Growing up in a small town, I attended 13 years of school with the same kids. The children who shared crayons and blocks with me in Kindergarten became the angst-ridden teens who hurled insults and food at me until senior year.
I identified with underdog characters in movies like Lucas, Can’t Buy Me Love, and a bunch of John Hughes flicks that always featured at least one kid who stood out like a dandelion in a field of tulips.
Unlike the protagonists on the silver screen, there was no day of redemption for me. No tearful apologies, no dream date to the prom, and no convicting cafeteria speech that ended with thunderous applause and a renewed spirit of unity.
Convinced there had to be something horribly wrong with me to be the target of word darts and slapstick antics, I spent most of my childhood trying to fix myself. I adopted new hair styles, stopped wearing my glasses, and lost so much weight that my size 2 jeans sat loose at my waist.
None of my self-remodeling attempts worked.
Dear Jesus, I pleaded, please make me lovable. Please take away whatever it is that makes me less than everyone else. Please make me normal, Jesus. Please.
God held me tighter, I felt Him near, but He didn’t answer my prayers the way I wanted.
When I graduated high school I had just two goals:
- Get as far away from that town as possible.
- Figure out what was wrong with me.
My life improved when I attended a Christian college, but I still felt deficient and worth far less than everyone else. After college graduation, I moved to Orlando and it was in the city of sunshine and palm trees where I began to understand why God didn’t do for me what Cinderella’s godmother did for her.
During a gathering my roommate and I were hosting one night, someone started leafing through my yearbook. I briefly shared that I was the local outcast in high school.
What happened next changed my life.
My friend Eric, raised his eyebrow and incredulously asked, “You? Kids made fun of you?”
“Mmmhmmm,” I replied. Then I braced myself for his next question.
Here it comes, I thought, he’s going to ask me what was wrong with me back then.
My heart slid toward my toes when Eric started his question,because it seemed like he was going where I thought he would go . . . only he didn’t.
Instead, he shook his head and emphatically spat out the words,
“What was wrong with THEM?”
I gasped and stuttered and stood stunned.
Right there on the living room floor of my first adult home, the truth finally poked through my heart.
There wasn’t anything wrong with me.
Sure, I had gone through a gawky phase. I walked funny in elementary school. I made my share of social slips. But there was nothing fundamentally wrong with me.
I wasn’t garbage.
I wasn’t unlovable.
I wasn’t less than.
There was, however, something wrong inside the hearts of my tormentors. Whether it was fear, insecurity, anger, grief, or pride, there was something that enabled or propelled them to wound another individual.
At 15, I couldn’t understand that, so I allowed the mistakes of a few confused kids to define me.
Today, I’m 41. No one makes fun of me anymore. But there are days when I need to be reminded that I’m unconditionally loved. There are days when I examine myself and ask: What. Is. Wrong. With. You, Angela?
Those days don’t come often since I took Jesus on His word, but from time to time, they come. Insecurity is a germ. If we’re not guarded, it sneaks up and burrows its way into our hearts like virus. It festers and expands its reach until it knocks us flat.
On those days when I feel small, I need reminders that I matter.
Are you in that place today? If so, will you take a step toward healing with me?
Please stop thinking there’s something wrong with you.
Please stop thinking that you’re a mistake that needs fixing.
You may be broken. You may be wounded raw. You may be emptied of happiness and brimming with regret. But you’re not defective. There’s no invisible less-than symbol stamped on your forehead.
No matter what anyone else says or thinks. No matter what you say or think. There’s nothing wrong with you. When you really start living like you believe that, the eyes of your heart will open wide and you will be better able to give and receive more love than you ever have before.
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I asked a lot of tough questions during this confusing time and God responded by showing me more of Jesus. If you’d like to delve a little deeper about who you are in Christ, please join me at my blog today.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Angela,
I guess my first thought was like your friend’s…What’s wrong with them? I see a beautiful woman with a godly spirit who has a tender side, like me, and who writes from the heart in a sincere and vulnerable way. You allow yourself to be less, so that God can be so much more and to me that is the best “wonderful” around. God took me on my own journey to find my worth in Him and I’m so thankful that He keeps pursuing us when we feel so less than enough. I don’t get all the bullying and tormenting…the only thing I can deduct is that there are a lot of hurting kids out there because hurting people hurt other people. Thank you for a heartfelt and beautiful post this morning!
Blessings and ((hugs)),
Bev
Angela Nazworth says
Thank you so much, Bev. You are such a beautiful encourager. I teared up when I read your loving response.
Jenn says
Thank you for sharing such a wonderful post! It is exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I actually laughed when I read the title. I don’t know why but I’ve been struggling with insecurities of what is wrong with me. But after hearing this post this morning I gave myself permission to wear yoga pants to my son’s soccer game tonight. I reminded myself that in the job I have that I have been called to buy God that he is given me the wisdom I need. Not trying to approach it from a pride perspective but an honest guy confidence that I needed to be reminded of. Reading this devotional this morning has given me a great desire to simply praise and worship God. I’m so thankful for the reminder in his word that says we are fearfully and wonderfully made oh how often we need to hear that!
Angela Nazworth says
Jenn, thank you for blessing me with your insightful words. Praising with you!
Jenny Shinsky says
This is so good and I can totally relate. This worth sharing with my teenage niece. Thank you.
Angela Nazworth says
Thank you. It is a message for all ages.
karen says
SO good and such an encouragement! THANKS for this….on behalf of so many!!!
Angela Nazworth says
Thank you Karen. I am so glad God used my words to encourage your heart.
Marty says
It’s one thing when we come face to face with our sin and confess it to God…quite another thing when we question whether we are good/smart/pretty enough…when compared to others. When will we learn that in Christ…we are enough? Thank you so much for these encouraging words today.
Angela Nazworth says
And thank you, Marty. Beautiful insight about the difference between sin and feeling like there is something wrong with who God made us to be.
Rita Hernandez says
Thank you for sharing this devotional. I had a really bad day yesterday and was feeling less than I am. I prayed as I walked to my car from the office….what is wrong with me?
Michelle Peden Vasquez says
Wow. I felt like this post was written just for me! Thank you for sharing!
Angela Nazworth says
HUGS to you Michelle.
Jenni DeWitt says
When you said that no one makes fun of you anymore, it made me stop and think. Maybe those voices aren’t coming from the outside anymore for me, but I think the evil one still likes to whisper those insults in my ear. He’s the master of lies and loves to prey on our insecurities. But in the next paragraph you said you “took Jesus on His word.” And that’s the perfect anecdote to the lies anyone will tell us about ourselves. Jesus. He loves us, and is whispering that love to our hearts if we can just trust Him enough to hear it. From one awkward grade school girl to another, grateful for your words today!
Angela Nazworth says
“I think the evil one still likes to whisper those insults in my ear.” – Yes, yes he does. “Jesus. He loves us, and is whispering that love to our hearts if we can just trust Him enough to hear it.” and YES, YES, YES, HE DOES! Love this. Thank you, Jenni.
Mary Carver says
This is such a beautiful story, and amazing proof of God’s ability (and plan!) to redeem EVERY.THING. No matter if a person has been bullied or not, we all feel less than at some point (or lots of points). So this is a much-needed reminder, one I need myself. Thank you for sharing your story with us!
Angela Nazworth says
Thank you, friend. One of my favorite OT stories is the story of Joseph and how “God used for good what man meant for evil.” How amazing it is that we serve a God who can redeem all things.
Amy Krance-Wendt says
Such great words today! I also grew up in a small town, so can relate to much of your sharing. Who among us, though, whether big city girl, or small town girl, can’t relate to that feeling of something wrong at some point?! Praying the eyes of all our hearts will be opened to the Truth. Thank you for blessing us with this post!
Angela Nazworth says
Thank you, Amy. I do think feelings of self-doubt are universal. So thankful that this post has blessed you.
JeanneTakenaka says
Angela, you had me in tears when I read your friend Eric’s question. I was the target throughout elementary school, and frequently through secondary school. I came into adulthood with two words stamped on my heart by the world I knew: “Less-than.” It’s taken years to come to the place of understanding that in God’s eyes, I’m not less-than. I am a cherished, beloved daughter of His. I’m His girl. Some days those lies from my growing up years still try to bring me back to that place of feeling inferior. I still struggle with insecurity. But God . . . He is enough, and because of Jesus, I am enough in His eyes.
What a beautiful, truth-filled post. Thank you for sharing this.
Angela Nazworth says
Thank you, Jeanne.I’m so sorry you experienced bullying and I am so thankful that God redeemed that struggle in your life as well. You are beautiful. You are cherished. You are His.
Janet says
So funny! I had been made fun of a lot! Going away to college did not help, but after I moved to Florida! Everything changed! Nobody here makes fun of me. I have also learned that there is nothing wrong with me! Sure wish I had found this out sooner.
Angela Nazworth says
See, I always thought that Florida is Jesus’ favorite state!!! 😉 I too wish I learned the truth earlier, but how sweet it is to finally walk it! Love to you!
Susan G. says
Angela,
Thanks for the truth written here today. God NEVER sees us as ‘less-than’…and that’s really all that matters.
Blessings!
Angela Nazworth says
Amen, Susan! Thank you so much.
Nancy says
Growing up in an alcoholic environment, I was always looking for approval. To make a long story short, at 62,I finally realize having Christ 1st in my life is a daily motivation for me. It is now my goal each day to have others see that all is possible through our loving God, He gives us more grace. James 4:6. No one is perfect and we all have made mistakes we wish we could “do over”. I now just want to live in Christ, and Christ in me.
Angela Nazworth says
Thank you for sharing, Nancy. So happy that Jesus lives in you and that you celebrate the gift of grace.
Angela Nazworth says
Thank you, Stephanie.
Stephanie Green says
You’re welcome, thank you for posting it!
Deena Marie says
I know these feelings so well. The feeling little, being teased all through school by the same kids for 12 years, starving myself to be exceptable… I’m almost 56, a mother of four successful adults, but still have to remind myself not to identify with anyone’s opinion, but God. It is very hard some days, still.
Angela Nazworth says
Oh Deena Marie, I am so sorry you felt such pain. I know how difficult it is to quiet those voices that have been too loud for too long. I’m praying that Jesus keeps sending you reminders about how precious you truly are to him.
Deena Marie says
Thank you Angela, it has been a long road to find a place of selfworth. It took my children becoming adults and people telling me what a great job I’ve done, to begin to see the light in a tunnel of worthless thinking. It is a hard struggle for women to understand their value even in the USA. After being devalued as a child and marrying two men who both used me as a door mat, because of my servant’s heart and poor doctrine. Now I have a clearer picture and I believe God will give me opportunity to help others as HE did with you today….helping me. 🙂
Angela Nazworth says
I will be praying for you this evening. It seems as though your healing is beginning and I’m very excited for you and also understand what a tender time this can be. Hugs to you.
abi says
THANK YOU, this was exactly what I needed today.
-Abi
Angela Nazworth says
You are so welcome, sweet Abi.
Lisa Brown says
Oh Angela what an amazing post. Thank You!!!! I needed to read this. I was that kid that everyone called a stork because I had long legs and a big nose. That’s what they thought anyway. I remember my mom giving me a picture with these following words. God Does Not Make Junk. I was eight and touched by these words. I have carried this picture with me for years. Every now and then I have to pick it up and remind myself That God Does Not Make Junk. Hurtful words from others and peer rejection is very painful. But with God on my side – I survived. I still struggle with worrying that something is wrong with me and so thanks for such a empowering post.
Angela Nazworth says
You are beautiful Lisa! And Yes, yes, yes … God doesn’t make junk!
Sheryl87 says
I read this yesterday, but had to come back today and tell you how much this spoke to me! I struggle so much with those voices in my head telling me everyone else has it together and what is wrong with me that I don’t. The next time I hear that voice of the enemy I’m telling him there is no less than symbol on me, love that! Thank you so much for sharing.
Angela Nazworth says
That’s right, Sheryl? I’m a firm believer in talking back to the devil. You tell him he’s a liar because the God who can speak only truth says you are precious.
Marlys Zimbelman says
I can relate to this as I was also bullied in high school. I am going to my first class reunion since graduating (my 35th) and it will be interesting! But I know that I will be ok because Jesus is with me and He made me and I am enough. I am His and that is all that matters.
Angela Nazworth says
Praying that your time at the reunion will bring about some healing. You won’t go it alone.
Jeri@got2havefaith says
This story could have been written by me! Beautifully told. God takes each of us on our own journey. Thank you for tell your story.
Angela Nazworth says
Thank you for taking the time to reach out. I’m so sorry that you walked a similar journey, but are thankful that there is also evidence of great healing in your life. Praise God!
Brooke Elizabeth Burger says
As I read this I thought you were telling my story. So very, very similar. I too realize now how valuable I am to our Lord. Thanks for writing our story. Blessings!
Angela Nazworth says
Brooke, there are so many times I write the words that come from deep within my soul and I wonder if anyone will really be able to relate to them … but each time I post such private moments of doubt, I see reminders that we never are alone. Definitely God is always with us … but there are also others … many others who have walked similar paths. Thank you for sharing. I’m thrilled that you know how special you are to Jesus!
Carolyn Edgar says
Well Angela, you are a sister that has been used by Jesus to speak His love message into my soul. I am crying as I type this. No words can say what this means to me now. Where I most feel isolated and misunderstood is in the church. This page is bookmarked for lots of future references. Thank you for your candid and Spirit led openness. God Bless you and yours.
Angela Nazworth says
Much love to you, sweet Carolyn! I’m so sorry you are struggling with loneliness in the church. I’m praying for you now and for people to come into your life and offer you acceptance.
Beth Williams says
Angela,
This post hit home with me. I can so relate to feeling insecure, and down. My aging dad’s illnesses last year and a few years of work stresses have me thinking “what’s wrong with me?” “why can’t I get it together?” “No one loves me.” I feel depressed and down some! Praise God I have good friends at work and a wonderful hubby who know me well enough to encourage me and remind me that I am loved unconditionally. God has me on a journey now–one I don’t like– and He is drawing me ever closer to Him. Through my trials I am praying and seeking Him more!
You Angela are a beautiful, smart, young woman who has plenty of talent. I believe, like you said, that those kids were jealous of you and took that route. Thank you for sharing this post and helping so many women see that there is nothing wrong with them! Keep up the good work!
((((Hugs)))) Blessings 🙂
Angela Nazworth says
Thank you for your sweet encouragement, Beth. You are cherished and loved. Blessings to you as God carried you through a difficult season.
Candice says
Angela, thanks for sharing this. I certainly needed this encouragement. Today is my birthday and I woke up giving God praises for what he has done in my life. I have however often been plagued with feelings of inadequacies and insecurities despite success and know it is a constant attack by the enemy.
Your post this morning has given me the assurance that nothing is wrong with me and I should lean on the promises of God.
We are all fearfully and wonderfully made by him and we are all unique and placed on this earth for his purpose.
Let us constantly live our lives to fulfill his purpose.
Angela Nazworth says
Happy Birthday, Candice!!! I’m so glad that you woke this morning with feelings of praise! You are fearfully and wonderfully made!
Angela Nazworth says
You matter, Onyxsta … and you are loved beyond measure.
Tasha Walton says
No one makes fun of me not have they ever I have always seemed to be treated like a leper I’m either people are infatuated with me and then drop me as if I never existed it hurts and I don’t understand especially sense I’ve always been told I’m like an earth angel alway there to help and lend a hand be supportive kind I just want people to follow the golden rule “treat others the way you would like to be treated” I always do… But lately and throughout my life I have found myself alone and friendless when I truly would have liked someone to be there for me but I guess it just makes me stronger but sometimes I don’t know how much more I can take…
R Summers says
I have had many of those seasons. It is a real challenge to learn to be alone and not lonely. But, it can be done through the grace of God. Trust me. I’ve done it. No matter what people do, pouring His love out to them will never be in vain, even if it’s not returned, because you will have a clean heart and no regrets about your behavior. Just let them go. And this season won’t last. The one constant thing in life is change. ha! It’s true. Also, a good thing about aging is you get more confident and comfortable in your own skin. It does get easier. Things that bother you now don’t bother you so much later. It’s really great. Praying for you Tasha. Don’t give up. You are beautiful and people will and do know it!
Maria says
Thank you for this beautiful message. You have helped me realized there is nothing wrong with me and continue believing sometimes God reveals His blessing and guidance in His own time. God Bless for sharing this experience.
4lifeandfreedom says
We are worth everything to God–and He is the One to Whom we should listen!
Angela says
Angela,
My name is Angela as well and this message touched my heart. I struggled/still struggle with thinking that “something is wrong with me” especially in regards to physical body appearance. I jumped a bit when you stated in quotes, “What is wrong with you Angela” because I too have repeated this phrase many times. I wanted to thank you for taking the time to write and share such beautiful words. Your message acts as an inspiration to me as I’m sure it does to many. I have also come a long way in knowing I am loved unconditionally and really believing that nothing is actually wrong with me. Through prayers, friends, and family, I know your message to be true but I certainly appreciated the gentle reminder. Please continue to share your message of strength and beauty. If it helped me, I know it will help many others!
Elisa K. says
This hit the core of my heart in a way that really got me.
And it’s not others, on the outside only, however small their
negative reactions to me.
It’s mostly inside me, that the negative self talk gets louder
after some flaming arrows of the oppressive opposition,
a.k.a. satan, throws in.
I find it for myself with my three issues: dealing with spiritual
warfare; having Cyclothymia, an emotional disorder; and my
personal issue.
All tend to put me in a place of paralyzed with doubts, fears
and lies. And I have to keep reminding myself. God does
love, forgive, cleanse and bless me. And I should stop thinking
what is wrong with me and how do “I” fix myself.
But continue to remember who God says I am and let Him
do the work of the potter on the clay =]
Thank you, Angela, for the words that help me face it and
helps me on my healing, refinement and freedom journey <3
Meghan Weyerbacher says
It’s already almost July and I am just now finding this post, but it really struck a chord with me (in a good way) because this sounds very similar to my past. I too was picked on at a young age, and ran away as soon as I could in my teen years. I thought many things would “fix” me but found out later Jesus just wanted me to let Him love me. I tried to fill that void with everyone else only to be left disappointed by trying to be someone I wasn’t. Thank God for His mercy, patience and steadfastness.
Thank you for sharing this!!