We rolled out of camp bunk beds early that Saturday for our date with God’s glory. The air was brisk, but the sun greeted us with a promise of warmth. I joined my friends at the starting line for the Shadow of the Giants trail race.
“Three, two, one, go!” the race director bellowed, his voice echoing through the forest. And we were off.
My lungs burned as we headed straight uphill through the grove of sequoia trees at 5,000-feet elevation. Inhale. Lift. Exhale. Lift. Inhale. Lift. I tried to find the rhythm of my breath and feet to make it up that first long hill. I had confidence knowing I had completed this race before, but five miles of hills is still five miles of hills. I knew what to expect, but I still had to put in the work.
Sometimes life is about breathing and lifting, putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes life is about lifting our eyes to chase God’s glory up the steepest hills and through the darkest corridors of the forest.
I learned this in a profound way in 2014 when my husband was diagnosed with stage four cancer. Every part of the journey felt like running uphill through the darkness. As his health quickly deteriorated, I took on the role of caretaker. My once strong, athletic husband depended on me to take him to doctor’s appointments, to make decisions about treatments, to prepare special meals for him and even to brush his teeth. The work was heavy and heartbreaking.
Lift. Inhale. Lift. Exhale. Lift. Inhale. Lift.
As I ran the Shadow of the Giants race, I could not help but take note of the landscape. The trail through the Nelder Grove — not far from Yosemite National Park — looked strikingly different from the year before when I ran the same race. Fallen trees and blackened trunks provided surprising contrast against the backdrop of the bright blue sky.
A wildfire earlier in the year blazed its way through 12,407 acres of this forest. The cause of the fire was unknown, but it threatened communities, historic buildings, resorts, and the Yosemite Mountain Sugar Pine Railroad. People were evacuated from hotels and homes.
I was surprised to discover that though forest fires destroy so much, good things can result as well. When a fire rages through dry underbrush, it clears thick growth so nourishing sunlight can reach the forest floor. This encourages the growth of native species, and a resilient tree, who survives the fire, can even experience a growth spurt.
As I ran, I saw evidence of new growth in the Nelder Forest. Green grass and leaves sprouted in all directions. Wildflowers dotted the trail. As I rounded the corner after the steepest part of the race, angled light beamed through the blackened tree trunks. Beauty rose up from the ashes.
My husband graduated to Heaven in September 2014. Out of the grief, a fierce sense of hope has emerged in my life these last few years. I still bear the scars of loss, but God uses these to open doors so I might impart courage to others. My three daughters have resilient spirits, which I believe spring from the fire they have walked through.
Do you feel like you are running uphill through the dark? Are you feeling the sear of the fire at your heels?
I have learned the challenge is in how we respond. Will we let the fires of life destroy us or refine us? Will we let grief overtake us or will we choose comfort in Christ? Will we sit in the ashes or will we wear a crown of beauty?
Friends, let’s draw strength from these words in Isaiah:
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me…
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
Isaiah 61:1, 2-3 (NIV)
I started sprinting as I neared the finish of the race. Oh, how I love that final taste of glory! The trail turned to single track. I whizzed by lush, green ferns. I slowed to climb over felled tree trunks. Inhale. Lift. Exhale. Lift. Somehow the chase for His glory felt easier. My heart was singed by fire, but I found unexpected joy in the journey.
Leave a Comment
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Dorina,
What a testimony of God working through your grief to bring you joy in the morning after weeping endured for the night and to bring glory to Himself. So true that we can either let pain and struggles refine us or defeat us. For many years I have felt like I was running uphill in the dark. Struggle after struggle takes it’s toll. I go for three MRI’s here shortly to see if a 6th surgery is necessary. I know, however, that whatever the outcome, God will see me through. He has been faithful in the past which gives me hope and courage for the future. Just like God built resiliency into the plants and trees in the forest, He built that resiliency into us. If we but rely on Him, He can bring beauty from our ashes as well. Beautiful post!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Ella Roberts says
Dorina your words are uplifting to others and myself thank you for sharing your encouraging words I am sure that it help others as it did encourage me thank you.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
I am so grateful God can use this story for His glory. Blessings, friend!
Penny says
Bev,
I hope that the outcome will be a good one, and pray that it will.
Have a blessed day,
Penny
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Thanks Penny…you’re a sweetheart!
Have a good weekend,
Bev xx
Kathleen says
Bev, praying for healing and no more surgeries. It will be okay. You are strong in your walk with the Lord. He will see you through sweet friend.
Kathy
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Yes and amen!
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Bev, thank you for sharing your experiences too. Your story matters and God is not done with you yet! Beauty from ashes!
Beth Williams says
Bev,
Praying for good outcomes of the MRIs. God can & will heal you in His perfect timing.
Blessings 🙂
Michele Morin says
Dorina, thank you for pointing the way toward the path of joy through the singed forest of grief.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
For His Glory!
NancyPoodle says
Thank You Dorina! My dear husband had a serious stroke 5 years ago that left him partially paralyzed. It took this tragedy for me to fully understand what it meant to love the Lord and allow the Lord to love me. I love your incredible testimony. Praise God!
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Thank you for sharing! I love hearing how God has been present with you. For His Glory!
Jas says
Dorina, thank you for sharing your story and a reminder that beauty can be found as a comfort on the journey forward from grief. God Bless you!
Jas
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Definitely, Jas! Joining you on the journey!
Kelly says
I’m deep in the singed forest of grief as I walk the path of now being a single mom as my now ex-husband pursued a divorce over the last 2 years. Beauty from ashes has been His promise all along. Trying to continue breathing in that promise. Thank you for this beautiful picture of the journey we can find ourselves on and for the encouragement of the life and new beauty that WILL come!
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Lift and breathe, Kelly. He can transform all things for His glory and our good. I will be praying over you.
Penny says
Dorina,
This was beautifully touching……thank-you for sharing your story of courage.Moving beyond grief is not easy, but with God’s love we can overcome it, and enjoy the beauty.
Have a blessed day all,
Penny
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Penny, thank you for your encouraging words. There is beauty in the broken!
Joan Misirian Munro says
Dorinda, God had blessed you with a gift of words eloquently written to the hearts that can’t yet express the darkest hours, the fires that scorch and burn, leaving devastation and new life in its path. God is truly there and gave me strength to do the ” challenging run and work” for my brother and parents..burdens and blessings, ashes and beauty. Grace beyond grief. Our God is an awesome God!
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Joan, thank you for taking time to encourage me. You are doing sacred work. I know He is with you.
Jen Fletcher says
I’ve followed your stories through Hopewriters and your faith is so inspiring. I love the parallels between running physically and running emotionally for God’s glory. There are so many things to stumble and fall over, but the beauty and strength from those ashes are beautiful. Pieces of heaven glimpsed on earth. Thanks for sharing!
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Jen! I love Hope*writers! What a joy to connect with you here! Pieces of Heaven glimpses on earth!
Beth Williams says
Dorina,
Great testimony to God’s faithfulness. He is there with us in the dark places & gives us beauty for ashes. I went through dark times of dementia with both my parents. My dad’s illness got so bad he was hospitalized twice. God & prayer were the only things that could get me through those days. The second time I also turned to Christian music. Listening to & praising God through Stephen C. Chapman songs like “Dive”, “Let Us Pray”, “Live Out Loud” * “Love Come Over Me”. He didn’t make it out of hospital second time. Like you said those experiences have built a resiliency in me. I’ve gotten stronger in my faith & not much shakes me. Not even my FIL’s Stage III bladder cancer diagnosis. I knew God could heal him. He did bring FIL out of surgery & allowed him to enjoy his 90th birthday. Nothing is impossible with God!
Blessings 🙂
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Beth! Thank you for sharing your testimony! Worship music played a big role in carrying me through the darkest days too!
Rebecca Jones says
What a wonderful testimony, I’m sure your husband would be proud, grief is a terrible thing, thank you sharing this.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Rebecca, these words mean so much! Thank you for reaching out!
Beverly Hudson says
What a visual read!! Thank you so much! I was inhaling and exhaling along with you as we ran. I too have been stepping over the ashes, feeling the weight of an uphill journey, many times almost breathless. My precious husband of 41 years was swept Home on his way to work after a morning workout, 2 years ago now. Suddenly only to us, not to our Heavenly Father, has brought wave upon wave of changes and transistions in our family that feel at times like an inferno. But oh the clearings, when they come. The beauty from loss can be breathtaking! Not a wanderer but a pilgrim on a journey Home where the best is yet to be!
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Thank you for journeying with me. “The beauty from loss can be breathtaking!” Let’s chase His glory together, my friend!
Laura Thomas says
Dorina, this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your uphill journey and the glory that is promised at the finish line. Stopping by from Hope*Writers ❤️
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
Laura, your words mean so much to me! Grateful for Hope*Writers!
Pearl Allard says
Wow. Thank you, Dorina.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
You’re welcome, friend!
Becky Keife says
I spent one college summer working and doing ministry in Kings Canyon National Park, and I remember learning about “growth by fire.” Seeing the huge fire scars on giant sequoias, marveling at the way destruction and pain can give way to beauty and strength. Thank you for reminding me of this all again. Your life is a beautiful illustration of God’s faithfulness. Thank you for letting us see some of the glory through the ashes you have walked through. xx
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
I’m forever in love with the way God transforms all things for His glory and our good. I love that you worked in Sequoia, friend. I didn’t know that! I appreciate your encouragement and that we get to journey together!