About the Author

Jenn Hesse is a writer, editor, wife, and mother of two sons. She co-founded a ministry that supports women facing infertility and infant loss, and has a passion for helping others deepen their faith in Christ through Bible study and application. Read more of her reflections at her un-Pinteresty blog.

Related Resources & Gifts
Find more at DaySpring.com
Related
Resources
& Gifts
Find more at
DaySpring.com
Recent Posts

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Jenn,
    “He was putting me in this place of defeat so I had nowhere else to turn to but Him.” I believe God allows us to go through these desert times so that we will have nowhere to turn but to Him where our true hope is found. So many things and people can become idols in our lives if we let them. Though God is a loving God, He is a jealous God and He truly wants us to seek Him first and then….all these things will be added unto you. Even though you thought nothing was happening but perpetual despair, God was lovingly behind the scenes working on the details of the adoption of your son. What we see as empty broken space may just be (and most often is) God working out His good and perfect will for our lives. Thank you for sharing the despair and ultimate hope in your story.
    Blessings,
    Bev xx

    • Bev, it is so true that God desires our affections and wants us to seek Him – because only He truly fulfills us. The process He uses to draw us closer sometimes involves pain, and ultimately, required the suffering of Christ. But praise Him that the suffering is in the middle, moving toward the final destination of pain-free fellowship with Him in heaven. Thanks so much for reading and affirming these truths.

      • Thank you, Jenn, for the words in your last line above. I have a really hopeless case of neuropathy in my feet. My surgeon tried 2 surgeries to remove all bone near my sciatic nerve down my spinal column. He cut through so much muscle that my back is so weak it can hardly hold me up for long without back pain. But much worse is that the sciatic nerves to my feet are shot causing me intense tingling foot pain all the time even with mind numbing meds I take. But I just lit up, so to speak, when I read your words: “moving toward the final destination of pain-free fellowship with Him in heaven”. I felt my faith strengthen toward more certainty and appreciation of my eternal life to carry on in heaven……, yes, in pain-free fellowship with Him in heaven.

  2. Thank you Jenn, for these words/reminder to be faithful to Him through hurt/disappointment in any form. I, too, experienced infertility treatments and between IUI, IVF, hormone drugs, and black and blue arms for months on end due to continuous injections and blood work leading to further disappointment, I became more and more angry/withdrawn, and truly jealous of women who could experience motherhood for FREE and with little effort.

    Finally, an IVF treatment and one of those embryos DID survive!! I have a beautiful 16 year old daughter now. Soon I realized having one miracle would need to bless and suit my hubby and me, as I didn’t want to endure fertility again for more children that may never happen. Though I’d always envisioned having several children, I was oh so grateful for one absolutely precious and beautiful child of a God. You received your blessing through adoption—I believe that the Lord offered me more blessings through children in my profession of teaching! Twenty two years of classroom teaching and a classroom full of an average of 30 fourth graders each school year I spend with my babies must’ve been God’s reminder that I could open my heart to many kiddos (and send them home at day’s end!)

    I appreciate you writing about the sensitive/private topic of infertility to remind all of us that it is a painful challenge and ultimately a lesson in trust and faithfulness. Though my experience can’t be compared to what Job sacrificed and endured for so many years, it was enough to teach me that God’s plan always supercedes my own.

    Thank you for sharing and uplifting,
    Andree

    • Andree, thank God for your daughter, and for the redemption He wove into your story enduring the pain of infertility! And what a blessing to extend His love to all those children you’ve nurtured in your classroom. His ways are good, though they’re invisible and not always understandable to us. Oh for faith to trust Him more!

  3. Jenn,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story and heart. I’m sorry you and your husband went through that hard in-between, but I’m praising Jesus with you for the blessing of your sweet son! And your words of encouragement are such a comfort and source of hope to so many families. Your story is such a beautiful example of God’s faithfulness to see us through and His ability to love us like no one else can when we are in the midst of the “waiting pain”.

    Thank you and I pray all of God’s BEST for you and your family!

    Becky

    • Becky, thanks for joining me in praise for the amazing ways God works through heartbreak! He is so faithful, and has proven that over and over – even when I struggle with the waiting and uncertainty. Blessings to your family, as well!

  4. Jen.. I recently finished the book and study of the gospel of Ruth by Carolyn Custis James.. barren Ruth.. helping the female Naomi (if you will) …Job, and how the woman’s life is transformed by the discovery that God’s Love for her is rock solid, even though her circumstances indicate otherwise.
    God was actually raising Ruth up and equipping her for a mission- critical assignment in His kingdom!
    That miracle baby God gave Ruth for Naomi who knew suffering was holding the baby the world would count on to fulfill God’s people and redeem us and put to rights this fallen world! This beautiful book reflects the richness of the gospel . I’m thankful God is just and His mercies are new every morning..as you found out the morning you recived your son… I’m a mom who isn’t barren but living with broken, hurting children and their families.
    I feel barren.. BUT God has the best plans for my future.. and the future of my children , I will wait on the Lord and be glad in it.. wishing y’all a very happy mother’s da in your home., blessings \0/

    • Sadie, I ache with you over the difficulties your children are facing right now. And I affirm with you that God is working for their good and for yours, which may not be revealed until the future.

      I love Ruth and appreciate you mentioning her story. I studied Judges earlier this year and was shocked to learn that the events recorded in the book of Ruth happened during the time of Judges – when God’s people kept turning their backs on Him. Despite their rebellion, He was at work planting the seeds for Christ to come later and save His people once and for all. His plan for redemption is truly amazing!

  5. What a beautiful story He weaves, not with only our hearts in mind, but that little innocent baby that would have a story of his own. Thank you for sharing

    • Rachel, we’ve told our son since birth just how special his story is, and he loves telling it just as much as we do! (He’s 7 now, and a big talker. 🙂 ) Thanks for reading!

  6. While I am not quite at a place of “what isn’t anymore” and my situation is job related, this still rings true for me! Thank you for writing this, especially about such a sensitive, personal topic.

    • Ashley, our lives seem like continuous cycles of new beginnings, endings, and short or long pauses in between. Prayers for your job situation to get resolved, and for you to abide in Christ as you wait until then!

  7. Oddly enough this struck my widow heart. Between what isn’t any more and what’s to come….
    Mothers Day approaching is always a roller coaster of emotions or just detachment to not deal with pain. Though God made me to be an aunt instead of a Mom I took solice in having a marriage and step grand. Only to lose all when he passed. Because when you are a ‘step’ they can just step on you as they step away….. leaving me in the ‘between’. So God only knows what is next but I just keep looking in faith filled anticipation of Job’s happy ending. Selah.

    • Diane, I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband and for all the hurt you’ve endured. Praying for you right now, that God will hold you close as you seek His comfort and anticipate His eternal peace.

  8. Beautiful testimony, Jenn. So thankful He’s always at work in the droughts of our lives. Thanks for sharing, and happy Mother’s Day. ((hug))

    • Yes, praise God the droughts don’t last forever – His hope springs eternal! Thanks for the Mother’s Day greeting – blessings to you as well!

    • Kathy, it is a wonderful reminder, and one that I need constantly when doubt creeps in. He is perfect, and perfectly trustworthy. Have a blessed Mother’s Day, as well!

  9. Thank you for this.. I’m in the in between right now as my boyfriend and I are ‘taking a break’ following our respective bereavements and needing to decide on whether it’s God’s will for us to marry (I believe it is). I am 46 soon and still believe God wants to bless me with children. Talk about Abraham and Sarah AND Isaac!! It is unbearable at times for sure but it’s also been a hothouse of incredible growth. I’m going to skim right over Mother’s Day this year and believe that God’s ways are best, and that I need to stay in my own lane and look to HIM.. amen. Bless you all xo

    • Agnes, how wise of you and your boyfriend to take time praying and seeking God’s will moving forward in your relationship. I pray He guides you through these questions, and that you’ll have increasing confidence in His goodness and salvation.

  10. My heart hurts for the women who have wanted kids and remained barren. My heart hurts for mothers who have been bereaved. May God give those grieving the strength to feel their pain and freedom to process it in whatever ways are needed. Hugs.

    • Pearl, thank you for these prayers. Many women who’ve experienced these losses feel alone and outcast from the “mom club.” So gracious of you to acknowledge their pain and encourage all of us to cling to God in our grief.

  11. I’m with Sadie as far as living with broken children. Looking back at my life, I can bring up all the negative circumstances, but I realize that is what Satan wants – to keep me down. Though I’ve lost my faithful husband, my adult children have made choices that are against God, my health is going downhill, I have drawn closer to Him but sometimes when the physical circumstances seem so overwhelming, I just have to cling to Jeremiah 29:11 — my hope in Him, and in Him alone. Thank you, Jenn, for reminding me there is no waste in between.

    • Susan, wow, such difficult circumstances God is leading you through. Pray that He might bring you some relief, and also continue showing you more of His saving grace in the midst of your disappointment.

  12. I wrote a post for mothers that includes everyone and I wish you all a Happy Mother’s Day. Visit meat FB if you like.

  13. Jenn,

    Thank you for telling your personal story of pain & grief. God allows trials in our lives so that we can comfort others with the same comfort He gives us. They are painful & stressful, but necessary to grow and build up our Christian character. I have been through dementia, all forms, with both parents & also cancer surgery with my FIL. I can attest to the greatness of God. They both survived their trials for a time. I was a witness to two miracles. My dad died 14 months later, but I had some good times in there with him. Both of those trials have made me a much stronger Christian. I know & fully believe God can do anything. I told my hubby that his 90 yr old father could survive the surgery & do well. He did & is going just fine now. God is such a loving God & His timing is perfect.

    Blessings 🙂

    • Beth, what a testimony to God’s power and faithfulness working through you, ministering to your family members with illness. So sweet you got that extra time with your dad. Prayers for you to keep savoring God’s goodness and having eyes to see the many ways He’s working around you.

  14. THank you for this story. I am so thankful God, the Father, is patient and loving when we are so grieved we can’t see anything good. And the what isn’t is more real than the what will be. Sometimes the what-will-be looks so different that what-isn’t. Your friends sounded sensitive and caring.

    • Carol, a hearty amen! We’re human and thus get overwhelmed by our emotions, sometimes clouding our perception of God’s true character. But His faithfulness doesn’t depend on our faith! Thank you for reading, and for pointing out about our wonderful friends who supported us through some very dark times. God doesn’t leave us stranded.

  15. I thank you, I emphasize with your story, having watched my friends daughter go through the same story! She and her husband went through 8 years of trying with no results. They then decided to adopt, went through the program, were going to take a little one and got a call the next day and were asked if they would consider a family of 4? The state did not want to split them up, they were stair step from 1 year to 4 1/2 , 2 girls and 2 boys. They decided to meet with them and take them for a week end and see how it went! Needless to say , they are all grown now and the youngest girl just moved out a couple of months ago! It was not always easy, however, it was really a labor of love, God knew what He was doing for those children and for the mom. Dad got tired half way through and threw in the towel, his loss!
    Mom has been great, even as a single mom! They all went to college together! It’s been great watching them and their real grandparents have been in the picture. They had another sister a couple of years later by the birth parents , she has other adoptive parents, but they all know one another and get together! God is so amazing! I pray that you are doing well and blessed on this Mother’s Day!

    • Linda, what an incredible story, thank you for sharing! The way families are brought together can be so complicated and involve tremendous sorrow, but also provide opportunities to see God’s grace in action. And every story is beautifully unique!

  16. Thank you once again, Jenn, for sharing hope in the midst of pain! God is still good, and He knows what is best…even in the hardest of times.

  17. Thank you for sharing this Jenn. It has reminded me that I am not alone and God is working on my behalf.
    I am in a very difficult in-between and have felt like God doesn’t care about me and doesn’t want to listen to my cries and prayers. I turn to him but not sure if he is there. However, deep down I believe God is working behind the scenes and will come through at his appointed time. My prayer now is to remain strong and not listen to the lies of the enemy.

    • Clarisse, sorry to hear you’re in such a difficult place right now. It seems natural to fall into what I think you’ve correctly identified as a lie: that sometimes, God doesn’t care about us. But we know from Scripture that’s not true! Just because He isn’t acting visibly in ways we expect or hope doesn’t mean He’s abandoned us. He’s always working for His glory and our good – I pray that He’ll continue revealing that truth and transforming your mind in that freedom to trust Him.

  18. Jenn, thank you for sharing this beautiful story and the outcome you so desired. You don’t say how old your son is, but as an adopted child myself, I pray that he will always know that his birth mom did what was best for him and that he will say “I couldn’t have had better parents if I had been allowed to choose them.”

    • Donna, my son is now 7! We have an open relationship with his birthmother and her family, and are overwhelmingly blessed by their presence in our lives. Thank you for sharing about your adoption experience and for pointing out the love many birthmothers have for their children.

      • Jenn, you are truly blessed. Thank you for sharing your story. My parents are in Heaven now and my siblings as well. I was so blessed to grow up with my biological sister and my brother never thought of us as anything but his sisters. I miss them but will see them again one day. Most of all I was blessed with a Christian home and parents who loved us so much.
        Your son is your treasure and I believe hi has been blessed even more with so many who love him.

  19. Thank you for sharing this encouraging post. First of all, I’m sorry things have gone the way they have for your. Second, although it is a post about IVF and barrenness, I think it speaks so much more widely than that context. Many of us go through our own period of barrenness or wilderness in our own lives where we don’t see any movement or breakthrough. Or sometimes we do appear to see a breakthrough only for that to be snatched away at the last minute. We can often end up wondering what was the point of all of this and whether God has been working at all throughout this whole time.

    It is true that God doesn’t waste the space in between and is continually developing our character and our trust in him. These are lessons I’ve had to learn myself as I’ve gone through my own wilderness and even spoken or written numerous articles about it. It is hard at the time, and difficult to see why things turned out as they did. But sometimes we can only see little fragments that, in themselves don’t look like anything of value. God, on the other hand, sees all the pieces and how they fit together.