Hi, my name is Anastasia.
I just recently in the last year and a half moved from my home in Florida to my newly-wed’s husband hometown in Pennsylvania. I was excited about the changes and new friendships, but soon became overwhelmed of all the new people I was meeting (my husband has a large network of friends and family there). Soon, making friends wasn’t so exciting anymore, but stressful and disheartening. I would walk into a roomful of new people, meet them all, and forget their names by the time we left for the night. Granted, I think anyone would have felt like this in my situation, but it took me months before I felt comfortable in their presence.
Still now, I have a hard time opening up to new friendships. I carve that connection you feel with a close friend, and when I begin to open up, it’s like that person doesn’t want anything to do with me because of my faith and love for Jesus (I’m a recent follower of Jesus in the last two years).
Than I have this group of friends I grew up with back in Florida. I love them to death, and have been trying to reach out to them with all my might, but it seems with most of them, our friendship is just fading. In the first months of being out of the state, I neglected in reaching out to them. I blame it on the business of moving and just getting married, but those are just excuses. And than I had a huge fight with one of my best friends, a miscommunication that occurred over text. This fight happened after I realized I was neglecting my friends and began reaching out to apologize. They completely understood and apologized for not reaching out to me as well.
We rectified the argument after months of it, but it seems like whenever I try to reach out to any of them, I only get a text back here and there, but that’s all. Thy are never the first to call, or text, and when I do call they never answer. I love them all so dearly, and I pray for them every morning. I just sent them handwritten letters, hoping it will bring a change. The last time I went down to visit, we all hung out and it was like I never left!
I try to explain to them that their friendship matters to me. And I can see I matter to them too, but I just don’t understand why I’m doing all the pulling and carrying.
I have a few ideas why. Before I left Florida, I understood who Jesus was and what He did and my heart was awakened to Him, but I didn’t truly follow Him. My friends were the same way, and still are. They are still trying to find themselves in their last months of college. Than the guy who became my husband spoke Jesus’ truth in my life and Jesus began a transformation. I no longer wanted to do some of the things my friends wanted to do. And the more I dug deep into His heart, the more changed I became.
And my friends saw that in me. But I don’t think they really understood, or understand.
My question is, should I keep pursuing these friendships in my life? I know that the Lord plants old friends and new friends in our life for a reason, and some friends aren’t meant to be kept. I’m stuck on all those memories I have had with them and I don’t want to let go, but is it really healthy for me? Is it affecting the possible friendships I’d make in the future?
This is something I’m really struggling with right now, and any prayers would be wonderful!!