A couple of months ago, I had a doctor’s appointment that was in a word… disappointing. I scheduled the appointment because I wanted guidance on how to walk through this whole *waves hand in the air* perimenopause stage that has me feeling like a stranger in my own body. When I explained my symptoms to the doctor amidst tears, she acted like I was explaining that the sun comes up in the east and sets in the west. In other words, she looked mighty bored and disinterested.
And despite being armed with information about my supplements and eating habits and ready to talk about all the things that might help or hinder my frustrating symptoms, none of that entered our conversation. My doctor didn’t ask and didn’t seem to care.
But hey, she looked all of 15 years old, so how was she supposed to understand what being 50 feels like? (Said with no small amount of sarcasm.)
It’s super fun to vulnerably turn your heart inside out to someone — only to have that person not receive what you’re saying. (Said no one.)
After my appointment, I speed-walked back to my car. And when I pulled the car door shut, I cried yet again. This office came highly recommended, and it took five months to get an appointment. I had been so incredibly hopeful that I would leave with reassurance and practical care options. Instead, I left with frustration and a heaping dose of disappointment.
Now let’s contrast that to my most recent visit to the same office, but with a different doctor. While I was only scheduled for my yearly well check, the doctor asked if I had anything I’d like to discuss. I took the opportunity to relay a lot of the same info I had relayed to her colleague two months earlier. But unlike my last visit, this doctor listened intently and asked several follow-up questions, told me she understood what I was going through, and offered numerous options for what I could do next.
After this appointment, I practically skipped to my car, contemplating a few twirls in the parking lot à la Maria von Trapp in The Sound of Music. As I pulled my car door shut, I proceeded to message a girlfriend in my same life stage and relay my positive experience to her.
What a difference a kind, listening ear can make in helping one feel validated and capable rather than crazy.
While you may not be in my stage of life, you likely know what it is to be flattened by words that at best discourage you and at worst break your spirit.
Maybe you finally got the gumption to share with someone a dream you’re working towards, and in return, that person only lists all the reasons you’re foolish to entertain such a dream.
Maybe you posted an anecdote on Instagram about the difficulties of parenting, and the first person to comment tells you to get over it and quit complaining.
Maybe you believed a particular relationship was moving along just fine, but it turns out the other person wants to part ways.
There are a million ways you can turn your heart inside out, only to have the person on the receiving end dismiss you with a wave of a hand.
My experience, and I’m guessing yours too, confirms the truth Scripture proclaims: Words have the power to bring life and death. I’ve felt that sting of death from cutting or uncaring words, as well as the gift of spoken life.
Proverbs 16:24 (ESV) tells us:
“Kind words are like honey—
sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”
While reading Holley Gerth’s devotional, 365 Truths for Every Woman’s Heart, I learned that from ancient times onward, honey has been regarded as a healing agent in wound care. Its antibacterial features and anti-inflammatory qualities can keep problems from getting worse. And there’s no denying that its soothing properties help a hot cup of tea soothe a sore throat.
While I can’t control how someone else talks to me, I can control my words and attitude while talking to others. Like honey, my words can heal. But I also want them to be relayed in a way reflected by Proverbs 15:4 (ESV):
“A gentle tongue is a tree of life,
but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”
The way we talk to others is as important as what we say. Admittedly, I’ve experienced hard conversations where I’ve had to apologize not for what I said but for the way I said it.
Recognizing the damage our tone of voice and word choice can have doesn’t mean we say only what others want to hear. Sometimes, a needed (even if painful) word is necessary to give and receive. But if we want the words we speak to be soothing like honey while also gentle, we must train our hearts for it. We do that by regularly meeting with Jesus and investing in friendships that point to gospel truth.
So if you’ve ever left a conversation — or a doctor’s office — with tears in your eyes and hope deflated in your chest, please know that you’re not alone. I’ve been there too, wondering why it’s so hard to be heard, why vulnerability sometimes feels like a losing game.
But dearheart, don’t miss this: your words hold incredible power.
Even if you’ve been on the receiving end of apathy or judgment, you still get to be the kind of person who offers the opposite. The kind who listens closely. The kind who validates tender places. The kind who sprinkles her speech with honey — sweet, healing, and full of life. You may never know the full impact of your kindness, but someone else just might leave an encounter with you practically skipping to their car, heart buoyed, and hope restored.
This is such a good reminder! I’ve often thought about how God created everything with words and we are made in His image, so it makes sense that our words have power – not the “create actual things out of nothing” kind if power – but power for good or evil. I love the song, “Speak Life” by Toby Mac, as it is also a great reminder of what we can do with our words.