I am a pastor’s wife, and yet sometimes I struggle with believing that God loves me.
Growing up in the clutches of God’s love, I was four years old when I stopped under the slide one day to give my life to Jesus. Since then, He has had a fierce grip on me. My rational brain and verse-laden heart tells me that He loves me. I am convinced that He loves Israel, the world, and the church of which I am a part. However, it’s kind of like standing in a crowd of people, and having the speaker say that he appreciates you…couldn’t have done it without you. Lumped into a group, the gesture is authentic and kind, but less meaningful than when you are singled out and pulled aside by the Important One who is placing His importance on you.
For all of these years, I have been deeply grateful for any ounce of the love of God that He would choose to impart to me. I will take being “one of the crowd” in a heartbeat, for I am desperate for Him, and even that stirs my soul in return love. I am very mindful that a rescue, even in masses, is an incredible gift and I can declare that I am loved. Yet, deep down inside the recesses of my heart, I want to be special.
I’m guessing that most girls do.
We play princess when we are younger, dreaming of a rags to riches story where we are pulled out of the masses to become esteemed and loved by a prince. It isn’t the same when you are loved because of your belonging to a group. I want to be loved for just me. I have heard people say, “If you were the only one on the face of the earth, Jesus would still die for you”. Really? Where does it say that in Scripture? Jesus died because God so loved the WORLD. The reality is that He died so that millions would know Him as their Savior and spend eternity in heaven. We don’t know that Jesus would have died for just one person. Would He love in that way for just me?
This heart-wrestling regarding the love of God for me, has impacted the way that I love. I sometimes struggle, because my love tank feels dry. When I do respond in love, it is often of the generic kind because it is all that I feel I have to offer. My desperate desire for a special love often makes me do things like the disciple John did, clamoring for important positions and looking for ways to promote myself or preserve my image. However, perhaps the shift came for John as he heard these words, just as I did recently.
Jesus said, “Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you” (John 15:9).
“Yes, Lord. I see that. You love Me. But, you are speaking to your disciples here. Again…a group. Loved for being part of a group. “
“No, Joy. Look again.”
“Okay.”
“What does it say? How do I love you?”
“Like the Father loved you.”
And who am I to Him?
“You are His one and only Son. Wait. What?! You love me like that? You love me like a one and only?!
“Yes, Joy, I do. I love you with a special “one-and-only” kind of love. You are my daughter and I love you.”
In that moment, hearing those words from Jesus, I was overwhelmed. A lump caught in my throat and hot tears ran down my cheeks as I realized that it was quite possible that Jesus would have died for just me. The generic became the specific. The love of a group became the love of an individual, and I was completely humbled.
Some criticize John for calling himself “the disciple whom Jesus loved”. I just think that he had a good understanding of his identity and wanted to be known in no other way.
As for me? Joy may be the name by which the world has known me, but when you pass me by, know that deep inside I am the “girl whom Jesus loves”…like a one and only.
By Joy at joydombrow.blogspot.com
Leave a Comment
Danelle says
I love, too, how John named himself “the one whom Jesus loved”. . . It is so much easier to know that Jesus loves everyone than to acknowledge our individual worth to His heart. Turning the idea that “Jesus loves us” to “Jesus loves me” does truly change everything.
To be loved as a “one and only Son”. . I can only say as an earthly mama of two boys that the word “love” falls short of how I feel when I look at them.. . .
Thanks for this sweet reminder of His love, way beyond a definable “love”, that He has for each one of us.
Have a blessed and beautiful day today!
Joy Dombrow says
Danelle,
Thank you for your reaffirming words. It’s amazing how a little shift of thinking changes so much. Thank you for reading and sharing.
Bek says
It is through having a revelation of God’s love for us that we are able to love him more fully! I think this is what the bible says, being like a child. Hearing and knowing that he loves you, without any of those adult questions of worth getting in the way.
I do have to disagree with your saying that Jesus wouldn’t have died for one person. If you look at the parables of the lost coin or the lost sheep in Luke 15, it speaks of him searching for that single lost soul. Yes, it doesn’t say that specifically, but I still believe that is what he was speaking about, among other things.
Joy Dombrow says
Bek,
Thank you so much for reading and sharing. I hope it helps to know that I disagree with me too! ;-). This post was so much about my journey from believing that I was loved as a part of a group to believing that I am loved specifically as just me. I am learning to accept that it is possible that Christ would have died for just me (although, of course, that is not the reality). Thank you for the reminder of the lost sheep parable. I hope you feel incredibly loved today.
Holley Gerth says
Like a one and only…I’d never thought of it this way, Joy! Thanks for letting God whisper His love to us in a new way today through you. XOXO
Joy Dombrow says
Holley,
Thank you for reading. I hope today is filled with whispers of His love toward you. Our God’s love is measureless. Many blessings.
Kat says
Why should I feel discouraged,
Why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart feel lonely
And long for Heav’n and home,
When Jesus is my portion?
A constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches over me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
Joy Dombrow says
Beautiful.
Linda @ prone to wander says
Your post has given me a new thoughts about His love for me and John’s declaration that I guess I always thought was just for him. Thank you for this insight. Today I am saying in my heart …I am Linda, who He loves. What an encouragement! Way cool! And Exciting!!
Joy Dombrow says
Woohoo, Linda! Isn’t our God so wonderful and gracious towards us? I am so excited to see how our love for Him and others will grow as we begin to really believe that He loves us like a one and only. Thank you so much for reading and sharing.
Dawn says
Wow. Just wow. This spoke to me in ways that you have no idea…
Thank you so much for reminding me that He loves me “like a one and only”.
Joy Dombrow says
Dawn, may His incredible love for you swell your heart with joy and gratitude today. You are His precious girl. Thank you so much for reading.
Barbie says
Wow, I think you wrote this just for my heart this morning. I know God loves me, because I believe His Word to be true, and though the years I’ve had glimpses of His love, yet I still struggle. Does He really? I have been praying and asking for deeper encounters of His love. I need to get it past head knowledge and it let it sink deep into my heart.
Joy Dombrow says
Really?! Yea! I love it when the Lord has a fresh Word for us…one that speaks straight to our hearts. You are His beloved. I am so glad that you have received encouragement today! Blessings.
Bob Weaver says
Joy: Keep up the good work: God so loves us, notes on Joel”s Sermon: The Wedding in the bible is to show us how he loves us; Just as the bride ( church) is prepared for her lover, We are being prepared for our lover (Jesus Christ.) Many parables explain this. The Marriage supper, The lost sheep, “For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready” Rev 19:7: The Wedding Banquet Matt 22: Look at what emphasis he puts on the Church as his bride.. I Love your thought on ” John” The Disciple ( Christian) who Jesus Loves) ” Joy “The Disciple who Jesus Loves. Thanks for you blog. “Don’t forget you need to publish a book of devotions
Joy Dombrow says
Thank you, Bob. You are such a faithful encourager.
Living the Balanced Life says
Joy,
I know I have struggled with this forever. I know that God answers prayer, for others. I know God heals, others. I know he loves his children, but me, personally? Very difficult. I know that he loves me with my head, but I have a difficult time feeling it in my heart.
Thank you for sharing!
Bernice
What we REALLY want for Mothers Day
Joy Dombrow says
Thank you, Bernice, for reading and for sharing. It is hard to receive that kind of love since there is no human comparison. It’s a matter of trust and going deeper into His Word. As He reveals more of Himself to us, we will come to see more and more of the depth of His love…for us! Let’s bask in that truth today!
Heather says
This was beautiful, Joy! Thank you for sharing this poignant message!
Joy Dombrow says
Thank you so much, Heather. I hope you have a wonderful day as you live in the light of His love for you.
Katie says
I need to re-read this a few times. I’ve been feeling like an insecure pre-teen kid lately even though I’m a wife/mom in my 30’s. I feel like I’ve made mistakes with old friendships and/or my friends are just busy, but I suddenly feel like nobody really likes me much, and perhaps my husband and God Himself just love me because they “have to”. Perhaps God is wanting to teach me to find my identity in His love alone instead of in friends or family. Whatever the reason, I’ve been feeling un-loveable and lonely lately and longing for someone to just love me and think I’m special in spite of me! sigh..
Joy Dombrow says
Oh Katie. I think we as women have all felt this way at one time or another. The enemy’s greatest tactic is to get us to believe that we are really not worth loving…especially by God. May you combat those lies with the truth of God’s Word. God is crazy about you. Yes, others will fail us, and we may even fail ourselves, but He is steadfast and His love endures forever. I am praying tonight that God will give you an overwhelming sense of His love and that He will demonstrate it to you by bringing you a special friendship. Thank you for reading and sharing. May you be encouraged.
Katie says
Thank you! I do have some sweet new friends, but it’s hard to get to that comfortable-ness of old friends. We’re all so busy with our families. I appreciate you sharing your heart!
Diana says
This made me cry. Thanks for the reminder that we aren’t just a face in the holy crowd. I needed to hear it.
Joy Dombrow says
Oh, Diana. I love that. “We aren’t just a face in the holy crowd”. Beloved. That is what we are.
Friday Findings: Our Identity in Christ « God With Us: Finding Joy says
[…] Dombrow’s post, “Like a One and Only,” declares, “Joy may be the name by which the world has known me, but when you pass me […]