It was the most boring pregnancy, until I went into labor. Second pregnancies are a bit easier because you understand what to expect. Everything was going normally — even the nausea and vomiting that lasted the entire pregnancy — just like the first time. Then my water broke. I was at mom’s because my dad had to go out of town that evening. She watched my baby girl as my husband and I rushed to the hospital. Jayson, my sweet husband who came to every doctor’s appointment, was ecstatic to finally hold this little baby boy. But something just felt off in my spirit.

As we were driving, I became overwhelmed by this sense of worry, and I didn’t even understand the reason because I was prepared in every way to have this baby. Jayson asked me what was wrong, and I didn’t know how to answer the question. I played some worship music and began to pray to help ease my anxiety. Then the Holy Spirit impressed the word cord on my mind. I didn’t quite understand because I had been to an OBGYN appointment the day before, and she hadn’t mentioned this word. But I prayed quietly in my heart for my baby and my body.

Once we got to the hospital and I was all set up in my bed with some epidural, I began to feel better. As my nurse left the room she asked if I wanted to lower the volume of the monitor that allowed me to hear the baby’s heartbeat. I asked her to keep it because it was soothing. Minutes went by as my husband and I chatted about things, and I realized I couldn’t hear the baby’s heartbeat. I asked him to go check the monitor and as he was walking, two nurses rushed to my side. I began to panic. I don’t remember what happened next except they placed an oxygen mask on my face.

After several attempts to readjust things and reposition me, they told me the problem was “the cord.” Tears began to flow from my eyes. I was scared, but I wasn’t crying because I was overwhelmed by fear. Rather I was overwhelmed by God’s love. I grabbed my husband’s hand and said, “God told me in the car it was the cord!” God prepared me in advance and had me praying even before we were aware of the problem. I laid in that bed feeling a lot of emotions with a lot of thoughts running through my mind. I was anxious, tired, and scared as I watched my husband pace the room texting all our loved ones to pray. I didn’t know how this story would end, but the one thing I was certain of was that God knew.

That night as I lay in the hospital bed, the only peace I had was knowing that God knew this was part of my birth story. And He loved me so much He shared a glimpse of it and whispered into my spirit to pray for my baby. So as weak and tired as I felt in that moment, I encouraged myself to fight in prayer. Nothing went as planned but when I held my baby boy on my chest, I understood why I wanted to name him Gideon.

We learn about Gideon in Judges 6-8. He was an unlikely choice to lead the Israelites, yet he became perhaps one of the greatest judges. When God called him a “mighty warrior,” he was hiding in fear from his enemies, and uncertain about the future, he kept asking God for signs of confirmation. In response, God kept showing up, affirming him and building his faith. Gideon went on to win some of the greatest battles, and even when God would give strange military commands, he obeyed because he had learned to depend on God. 

God is sovereign. He knows the end from the beginning. Often, He will show us the next step but not the whole path — mostly because He knows we can’t handle it. He doesn’t have to share any details with us, but in His goodness and love towards us, He chooses to reveal glimpses. It could be through a word, a verse, or a song that keeps coming up. Or it could be through a person or situation that creates unrest, thus pulling you into God’s presence. What He does in your life today could be to prepare your faith for the next season.

Maybe like Gideon or like me in that hospital bed, you are feeling weak and afraid. I want to remind you that God sees you in your state of doubt and anxiety. and He does not condemn you. Rather, He comes close to you. He calls out the potential He put inside of you, and He is building your faith to fight.

He is with you, mighty warrior.

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