In the ten and a half years I’ve written for (in)courage, never have I thought so much about how the world in general — and admittedly my world in particular — could change between the day I submit my words and the day you read them.
Life under a shelter-at-home order feels a little like the five stages of grief but in no predictable order. My husband, children, and I seem to be in different stages at different times.
Our youngest daughter is firmly planted in stages one and two: denial and anger. At fourteen, I think her reaction stems from annoyance that her world has been turned upside down and from the fear she’s seen in me. The measures I take to clean groceries delivered to our home seem ridiculous and extreme to her. It must be unsettling to realize the people who’ve always protected you are no longer sure they can. If the coronavirus stood before her in tangible form, I have no doubt she would beat it senseless.
Our two other teens resort to something that resembles stage three: bargaining.
It reminds me of a typical parent/teen conversation: “Don’t worry, I won’t have an accident” — to which we reply, “No one plans to have an accident or they wouldn’t be called accidents.”
They think promising not to get too close to people will make everything okay and that their good intentions can protect them. They believe it too. And I have to be the one to remind them that the virus has infected lots of careful people with good intentions. I hate it.
Initially, I threw myself into isolation with the gusto of an Enneagram 3 who could buckle down and work without the distraction of outside commitments. I moved my blog to a new host. I started building a website for my new book. With no morning appointments, I easily slid deeper into my natural night owl tendencies.
Before long, I was staying up most of the night and having trouble sleeping. I worked a lot but desperately needed rest. As the days trickled by, I realized what really kept me awake at night: fear.
My husband works in an essential industry. He manages a printing facility that provides labels for medical and food products among other things, and I’ve had trouble trusting God to protect him and therefore us. I know this doesn’t compare with those whose loved ones work in the healthcare field, but still. It’s very real. I won’t belittle your fears if you don’t belittle mine.
He can’t hide in his office. Everyone needs him. And that exposes him to the twenty-two other people who work there and indirectly, to whomever they’ve come in contact with. My brain burrows down into some very dark rabbit holes if I let it and many days I fail to put faith over fear.
If he couldn’t work and wasn’t receiving a paycheck, it would create another type of stress. I’m not sure which is worse — lack of income or increased exposure — but I find myself looking out the window and envying neighbors taking walks or working on home projects together instead of worrying about who’s standing too close to their husbands.
This is my youngest son’s senior year. Last February, I wrote about how I dread graduation years. (Ironically, I said, “I’m already bracing myself for spring of 2020.” I had no idea.) We don’t know when or if he’ll have a graduation ceremony or a state meet for his final track season. His plans to leave on a nine-month mission trip in September are on hold.
None of us know what the future holds next week, next month, or next year. If left unchecked, this uncertainty can lead to overwhelming fear, and I’ve found myself clawing my way out of that pit too often.
Things started to change one Sunday evening when I decided to do everything I could and trust God to do the rest. (He doesn’t need my help, but it makes me feel better.) The eve of each new work week would send me into a tailspin and I didn’t want to go back into that place again. I didn’t want to feel like a victim filled with fear, but a victor filled with faith.
So I asked my husband for the names of each co-worker. I read them one by one and begged God to build a wall of protection around them and their families. I sent them bottles of hand sanitizer. They can be hard to come by, and I didn’t want any to do without.
The fifth stage of grief is acceptance, but I’m calling it faith. No matter what happens, I know that God is good, all the time. Our enemy may be invisible but can still be defeated.
I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but I know Who holds tomorrow, the next day, and the one after that. And I trust Him.
[bctt tweet=”I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but I know Who holds tomorrow, the next day, and the one after that. And I trust Him. -@DawnMHSH:” username=”incourage”]
Leave a Comment
SHARON says
I really needed this today, thanks for a faith filled persoective
Dawn Camp says
You’re welcome, Sharon. It can be easy to let fear bypass faith right now.
Tee says
After reading this devotional I scrolled down and saw the name Sharon and my heart skipped…
Our daughter, her name is Sharon, born in February after long years of praying for a miracle. We planned to celebrate her in church this month but all of that is out the window.
Every feeling Dawn experiences about fear, having to watch your husband go out to work, I can relate to with a 3 month old, every evening feels like a weight coming down cos you don’t know what the next day brings.
And like you do, I pray for everyone at his place of work, some days I forget to pray too.
This message is a timely reminder about who holds it all, Jehovah God.
I need to hear/read it daily cos I am human and sometimes, no all the time I just forget when I put fear over faith.
Stephanie says
Amen! Thank you Dawn for this! God bless you and your family ❤️
Dawn Camp says
God bless you and your family too, Stephanie!
Gillian Mackenzie says
I’m really struggling with this. I’ve trusted God with everything in my life up till now. I’ve had many “no” answers, which have been hard to bear. So, I’m hyper aware right now, that God often answers “no”. What if deliverance from this pandemic is “no”? What if my daughters can’t go to university? What if I can never visit my mum again? What if my husband loses his job? Why, oh why, does God allow us to suffer so much? I’m not complaining, I just need someone to explain this to me, because I am close to walking away from my faith altogether. All I hear about, everyday, is suffering. Death, illness, fear, loss. Why allow us, for example, to get married, have children, let them plan their futures, if God intends just to take it all away?
I’m crippled with Anxiety Disorder and depression. I also have a chronic bowel condition. I’ve accepted that over the years. I haven’t been able to work. I’ve encouraged my girls to work hard, follow the Lord and live good lives. My youngest is 18 on Saturday and we can’t see our family. All her Christian summer camps are cancelled. High school came to an abrupt end for her and she worries uni will not start in September (which she worked her socks off for). My eldest daughter has been unable to see her boyfriend of 5 years for 6 weeks now and is so depressed, I’m actually afraid for her. All they can see themselves, is that God is just not in their lives anymore. They themselves have asked me why God is taking everything from them, and from everyone else they know. How do I answer them? In Scotland, we are now in our 6th week of lockdown. My mum is widowed and living alone 45 minutes drive away and I’m not allowed to even drive there and wave to her. I see no hope anymore and cannot bear to live in a world like this. Please someone help me to understand why God has become silent? Xx
Dawn Camp says
Gillian, I feel for you and your family. We are in different parts of the world but dealing with many of the same things no matter where we are. That element of common experience is one of the most fascinating and unifying things to come of this: everyone understands because we’re all in it together.
Hard things are happening, but that doesn’t mean that it’s God’s will to take things from us. I don’t know the mind of God, but the Bible tells us in places like Jeremiah 19:5 that things happen that He does not command. Take heart and have faith that God is good, all the time.
I have a son who is a high school senior and also lost out on the end of his year and his graduation. He is a gifted runner who missed the end of his final track season and his state meet. He was scheduled to begin a 9-month mission trip in September and we’re not exactly sure what that will look like. He’s decided to reclaim some of what he lost—-and look towards the future—-by running a fundraising marathon (he’s never run a marathon) for his trip this Thursday (if anyone is interested, the form is here: https://forms.gle/33C8jLG1vVou9xHt5).
I pray extra peace for your family today and moments of deep gratitude for small blessings.
Julia Bridgewater says
Thank you for this Dawn and I Pray the Lord will Bless you and your family and keep you safe from all harm, In the Name of Jesus I ask it and believe it. I am reminded of an old song. I Don’t Know who holds tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand.
Dawn Camp says
I love that song, Julia. We sing it at church. 🙂
Dawn Ferguson-Little says
Dawn we know who hold tomorrow that is God. You know the song you might have heard it you might not have. It was one I was taught at Sunday School. It so true for theses times we are living in to do with the Coronavarius. It He Got the Whole World In His Hands. So God has he got me and you and your family in his hands and your Kids. You get the song on Youtube. It very true for this time we are living in. All over the world. I have no kids of my own. One of sisters has 14 year old. I hear some times she can be moody. Long be for the Coronavarius even came. You here her mum say it just a teenager thing. All Teenagers go through. I do wonder at times was it or was it attention seeking. When I was growing up my late Mum say if you don’t stop winning for no silly reason you will get no pocket money. Or you will not be allowed to go youth club in Church at the weekend. When she said no she said it for our good. But her words where enough to stop us. Mum if had to say no to something we wanted. That was not good for us she done it in Love. Now Married and think back to thoes day I can see why. Then she always give us hug at bed time tell us she loved us. Said I had tell you of or say no for your own good. I appreciate that now. Then as Child I didn’t. With the Coronavarius it hard for kids. No matter what age they are they wonder will it ever go away. If you as parent have to say no you can’t see your friends or can’t do this for a while. When they as thing like. Will I see my friends again. To be able to do the things I used to do. Like on Saturday if thet did meet them and go up town. Or to cinema etc. It hard on you as parents especially if they are teenagers. They get board. They take it out on you the parents expect yous to have the answers to all the questions in times like this you don’t. Patients for them is hard. So you as parent have keep trusting God. Remember he has the whole word in his Hands. He will give you the strength to cope. Not be hard on your kids. Look at them with love. Say if I could take away this you see your friends. Things be away they where before the Coronavarius. I would but we have trust God. We all have to do that all over the world. Take one day at time. Trust the Promises in his word the Bible and keep Praying. Keep as parent looking on to God to give you strenght to cope he will. Love todays reading.
Dawn Camp says
Yes, Dawn: trust God, take one day at a time, keep praying. Thank you!
Beth Williams says
Dawn,
I understand your stressors. At first it was alright. Not much changed in my life. Then my unit (work in hospital as clerical) moved to another floor-patients & all. That was just the beginning. About two weeks ago my hubby, also works at same hospital company, got a call from boss that he is furloughed. Boss said HR would help get unemployment going for him & they would call him back when things ramped up again. This is super hard on him as he’s never done this in 31+ years of working for the same company. The weather here is rainy & cold. Not much sunshine. It is made harder on younger people. They may not get a graduation from HS or college. Student clinicals had to be stopped abruptly. Thus their training they paid for. Everyone’s lives are turned upside down & people are scared. What we all need to do right now is pray hard & trust God to get us through this valley.
Blessings 🙂
Dawn Camp says
Beth, I’m sorry your situation is getting more difficult and your husband is discouraged. You’re right, we just have to pray and trust. Blessings to you!
Jas says
I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but I know Who holds tomorrow, the next day, and the one after that. And I trust Him.
I love that Dawn. I understand your fear. We all have our own stresses or things to be fearful about. This is affecting us all, world over. Some countries, cities and towns are worse than others. The only one that can protect us is God, there is no doubt in my mind – that God can see the bigger picture. He loves us Dawn, many things are well they are beyond our human understanding. So many verses pop into my head,
Lean not on your own understanding…
Do not worry about tomorrow…
I’m not sure there is anything I can say right now to reassure either you or me but your right, God holds us in his hand, in his protection and I trust Him.
Becky says
Thanks for sharing your life at home. We know a few seniors in high school as well. A different year than expected, Dawn. It is not fun to be at home more than we expected to be, I often think about retirement, Then I would get to do what I want. (I am not retired.) Not now. “Stay home. Stay Safe”, or “Stay home. Save Lives”, as it is written (latter) on the interstate signs. I was off work for 8 weeks due to asthma problems this spring. Am back to work 2 days a week. I liked being there again. I work as a cashier. I’ve worn a mask once. I had to take it off as it was making my face itch. yes, it was washed. Masks help some but not sure. Never know. Am thankful my husband works as it’s essential//FLIR, as is the hardware store where I work. I am thankful to know the Lord as he is always with us. His mercies are new every morning! I’m grateful to have youtube virtual church even though I miss being at church…live!! IN PERSON!! I am thankful for friends that stay in touch with me. Thankful for essential oils to make me feel calm and happy and awake. God made this beautiful world…plants, animals, birds, fish, oceans, rivers, sky and clouds, sun , moon and stars. We can go out and have some time outdoors, close to home. No ocean beaches here in OR open yet. Just sat outdoors for a bit in a zoom call this eve and enjoyed the birds chirping, even with my ear buds in my ears. Blessings and honor and glory to our God who sustains us in this pandemic time. I pray this all will just blow away and not come back again. Life is different and we move on, with hope in the Lord.