give up faith that God’s power to save is stronger than that of any darkness. It soothed my broken heart to read the words that I am a good mom in this- not something I hear or feel often, as voices around me sound like condemnation for not being able to force her to walk in righteousness. Thank you.
Angela, your spirit is so sweet. I’m grateful you shared and so sorry that you have felt condemnation as so many of us have. Let’s keep reminding each other of what’s true. God stubbornly loves us through our own attempts to prove ourselves unlovable and we are honored to be able to do the same for our kiddos.
I struggle with this daily. I have 2 sons and 1 step-son (ages 24, 20 and 19). My heart aches for them to know God and to serve Him, to be in His will and to do His work. They were raised in church but barely go anymore. Thank you for this post. I know I’m not in control (and that’s a good thing) but I do struggle with letting go, even though I know God’s got it and He loves them more than I do, which is hard to imagine because I love them so much.
“When I never stop hoping, I am a good mom” – Wow! That really got me. I don’t think of myself as a good mom mostly because of the way they are living their lives but I am not going to stop hoping. Giving them to God!
You are a good mom! And I believe God is working in ways we don’t know how to see or understand. He is able. He is big enough.
xo
Beautiful message in the picture. I made it my desktop background photo. Is that okay?
Honored!
Thanks a lot.
Shannon,
Thank you for words that voice my thoughts and pierce my heart. Yes! Let’s rewrite our mother code and delete unrealistic definitions for being a good mom. Your description of being a good mom is freeing, affirming and better for all of us who have spent years beating ourselves up because of the choices our children have made. My child who declared unbelief is the one God is using to draw me closer to Himself. The sweet relationship I have with Jesus resulted from the unpleasant relationship I had with a bitter child. The love of Jesus shines through your words and into my soul.
My heart recognizes itself in yours. Thank you for these words and for making me feel less alone. Peace to you today!
Thank you so much for your transparency. As a single mother, I always felt like I had to work twice as hard. My children were active in church. We all were. Slowly that changed. My oldest moved out. One gone. Then my daughter got leukemia and died. Two gone. My youngest son was angry with God. Three gone. I wondered where I went wrong. The truth is that they are grown and make choices on their own. I pray continually that they come to their senses like the prodigal son and come back to the only God who can heal and save them. I truly believe God when He said to train them up. He’s well able to do what He promised.
Thank you for sharing your wounds here. I’m so sorry that you’ve been through this pain.
You are a good mom. You are a good mom. You are a good mom. 🙂
And yes, He is so very able.
Grace and peace to you and your family today. May we all see who God is and how He loves us.
Shannon…
THANK YOU!!!
You have no idea how much I needed these words…. They changed everything for me, in this challenging season… ❤️❤️❤️
“When I walk in my limitations, I am a good mom.
When I remember my cupboards are bare of power and sovereignty, I am a good mom.
When I have the courage to look at my screw-ups and past theirs, I am a good mom.
When I am willing to see myself in their thin places, I am a good mom.
When I pull my wanderer into a tight hug and promise there is no end to my love, I am a good mom.
When I speak the truth, pray, and hold up my light with shaking arms because it’s all I know to do, I am a good mom.
When I never stop hoping, I am a good mom.”
~Shannon Martin
(On behalf of all the Mama’s walking through life-challenges with their Littles…)
I’m so glad this found you right where you are today, Michelle!
Let’s all just stick together and remind each other of what’s true. xo
Thank you Shannon, for your message today. It spoke to my heart! I have two wonderful children who do not have a relationship with Christ. They know Him, but do not walk with him. They are good people, and my love has no end for them (I liked your words!). I am a good mom…I needed to hear that! I am a good mom, because I hope, and lift them in prayer. And hopefully the light of Jesus on my face is enough.
Thank you!
Thank-you for your words. Oh how heavy the burden of parenting weighs on my heart most days. As each member of body of Christ has a very different walk and circle of influence so it seems that each family has a unique walk in parenting. Cliche Christianity has no place in real life but only real walking with spirit led hearts and likeness to Jesus. I love your quote about not knowing who will be drawn to our light because of the life and kids and paths we are called to. Oh that I, or the holy spirit in me,may squelch any judgement that rises in my heart toward another parent. Thank-you again, our family was brought together by adoption and often it seems like there is so much to overcome yet God gives me wisdom and hope moment by moment piece by piece. You, today, have been that wisdom and call to persevere.
Thank you for sharing this. Your faith is a beautiful treasure. God bless your sweet Robert. Xoxo
Can I just say thank you for your beautiful candor. God bless.
Yes. There are so many of us right where you are. I’m so thankful for your encouraging word today. I keep the faith and my hope is in my Jeaus who is not finished with my two adult children yet. I gave them to Him a long time ago. I can’t fix them only God can heal and refine. My responsibility is to continue to pray pray and pray some more.
I have been in a difficult marriage for a long time. Though I have done and continue to do my “work”, I can’t do his, or make him want to. I don’t think you will mind if I copy, paste, and change the statement of “…I am a good mom”, to “…I am a good wife.” ? I’ll tuck in my purse, in my Bible, get it tattooed on my forearm… Not feeling like a second-class citizen in church circles is something I’m working on! 😉 Thank you for writing this; only God knows how many are being strengthend by it. Beautiful!
I would be honored for you to make that little change and tuck it in your pocket. I’m so glad the Spirit spoke to you in just the way you needed to hear. Grace and love to you today and to your husband.
About 4 weeks ago my 15-y-o daughter sat me down and told me she was thought she was bi and that she no longer knew what she believed. I responded with love and truth and reassurances, but as I walked away, I died inside. I remembered that beautiful April day in 2011 when, all on her own, after a contemplative day at our local zoo, she came up to me and declared, “Mommy, I choose Jesus.” And I got to pray her heart to the Lord. In that memory, I died all over again. And I walked through weeks of pulling every word, every action, every thought apart, looking for where I went wrong. My head assured me I was not in control of this, but my deceitful heart whispered all the louder that I. So. was. I desperately needed to hear this. And I will probably finger the page until it’s smudged with life and tears, because I need it to sink down deep. I need to know it. Thank you. No words … just, thank you.
Lori, thank you for sharing your burden here. I’m tremendously grateful that God allows us to be vulnerable and authentic and humbly come together and admit that we are not in control, after all. I’m so thankful your daughter has you to love her far beyond what she can even imagine. God is big enough. And you and such a good mom.
Oh, thank you. Really.
I am more and more discovering my place in life is to simply love. . .modeling the compassion that I believe saved me; and trust God with the rest. Sometimes being at peace with Gods providence in the midst of incredible tragedy and turmoil is the greatest declaration of faith I possess, as a Mom, and in any role I may find myself in. I have even spoken the words to a friend most recently when circumstances prevented my presence, “I had to trust God with your situation and not elevate my significance, but humble myself and believe in His power above and beyond my sense of needing to be there”. It can be so difficult to watch others struggle and think our presence is needed. . .but it is beautiful when we simply trust that the one in control places us where we need to be always.
Eunice, today, in addition to my earlier post, I am dealing with the non-control of being there for my daughter has she re-enters the world of brick-and-mortar school (sophomore, no less), for the first time since the first half of 3rd grade. And your words, “I had to trust God with your situation and not elevate my significance, but humble myself and believe in His power above and beyond my sense of needing to be there,” spoke directly into my heart’s cry since dropping her off at 9 a.m. this morning. I can’t fathom Him loving her more than I do; it doesn’t seem possible. But my head knows that He, indeed, does. And this is not her life as connected to mine, nor my life as connected to her. This is HIS story for HER life. And I am trying ever so vigilantly to let go. Let. Go. Trust. Believe. Rest. Thank for beautifully expressing my anguish and for sharing it.
Thank you for this Shannon. I often feel like I haven’t done a good job as a Mom because I see others children going on mission trips, being extremely unselfish, etc. I have tried to be in relationship with my teens and practice forgiveness. It is so hard being a parent. God reminds me to seek Him first so I try….
Shannan,
I read this not only as a Mom but also as a daughter. Thank-you you’ve helped me in more ways than one.
I hope you all have a blessed day,
Penny
I so needed to hear this today. I have been discouraged and disappointed in my mothering of my 17 year old daughter. I will be re-reading and meditating on your words a lot in the next few days. Thank you again! It is so nice to know I am not alone.
Thank you for these words this morning as I struggle with this very theme. How can I be “good Mom” when as you put is so well…”I pray for the salvation of all my children but I can do nothing to secure it.” Thank you for reminding me that He is sovereign and I did my part. All my adult children are baptized believers but are struggling with living out their faith
Bless you. Amen.
Sometimes Christians are identical twins of Balaam. They have asses who are wiser than they.
One told me recently to pray for God to put my son in jail or the hospital?!
It is God’s goodness that brings man to repentance. We should follow His example.
My sister says her son is her heart, walking around on the outside of her body….pretty great description of how we feel about our children.
God is faithful, not willing that any should perish, but that all would come to the knowledge of the truth/repentance.
I believe He is good enough and faithful enough to just do just that!
My prayer for my boy is the same as yours, “show him how much You love him, Papa.”
This is a beautiful piece and comes at a time where I feel being a good mom is impossible for me.
Shannan, thanks for being real. I was petrified to have kids because I viewed it as increasing the census of either heaven or hell. I pray daily for our two kids, but my energies have to be focused on ME pleasing God and being ok with whatever “ministry opportunities” He gives me (aka rightly, lovingly handling my kids’ wrong behavior). Easier said than done. May God bless you!
I didn’t get a chance to read this yesterday. It was meant for me today. When I awoke early this morning, my son was on my heart. He drank too much as a teen and into early adulthood. One night after drinking he was injured in a fire. By the grace of God he survived. I wondered this morning if I’d been harder on him, if I would have put him out of our home when he turned 18, if I’d withheld financial support – if it would have prevented the accident. I know in my head I couldn’t change him but sometimes a mom’s heart takes a while to catch up. God was so faithful to him and us during this trial and made him a new man. It saddens me that he believes but doesn’t go to church anymore (my daughter in law attends her church regularly). I will continue to pray and hope for him to find someplace, any place that will feed him spiritually. Thanks for your story Shannan! Motherhood is not for sissies!
The impressions of the Spirit have recently told me, “We will each have our own journey to Jesus”. As much as we want to gently take out children’s hand and take them to Him, we must all make our own journey. The journey looks different for each of us. But it is His plan that all his children will come unto Him. It is so difficult for me also to watch my recovering son flounder around with finding his way. So difficult. But we all are extended the same invitation, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. .” And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.”
Thank you for your beautifully articulated thoughts.
What a great post! I’ve been loving, and praying and waiting on God for my prodigal for over 11 years. At first I begged, pleaded, cried, and tried to bargain with God to “make things happen”. When things got worse and not better I had to learn how to pray without ceasing, wait on God’s timing and love unconditionally. None of those are easy lessons. Waiting is so hard because you question if you heard from God. You swing from despair, to hope, to anger, and to frustration sometimes all in one day. I’ve struggled with being angry with God for not releasing me (my prodigal is not my child) and been bewildered wondering if all of this has been in vain.
All along the way people constantly tell me they couldn’t do what I’m doing or they ask me how I can extend grace, mercy and love for so long with seemingly no results. The shortest best answer is One. Day. At. A. Time. God gives me the ability, the energy and the grace for only today. Each time despair threatens to engulf me it’s primarily because I have projected into the future leaving out the God factor.
It’s hard to keep hope alive but I can either walk away or set my face like flint and focus on Him and how He has never abandoned me. Thank you for this post.
Thank you, Shannon! I like the fact that you are real…
Parenting is a forever mission… it is like any mission that God “sends” us on. We are responsible to do His bidding, to be a light, to speak truth, to pray. I remember feeling like such a failure many times with my children. On one occasion, God told me that He is also the parent of wayward children and He understands the pain. But He continues to love all of us. While He has given each of us the freedom to choose our own way, He continues to pursue a relationship with us and our children. What God allows to be a part of our lives, He already knows how He can or will use it to teach us more about Himself, to know ourselves better, or to make us more like Him by growing the fruit of the Spirit in our lives.
When our children are no longer under our roof, or cut ties with us, we can still trust God with them. I wonder what the mother of the repentant thief, on the cross beside Jesus, would have felt and thought when he confessed he was a sinner and Jesus saved Him. Amazement? Joy? Answered prayer?
Sometimes (always) I would like to see immediate results now to my prayers. I seldom do, however. Maybe God knows I might take the credit for what happens rather than giving Him the glory! We are all still learning and growing…in this mission of parenthood.
Thank you Shannon,
I needed to hear that I was not hurting alone. My two children that was raised in church and gave their life to Christ at an early have decided that church is not something they want in their lives right now. My son that struggled with homosexualtiy has decided that this is the life he now wants to live. My other child seems to think that Christianity is not the only way. My heart is breaking and the only Hope that I have is Christ. I have to believe as you said that God created my children in His image, with intention and that He is in total control. Thanks for the ” I am a good mom.”
Thank you for sharing this! Through tears I read it and realized I am not alone.
For years I have prayed for salvation for my daughter (who once claimed to be a believer, but has turned away). And now I add her boyfriend of two years to my prayers as well. I beg, plead, cry out to God for the salvation of their souls.
And your writing has allowed me to see that I’m not a bad mom, and I will continue to pray for them until I have no breath. But the outcome is in God’s Hands… it always has been.
Shannan.
Poignant post! Our job is to reflect God’s goodness while fumbling our way through life-I say a hearty amen to that!! We don’t always get it right. We need to reflect God’s light and love into this depraved world and see who notices. We may win some by our actions.
Blessings 🙂
You are so right in what you said. We don’t own our children’s souls. The best thing we can do and it’s another thing that makes you a good mom is to pray for your children and be the best example of what a Christian really is. You are absolutely right when you said “We radiate the goodness of our safe place. It’s impossible to know who might be moving toward the light on our faces.” We don’t know who God will cause to cross our paths each day and sometimes you can’t even say anything, just be the best Christian you know how to be, and it touches people, and you don’t always know who you touch or who you pass in the store that sees that light. We can only try to take care of ourselves and then let the light shine. My daughter moved away from God but she knows. Something comes up and she’ll say, “Mom will you pray?” And I say I will if you will. But I do even if she doesn’t. She knows. God just hasn’t gotten her yet. He didn’t get me till I was 35 so….it’s in his time and not ours. This was a very good read. Thanks.
Thank you so much!!!! My struggle exactly! He is making his own decisions and I love him so dearly- but not always what he’s doing. I have condemned myself so this was good to read. I’m still a good mum. Thank you ❤️
Bravo! Bravo! I so needed to hear these words! Spoke right to my heart. Always loving, forever hoping and believing my girls will follow the Lord all the days of their lives but their choices don’t define me.
Thanks so much for writing this.
My husband and I are pastoring a church in New Zealand.
Our adult 5 children and partners are not all serving the Lord.
Sometimes, the devil gets inside my head ‘ how can you be pastors when not all your children are following God.’
But I know I am a good mum.
I was very concerned about my son leaving when he got married. I wasn’t ready for him to go and felt desperately that I hadn’t finished my job. Suddenly all the things I thought I hadn’t said or done right, I wanted to fix before he left. I had instant regrets that things I did wrong were going to hurt him in his own journey so surely I had to keep an eye on him. THEN I had a friend ask me once, “When did you start thinking you could do a better job than God?” I still talk to him sometimes about my own mistakes when I see him repeat my bad behavior, but I love God with all my heart, and my children are a close second. What my friend said to me gave me freedom from guilt, and ownership and a burden that was only meant for a God who can see around the corners and know what’s up ahead. I needed to trust Him with my precious children. Technically they were only on loan from God anyhow. Blessings.
Thank You Shannon, this brought me to tears, I have 2 Sons who profess to be atheist! All my 5 children were raised with GOD and attended Church, Awan, VBS and BSF. Their Grandmother taught Sunday School and is emersed in her faith, Along with My Grandmother and Mother and Aunt! We attended Church as a Family with my husband parents and his sister’s family….As my children grew up I have watched them grow away from Church, none of them attend Church regularly..My Youngest Son and his wife are the only ones who attend Church. Hallelujah! It pains me so but I continue to pray for each one of my children and my 10 grandchildren. Recently the LORD has given me peace with this though and I have turned their Salvation over to GOD, My HOPE is in the LORD! GOD Bless you!
I love the statement “We believe that happiness is permissible by God and achievable through Him.”
We have to make a decision each whether or not we are happy. It is our choice to make.
I am a child of God, I was raised in the Church and turned away from it for about 10 years. I returned more thirsty for God’s love, comfort and salvation then I had been before I had seen the other side. What I am saying is give it time, not everyone walks the same path. All you can do is what I am sure my parent’s did, Pray.
So very true.. It is so hard to see your children walk away from the Lord. My soon to be 21 year old is no longer attending church with us although we had always served the Lord before he was born. We have to continue to pray constantly and have faith that not in our timing but in God’s timing, our prayers will be answered.
This hit true to home for me as I feel less than enough for my children for their lack of knowledge, whether it is school based or faith based. I feel as if I am failing them but this reminds me that we are not perfect, we must do what we were made to do and love one another. Yes I will teach my children but not just from reading but from living day to day.