For most of my forty-five years, I’ve felt broken, damaged, not whole. I’ve felt not enough and yet sometimes way too much — too much mess, too much trouble. Too much, well, me.
I am often my own worst critic, condemning this fragile heart with thoughts that ask, What will people think if they know you struggle with this? or You should be over this by now. What is wrong with you? As a survivor of childhood physical and verbal abuse, the enemy has given me plenty of reasons to feel this way. When you hear the lies long enough, you start to believe them, and memories don’t seem to fade as easily as bruises do.
Being married to a pastor for twenty-two amazing – yet not always easy – years, I know well the effort it takes to appear “put together.” Some days I want to pull the blankets over my head and hide from everyone and everything. And some days I wonder if I’m damaged beyond repair.
I can feel the ridges of the scars on my heart, the fissures that go deep and cause insecurities I wish could be swallowed whole. My flaws are impossible to hide. Countless times I have given God the hurts I bear, and I have felt His love over and over again. Yet before long, it feels like my brokenness resurfaces. And let’s be real for a moment: broken places cannot always be masked with makeup and plastic smiles. Sometimes they crack wide open when you least expect and give way in a torrential rush.
Maybe you’ve felt that way, too. Maybe you’ve felt as though you’ll never be whole, that you’ll never measure up no matter how big His grace is.
The truth is, each of us have wounds. We all carry scars, but we are not the sum of what we’ve done or what has been done to us. While experience shapes us, it does not have the power to define us. We may feel broken, but that is not the end of the story! There is nothing too hard or too big for Him to heal and piece back together with His peace.
According to John 12:24, nothing can take root, grow, or reach its fullest potential without dying first. There must be brokenness, a crack, for a seed to let the light and rain in, both of which are desperately needed for growth. Someday, after a falling away of the hull and the spreading of tiny roots, brokenness gives way to more than it could ever have been on its own.
John’s powerful wisdom teaches us that broken places are not something to get over; they are sacred spaces His faithful love gets us through. One breath, one heartbeat, one moment at a time. When offered to God, brokenness becomes a portrait of strength made perfect in weakness. Flaws become a banner of hope! Scars reveal that we were worth every bit of suffering our Savior went through to redeem us, and His grace measures up when we don’t.
So for those of us who feel hopelessly broken today, let’s remember: Beginning again starts with one step. It takes courage to get back up and offer yesterday’s script a new line. But rewrites are God’s specialty! He is more than able to take the broken pieces and make a masterpiece. Let’s allow our brokenness to be laid before Him and discover grace that brings greater growth than we dared dream possible – grace that always measures up.
Father, we so desperately need You to heal our broken places. We invite You into the hardest, darkest stories of our lives and trust You to make us new. We know we don’t need to hide the unlovely places in our hearts from You. Your goodness is like a balm to our souls. May every painful place stand as a testimony of Your greatness as we surrender to Your plan.
There is nothing too hard or too big for God to heal and piece back together with His peace. - Jenny Wheeler: Click To Tweet