I opened the mail.
In an instant, I was furious.
I’ve been having some medical tests run lately to try and diagnose the chronic pain in my neck. One of the tests was faulty and had to be repeated. It involved needles and electrical current. And tears. So, when I received an $800 bill from a doctor I’d never seen-the one who read and declared the test faulty, I was mad.
It was an insurance nightmare and on my fourth frustrated phone call, I lost it.
I ranted and complained and whined to the billing lady on the other end.
It was ugly.
I was ugly.
I got off the phone and it took about 7.2 seconds for me to get the feeling. You know the one. Conviction.
Oh, but it gets worse.
I called my hubby and told him all about it. He quietly asked, “What is the doctor’s name? And the lady you griped at..her name?”
He didn’t say anything for a long time after I read the names off the piece of mail.
“Kristen, I’m a pharmaceutical rep. That’s one of my offices.”
-And now the kick in the gut-
“The girl you just told off is the same one I’ve been witnessing to and I’ve even been telling her all about Mercy House.”
She knew my name. She knew his name.
I’m sure I don’t even need to tell you how terrible I felt. I apologized to my husband. I hit redial and called the lady in the billing department back. I apologized.
Thankfully, she was gracious.
It took a while longer for me to forgive myself. I know I’m human, but I know my temper won that day and I regretted my behavior.
Life is a lesson, isn’t it? And my Father God knows how to correct me.
I learned a lot that day: When you disappoint (and you will unless you’ve got some superhuman gift):
- Be quick to admit your failure.
- Ask for forgiveness.
- Deal with the consequences.
- Repeat often.
Do you have a hard time forgiving yourself mistakes? Or when you disappoint others?
by Kristen Welch, We are THAT family
*photo credit
ABOUT
KRISTEN WELCH
Kristen writes at her parenting blog, We are THAT family, and offers an honest mixture of humor and inspiration. Her first book, Don't Make Me Come Up There, a book for busy Moms, will be in...
I have written on this subject so many times, yet I still need to be reminded of it daily. I need to be reminded that God only has my best at heart, even when He seems so far away. I have been rereading a book (Stones of Remembrance) that I bought when I first found out that I had brain cancer. Upon reading the things that I wrote in the margins, I wonder to myself “where did that girl go?”
The girl that had rock solid faith.
The girl that did not doubt, because she relied whole heartily on her Father.
The girl that trusted her God through the worst diagnosis and prognosis imaginable.
As a I continued to read, I came across the words below:
Crossing Over Our Jordan River
We don’t know when God will get us over the river. We don’t know how God will dry the riverbed and allow us to cross. But we do know, by faith, that he will act on our behalf. And while we wait, we remember.
We remember our Red Seas, the places where God has parted the waters for us, the impossible places where God came through and the Enemy was defeated
We remember who brought us through.
We remember whose we are. We belong to Christ!
We remember that God’s delays are not delays of inactivity, but of preparation. He delays, but he does not deny. While we wait He prepares us for His answer according to His perfect, preordained plan.
We remember and link up with like-minded, stronger people who are going in the same direction. We cant afford to attempt the waters of Jordan alone.
We remember to tell our children, and our children’s children that they may see the mighty hand of God and take courage for the rivers they will have to cross. They piggyback on our faith when we share the stories of God’s mighty acts in our lives.
We remember to offer encouragement for our friends who walk beside us along the way
~Stones of Remembrance.
In the margin next to it I wrote in bold capital letters “Remember these words when you doubt, because you will doubt. Satan will attack your heart and your mind, he is the master of lies and deceit. Guard your heart, because there will come a time when you will not feel this strong.”
Those words spoke volumes to my heart right now, especially since tomorrow marks 9 months that we let go of our 9 year old daughter and released her into His hands.
9 months of pain, grief, anger, denial.. 9 months of questions with no answers.
Yet I still have to remind myself that during these past 9 months, He has also brought comfort, healing, rest, and peace.
He is still God. He is still sovereign. Our steps were planned long before there was time. I don’t understand His ways, but I trust His ways.
I don’t understand His will, but I know that He will not abandon me, even when I run far away from His heart and plans for my life.
“I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out; plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. ~Jeremiah 29:11″
He still has it all under control….
ABOUT
ESPECIALLY HEATHER
Heather is a brain cancer survivor who lives life on the edge. She loves her family, her bald head and, most of all, her Savior’s grace. She lives in the sunny yet very humid state of Florida with...
