I know this feeling. I am pretty shy plus i overthink all the time. I have asked God to show me a good friend as for me i am happy with one or 2 close friends. I yearn to be known and to know others with depth. I cant stand shallow friendships where the only time you see someone is at a meeting or social gathering. I think i have adopted some crazy expectations but i dont know how to undo. The book ‘never unfriended’ felt like i’d written it as i soooo related to it… but i feel stuck.
My one experience of the ideal friendship was when i met someone who i really connected with – we would meet up weekly.. we both initiated a meet… so it was two ways, we cud talk about anything, encouraged one another and it made me feel wanted, special and that someone actually wanted to spend time with me.
I felt i cud be me and i liked myself around this person…
I did have moments when i wud panic that i wud start to bore her, or be too quiet or too burdensome so when things started to change (new friends joined, new job and life things took some time) i wud withdraw and try keep smiling even when i felt like crying…
I had to accept that we cudnt be exclusive anymore but it was tough. I then tried to develop other friendships but felt like i was repelling people. I got sick of chasing and trying to be nice n helpful n encouraging. What do people want? So i end up stuffing all the loneliness, the craving for a close bud, the deep sadness i feel and the struggle i feel about my own insecurities and how i can get a better perspective. Its great to know that ur not the only one to go thru these things but i just want to know how to stop feeling this way x
Lonely introvert insecure gal