The kids lie in bed as I stand in the middle of the room, arms crossed, regurgitating the usual bedtime prayer. I pay God lip service while my heart is like coal, dead and dark, thanking Him though the words come out strained through clenched teeth. I’m desperate and angry for help, feeling entitled to better days, for the seas to part so I can have my way.
I rush through kisses and I love yous, and my good night barely slips through the door I’m already closing behind me.
I’m done. Tired. All I want to do is close my eyes and stop time to sleep for as long as I want, but work is standing in front of me, to-do list in hand, bossing me to get things done. Rest seems so far away.
I plop down at my desk and tap the black screen awake. Ten tabs await me, but my hand automatically reaches for my phone and opens up Instagram. I scroll mindlessly, tapping through people’s stories because what better time to do that than when I need to meet deadlines?
My procrastination exacerbates the mild anxiety rising in my heart, but I blame everything else for my exhaustion. The kids. My schedule. Housework. That time of the month. I play victim when I’ve chosen this for myself. I’ve chosen not to have rhythms of rest, not to take a Sabbath. I haven’t ceased from working, from scrolling, from producing, and I become the worst version of myself because of it.
I get cranky and angry, feeling fully justified to do so. I call binging on Netflix or treating myself to sugary coffee drinks self-care, but I’m not actually resting. I’m only taking a break and indulging. If I’m honest enough, it feels more comfortable to stay busy building up my life — my writing, my family, my good deeds for the approval of others — instead of having boundaries, saying no, and trusting God.
My shoulders are knotted, and my soul lacks peace. I long for rest when rest is what I’m already offered. Not one day when the work stops or when the deadlines are done or when mothering seems less tiring. Rest is a reality I can enjoy today when I remember to keep the Sabbath holy.
This past Sunday, I heard the faint voice of rest beckoning me again, telling me it’s time to slow down, to stop my uncontrolled patterns of busyness, and to center myself back to Christ. A weekly Sabbath is meant to be a preview of what’s been promised to come in full one day — true and complete rest.
I close my eyes and I can almost see it, the new heavens and the new earth — a place where every man and woman, every beast and living thing know peace and are whole. But the vision of the future becomes blurry when I succumb to life’s incessant expectations and get lost in the story of more — be more, have more, do more. Instead of resting in my identity as one beloved by God, I become fretful, looking for worth in what I can build with my own hands only to have it crush me with its never-satisfied demands. But rest is within my reach if I will choose it.
So in the hush of the night while everyone else in the house sleeps, I put down my phone, take deep breaths, and I just am — quiet, fully human, and fully beloved.
Perhaps the sweet voice of rest is calling you, too. Be still and listen. We can look forward to the day when we will experience true and complete rest, but we can create space to experience it now. We can schedule fewer events on the calendar. We can practice prayer and meditate on the Word to feed our souls. We can choose to expect less from our day and from the people around us, so our posture is grateful instead of entitled. We can choose to Sabbath and rest today even as we long for the eternal Sabbath to come.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Grace,
I think you just described 99% of the women on this planet. We push ourselves to the brink and then wonder why we hit the wall and collapse. I’m there right not….back spasms have forced me to lie down and rest. Sad, that God has to go to such extremes to get me to slow down. I do get up early to have my quiet time and time in His Word. It just starts my day off on the right footing. Greeting God before I greet the day is a necessity for me. I love stopping by here for a breath of encouragement and community. Setting boundaries is STILL something I’m working on even in my 50’s. NO is not a four letter word. Learning to ask others for help when I need it has been helpful and humbling. Lately, I take a break from my work to water my plants….just get outside and I take photographs that encourage me to really look closely and capture God’s beauty and imagination. Putting on praise music when I’m making dinner makes it a more enjoyable task. Writing in a gratitude journal helps me focus on what I DO have vs. what I don’t. I’ve also been really trying to make a concerted effort to keep the Sabbath holy and truly rest from doing. God is very serious about the Sabbath….not optional in His book. These are just a few things that help me find rest, peace, and strength. Thanks for the great nudge!!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Lori Rice says
I am right there with you friend!! Boundaries are such a challenge! I’m gonna try music while making dinner and the journal idea. Thank you!!
Grace P. Cho says
Boundaries is probably one of the hardest and best things I’ve learned to do recently and with the help of counseling. Drawing the line and saying no can cause guilt, but when we follow through, there is freedom on the other side!
Grace P. Cho says
Rest is a good reminder in any season, and I love that you’re taking time to go outside and to write in a gratitude journal. Nature allows us to remember, and being thankful reminds us of the blessings and ways God has shown up. Even now as I write back to you, my heart feels at peace thinking about the things I’m grateful for!
Lynn Koukal says
We need to practice loving ourselves more, with gentleness
Michele Morin says
This is such wise counsel, Grace. Isn’t ironic that we have to “work” at doing a better job of resting, but it seems to be true. I’m finding that I really need to just unplug from the internet, from my blog, and from writing for a few days at a time, and when I first had this urging, I pushed it aside. (A very bad idea.) When I finally did act in obedience, I was amazed at how energizing the empty space was. I’m planning another break next month, and I am already looking forward to it!
Grace P. Cho says
So ironic! I’m glad you were able to obey. Unplugging from social media has been the hardest for me, but I think a day away from it would be so helpful.
Kris Camealy says
So, so good, Grace. This in particular, arrested me as I read it,
“I become fretful, looking for worth in what I can build with my own hands only to have it crush me with its never-satisfied demands.“
Dang. That’s a good word. A painful, true word. Ever grateful for you, for your voice and for your willingness to share.
Xxo
Lori Rice says
Amen!!
Grace P. Cho says
Kris!! It made my heart so glad to see you here. Thanks for commenting and for cheering me on. Love you!
Lori Rice says
Thank You Grace. Feeling overwhelmed by a new job ,financial woes and pressures, marriage struggles,and children with needs etc… Casting all of these on Jesus today who cares for me!! You described most of my child rearing days and now into the last 3 of 6 childrens teen years. I really needed your additional reminder today to REST!! I am not great with words on paper but you really hit the mark!! It is so easy to be drawn to the idol of “perfection”… ideal looking home, ideal relationships with husband and children and their behavior. Life is messy and I’m learning to be ok with the mess and let it draw me to my savior….My healer of all messes and brokenness.
Grace P. Cho says
Yes, draw near to Him. Let Him center you when everything in life overwhelms you.
Lauren says
As a Mum of two small children, reading this I felt like you had been reading my mind! This is where I’m at right now Thank you for speaking such TRUTH and reminding us that rest is available today if we’ll run into Him and receive it.
Grace P. Cho says
I’m right there with you with the two small kids, and I need this reminder every single day. Let’s run to Him.
Jessica says
‘Choose to expect less .. so our posture is grateful and not entitled’ – WOW! this should be on a bumper sticker! You have some amazing writing talents- thank you for letting the Spirit speak through your words!!
Grace P. Cho says
Thank YOU for that encouragement!
Susan Courtois says
Loving to see the words, take them in, into my heart. I am not alone, and in concert, let us celebrate and have the Sabbath, it is for us! What a healer Christ is!!
Grace P. Cho says
Yes, you are not alone. Let’s Sabbath together.
Joan Tamburini says
Your words reflect my soul’s greatest desire. Instead of scrolling and waiting for “one day” to happen, this week I am following my intuition and jump starting my campaign of nothingness! My dog will get a bath from ME, not the groomer, and weeds will be pulled by my own hands instead of scorned at on my way to do “more important “ things to keep me busy/inattentive.
Grace P. Cho says
Yes to a slower rhythm, to do things with intention while taking your time.
Jill says
One of the things that has been a gift to me is the practice of yoga – It gives me some structure for stopping and breathing and being present in the moment.
I teach a Christian yoga class at 9pm CT (yes, at night) on Wednesdays on the FITTEVER app and would love for you to join me and enjoy a little break before bed in the middle of your week.
Grace P. Cho says
I hear it’s been beneficial for so many! Meditation and doing centering prayer has been good for my soul.
Brenda says
Thank you for this great word. I want to learn to rest because He knows what we need, not because I am forced to rest. Rest is such a beautiful gift from God. The enemy wants us to detour from rest because it takes our focus away from what the Lord has for us. I needed this reminder—timely.
Grace P. Cho says
Yes, it is a gift.
Brenda says
I hear ya, Grace. ((Hug)) I’ve starting having a built-in summer sabbath each year. This is only my 2nd year, but I’ve noticed that—more than a physical slowing, it’s a mental slowing for me. It’s still an exercise, that muscle isn’t fully built yet, but I try to embrace the opportunity to lessen the expectations I place on myself. And, interesting how much more productive I feel when I free myself of expectations. Feels counter-intuitive, yet somehow right. 🙂 Thanks for these vulnerable words today.
Grace P. Cho says
Yes! Exactly! It’s a mental slowing down, and it’s definitely something we need to practice because we’re so bent toward being productive all the time.
Lynn Koukal says
Do right, get right. It’s a simple practice, and no guilt.
Anna Pry says
This wasn’t the post I was expecting but God knew. This morning, before reading my email, I read in Jeremiah about God’s reminder/warning to keep the sabbath rest.
God knew I would read this post next and put the 2 together. Learning to follow his leading….
Grace P. Cho says
I hope you find some simple ways to rest!
Jen says
Thank you God for speaking to me through Grace today! God has had this topic on the back burner of my mind for a few months now. So good to confront it! Beautiful true words for me. I am going to sit for 10 minutes and meditate and pray (forced rest, yes) right now. Thank you!
Grace P. Cho says
Yes to sitting, yes to meditating, yes to praying, and finding rest in Him as we do it!
Lynn Koukal says
True rest comes from trusting him to care best for you
Penny says
Grace,
Thank-you for expressing this so well.
Have a blessed day all,
Penny
Grace P. Cho says
Thank YOU, Penny!
April H says
Thank you for sharing. This is deep in the vein of what God has been speaking to me over and over lately. It is time to own this idea of rest and make it a reality for my life.
Blessings to you!
Grace P. Cho says
I love it when God is speaking the same message to us! Choose one simple thing to do to rest – start small and then try to carve more time for it.
Meghan Weyerbacher says
Grace, you got me!
“My heart like coal, dead and dark,” is a familiar place, a desperate space.
Wow, thank you for these powerful words today, a reminder of something my heart longs for.
Grace P. Cho says
I’m glad it blessed you!
Becky Keife says
Oh, friend. I feel convicted and hopeful and seen all in one beautifully written, hard to read fell swoop. Yes. I am with you.
It’s such a gift to see YOUR words on (in)courage today, Grace!! We are the richer for your honesty and invitation to press into the Rest who is waiting for us. xx
Grace P. Cho says
Thanks, Becky! So glad to be running with you in this journey of writing, mothering, and leading!
Julie says
this is exactly what i needed to read this morning. i feel God speaking to me to Be Still abd Breathe. i am a mumma of 2 small children just returned to work and they r constantly sick and its stressing me out. i am constantly on my feet and dont get enough sleep and rely too much on caffeine. oh how i long for rest. perhaps dwelling with the Lord and his word will help me find peace in my messy life!
Grace P. Cho says
Oh Julie, it’s so, so hard when the kids are constantly sick and you have to work! I’m running on caffeine too and remembering that it’s not just caffeine that will help me get through the day. I need Jesus first and foremost with coffee being second. 🙂
Beth Williams says
Grace,
Sabbath rest is so important in today’s world. I did a Bible Study by Priscilla Shirer “Breathe”. It focused on Sabbath rest. God freed us from the slavery of sin. We feel the need to continue working, striving, doing & not enjoying the freedom He gave us. Life can get busy at times with deadlines, work, cooking, etc. We must learn to say no & set deadlines for ourselves. God made the Sabbath for us to enjoy. He knows we need to stop & take a break from life. It will be good for our mental & physical health. Taking a break from life & social media doesn’t equate to being lazy. It means we value time with God & family over the world’s rushing & doing. I read Bonnie Gray’s “Whispers of Rest 40 Days of God’s Love to revitalize your soul. ” One thing that resonated with me is breath prayers. Just inhale & say Jesus then exhale & say help me or what ever. It is a simple way to talk to God anytime of day or night. It is very calming. I also love listening to Christian Music while working. It energizes my soul, keeps me praising & focused on God. Hubby & I watch Dr. David Jeremiah on TV together. He has such great sermons. I feel it grounds us spiritually!
Blessings 🙂
Grace P. Cho says
Breath prayer and centering prayer have been so helpful to ground me as well!
Christina says
I’m trying to make Friday afternoons a time of rest in my life. Fridays are often slower work days for me since I work in ministry and we often have events on the weekends. So I’m trying to make a habit of spending those afternoons reading, napping, going outside – anything that’s truly life-giving (rather than laundry, grocery shopping, and cleaning – things I normally do when I have a break from work).
Grace P. Cho says
I love that distinction between things that are life-giving that things that you would normally do when you have a break from work. I hope you had some of that life-giving goodness yesterday and blessings to you as you work this weekend!
Christina says
Thank you, but I can’t take credit for that! If you haven’t already listened/read I highly recommend Annie F. Downs’ That Sounds Fun podcast episode from earlier this year on Sabbath with John Mark Comer and/or his book Garden City.
April says
I’m disturbed by our political climate today within our churches. It’s even difficult to attend on Sunday because one is treated differently if one does not agree with the others views. I think the word that comes to mind is shunned. I am not welcomed at church functions. I am hungry for Christian fellowship that’s non judgmental. I live in a small town so options for church attendance is limited. I feel guilty not attending church on Sunday. I do worship by keeping the Sabbath holy by worshiping with a television sermon and reading my Bible and keeping other media interactions limited and praying. I try to follow the What Would Jesus Do statement in all my actions. Help
Grace P. Cho says
Hey April, I’m so sorry things have been difficult with church. I was praying this morning about the climate of our nation, the way things are so broken, the children separated from their families, the injustices that continue to happen, and I know the Lord sees our tears and hears our cries. It’s so tricky to attend church when we don’t see eye to eye so along with reading your Bible and praying, I suggest you try to find community online with whom you’ll resonate and that you look outside of your current church to see if there are people in your local area still with whom you can connect and pray together over the state of this world. I still highly recommend you stick with a local church because in any broken body, Christ is still doing His redeeming work, and we are given the power to love beyond opposing views and values. We are to call out what’s wrong and unjust, but we are also to do it with wisdom and grace… it’s a HARD HARD thing to do, and sometimes, it won’t be possible. We pray with broken hearts, and we pray with hope. <3
Christina says
I’m so sorry that this has been your experience with the local church! The church can be wonderful but it’s also so very full of flawed people. Please know that I am praying that God will provide true Christian fellowship for you soon and that He will bring reconciliation where it is needed.
Maylee says
This is the majority of us women, women who are mothers. We are weary and exhausted but yes like you say, we definitely have more than enough time for Pinterest. LOL This is my downfall. Longing for rest while dreaming up what my house should look like, what I should wear to work if I only resort to capsule wear, what I could cook up for my family, etc.. It is truly insane to think that just two decades ago, we had the same amount of time yet we were able to truly enjoy being with our family. With this onset of social media, our days are becoming less and less it seems and we are supposed to be connected to those we claim to love with the reality of this being the complete opposite. Come to the fountain, those of you who are weary, Jesus said. Let us draw back to the well of life for nourishment. Just a reminder that this life is temporary and we have so little time with our children. Let us embrace every single moment with them while they still want us to be near them. Thank you for sharing…
Grace P. Cho says
Yes to the fountain and to the well of life – especially while mothering!
Nancy Ruegg says
Resting is hard for me, too–even in retirement!! I do begin most days with a restful quiet time and enjoy a long break at lunchtime. Sundays I take a Sabbath rest from social media. A truly restful habit is sitting on our deck, Bible and journal in hand, to sit in God’s living room (a Michael Hyatt phrase which I love!), bask in his presence, praise him for his creative genius, and listen for his voice. But I must admit, those hours are not as frequent as they should be. Thank you, Grace, for your inspiration and encouragement. Rest IS within our reach if we’re willing to choose it!
Grace P. Cho says
It sounds glorious to sit in God’s living room! I love the encouragement and challenge you present here that even in the midst of retirement, we still need to intentionally choose to rest. God is bidding us to come in all seasons of life!
Nancy Ruegg says
Amen, Grace!
Francee Strain says
Well said! Thanks for sharing. I am right there with you. I recently published a book (No Ordinary Invitation: Called to Live a Life of Eternal Purpose) which addresses this topic and how to invite God’s presence and experience rest in the midst of this life while we await our eternal rest. This book led me to introspection and action. When we are still and deliberate, we will hear amazing things from His heart. Each day can be abundant, even when it is dark. Each day can be peace-filled, even when it is chaotic. I do exposition of Matthew 11:28-30. He is the source of rest. Focusing on Him during Sabbath and every other day, as well, is incomparable! Happy resting!
Grace P. Cho says
Yes! My favorite version of Matt. 11:28-30 is The Message version – “Learn the unforced rhythms of grace…” May we know that and live that this weekend!