My tiny human, my gorgeous darling, my little one – you are a girl. You are our first girl and I will never stop celebrating it.
You are a gorgeous, dimpled, delicious, six-year-old baby girl. And my darling, there’s some stuff that comes with being a girl that I want to tell you about. Some of it you’re already experiencing. Already telling me about when we lie under the covers at night and I pet your curls and you lisp your worries to me
Most of it’s wonderful. We’ll have hours over late night coffee dates to talk about that. I’m already planning all the desserts I want to learn to make so we can linger over our plates and that kind of delicious conversation.
But sweetheart, there’s some other stuff that comes with girlhood too. Some stuff I’d rather you heard first from me. It’s stuff that isn’t as scary if we say it out loud and don’t let it sneak up on us.
My love, there will always be girls who are mean.
And you won’t outgrow it. There will always be mean girls. One day you’ll be forty two and reading the long line of stories that mean girls have left in their wake.
But daughter, that doesn’t mean we hide our hearts. That doesn’t mean we find a tower and Rapunzel ourselves away from the world.
No darling, it means that we learn to be braver than the mean girls. We out-love them. That is the secret weapon. To pour on the unexpected love. To meet them with open arms and mind, knowing that meanness is what bleeds from scars at their most raw.
Meanness is a symptom, not a condition.
And when they want to hurt you with their words, I will teach you how to hold up the shield of faith and firm belief that Jesus has declared you good and beloved. That you are precious and ransomed – His life for yours. His promise to never unfriended you. A promise He died to live up to. There is nothing insignificant about you.
I will wrap my words, His promises and both our lives around you.
You were made to have friends, sweetheart. You were not made to be alone. This is a Jesus body we belong to and some days you’ll feel like the heart and soul and other days like just a bit of dried skin on the elbow and that’s OK.
It’s never a bad thing to be reminded that the whole world does not revolve around you.
But on the days when you feel like an outsider, on the days when your best friend stops talking to you, on the days when everyone gets invited to the sleepover and you don’t, on the days when you wonder if you fit in –
on those days, Zoe, I will remind you that love never quits.
Love always believes the best
And that sometimes the benefit of the doubt is the most precious gift we can give anyone.
I will treat your bruised heart with chocolate brownies, a tall glass of cold milk and The Princess Bride – yes, I’m certain it will still be my favorite movie even a decade from now.
And then I will send you back out into the fray, my love.
I will always send you back because friendship is worth fighting for. Women need one another. And if we give up at girlhood, what chance do we have during the minivan driving years?
Friendship is all or nothing Zoe.
A blink ago you stood up and walked for the first time. Since then you’ve fallen often. But you set determined hands to the floor, tilt forward, push back up again and take the next step. And the next and the next until you’re running.
Never stop getting back up again, darling.
It’s the only way to keep moving forward to all that life and friendship waiting for you.
Take it from your mother. Who was your first girlfriend.
And will always be here when you fall.Leave a Comment
Beautiful words! I’m reading this while holding a 3mth baby girl to sleep and her 3.5yo sister is asleep in the next room. Love reading ur posts and also of the other ladies that post. I always find words that lift and encourage me when I’m down. God bless 🙂
You always move me with your open, honest devotions, but today you have moved me to tears. I have 2 granddaughters who are 12 and 10, so I copied this off to give to them. It is so true! Thank you for being obedient to the Lord and blessing us with your words!!
WOW!!!! Thank you for helping me have a conversation with my girls today!! This is exactly what they needed to hear before their first 2 weeks at Camp Kanakuk! Thank you!!!
Jodi Horsley says
Oh my goodness, what an amazing post!! I just read it to both my girls. My 13 year old has had to battle mean girls starting in 3rd grade. Her best friend (popular girl) stopped talking to her, and in turn so did all the other girls. It left it’s wake generalized anxiety and panic attacks everyday before school. Not that it caused the anxiety, but it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
It was heartbreaking and impossible for her to understand why everyone deserted her. However, at 13 and now on her way to high school, she has matured, her anxiety is controlled, and she is much stronger.
You’re right, the mean never stops. Even at 51 I still encounter mean women and it still hurts. However, the shield of God helps me continue to love ❤ and show grace. Thank you for your post.
Kimberley Mulder says
I agree and thank you – as a Mom to a mean girl. My precious one defaults to mean at any disagreement. Her little body dictates this as her infancy was in an orphanage and her body automatically interprets situations as threats. We re-friend her every day, we do all we can to build trust, love and teach her. But it takes everyone and others often don’t see her meanness as a symptom. Jesus has blessed us with a community that overall gets this so she has made healing progress. Pray for the mean girls! When you’re hurt too much by them and have to steer clear, don’t forget to pray for them. Each one has her own story like my little one.
Janet Rehak says
Thank you for this wisdom and insight! This last year has been overwhelming for my now 16 year old daughter and my family. My son was in a serious car wreck. Two months later, my daughter almost died in a car wreck (a year ago now). It left her bed-ridden for months and healing for the last year. She was also knocked down and messed up her ankle and foot. She was once again bed-ridden for a month and healing for 3 months. She missed her summer basketball season and her league BB season. Her best friend’s dad (that we were close to) died suddenly. Her best friends of 8 years unfriended her and so did her friend from birth. She was devastated. Her ex-friends (the now MEAN girls) have been bullying her to the maximum, to the point of cult/devil-worship type behavior. She had a crazy English teacher that bullied her and she received her first C in her life. She was kicked off her BB team BC some parents (including myself) reported her coach for inappropriate behavior and breaking CIF rules. Her father wrongfully lost his job for a period of time. So you see, with the continued bullying by the MEAN girls, it is just ridiculous. Thank God that my daughter is smart and strong. She is one of the most amazing people I know. Please pray for her and the MEAN girls.