The Fairytale Life

I've always been a bit of a romantic.  In our dating days, I pictured married life filled with quiet dinners, soft lights and no dirty pans in sight. And definitely no dirty diapers. It was a lot easier to create a fairytale life when we didn't have so many responsibilities.

These days, I can easily get lost in the day to day challenges of just keeping my home going. The last thought on my mind sometimes is setting the mood for romance. For me, creating ambience is critical to a romantic mood in the home. Not just in the bedroom, but throughout the house.

Here are a few tips:

Freshen up the bedroom 
& bathroom
If the laundry piled up on the bed during the day, the kids flung their pull-ups or undies across the floor, or if your cereal bowl is still on the bathroom counter, take just a few moments to freshen things up. Seeing unsightly reminders of your long day will kill the romantic ambience pretty quickly.

End the day earlier
If you tend to be tired in the evenings (aren't we all once we get to be "our age"), do as your grandparents probably did and start having "supper" instead of dinner. Meaning, eat earlier if you can! The earlier you can eat and clean up, the more time you have in the evening to enjoy relaxation. And adjust the kids bedtime if you can pull that off! It is nice to have a couple of child-free hours in the evenings.

Another tip my husband and I used when our kids were young was to feed the kids separately once in awhile. I could get them fed before my husband even got home. Then, after the kids had a little time with daddy, we'd put them to bed and have our own dinner together, just like having a dinner date at home!

Scents
If your house smells like leftover fish tacos after dinner, air things out! Spray some perfume or heat some scented oil. Or bake something yummy to override the offending odor!

Break out the pretty dishes
I'm not a fancy gourmet cook so if I want to have a romantic at home date with my husband, I rely on pretty dishes and a couple of candles to make things look more appetizing. A simple set of white dishes can be so lovely on a table. For a fun dessert date night, you can pudding in clear stemmed goblets and brownies on a fancy cake plate.

Turn on the mood lighting
As the daylight starts to fade, turn down the bright lights in the house too. Use lamps instead of overhead lighting. Once the kids have gone to bed, light candles to lend a pretty glow to end tables.

Light a fire
If you have a fireplace, use it! We now have a gas fireplace so it is easier to flip on a switch for instant warmth and ambience. If building a fire is not possible, set up a bunch of candles to give off light and sparkle. If you have small children you can use battery operated candles.

Get creative
Are you turning into an old married couple with a predictable evening routine? Gulp. If you usually clean up after dinner, put the kids to bed and then watch TV the rest of the night, try mixing up the routine by playing a board game next to the fireplace or reading out loud to each other curled up on the couch. Or, re-read your love letters or re-live your memories of your early dating days. At first you might think it sounds corny or forced, or you might think your old routine is pretty comfortable, but routines can get dull. And dull is NOT romantic.

Music to your ears
Instead of flipping on the TV every evening to fill the silence, fire up your iPod or stereo with some more romantic background tunes.

Attitude check
By the end of the day, I am usually really tired. I work hard right up until the end of the day. Not only do I need to end my day earlier, but I need to shift my thinking from work and housekeeping to setting a romantic tone -- both around the house and in my attitude. I don't want to make the house all pretty and romantic and then ruin the ambience by my attitude!

It's all about making your marriage a priority in ways that work for you.

(By the way, our relationship with God is a lot like this too.)  

What do you do to keep the romance alive at home and in your heart?

On honor and in-laws: a different kind of love story

When the two of you became one, and his people became your people, how’d that work out for ya?  Does your relationship with your in-laws fall into the “for better” or “for worse” category? 

If it falls into the former and your relationship rains roses and sunshine, I hope you’ll keep reading so you can add your two cents of encouragement at the end.

But if, sweet sistahs, your in-law relationship falls into the more difficult latter…can you scooch real close to me and allow me to ask some very personal, maybe even uncomfortable questions?  Because I care enough to ask.

Have you drenched your difficult relationship in prayer?  If so, what is the focus of your prayer?  Have you pleaded with God to change your in-laws’ personality or behavior…or  maybe just move them across the country so you don’t have to deal with them as frequently? 

Somewhere between young adult and middle age, my understanding of prayer changed.  I began to see how often my prayers could be characterized as wish-thinking.  I prayed for relief from suffering and begged for circumstances to change; “according to Your will” punctuated these prayers, as if adding that phrase made them God-centered.

The truth was, my prayers centered around me, not God.  Ouch.

I wanted my father to be healed…my husband to find the perfect job…the ministries I was involved with to prosper…for my kids to profess Christ as their Savior…broken friendships to be restored.  All good things, even Godly things, but I cared much more about my wants than about God’s ways, His timing, and the work He was accomplishing in each situation. 

In the midst of a tension-filled relationship with your in-laws—perhaps, one characterized by rudeness or cruelty or injustice or insensitivity—might it be that the change God most desires is yours?  God is good.  His concern is what’s best for His children.  If we profess that, if we believe it, if it is true, then doesn’t it only make sense that whatever difficult circumstance we find ourselves in can ultimately be used for our good, God’s glory, and somehow for the advance of the gospel? 

Muddy water cleared as God’s transforming work altered my perspective about, well…everything.  As I earnestly sought God and shared my heart and hurts, He began changing ME, not the circumstances or people in my life.  My responses were different; I clung to God's promises that He had plans and a future for me.  I learned that spiritual warfare is relentless within the context of relationship, and it thrills our enemy to destroy what should be loving bonds among family and friendships.  It angered me to think how often I had handed Satan victory. 

 

"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." ~ Ephesians 6:2, 3

As I write this, I have no idea what my (in)courage sisters will be writing about this month; with Valentine’s Day lingering, I speculated some might write about their own love stories; traditions and activities enjoyed with children; how God loves us in ways imagined and inconceivable. 

My in-laws will celebrate their 70^th birthdays this year and their 50^th year of marriage; though imperfect, I’m blessed with a wonderful relationship with the two of them, and it hit me so many of my friends—online and off—aren’t able to say that.   Even so, we've still had our difficult seasons over my 22 years of marriage; I'm convinced had my perspective and responses been different (God-centered instead of self-centered), those seasons wouldn't have been such a big deal. 

Remember "honor" and "love" are actions you must separate from feelings.   Practical suggestions?

• Invite your in-laws for dinner on a specific day and time.  Open invitations like "you're welcome to dinner anytime" is not the same thing as a specific invitation.  If they decline, invite them again.  Then again.
• Send them a card on your husband's birthday.  This is something a friend told me she does every year, to thank her mother-in-law for giving her her husband.  I can only imagine how full it fills her MIL's tank.  An alternative is to send an "anytime" card, outlining all the things you appreciate about your husband.
• Don't take it personally if they can't keep your kids.  Some in-laws willingly babysit grandchildren "all" the time; others never do.  Whatever your situation, remember:  it is not their obligation.
• Stop keeping score.  It's easy to feel a sense of injustice if it seems like your in-laws are always doing something for siblings of your husband.  Let it go--1) you don't know the whole story, and 2) it serves no one and feeds bitterness.  Grudge-holding weighs heavily on the one who bears it.
• Share news about your kids with them.  Make a call.  Mail artwork from school.  Don't put the onus on them to call.

So, lovies...I’m praying for you as I write; that God will impress upon your heart a renewed ability to honor Him as you discover fresh ways to love and honor your husband’s parents.  Even when you have reason not to.  Especially then. 

Your turn:  Do you have suggestions to add to mine?  I bet "someone" will benefit if you take time to share YOUR ideas in comments!!

By Robin, Pensieve

Photo credit:  redheadedartist.com

Still Holding Hands

The other day I sat enamored at an amazing sunset begging me to remember a prayer once prayed over my husband and me. It was like a love letter from the Lord. Though no words flashed across the sky, there was clearly a message in this beauty.

My mind was drawn back many years. Seventeen years ago, December 5, 1992, a young couple stood at the altar having no clue what the vows they nervously repeated meant.

"To have and to hold from this day forward"... it was just what the pastor said so they repeated it back in a clueless kind of way.

They felt in love. A giddy kind of electric current drew them together. They liked what they got from each other. It just felt right.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and talk to my younger self who was dawning a veil about to prance down the aisle.  I would caution that bride girl that you don't feel your way into real love.

You choose your way into real love. I would tell her to look at the verses of 1 Corinthians 13 and not see it as a wish list of how she felt entitled to be treated by her groom. Rather, see it is a list of choices they each must make.

Instead of reading it, "Your love should be kind and patient and not keep a record of wrongs."

I would tell her they must make the choice instead to say... "We are making the decision that our love will be kind. We will work toward making our love patient. And we will choose not to keep a record of wrongs."

I would tell her to especially listen to the words of the prayer that Art's Dad prayed over us during the ceremony. In one part of the prayer Mr. TerKeurst said, "And then when the sun is setting and the years have gone by, may this couple be found then as now standing together, still hand in hand, still thanking God for each other." 

Something about that sunset the other night brought all this to my mind and made my breath catch in my throat. For I suddenly remembered that wedding day prayer and I must admit I felt convicted.

Somehow in the craziness of life's schedule, I couldn't remember the last time we just took time to hold hands and talk about us. Not our teenager's choices, or the broken down car, or why there were so many weeds last summer, or how did your meeting go today, or did you return that video back to the store... not that kind of conversation. No, I mean the kind of conversation that seems harder and harder to find time for in the midst of life.

The kind of conversation that we are overdue for is the kind we’ll remember, treasure, and hold on to. For another day will surely come where these conversations will be the sweetest of all our memories. The day when the sun sets on our lives and one of us will lay the other in the arms of Jesus...may it be that we laughed and talked and freely forgave and never stopped holding hands.

If you happen to be in a tough spot with your marriage, I’d love to pray for you.  Art and I have walked through some deep valleys and would consider it an honor to ask the Lord to help give you wisdom and courage during this time.  Feel free to post anonymously if need be.

Or if you're not married yet, I'd love to pray for your hopes and dreams for the future.

And if you and your husband have found some creative communication ideas that work for you, please share.  I’d love to hear how you and your husband intentionally create the love story you long to live.

by Lysa TerKeurst

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Lysa is the author of 13 books including her best selling set for husbands and wives called, “Capture His Heart”- for wives and “Capture Her Heart” – for husbands.  She’s giving a set of these away over at www.LysaTerKeurst.com where she blogs daily.