“I’m afraid to settle.”
I’ve said these words out loud. In coffee shops over almond milk lattes with foam swirled like miniature art on top. In conversations with my husband on an ordinary Tuesday morning with a piece of toast in my hand. In the quiet corners of my mind where insecurities hide like awkward monsters in the closet.
What I’m really saying is, “I don’t want to miss out.” Isn’t this the way in our world? We talk about “FOMO” — the fear of missing out. To fight that fear we snap the selfie, get on the plane, show up at the party when we would rather be home in our pajamas. I lived this way for years until my soul felt bruised, until exhaustion made me want to quit it all and run away to be a Starbucks barista in Australia.
In that space our tender Jesus came for me.
He took me by the hand and led me away from the lights and the noise and the social media updates. He told me I was loved, that I didn’t have anything to prove, that by never wanting to miss out on anything I was, unintentionally, missing out on the very best things.
I learned a new rhythm of life, another way of being. One more about contentment, rest, peace. Not the Sunday School version of these words but the kind my heart gobbled up like a hungry child at a casserole-laden potluck until I felt unexpectedly full.
Then it seemed Jesus began whispering something to me that I never expected, “Settle.”
At first I thought I must be mishearing. I’d read the story about God’s people leaving Egypt and crossing the Promised Land. Wasn’t I to bravely go? But I’d missed the ending point of the story: God’s plan had always been to bring His people to a place where they could settle. In other words, a place where they could dwell and thrive.
I think we get confused about the difference between “settling” and “being settled.” Settling is when we know what God wants us to do or where he wants us to go — and we flat-out refuse. We intentionally and persistently make-do with less than He has for us.
But being settled, which is a gift from God, is embracing the place where He has us right now. It’s choosing to look at our lives, homes, families, friends, influence and say, “This is good. This is enough.”
It’s not that we don’t grow, but that we don’t strive. We don’t make choices from a place of fear.
The Lord will have compassion on Jacob; once again he will choose Israel and will settle them in their own land. (Isaiah 14:1)
Settling is about us. Being settled is about something God does in and around us — whatever our circumstances might be.
I have let fear be the boss of me long enough. It’s a long-nosed liar and a playground bully. Instead I want to be a fiercehearted woman who knows these words are more powerful and true: I’m not settling. I’m being settled.
Let’s make this the new FOMO — the faith of missing out.
p.s. I’m creating a Fiercehearted: Live Fully, Love Bravely launch team soon and I’d love for you to apply. To do so, click here to subscribe to HolleyGerth.com and then watch for an email on Friday, August 11th with all the details.Leave a Comment
Michele Morin says
“Settled” speaks peace to my heart this morning, Holly, and I’m going to be savoring the sweet difference between lazy and loved, because like Israel, we are led and I miss that truth so often.
Looking forward to more information about your book and the launch!
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
The FAITH of missing out – love this!! I always say that “settling” for less than what God wants for us is like accepting a “tootsie roll” when what God wants for us is a “Godiva Bar”. Believe me, I’ve done my share of settling unfortunately. But “being settled” is a whole different issue. I think, in part, it comes with getting in touch with how God has designed you. For example, some of my friends love to travel. They are always posting pictures of all their travels and I wonder, sometimes, if something is wrong with me that I don’t have a great desire to do that. I’m more of a homebody…I now accept that God has wired me that way. Not that I don’t enjoy an occasional trip or vacation, but I love being at home with my husband and our dog in our home or relaxing on our porch with a good book. Thank you for this reminder that I’m not “missing out”, I’m “settling in” and being thankful for what I have. Great post!
Beth Williams says
I can so relate! I, too, am a homebody. Oh sure I enjoy occasional trips, but mostly at home with hubby & my iguana. It is so true God has wired us each differently. Blessings my sweet friend!
(((((Hugs from N.E. TN (Turkey town)
Debra Peace says
Thanks for sharing this today, I am in a season of being unsettled and slowly accepting things are they are! I am reaching out and often miss place that feeling of “I must be missing out” because……..blah, blah, blah In stead I meed to focus on why I am here and what God wants me to learn from this time when I am feeling like I am not enough. Trying to learn from this rough season and rely on God more then my own understanding. This has been a work in progress for this control crazy person. Some times I get it and some times I need to reminded!
Thanks again, have a great day.
Praying so much favor for your new book, Holley. Your words always bless. ((hug))
Thanks for pointing this out and explaining it in your words that we can relate to . I love your new FOMO , living with multiple illnesses I often fear I’m missing out , the first FOMO you talk about , but like you mention , often I need to be at home in my pjs . I’m getting better but this helps me and is a gentle reminder of that as well !
Have a blessed day you all!
These words came from heaven and I feel it’s so true!! Thanks, God is using you!
Joke (dutch name for Joanna) from the Netherlands
Thank you for this reminder. I will keep this in my back pocket and remember this when I get in my tizzy of decision making. Faith of Missing Out…my new go to!
Thanks for sharing Holly. These words speak to me deeply and I know “I am being settled…” – something God is doing in and around me right now and in whatever circumstance I find myself. #Contentment
Indeed “a new rythm of life, another way of being…”
God bless you and good luck with the launch…xxx
Pam Steinke says
Looks like another amazing book! I have read and reread every one and this one looks to be no exception. Becoming settled has been an issue in my life for quite some time. I am so looking forward to reading this and would love to be on the launch team!
Beth Williams says
I just signed up for the Fierce hearted: Live Fully, Love Bravely launch team. I’m so excited for your new book. Just love your writing.
Lately I’ve had trouble being settled. My FOMO is not about selfies, & parties. It is about where & how I work. I question all the mistakes I made in the past, job changes, etc. June 2015 I quit a good paying job to be more available for my aging dad. At that point I was going to get a part time job. Two weeks later I put him on hospice. Then we went through a bunch of ups and downs. He was doing pretty good last year so I decided to get a part time job. God gave me one quickly and close to dad. Five months later (March 2017) he passed. I was ok with that as he would be 92 and was dealing with medical issues. Now I question if I should get another part-time job or what. I get jealous of those with good careers and nice paychecks. I just have to realize that this is where God wants me now.
Holley Gerth says
Thanks for being here and sharing your hearts, friends! I’m glad we can share this faith place together. 🙂
Shawn McDade says
This so touches my heart! It’s so comforting to know that others share your feelings. I feel the need to ‘be settled’ in my spirit but as you said FOMO is holding me back. My prayer is to allow God to settle me and move into all His glory for my life.