About the Author

Becky loves serving as (in)courage’s Community Manager. She is a speaker and author of No Better Mom for the Job. Becky is a huge fan of Voxer, Sunday naps, and championing women. She lives near Los Angeles and loves hiking shady trails with her husband and three spirited sons.

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  1. Becky,
    My husband and I are also quite comfortable doing life together in our simple way. Some might call us boring. But, when we were invited by our friends to come over for a social-distancing dinner, you would have thought we’d been invited to the royal ball. I dusted off my makeup and found my straight iron that had been tucked away for a couple months. I actually had to re-think my makeup routine….that’s how long it had been. It was so delightful to enjoy adult conversation once again. We talked for hours because neither couple wanted the evening to end. Like you, I savored the experience, both the laughter and the serious discussion. When I crawled into bed that night, I thanked God for the gift of friendship. When was the last time, I pondered, that I was so grateful for this blessing? The pandemic has made my gratitude journal resurface. I realize that I am much more intentional in being thankful for even the simplest of blessings. I pray that I will take this “attitude of gratitude” forward with me. Great post!
    Blessings,
    Bev xx

    • I love that, Bev! And I resurrected my gratitude journal through this pandemic too! It’s been so good for my heart to intentionally see and name all that I have to be thankful for.

    • It’s true. Sometimes we can take these special moments for granted. They remind us that we must be so grateful for our friendships. Thanks for the timely reminder.

  2. YES to all this!
    We did socially distant, pandemic -safe church, and then a bring-your-own-food picnic on Sunday, and it just felt right to be in the presence of those good people, weird air hugs and all!

  3. I am in the phase of longing for one true friend where we live now. You see, we move a lot. I have dear and true friends from other seasons and places, but not here. 2 years in this town, and 4 years in the town before this. 6 years without a friend. Quite a long time in the desert, praying for my person.
    It’s a good thing I like my husband!

    • I too am in that desert place. I’m grateful that you have your husband to partner with during the sojourn. I pray you will find fast friends fast. But in the meanwhile know Jesus knows the desert well and has as much living water as you can drink.

    • Dana, I’m praying for you today, sister. I have good friends who I don’t get to see due to geography or life season. But friends in close proximity are a special kind of gift we all need. May God answer your prayer soon!

    • I too have moved a lot and really well under stand how IMPORTANT. our girlfriends are to us. We must embrace others too but it ain’t easy. Bless you kindly. Carmel

      • Yes, Carmel! My husband doesn’t really “get it”. He has never craved friendship with others and is quite happy just being home with me. While I adore that he loves me that much…I still need a girl friend. I think it was easier when my kids were little because there were natural gatherings to foster friendships. But God is faithful and I’ll just keep praying for my person here.

        And Becky, thank you.

  4. Thanks for an inside visit in your outside sweet ladies gathering Becky! As I write this morning I’m on the beach in South Carolina and have been soaking in God’s beautiful creation for days.
    My single mom friend and her 2 adopted teenage daughters invited my husband and me to catch up and relax in the adjoining apt in her timeshare. We have knit our hearts together even more so here with Gods word, His peace His ocean and His mercies which are new every morning ❤️ Every day
    I see people on the shoreline as far as my eyes can see! Many look away as they distance themselves, but some people though actually talk and laugh out with you 🙂 it’s understandable that
    we want to be normal and yet I look and walk for miles wondering what it’s like to be on the shores of heaven? I just know God has our beloved oceans there and the saints of old and us newer ones all clamoring in worship singing in the salty air. I long for the truest friends there, meanwhile I’m being the best friend here but yet I’ve lost so many friendships here too. The christian life is one of constant growth, and although I’m well into mid grandparents age, I want to stay faithful in friendship and grow together… Gods proved to be faithful in the godly friendships He’s provided here and I praise Him and trust He knows what and who is best for me and how glorifying Him here is most important to this world and it’s always been about regaining our relationship with Him first.. praying that we get to see our Lords will be done here on earth and for now I’ll remember proverbs 18:10… The name of the Lord is a strong fortress; the godly run to Him and are safe \0/ blessings to and through you!

    • Sadie, I love the sights, sounds, and smells of the ocean you’ve shared here. You’ve stirred my senses and it’s like I’m there on the beach with you for a moment. Your words have stirred my heart too: “The christian life is one of constant growth, and although I’m well into mid grandparents age, I want to stay faithful in friendship and grow together.” What a beautiful posture!

  5. I have been longing and praying for this exact thing for my family. Please join me in praying for family friends who we can do life with. As a young child I never found a place we get settle down in and make lasting friends too. I want us to have family friends who we can do life with and our children are also known and loved. I haven’t found a single friend who would be intentional with me or family friends who can Journey in life with—we just want to be known, cared for and seen.

    • God knows, cares & sees, but I understand how thin that can feel to our human need. I join you in praying for do life kinds of friends.

    • Heather, I’ll join you in that prayer. I’m so glad God isn’t done writing our stories. I longed for those family friendships for ten years before we found them. (And “finding” them looked like taking a risk, reaching out to others, and starting when it felt unsure and awkward.) Keep praying, friend! No doubt another family is longing for the same thing and you could be the answer to their prayers too.

    • Heather,

      Praying God will hear your heart’s cry for intentional family friends. Sometimes you may have to go first. You might need to be the one to make some kind of contact. We were made for friendships & community. I know God will answer this prayer in His perfect timing. Asking God now to send a sweet family your way.

      Blessings 🙂

  6. Thank you Becky! Friendship is a gift for sure—sometimes hard sometimes glorious but all worth it in the end. ♥️ We did a social distance gathering too—while it was still a little undercover and boy does it do a heart good just to be in the presence of people. We are almost there—back to “normal!” I feel it!

  7. I am married no kids. Never wanted any as was not brave enough to have any. I love kids. I was a Registered Childminder for 19 years. I have wrote this before in incourage. I wanted one real Friend. As my Husband quite sort of guy don’t get me wrong. He just likes to stay at Home. Have the house quite. Go to work when work on. But at the moment it not on. My Friends I not that popular. Ones live 86 miles away from me. Other one 8 miles away she is busy. But the one that lives 8 miles away from me would do anything for me. I asked God many a time for one friend that we can go the Cinema Coffee together have Bible studies Prayer times together pray for what God lays on our hearts and if one of us is down we can meet up and get together and pray for either it just between both of us and God. But when I meet my Friends that live 86 and 8 miles away from me it not that often as they have their own busy lives to live. We are that busy catching up on how either is and their Family is how their Friends doing. Giving either a huge hug. Having a chat over either going for coffee lunch or tea. Time fly’s by so quickly we not time to think about Bible study or Prayer time together. It just so nice to see them and have a really good catch up with them. As I don’t know when I will get to see them again. I treasure the time I have with them and God has given us together. Then God showed me one time Dawn STOP He God said stop Grumbling about wanting a perfect Friend. Look a the Old Person in the Nursing Home who has no one else because they are all deseceed. Only person they see each day is the Carers that look are them. You still have your Lovely Husband at home your Friends even if some live 86 and 8 miles aways and you don’t get to see them that often. Plus your own Family your Dad and your Sister’s. So that made me stop Grumbling and wanting that perfect Friend to go for Coffee Lunch and be the perfect Bible and Prayer partner as well. I went to God said Sorry asked him to forgive me for Grumbling and asked him to make me thank full for what he has all ready given me. As I knew right away that God was speaking to me through his Holy Spirit. I am love you people incourage. As your word speaks to me also. Thank you so much for all you guys do for the Lord. In my Prayers Dawn Ferguson-Little xxxx

    • Dawn, I am so thankful the Spirit speaks to us and helps us see through God’s eyes. Gratitude for what we have always helps tether our hearts to Christ.

  8. Becky and all who wrote comments,
    Thanks so much for the reminders to be thankful for our sweet friendships. May God Bless and Keep you dear “sisters”.

  9. I too, like others in this comment stream, am praying for what I call an addition friend. I’ve been praying for more than ten years! Please add your prayers, perhaps then a yes will come.

    I have many subtraction people in my life. If you get my meaning? The common denominator is a lack of relationship with Christ. I need a Christ centered friend! Are Christcentric folk really that rare? If so, may we continue to fill ourselves with He who is our BEST friend, and enables us to quench the parched from lonely, cracked cups.

    • Amen and amen. Praying along side you. I have very dear friends who live in 3 different states. Still praying for a local friend as we plan to live here for at least 4-5 more years.
      But Christ-like friendships are hard to find and build.

      • Thank you! Transience is never easy, but with God’s hand of grace I pray 4-5 years is time to cement lifelong friendships.

    • Amen!! Jesus is our best friend and no one or nothing will ever replace him. I do believe He wants us to have friends. Why some of us do and some of us don’t, I don’t know. Maybe it just isn’t our time yet? Praying for you.

  10. I pray in Jesus name for that one friend. Life is so lonely. My ex broke up with me via email with no explanation during my birthday weekend. My heart is so heavy. Dear Father, please bring true friends into my life that will genuinely love me. I pray for true Christian friends that I can share my soul with. I also pray for a husband. My heart is so broken, and I am so weary from doing this life alone. I pray in Jesus name for broken relationships to be restored if that is your will. I pray for supernatural strength to cope if that is not your will. I pray that you help me to speak when I should, and keep quiet when I should. I pray that you will restore the years the swarming locusts have eaten, and swiftly. In Jesus name, I cancel every and any assignment of the enemy. In Jesus name, I command Satan to flee regarding broken relationships in my life. Please help me to trust you more. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

    • My heart is heavy for you, and my voice blends with yours beseeching the Father to intervene and restore healthy relationships for you.

    • Praying with you, sweet girl. I remember that loneliness when I didn’t want to be alone any longer. My husband was worth waiting for and all the pain in waiting for him. Sure didn’t seem like it when I was waiting. 🙂 God bless you and give you peace.

  11. It was so refreshing to read this today. I needed it. My best friend and I stopped talking last summer. She was the one that ended our friendship. I have since been devastated and confused by the whole thing. I have never connected with anyone else like I connected with her. I’ve always had trouble making and keeping friends. When God brought her into my life I realized that all the years of waiting were so worth it. She was such an amazing friend. I miss her like crazy. I hope that one day, if it is God’s will, that He will restore our friendship. In the meantime, I pray that God will bring friends into my life. It’s so important to have someone to talk to, encourage, pray with and pray for. I ask that you will keep my friend in your prayers. I want God’s best for her even if we never talk again. I also pray that if it is God’s will that He will bring her back into my life and/or bring other Christian friends into my life. I also pray that I will be the friend that God wants me to be. Thank you. 🙂

    • There is hope, always in Christ Jesus to restore/renew your friendship, to build you another, to strengthen the inner you, or all three. I pray for your encouragement while He is at work!

    • JF, a friendship breakup is devastating, especially with so many unanswered questions. I’ve been there too. Thank you for sharing your heart. Praying with you for those things today, in Jesus’ name.

  12. Oh ladies, boy do I understand the longing for deep friendships. I have had them or thought I did in the past. Only once I moved each one has in their own way told me that long distance friendship wasn’t convenient and they therefore didn’t have time for it. I have a line few friends that check in on me or respond when I do the same with them. I think that has had an effect on my ability to let people in for the last few years. Through these past 5 years, we’ve fostered and adopted- adding 2 beautiful boys to our family, gone through a very rough patch in our marriage, moved to a state 12 hours away, and moved back to our home state but to a new city. During this time, rather than supporting me, my group of ladies that I seemed so close with, abandoned me. So for 5 years I’ve been alone to search and pray and hope, all while feeling a little broken and not good enough. I know God has true friends out there for me. But in the meantime I definitely could use a few extra prayers on my behalf. Thank you ladies.

    • Steph,

      Praying for God to send one lasting friend your way. God hears the cry of your heart & He will answer. You must remember this: You are good enough. 🙂 God loves you & so do we here. It may be hard, but you might have to make the first move. We were made for friendships & community. I know God will answer this prayer in His perfect timing. Asking God now to send a sweet family your way.

      Blessings 🙂

    • Always, always you are good enough! Because of what Christ as done for us we are good enough. It sounds as though He has been up to a lot of of math for you & your family–subtraction, addition, multiplication. I pray His sums will soon add friends “who stick closer than a brother.”

  13. Becky,

    We were made to be in community with each other. Even an introvert like me misses her peeps after a while. Love seeing & being with friends for a bit. When our state went into lock down it was hard for me. For a few weeks I didn’t even go visit my MIL. Now finally things are opening up some. I have gone to church with MIL for a few weeks. Just being around other Christians made my day. Next Sunday 06/14 my church will have services for the first time in months. It will be so good to see people again. During this time I kept in contact with some of them via text, email, or cards. I want to be the super glue that holds friendships together. It takes quite a bit of time to develop great friendships that can do life together.

    Blessings 🙂

  14. Becky,

    I love, love, love your post. It’s so true. I like to joke that as a writer, I’m an extroverted introvert. I love to be around people, but I also like to have my downtime to, well, write. This pandemic revealed to me how much I miss my girlfriends in my small group. We do life together, and being forced apart has meant that sometimes, I’ve felt like part of me is dying. We’ve done a couple of get-togethers, and it’s been like drinking out of a cool spring after weeks in the desert. Husbands are great, but having my sisters-in-Christ is such a blessing.

  15. Becky I love your post. I,m also wishing for family friends. Thank you for sharing your friends story, it gives me hope. Please pray for us. God bless you.

  16. I’m moved to a new place 6 months ago, post-divorce and I long for that kind of friend where I live now. I have those friends but they are far away and involved in their families and while I’m grateful for every text and message, it’s just not the same as having someone to do life with on a daily basis even in covid times when you have to keep your distance. Please pray for me that God sends me that kind of friend 🙂

    • Praying for you today, Kimberly. May God meet you in this season of transition and waiting. You’re so right…texts from far away friends are a gift, but it doesn’t replace the need for people to navigate the ins and outs of life with face to face. Asking God to meet that need beyond what you could hope or imagine. xx