A Story Tucked into a Library Card

A Story Tucked into a Library Card

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There are a dozen pictures, maybe more, of my sweet but likely sticky toddler hands holding a book. The thread is woven through the years, told in pixelated images of childhood, frozen in time but carefully tucked away in scrapbooks. I remember sitting at the dinner table as a teenager, fork in one hand and a book in the other, somewhere in the middle of a story. I became a writer, yes, and if I look closely I can trace that thread too. But always, from as far back as I can remember, I’ve been drawn to stories.

My very first (in)courage article, written as the (in)tern while still in college, is titled There’s Power in Your Story. From the first page to the last lines, the theme of “story” is printed in black and white, bound in my first book. And for the last ten years, I’ve worked for hundreds of authors, serving behind the scenes to help launch their books well so that their messages are held in the hands of readers.

The point is — books and stories? They might as well be in my blood.

And the reason I share this context is so that the importance of the next line isn’t lost.

When I packed my bags and moved twelve hours from home for college, I left my library card behind and then let half a dozen years pass before I walked through a library’s sliding doors, filled out a page of paperwork, and held that familiar piece of plastic in my hands once again.

What’s the big deal, you might be wondering.

It’s a fair question, and I admit I’ve held onto this story because it seemed so wildly silly, so absolutely ordinary, so seemingly unimportant.

It’s just a library card.

But like so many of the beloved books that line our shelves, there’s usually something more going on beneath it all, an understory that we might not be aware of until much later, and my hesitation in getting a new library card had nothing to do with paperwork and everything to do with planting.

I put down roots on purpose, intentionally tending to and watering new friendships in a city that would, over time, grow to become the place I call home. When I look back now, though, I can see that while I was “all in” on my people, I viewed my place, my location, as temporary. There was little need for a library card the first four years; assigned reading for classes took care of that. But after the cap and gown, after many of my people packed boxes and moved for work, for marriage, for a new beginning — and I remained? Something shifted in the staying when I decided that for as long as I’m here, I want to be fully present, to put down roots and truly settle in until God moves me elsewhere.

Jeremiah 29:11 is beloved by many, but as time goes on and the city of Birmingham remains home, I’m struck by the words that bookend those familiar lines about a future and a hope. In verses 5-7 and again in verse 28, God tells the Israelites to go ahead and “build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce.” One day, yes, they will return to Jerusalem. But for now, and for generations to come, they will remain. And so while you’re here, Scripture says, “seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you” (29:7).

Last week I walked out of my local library with a smile stretched across my face and a brand new card in my hand, a replacement for the one that was “just” a piece of plastic and also an intentional line in the sand. (This was my second library card in Birmingham because the first was used with such abandon over the last several years that it was literally falling to pieces.)

I don’t know how long I’ll be here; my lease is up soon and there are big questions on the horizon. I may call this beautiful city home for eight more years or I might be packing boxes in eight weeks. Today, it’s completely unknown. But for however long I’m here, I want to be all the way in, settled down, and committed to both the people and the place where God has planted me.

And maybe that’s the invitation for you, too. Whatever season you find yourself in — whether your roots feel deep or you’re tempted to keep things temporary — what if you chose to be all in? What if you decided to fully embrace the place God has you right now, investing in the people, the rhythms, the ordinary moments that make up your days? You don’t have to know how long you’ll be here to live like you belong. Perhaps the peace you’re longing for will meet you right where you are, here in your season of staying.

For me, living that out looks two hundred different ways, and this particular one is admittedly simple and small. But every time I pull out my library card, I remember. I remember the thread of “story” woven from toddler to teen to a tired college student to today, and this 32-year-old woman gives thanks for the city that is, for now, home.

It’s just a library card.

It’s also so much more.

 

Listen to Kaitlyn’s devotion here or on your fave podcast app!

Lift Your Eyes

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“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”
Colossians 3:2 CSB

What’s been consuming your thoughts lately? Maybe it’s the never-ending demands of parenting, the ache for a new job, or the weight of anxiety pressing in. Maybe your mind is tangled in worries, overwhelmed by grief, or just exhausted from striving.

Or maybe you’re laser-focused on your goals — praying your hard work will finally pay off. Perhaps physical pain is the only thing you can think about today.

Whatever fills your mind, Scripture gives us this powerful directive: Set your mind on things above.

So, what exactly is above?

  • Heaven — your forever home.
  • God’s glorious presence.
  • His unshakable power.
  • His throne room, where every prayer is heard.
  • A place of healing and wholeness.
  • A world without sorrow, pain, or fear.
  • Endless wonder, worship, and joy.
  • Perfect love. Absolute peace. True belonging.

Pause. Breathe. Let that sink in.

Notice what’s not on this list? Deadlines. Bank accounts. Broken dreams. That thing keeping you up at night.

God isn’t asking you to ignore your struggles or pretend life is easy. He’s inviting you to shift your focus — to lift your eyes above the chaos and onto Him. Because He is where your hope, strength, and joy live.

Today, will you take Him up on His invitation?

 

No Shame in the Battle with Anxiety and Depression

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“I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, and the flame will not burn you.”
Isaiah 43:2 (CSB)

I’m standing on a stage in front of a crowd of women. I see teenagers with side ponytails, sweet mamas in skinny jeans, and lovely silver-haired seniors. I wish for the chance to have coffee with them all, to hear their stories one by one. So I do what I consider to be second-best — I tell mine.

I come to the part about how we all have bullies in our lives. Mine hassled my elementary friends and me after school, until one day he called me a word none of us were supposed to utter under any circumstances. At this point I decided to take matters into my own hands. Although the quiet and gentle type, I promptly pushed him down — without causing injury or serious concern from any adult authorities — and sat on his back until he promised to repent of his bully ways. The audience laughs at this, and I tell them I wish this was my only encounter with a bully. But I still fight them every day.

My grown-up bullies are anxiety and depression, two words we can be hesitant to say at church. Yet the psalmist freely confesses, “I am deeply depressed” (Psalm 42:6 CSB). Struggling with depression or anxiety doesn’t mean we are spiritual failures, we’ve disappointed God, or we’re not strong enough. This is what I have come to believe: we live in a fallen, broken world, and if we are in a battle, it simply means we are warriors.

I declare this to the women in the room, and after the session, one of the leaders says to me, “When you said those words, I could hear a collective sigh of relief.” After I finish speaking, a line of women that stretches almost out the door forms in front of me, and one after another says either “Me too” or “My daughter struggles with depression and anxiety.” If you’re reading this and you or someone you love is in this battle, know you’re not alone.

The hope in all this is that Jesus has promised us victory. I believe I will likely have to fight this battle as long as I’m on this spinning earth. But through a plan that includes every part of who I am — spiritual, emotional, social, physical, and mental — these days I’m winning more than I’m losing. I also have partners in the fight, including a counselor, a doctor, and good friends who speak truth to me on the days I can’t remember it. (When people ask me what to do next about their depression and anxiety, I always recommend starting with a trustworthy biblical counselor.)

What we don’t talk about, what we keep secret, where we let shame and guilt take hold are the places in our lives where we remain defeated and unhealed. So I’m speaking publicly about this struggle with you too.

Depression and anxiety are part of my life, but they’re not the boss of me. They’re also not my identity. I’m strong, brave, and loved. I’m a daughter of God who has been promised victory. So are you. There is no shame in being a warrior. Fight on.

Lord, like the psalmist, I long to freely confess my truth. I am deeply depressed. Yet even as I speak those words, the next to fly out of my mouth is the truth that as I fight, I am a warrior, and in that there is no shame. Thank You, Lord, for the victory of speaking up, of not keeping secrets, of healing and identity. Help me live into mine. Amen.

By Holley Gerth, from the archives.

 

For the One Carrying the Weight of the World

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There is a lot I’ve done that I am not proud of.

Sometimes, in the stillness, memories rise up to the surface and I shudder, my shoulders pulling tight with the tension of all my should-not-haves. There is also all I still do that I am not proud of. Like the way I scowl at my kids when I am bone-tired, or the curse words I mouth, as if whispering makes them any less volcanic.

These are the things that make up the weight of all my wounds and weaknesses.

Then, there is everything I have not done.

In my weekly confession at church, the word “undone” sparks a shiver in my spine. I can’t help but rehearse all the could-haves that carry from week to week: The text I should have sent. The apology I should have offered. The smile I could have shared. The money I could have given.

These are the things that make up the weight of all my would-haves.

Deeper, still, is all I witness in the world around me.

My heart, all wrapped up in the worries that everyone feels and feeds into, pounds faster and louder and harder. Stress seizes me when I scroll on my phone and see the sorrow that seeps through every sentence shared on social media. The planes going down. The mortgage rates going up. The wildfires that continue to rage far and wide. The political unrest.

These are the things that make up the weight of the world.

Moment by moment, we bury burdens like seeds in the soil of our hearts. Relentlessly, we tend to our grief and grievances, letting them grow like flowers in a garden. And, yet, we wonder why we are consumed by all we carry.

We are knee-deep in need, in want, in faithlessness, in unforgiveness. We proclaim praises to God and, in the same breath, curse our brothers and sisters created in God’s image. We are quick to anger and even quicker to spew responses (in speech and on screens) devoid of gentleness and grace. Our words seethe with anger rather than drip with honey. We meditate on our worries rather than the Word of God.

What do you do when you want to worship God but instead you ruminate on the world’s weight and your own worries?

What do you do when you want to read your Bible but your vision is blurry from all your crying?

There is only one cure for the one wearing weariness. There is only one cure for the one carrying the weight of the world. There is only one way to help your heart hold onto hope, even in spite of all that weighs and wounds and worries you.

Confession can be a cure for all the burdens you carry. It is a kind of prayer that melts our pride and makes way for God’s perspective. It is a rope reaching out for hope and help — it is a thread stitching our hearts ever-so-together with God’s. Confession leads us to surrender, which paves the way for trust in the One who can carry everything we were never meant to.

When we cannot control the ways of the world, we can confess our contempt of it.

When we cannot calm the chaos that surrounds us, we can confess our complicity in it.

When we cannot overlook the offenses done unto us, we can confess the offenses that we’ve done unto others.

Confession is not simply a sacrament; it is a balm for brokenness — it is a bridge to the mercy and grace of God. Confession is not a thing we do — it is a thing done to us and in us.

Over the last few years, my heart has been continually captivated by the following prayer of confession I heard at two different churches I’ve had the privilege of being a part of: Forgive us for what we’ve done, and for what we’ve left undone.

It’s been nothing short of a miracle watching my heart be transformed by this weekly confession. Every week, I am humbled by taking my eyes off the shortcomings of others and willingly remembering that I, myself, am the worst of all sinners. It’s been healing to go to God with all my shattered pieces in hand, and remember there is grace for all that is still being worked out in this world — and in me.

Our worries and our wounds remind us that God is not done yet.
The weight of this weary world reminds us that things are not quite the way God intended.

When we go to God in weekly, even momentary confession, we are reminded that God invites us to be a part of all that is being — and will someday, once and for all, be — redeemed and restored.

If you feel weighed down by your worries and by the weight of the world, confession may be a helpful practice to embrace or re-awaken. Lift your eyes, loosen your lips, and let honest, humble confessions pour out before God. God will hear you, and the forgiveness extended to you will fortify your faith, empowering you to extend forgiveness — unto others and unto yourself.

May you find peace in the presence of God as you pray this prayer . . .

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy Name,
thy kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For yours is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever. Amen.

 

Listen to Rachel’s devotion here or wherever you stream podcasts — just search for (in)courage!

When God Calls You to Something New and Beautiful

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Being a single mother is not a title I ever anticipated embracing. Sadly and unexpectedly, it was thrust upon me without any choice. 

My little one hadn’t even turned one yet. I felt both physically and mentally exhausted as I navigated through postpartum depression and heartbreak, struggling to make ends meet, often failing to do so. I had been isolated for so long during my previous marriage –  having outside friends wasn’t an option.

In my new singleness, I attempted to make friends, but mostly, they were male connections seeking a “transactional friendship,” leaving me even more depleted each time. 

That summer in 2007, I reconnected with an old friend. I shared the unexpected change in my marital status, how I had fought hard to keep what I thought was meant to be forever, and how lonely and defeated that loss had left me. Without a second thought, she invited me to the Sunday gatherings she hosted at her place. 

The weekly event included a group of people, a meal, and a conversation. She mentioned it could be a great chance to connect with others and make new friends. But I could only think about how it was a free meal for a single mom on a limited budget. So, I started attending these gatherings (later on, discovering it was a small group).  As weeks passed, I went less for the food and more for the community I had now been welcomed into. 

Life began to look a little different, knowing I wasn’t alone. Things were still challenging, and yes, I still struggled to provide for myself and my child, but I understood what it felt like to belong and be cared for.  One Sunday night when our gathering had gone on too late, my friend invited me and my young daughter to spend the night. This was another way I felt deeply seen and taken care of.

At that moment, I made a silent promise to God: when I was in a better place, I would be to another woman what this woman had been to me — the love of Jesus.

In the spring of 2019, the Lord reminded me of my promise. I was remarried, no longer a single mother, and had two more children; things were much better. That spring, the Lord placed it on my heart to gather women in my home to guide them to Jesus through community and connection. 

After a few more Holy Spirit nudges and some back-and-forth with the Lord, I came to the place where obedience was the only option. 

Even after giving God my yes and inviting a few new and old friends, I wrestled with fear and insecurities. We gathered, served treats, offered coffee, and shared part of my story and the hope of Jesus. We prayed together and even held a raffle, then called it a night. The Lord had me do this two more times. By the third meeting, my home was no longer suitable as we hosted seventeen women eager to come together to find community and connect with others.

In the fall of  2019, the Lord birthed Anew Ministries by guiding me to Isaiah 43:18-19 CSB, which states, “Do not remember the past events; pay no attention to things of old. Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” 

I fell in love with the name Anew, which is defined as “in a new or different and typically more positive way.” 

That’s our God! A God who is in the business of doing new and different things, surpassing our expectations. A God who meets us in the mess and makes messages out of them. 

Anew is where I hope women will be reminded that our God is a God of miracles who sees, loves, and redeems. We hope that every woman we encounter will grow to solidify her identity in Christ and learn to walk “Godfidently” in the good works that Ephesians tells us were prepared in advance for us. 

Amiga, if you’re reading this today and resonate with feelings of isolation and loneliness, know that we are praying for you and believe that the Lord has a community ready to grow alongside you right where you live. It may require stepping out of your comfort zone and connecting with your local church, perhaps by joining that Bible study group or accepting an invitation from a friend to her home gatherings. Whatever it is, your people are waiting. 

Now, go and allow yourself to be found by Jesus through others, remembering God is still in the business of doing things anew! 

Anew Ministries is a Canadian-based nonprofit dedicated to connecting women to each other, nurturing community, and empowering women to solidify their identity in Jesus. They do this by providing a safe space for real conversations, authentic relationships, and resources that foster Spiritual Growth.

You can learn more about Ligia’s work and Anew, along with their online Bible studies and other offerings, by visiting their website: www.anewministries.ca.

And, exciting news!! Anew is coming to the States! On Saturday, May 31st, Anew will host its first US event: the Amigas Bilingual Conference! Hosted at Bethel Barn in Monroe, North Carolina, this is a FREE, unique, bilingual, full-day event honoring faith, sisterhood, and unity!

If you’re near the Charlotte area or want to take a road trip with your amigas, find all the details and register here. Ligia would love to see you!

This weekend, don’t miss a special episode of the (in)courage podcast where you can hear more of Ligia’s story and the heart behind Anew Ministries, and be encouraged by how God is making you anew today too! This episode drops on Saturday on Apple, Spotify, or your favorite podcast app. Just search for the (in)courage podcast!

Like Trees, We Grow in Waiting

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I take a deep breath and lift the 110-year-old window. Its wavy glass, shaped from decades of letting the light in, is covered in smudges from sticky little hands and wet dog noses. I run my finger along the windowsill, noticing a new patch of peeling paint, and sigh, letting go of my breath and my expectations for a spotless home.

The midday sun peeks through after a long winter, warming my face with the promise of spring. A burst of fresh air blows into the house as a beam of light catches dust motes dancing in the air.

I scan the sunroom, soaking in its imperfections — the missing strip of crown molding, the pile of teenager sneakers by the door, the sticky toy still clinging to the ceiling after my youngest son’s enthusiastic toss.

The coat tree, heavy with puffy parkas and knitted scarves, catches my eye. Should I pack them away, or will a surprise spring snowstorm remind us that winter isn’t quite finished?

Pushing aside a handful of markers left on the couch, I sink into the worn cushion. The hum of the furnace is finally silent, replaced by fresh air flowing from outside. I breathe it in, slow and deep, letting my breath become a prayer of its own.

I replay my dream from the night before about the magnolia trees that flank our home. In my dream, the trees’ blossoms burst forth in brilliant shades of pink, proclaiming spring had arrived. 

When I woke up, I tiptoed downstairs​​ like a child on Christmas morning, excited to see what might be waiting for me. But instead of spotting the fullness of spring, I found bare branches still holding brown buds.

Sometimes, the winters of our lives linger too long. We ache for the green hope of spring, the blue skies of summer, or the golden abundance of fall. 

This season — this in-between space — feels like a pause I’d rather skip. It’s hard for me to be present between the dead of winter and the new life of spring.

I want to leap to the glory of Easter without the solemn waiting of Lent.

I’m aware of my tendency to measure myself by invisible expectations, getting caught up in the shoulds that echo in my mind. I should set aside more time for prayer. I should have a cleaner house. But beneath the surface shoulds lie the deeper ones: I should be a more devoted Christian. I should be better. At everything.

Cool air drifts through the open window, carrying the faint scent of thawing earth. I glance at the trees’ bare branches swaying in the breeze and remember that trees are always working beneath the soil.

While the growth above ground pauses during winter, their roots continue to soak up nutrients, growing slowly but steadily. Even when branches appear lifeless, the roots draw water and nutrients from the ground, storing energy for the burst of spring growth to come. 

Dormancy doesn’t mean growth isn’t happening.

And that’s true for me and you, too.

It’s easy to forget that beneath all the shoulds of our lives, we are rooted in love.

In Ephesians 3:16-19, Paul writes to the church: “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (NIV).

Just as roots anchor a tree and nourish its branches, God cares for us — rooting us in love and nurturing our souls amid our imperfections and insecurities. Psalm 1:3 reminds us that we can be like trees planted by streams of water, which yield their fruit in season. 

And when we release the shoulds that weigh us down — the compulsion to have it all together, to do more, to be more — we create space for God’s perfect love to nurture and nourish us, too.

Spotless homes and impeccable prayer records aren’t fruits of the Spirit. When we sit in the transitional seasons of our lives, we can trust that the Holy Spirit is at work within us, nurturing love, joy, peace, and patience — fruits that will bloom in their season (Galatians 5:22-23).

In this season of Lent, we wait. We trust that the work happening beneath the surface will lead to something beautiful in its time.

What season are you in right now? What is your soul aching for? Are you longing to see growth where it feels like nothing is happening?

As you reflect, let your breath become a prayer.

INHALE: O God, even when I can’t see it,

EXHALE: You are working within me.

Looking for a companion to guide you through the seasons of faith? Kayla’s book Every Season Sacred is available now—offering prayers and reflections to help you slow down, connect with your family, and experience God’s presence in the everyday moments of life together.

It’s (Almost) Never What You Think

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I was driving a long stretch of what felt like nothing between Dallas, Texas and Fayetteville, Arkansas. Oklahoma is beautiful, but it can also feel a bit…bare.

A friend had called to catch up and make the trip less lonely. As we were winding down the conversation, I pulled off to a random gas station. I’d been driving a few hours and it was time for a bathroom break. As I sat in the parking lot, about to get out, she suddenly said, “Oh! I wanted to tell you something else…” so I listened and started my car back up. No sense in sitting while we chatted if I could be driving, right?

I got back on the highway and nearly four seconds later, one of her kids was having a dramatic moment and she suddenly had to go.

I chuckled to myself because now I was going to just get off one exit later. The silver lining? McDonald’s was attached to this gas station, which meant an opportunity for fries. I walked inside, used the bathroom, and grabbed a snack. A convenience store was attached to it, so I picked up my favorite candy bar, too. (Reese’s anyone?)

There was a kind, middle-aged woman at the desk and we made small talk. As we chatted and I entered my pin for the purchase, I felt a nagging sense that I should ask her how I could pray for her.

These moments don’t happen too often, but I try to be sensitive to them. Sometimes, God moves in unexpected ways and I do not want to write something off just because it’s a little uncomfortable. I’d like to say that I listened right away, but the fact of the matter is? I didn’t. I decided to leave. After all, I still had a few hours to go on my drive to Arkansas.

I walked out of the store, but as I approached my car, I couldn’t get it out of my head that I was supposed to go and ask that woman how I could pray for her.

So I finally rolled my eyes, swallowed my pride, and prepared for the awkward ask. Still, I knew that surely on the other side would be some amazing prayer request that ministered to this woman. I was going to make her day with my timely ask! Right?

Wrong.

I stepped back in, walked up to the counter, and said, “Excuse me, this is sort of random, but is there any way I can be praying for you?”

She looked at me with a confused expression and said, “No, thank you.”

“Okay, I was just curious. Have a nice day,” I said, slinking off with my tail between my legs.

As I sat back in my car, recovering from what just happened and preparing for the last few hours of my drive, I heard a voice.

“Melissa?”

I looked out my open window and saw a friend from my church along with her husband and two wild kids. They’d been driving for eight hours from a family trip and were stopping for a break.

“We’re going to McDonald’s for dinner. Want to join us?”

“Sure,” I said, getting out of my car for a third time in the last 10 minutes.

As we sat together, the kids ate and I asked them 100 questions while my friend and her husband took a break. After a quick dinner, we got in our cars to drive the last little bit to Fayetteville together.

Here’s what I cannot get over: God knew and God knew better. He knew that if I lingered, my friends would pull up. He knew that they needed a familiar face when their kids were starting to melt down. He knew that everything was not what it seemed until it came together in the end.

Later on, my friend said to someone at church, “We had another adult to help with the kids and it was like an answer to prayer.”

My mind went back to how sure I was that the answer to prayer would be my interaction with the woman at the counter. I had a whole story all written out, but it turns out, God had another one and I was merely a player in it.

Do you ever feel like you know more than God? Do you ever wish He would take notes from you on how something is supposed to work out?

When I am tempted to believe that I call the shots or that I have wisdom deeper than it actually is, I remember that early spring day in the middle of Oklahoma. I remember that God was trying to get my attention and if I’d ignored Him, I would have missed out.

Scripture says, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps” (Proverbs 16:9 NIV). And I suppose I’m forever glad to step where He has me.

Good and Perfect vs Good Enough

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Recently I found a new dentist for my kids, and it felt like an Ebenezer moment.

Let me explain.

When my husband was let go from his job at our former church, I had just started working full-time, so we were able to switch to health insurance through my job. But that also meant our kids’ dentist was now out of network. We started looking for a new dentist, and it was stressful! I have four kiddos so it takes time to schedule appointments. We tried two new places. The first place was a total miss; the dentists were impatient and I got a yucky vibe from the whole clinic. The second place wasn’t pediatric-specific, but it was fine. The workers were kind and there was a prize drawer, and while some of the treatments weren’t what we were hoping for, it was ok. Good enough.

Every so often, I’d check our insurance company’s website for in-network clinics and compare it to my list from Google searches and friends’ recommendations—but they never seemed to line up. There was one out-of-network clinic that had every service and treatment we wanted, came with rave reviews, and was all camp-themed. Camp-themed! (If you know my family, you know we LOVE camp!) I sighed every time I saw this clinic on my list because it never appeared on our insurance company’s list of covered providers.

Finding a dentist for my kids became part of my middle-of-the-night worry list (without my consent). Do you have one of those lists, too? It’s the worst. Like a real bummer of a ticker tape parade, worries and fears roll through your head without your permission in the wee hours of what’s supposed to be your time to rest, recharge, and reset. Instead, you toss and turn, blood pressure spiking and thoughts raging despite your best efforts to count sheep.

One day, I found out that my company’s dental insurance was changing. I got back on the insurance website just in case, and there it was: the dream clinic, the camp-themed one that was such a perfect fit! It was on the in-network list! We’ve now been there for several visits and a few procedures, and it has been as wonderful as we’d hoped. My 4-year-old is legit bummed that he can’t go back until his next checkup this summer.

What the heck does this story have to do with the Lord? you may be wondering.

Discovering my kids could now go to this clinic felt like a good and perfect gift directly from God. It was a tangible display in my life of God doing what God does — making beauty from ashes, bringing joy from sadness, and offering delight from a situation that felt like would never produce anything good.

And of course, it’s not just about a kids’ dentist. It’s about the good and perfect gifts God gives if we open our hands to drop what was just good enough.

Besides the new dentist, my husband’s painful job loss also led us to find a new church, which has become a second home for our family. We’ve made more friends and found deeper community there in under three years than we had in twenty years at our former church. The kids have friends from all parts of their life — school, sports, Scouts, the neighborhood — all meeting up together at church. My husband and I can volunteer and be involved in ways we couldn’t before. It’s been a major gift in our life to have this new place, all beauty from ashes.

When it all crashed and fell apart, God had the next right thing ready to roll.

Did it hurt? Heck yes. Did I believe the next right thing even existed? No, I did not. Did I want to go back in time and step back into what had been just fine, good enough, ok? I did. Was the next thing a good gift and so much better than what had been? Absolutely.

And you know what? Without everything falling apart, we would never have left our church or the dentist because they were fine. They were good enough. We were sufficiently happy there. And yet, waiting for us was something so much better.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
James 1:17 NIV

I think about the good enoughs from my past, and the ‘good and perfects’ I would have missed out on if I hadn’t stepped away. The dentist. That church. Boyfriends. (Praise the God of small and large favors for the wisdom to step away from all the boyfriends of my youth except the one who became my husband!) Jobs. Relationships. Ideas.

The what-ifs alone are enough to make one shudder and also give deepest thanks for the leading of God’s still, small voice.

As for that Ebenezer, according to Google, An Ebenezer is a stone monument that commemorates God’s help, and the phrase “raise your Ebenezer” is a reminder to remember God’s blessings. The word “Ebenezer” is Hebrew for “stone of help”. I may not have an actual rock that helps me remember God’s goodness, but I have kids with clean teeth that are a testament. I have dear friends at church, a pew that has become “ours”, and a family who is excited about belonging.

May we never tire of seeking the Ebenezer stones in our life. Big and small, tangible or otherwise, let’s look for reminders of God’s love and good gifts. May we never settle for good enough when God’s good and perfect beckons. And may we tune our ears to listen for the still, small voice that guides our steps with wisdom to tell the difference.

The One Truth That Changes Everything

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“The angel of the Lord came and sat under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite. His son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to hide it from the Midianites. Then the angel of the Lord appeared to him and said, “The Lord is with you, valiant warrior.”

Gideon said to him, “Please, my lord, if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened? And where are all his wonders that our ancestors told us about? They said, ‘Hasn’t the Lord brought us out of Egypt?’ But now the Lord has abandoned us and handed us over to Midian.”

The Lord turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and deliver Israel from the grasp of Midian. I am sending you!”

He said to him, “Please, Lord, how can I deliver Israel? Look, my family is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the youngest in my father’s family.”

“But I will be with you,” the Lord said to him. “You will strike Midian down as if it were one man.””
Judges 6:11-16 CSB

Have you ever felt like Gideon? Hiding. Overwhelmed. Questioning why life is so hard and where God is in the middle of it. Maybe you’ve felt too weak, too insignificant, too underqualified for the battle in front of you.

But did you notice what God says to Gideon? He doesn’t give him a pep talk about his potential or dismiss his doubts. Instead, God calls him a valiant warrior — not because of his own strength but because of this one truth:

“The Lord is with you.”

That changes everything.

You don’t have to be strong enough, brave enough, or wise enough. Whatever you’re facing today, God’s presence is greater than your insecurity, bigger than your obstacles, and mightier than your fear.

So go in the strength you have. It may not feel like much, but it’s enough — because He is with you. And that’s what makes you a warrior.

 

When Forgiveness Is Exhausting

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Several years ago, a leader in my community called me into her office, positioned herself across from me, and began an interrogation. Someone had led her to misinterpret something I’d said, and she conjured up a crazy story casting me as the villain. This leader then used concocted evidence to condemn me and was convinced I should be heavily penalized. To say I was blindsided and stunned by her false accusations would be an understatement. I greatly admired and respected this woman, had often spoken highly of her, and had even tried to emulate her. Therefore, I was brokenhearted— paralyzed—by the perceived joy she took in tormenting me from her position of power.

As she spewed threats, I cried excessively. Drained, deeply wounded, and bewildered, I dragged myself home to my one-bedroom apartment. Alone and sulking, I began sobbing out a prayer—a prayer for REVENGE! I cried out for my gracious, kind, and merciful God to avenge me. I actually prayed, “God, how are You going to get back at her for what she did to me?” Can you believe that? You see, my struggle to forgive those who intentionally harm me is real! But there in my bedroom, in the midst of my excruciating, suffocating pain, where murderous thoughts tasted like sweet justice amid bitter tears, where the hurt accessed the massive, ugly monster parts of my humanity, God’s presence gently interrupted.

Sweetly, calmly, and omnipotently, God spoke: “You can forgive her.”

I wish I could tell you that I instantly expressed gratitude to God and my desire for retaliation was resolved. Nope! Instead, I was offended that God would speak of forgiveness while I was in so much pain. By my account, the woman who had wronged me needed to suffer. I wanted her to be fired, not forgiven.

Though injured and now insulted, I somehow managed to piece together a few life-giving words and fashion a prayer for my offender that more closely reflected the character of God. I asked God to bless her and to deliver her from the painful circumstances that had prompted her to falsely accuse and hurt me. But forgiving her would be an entirely different endeavor that seemed impossible at the time.

The wound seemed too massive to ever heal. The pain felt embedded in my psyche. Anger was infused into every part of my soul. I could not will myself to forgive her. I did not want to forgive her. Although I knew forgiveness was in my best interests, my pain made me reason that she did not deserve my forgiveness. I wanted to be free of the overwhelming resentment I felt toward her. But again, was it even possible to recover from this kind of relational destruction, to break free from the bondage of bitterness that entangled my soul? It sure didn’t feel like it.

Come Sit with Me and Learn Together

My road to liberation would be lengthy, arduous, and tumultuous.

I tried all the things that have been prescribed to foster forgiveness. I prayed blessings for her. I read all the Scripture passages about how we’ve been forgiven so we should now forgive. I listened to great messages that outlined formulas for forgiveness. I journaled to get my pain on paper and out of my head. I considered her pain and tried to empathize with her so as not to take her attack personally, because “hurt people hurt people.” I did it all, yet relief did not come.

The path to forgiveness was exhausting. I felt like I was wrestling a mammoth, prehistoric, octopus-like creature. I was overwhelmed by the enormity of its grabby tentacles that squeezed and sucked the life out of me. It was a losing battle. The more effort I put toward forgiving, the more I felt the sting of unforgiveness. And failure to conquer the unforgiveness monster only compounded my unforgiveness with shame. Perhaps you have heard this familiar adage by Marianne Williamson: “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die.” Well, drinking the poison seemed easier than exerting the strength to forgive. And because the offense was so painful, the poison of unforgiveness did not even taste toxic.

But inside my poisoned heart, I was terrified that unforgiveness would be the death of me, that somehow I’d be discounted in God’s eyes. It didn’t seem fair or logical that I had been burdened with the responsibility of forgiveness. But what felt like a burden was actually an invitation to know God’s love in the form of patience, compassion, commitment, and consistency.

Cultivating patience, compassion, commitment, and consistency is not prioritized or primarily sought after in our culture of instant gratification. We don’t want to be patient. We don’t want to persevere in navigating interactions with those who wound us. I’m sure you know what I mean. When your soul has been deeply injured, you want immediate relief from the pain. You don’t want to have to figure out what to say the next time you are in the room with that longtime, trusted friend who betrayed you. You don’t want to have to continue working under the revered leader who spiritually abused you. You just want to detach from the source of your pain. The desire to flee is understandable because it is a natural psychological response of protection. Trust me, I’ve been there. But disengaging from the pain is not the only thing necessary for our healing.

When avoidance isn’t possible and relief from your pain isn’t immediate, remember that you have been graced with time.

Over time—and I mean many, many years—the unforgiveness monster loosened its chokehold on me. Little by little its tentacles released their grip, or maybe I grew stronger in my ability to resist. Perhaps both. Either way, the change was so subtle, so gradual, I almost didn’t feel it until I realized I was actually free.

I realized that I needed time more than I needed to implement a forgiveness formula. God met me in my stifled unforgiveness and gifted me with unhurried space to process. God stayed with me, and together we cultivated seeds of forgiveness that needed time to take root and blossom.

Forgiveness did not come through an apology. Forgiveness was not ushered in by a reconciled relationship. I’m sure that my offender still thinks her attack on me was justified. But in that place where the hurt stuck to me and I staved off forgiveness, God met me, stayed with me, and sustained me.

Romans 5:3–4 says, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation” (NLT). We live in an imperfect world where it’s inevitable that we will get hurt. Like you, I certainly do not welcome the pain. But I know that even though I am going to encounter people who, whether intentionally or unintentionally, will hurt me, I can trust God with my heart. Our patient, compassionate, committed, consistent God will hold my assaulted and bruised heart in His hands and nurture me until I feel whole again.

You can trust Him with your heart too.

Questions to Sit With

Ask Yourself
1. What wounds from my past am I allowing to still fester in my heart?
2. Who do I need to forgive today?
3. How has God met me on my long road of pain and brokenness?

Ask God
1. How do You see the person who wronged me?
2. What do You want to teach me or show me through my journey to forgive?
3. Show me my unattended wounds that need time with You.

By Lucretia Berry, adapted from her chapter in (in)courage’s book, Come Sit with Me: How to Delight in Differences, Love through Disagreements, and Live with Discomfort. Get this powerful resource to go through on your own, with a friend, or small group.

 

Oh, the People You’ll Meet

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There’s nothing that can bring a spring to my step like yard sale season. Knowing that Saturday mornings are host to my own personal beauty-chasing is all I need to stumble out of my early morning slumber.

We can tell a lot about someone from the stuff they’re selling. While I love the thrill of the hunt, I’m even more interested in understanding a person’s stories. With an open invite to someone’s garage or front lawn, I discover tables that hold scattered memories. Because hosts aren’t scrambling away from social interaction like they might on an ordinary day, I’ve shared rare moments with dozens of strangers in the middle of their driveway.

When we offer a genuine smile, ask caring questions, and extend welcome and kindness, it’s counter-cultural in this society. The recipient may be a stranger to us, but not to God.

In visiting yard sales, I’ve met a young mom teary eyed about her baby heading to kindergarten, but ready to mark the moment by selling her crib, a widow parting with her husband’s camping gear, and an empty nester whose identity was wrapped up in years of parenting but is now ready to create a guest room.

I’ve pondered why they’ve felt freedom to share pieces of their heart during a seemingly quick, ordinary interaction with a stranger. I think it’s because it’s rare to find somone eager to listen; it’s rare to feel heard and acklowledged.

In studying the life of Christ and His everyday interactions, I’ve witnessed His profound storytelling through parables that lead us to the truth of salvation and revelation of His kingdom. But I’ve also watched His mastery at making short, significant conversations matter.

Did you know that the average length of Jesus’ conversations as recorded in the Gospels was only 42 seconds long? If you’ve ever felt insecure about having spiritual conversations, let Jesus’s brevity be an encouragement. When we fear our inadequacy in word choice or dread long conversations, model after Jesus. He loved short, intentional interactions. Nothing too fancy for Him.

If we don’t overthink, over analyze, and overcomplicate spiritual conversations, our natural, everyday exchanges can give way to the supernatural. When we choose an open-handed, no-fuss approach, a non-believer can freely explore their spiritual curiosity with us.

I once heard, “We must learn to find the back door to people’s hearts because the front door is heavily guarded.”

In today’s combative culture, most people default to a defensive, “Us vs. Them” stance — spend five minutes on social media, and you’ll see it. Christians from all sides have earned their share of disagreeable labels.

I stand firmly on biblical orthodoxy, rooted in the truth that we are all sinners and that Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven. But I also recognize that this statement can confuse or offend some, often because of their past experiences. That’s why, while I never retreat from Gospel-centered truth, my goal is to create a space where real conversations can unfold naturally.

Pointing people to Christ’s life-changing work on the cross is my deepest desire, but not with an agenda. I simply want to see people — truly see them — right where they are. So I ask myself, What’s their back door?

Colossians 4:5-6 says, “Use your heads as you live and work among outsiders. Don’t miss a trick. Make the most of every opportunity. Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out” (The Message).

Yard sales are often access to someone’s “back door”. This Saturday was no different. As I trudged up the driveway, a booming voice confessed, “I’m making deals. I have too much stuff.” I empathized and admitted, “Don’t remind me. I shouldn’t be buying yours when I have plenty of my own to get rid of. Why do we do this to ourselves?” We swapped a few stories and chuckled over our shared struggle.

I couldn’t help but notice his stunning spring flowers and commended him on his hard work. He offered a few gardening tips while we lamented about the deluge of rain.

“This conversation reminds me about something I read in the Bible,” I told my new friend. “God gives us kindness with the rain so we can now enjoy your beautiful flowers. And don’t get me started on weeds. I’m the worst about getting them out of my garden and my life,” I added, while he shared in my chuckle.

“I haven’t thought about weeds like that before,” the man replied. His wife walked over and I assured her we were busy solving the world’s problem. “It started with all our stuff, merged into gardening, and now onto life.”

Since I’d come with kindness and no agenda, divine dialogue flowed freely while we chatted more about life’s weeds.

I don’t have the gift of evangelism. I never spouted out the “4 spiritual laws,” but I was an active listener. I noticed interests, lamented in shared struggles, asked questions about family (via items I saw on their tables), and encouraged them. Intentional conversations like this seem awkward at first, but they soon become part of our muscle memory. As we see the world through Jesus’s lens, we’re moved to act in obedience and intentionality.

I left the sale not only as the proud owner of a gentleman’s favorite, albeit a bit rusty, gardening tool, but with a special connection with strangers. They were left with a very unique garage sale conversation to ponder and an invitation for coffee.

Oh, the people we meet and the connections that abound when we shine a spotlight on the goodness of God. I can’t get over it.

Has He changed your life? Who might you tell?

 

Listen to Jen’s devotion here or on your fave podcast app!

When You Can’t Even Explain How Hard Life Is

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“Okay, that’s all. I hope you’re good. Heh . . . that’s all . . .”

A few weeks ago, my best friend left me a long, rambly message about the latest struggles she was facing. To be clear, I always want long, rambly messages from her, just as I always want to hear about her struggles. I tell you merely to set the scene.

After explaining the difficult things that had been going on in her world, her voice faded out for a moment. Then she took a deep breath and said, “Okay, that’s all. I hope you’re good.” Before she stopped recording, though, she chuckled and muttered, “Heh . . . that’s all . . .”

As I sat in silence after listening to that message, I got a case of the giggles. That’s all, she said. As if any given day — in our current, complicated lives — does not contain multitudes. The thought is laughable!

Like you, she and I are constantly facing a multitude of situations, challenges, emotions, ways our bodies are betraying us or our people are frustrating us. In no way can any message summarizing any of it be adequately described as “that’s all.”

One of my favorite trendy phrases found in social media posts, podcast episodes, and even books is when a person writes or says, “gestures wildly” after saying, “all this” or “all the things.” It seems that, collectively, we have lost the ability to put into actual, descriptive words how incredibly overwhelmed we are with the nonstop tsunami of life.

While I do think the increasingly fast pace and full calendar most of us live with (as well as, say it with me, “these unprecedented times” that apparently are just the norm now) bear much of the blame for our overwhelm, I think we’ve also allowed ourselves to take on the burden of shame for simply existing in this weird season.

Motivated by the kindest intentions (or at least that’s what I’m choosing to believe), those speaking to women today frequently say things like, “You’re taking on too much. You’re doing too much. You’re expecting too much of yourself.” They urge us to minimize, to streamline, to delegate – so we can breathe and heal and perhaps even grow.

These are wonderful sentiments. And if that’s the word you need today, please take it in and go forth. We all go through times where we absolutely need to prune everything but the most important and take life one minute at a time.

But if you are in a stage where you have accumulated a list of responsibilities that is both unavoidable and more than any one person can handle, you don’t have to feel bad about that.

If your mind races with a to-do list that can never be done but must be done, creating a constant undercurrent of panic . . .

If your heart pounds when you remember that you are the last defense, the only emergency contact, the one holding all the details and logistics that must not be forgotten or overlooked . . .

If you wish for a backup or a substitute or an assistant, but simply do not have anyone . . .

If you truly cannot let any of the balls you’re juggling drop right now because every one of them is mandatory…

I hear you. I see you. I am with you. I am you!

More importantly, though, Jesus is with us. He’s with us, He understands us, and He does not want us to feel ashamed by the staggering weight of our burdens.

No, He is our Friend who understands truly what it feels like to carry the entire world on your shoulders. He is also our Example — the One who shows us that taking a nap or stopping for a snack won’t, in fact, topple that world right off its axis. And, here’s the best part of all: He is our Hero, our Savior, extending His hand and saying, “Give it to me. You’re not alone anymore.”

Jesus is not discounting the importance or weight of what we are holding. He’s not wagging His finger or shaking His head at the way we’ve taken on too much or refused help in the past. He’s not offering us empty platitudes, advising us to just chill out and relax.

Jesus is offering to give us the tools to handle whatever life is piling on top of us. He’s offering to give us – the weary, the burned out, the ones keeping the lights on and the wheels turning – the relief we so desperately need.

He is offering us rest. Not just a break from the responsibilities, but freedom from the regret and the resentment and the fear that we are the only ones capable or available, that this season of overwhelm will never end, that we are so dang tired.

If summing up a report of your day or week with the words “that’s all” would make you laugh right now, you are not alone. We are in this together – you, me, my friend, and Jesus.

I pray that brings you a deep breath (in and out) of comfort and relief. I pray that brings you the kind of peace that allows your shoulders and your jaw and your mind stuck in overdrive to finally relax.

And I pray we can receive the rest the Lord wants to give us as we keep company with Him.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

Is It Worth the Wait?

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As a Gen Xer, I remember ours being the first house on our block to get a microwave. My dad lobbied hard for this particular purchase, the only contribution he made to cooking in my parents’ house in nearly fifty years.

I remember him touting the efficiency of this new technology, but my mom, who not only did all the cooking but also worked full time, was disappointed that this giant box caused the food to taste weirdly rubbery. It wasn’t the miracle she was promised. Yes, it cooked faster — but at what cost?

It’s easy to want to trade in the slow simmer of a homemade soup for a microwave lunch or the sacred conversation for a quick text. It’s easy to choose the suburban shortcut instead of the country road. While efficiency has its place, sometimes we miss the deeper joys — like savoring a gorgeous view or a meaningful moment — when we rush ahead.

I was reminded of this recently when we needed a county inspection for some work on our remote property. We live so far out that it takes more than an hour of driving on winding roads through the mountains to get here, something that catches many people by surprise.

Earlier this week, Josh came by to fix work that had previously failed county inspection. From the moment he got out of his truck, he was agitated. “You really live in the middle of absolute nowhere, don’t you?” he said. “I wish you would have told our dispatcher how far out you lived. This is a waste of a day.”

My heart sank. I felt guilty, ashamed — even responsible for his frustration — like I should apologize for where I live, even though their company had been out several times and knew where we lived.

But then Ron, the county inspector, came by to sign off on Josh’s work. He had to make the same drive twice in less than a week — once to fail the work and now to check it again. I immediately apologized. “I’m so sorry you had to come out a second time. I know it’s a long drive.”

Ron’s face broke into a wide grin. “Are you kidding? This is a gorgeous drive. The winding roads, the trees, the mountain views … this is the most beautiful route I get to take. I don’t mind coming out here at all.”

Two men, same road — yet their experiences couldn’t have been more different. Josh looked at the drive as a burden, an inconvenience. Ron saw the exact same trip as an opportunity, a privilege.

As I reflected on their opposite responses, I was struck by how easily we can approach our daily realities in a Josh-like way: focusing on what we “have to do,” or how inconvenienced we are and getting mad when we’re unable to do everything with expediency. But if we switch our thinking — like Ron — something as ordinary as a drive can become a chance to appreciate God’s creation, a moment to linger, to breathe, to see beauty in places others dismiss.

This idea of perspective applies to so many aspects of life — especially when it comes to how we feed ourselves, physically and spiritually. There are days when grabbing a granola bar is the only option; we’re in a hurry, and we just need the fuel. But how often are we forfeiting the deeper nourishment of a slow-cooked meal like soup for the quick fix of whatever is fast and convenient?

Soup requires time and patience. It demands that you simmer the ingredients, allowing the flavors to deepen and the aroma to fill the house. It asks you to linger in the process, trust the heat, and watch as something simple transforms into something comforting and worth the wait. Anticipation grows all day long, and then finally, you feel the gratitude when it is time to eat.

The apostle Paul writes in Philippians 4:11–12 (NIV), “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances… I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.” This contentment is less about our circumstances — where we live, what annoyances we face — and more about our posture of heart.

What if we treated life more like a simmering pot of soup — savoring and lingering — rather than forcing it into a granola-bar schedule? What if we chose to see the path in front of us, whatever it may be, as an invitation to linger longer with God, notice His handiwork, and trust He is forming something good within us?

You might be facing frustrating tasks or dealing with people who see the “drive” as a burden. But you have the opportunity to view your circumstances through a lens of gratitude and contentment. You can choose the slow-cooked richness of joy and perseverance over the instant gratification of complaint. Like Ron, we can see the beauty in the winding roads.

Inspired to cook a few new soup recipes? Order Kathi’s cookbook, Sabbath Soup: Weekly Menus and Rhythms to Make Space for a Day of Rest.

God Is Inviting You to Give Your Weakness Over to Him

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“We’ve been invited to a birthday party,” said my husband during our usual midday phone call. “It’s at 7 o’clock at the Mexican restaurant.”

My heart sank. Why a restaurant? I thought. I can’t handle restaurants. My husband continued, “They said we could ride with them. I think I want to go.”

I’m not sure if it was the idea of getting out of the house that enticed him or if he was simply hungry for Mexican food, but I could hear the eagerness in his voice. Finally, he asked, “Do you want to go?”

“I’ll let you know,” I said. It was all I could offer up in response.

What was I going to do? I didn’t want to disappoint my husband and I didn’t want to disappoint our friends, especially since we’ve “regretfully declined” so many of their previous invitations, for one reason or another. But, just as I began to entertain the idea of accepting the invitation, I sensed fear, anxiety, and insecurity begin to rise up within me.

  • Fear questioned me — What if you can’t get in and out of their car? 
  • Anxiety taunted — Someone will have to help you stand up and that will be embarrassing for both you and your husband.
  • Insecurity chimed in — Do you really want all those people watching you struggle with your cane as you walk through the restaurant?

Eventually, I told my husband to accept the invitation and attend the party himself. He declined it, however. Said he didn’t want to go without me. Though I appreciated his concern for me, this left me feeling guilty for, once again, succumbing to my fears and missing out on another opportunity to enjoy and live life.

This tends to be my mode of operation these days. When opportunities arise, I automatically withdraw. I decline invitations. I avoid public places. I shy away from people and I hide out at home where I feel safe and secure.

Many would say that I have good reason to be so withdrawn. After all, living with a muscle disease isn’t easy.

All my life, I’ve had to deal with the negative attention and ridicule that comes with having a physical disability and being different. I’ve had to come to grips with my physical limitations with the day-to-day activities of life, like climbing stairs, standing from a seated position, and simply walking across a room. I’ve had to accept the fact that some people don’t want me in their lives because of the uncomfortableness caused by my need for extra attention and assistance.

One would think, by now, I’d have it all figured out — that I’d know how to navigate the sea of negativity that surrounds the life of the physically disabled. One would think I’ve come to a place of not worrying about people staring or whispering behind my back. But as I grow older, and as my disease progresses with new challenges, I’m finding that my old companions — Fear, Anxiety, and Insecurity — have a stronger grip on my life than ever before.

Lying in bed the night of declining my friend’s birthday invitation, I became overwhelmed with feelings of hopelessness. I cried as I thought of my weakening body, my growing dependence on others, and my losing battle with fear and anxiety.

“I’m miserable, God!” I cried. “Is this what the rest of my life is going to be?”

In the midst of my sorrow, I heard God whisper, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

The world may laugh when I need assistance standing up from a seated position. The world may point when I struggle to climb a staircase. The world may stare and whisper behind my back when I clumsily walk through the room with my cane. But, in all of my weakness, God sees a vessel for His power and grace.

Yes . . . God’s power is made perfect in my weakness.

I know I will give in to my negative emotions, again. It’s inevitable. Still, I don’t have to give those negative emotions control. I don’t have to shy away from living. I don’t have to worry if I will be mocked by the world. I am a child of God and He does not intend for me to live a miserable life. God wants me to give my weaknesses to Him and allow Him to use them for His glory.

He wants that for you, too. We all have something that causes insecurity in our lives, something that makes us feel small or insignificant or even weak. But God has invited all of us to give those weaknesses over to Him — to live in His sufficient grace and to let His power be perfected in and through our lives.

And, friends? That’s one invitation I definitely don’t want to decline.

Listen to K.J.’s devotion below or wherever you stream podcasts.

You and I Were Created for Communal Flourishing

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I remember how the fans whirred as the afternoon heat picked up that day. January is dry season in Cambodia, and every day I was there, the temperatures rose from a comfortable, cool, seventies, to a dry nineties by the afternoon. I resisted the urge to fan myself that day, and settled into the feel of heat rising under my skin.

I was sitting on a plastic chair, in a room above a restaurant called Green Mango Café, in Battambang City, watching a group of young Cambodian women graduate from culinary school. For the 15 months prior, these women from rural villages throughout the Battambang province had been part of the Center for Global Impact’s Culinary Training Center. Not only were these women trained as chefs and businesswomen in the café and restaurant below, they also took general education and spiritual formation classes. I also witnessed evidence of the galvanizing gift of community and confidence that showed with their lifted chins and wide smiles — parts of the program that aren’t as easy to list on paper but just as powerful as any classroom training.

These young women are daughters and sisters — like you and me, like our daughters or sisters — and each of them is worthy of anything you and I or our own daughters or sisters or mothers are worthy of. However these young women in particular come from an area where girls and women are vulnerable to human trafficking in ways many of us haven’t experienced.

Center for Global Impact’s mission is to bring the gospel of Jesus to those in the grip of poverty and bondage by practically providing pathways out of poverty. This is done through education, life skills, spiritual formation, and vocational training. Of course, I supported this work before I traveled to Cambodia, but after bearing witness to the very real lives this work has impacted over the last 15+ years, I now find my heart irrevocably tied to the women I met and this land of limes and tuk-tuks, and a deep warmth and hospitality I’ve rarely experienced in other places.

On the day before the graduation, I joined the American and Cambodian CGI staff team in visiting some of the students’ homes. From remote dirt-floor village homes surrounded by palm trees to a rented room nestled down a narrow alleyway behind urban businesses, I was overcome with how the women I encountered had such similar hopes and dreams as mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends as myself and the women I know and love in my regular life. And I was struck with the reality of how extreme poverty and the brutality of history can keep anyone barred from these same hopes and dreams.

I am not Cambodian, but I am the daughter of a Korean immigrant mother, who lived in the aftermath of colonization and war, and grew up in extreme poverty. I wrote about her story in my memoir, Tell Me the Dream Again. My mom grew up without food and then food became how she colored my own upbringing with love. It’s not lost on me that God would use what was so painful and the place of so much lack in her younger life to later feed and nourish my entire life.

I saw my mother’s face in the faces of the young women who graduated that day in Battambang. I imagined her having had the same opportunities these women did – training, community, education, spiritual formation, love, dignity, and care.

A little over ten years before I was born, our nation secretly carpet-bombed Cambodia. What was said to be an effort to contain Communism, and kept secret until the year 2000, is what led to anywhere from twenty-four thousand to a million Cambodian deaths, according to records. Entire villages, families, and neighborhoods were wiped out. Aside from the death of civilians in a neutral country, the attack also created fear, extreme vulnerability, and distrust. Many historians believe this is exactly what led Cambodians into the arms of the Khmer Rouge and eventually what led to the Cambodian genocide.

While we can’t go back and change the past, we can remember, learn from it, and work towards repair and a better tomorrow. There is so much going on in the world today, and much of it leads me to want to despair and cry out to Jesus, “How do I find you here?”

But what if there’s no better moment and place than the one we are in, to reach out and remember how connected we were created to be: to one another and Jesus? What if Jesus is right here, next door, and thousands of miles away? Your neighbor’s flourishing next door and in another culture means your flourishing. And your flourishing, wherever you are, is tied to hers. What if our communal flourishing is the flourishing of Christ?

I held back a waterfall of ugly tears as I saw my young mom in each woman standing tall with a chef hat, a bouquet of flowers, chef tools, and a deep sense of pride and accomplishment that day. Their flourishing meant my own. Their hope for the future gave me hope as I imagined my kids’ futures thousands of miles away from that graduation.

Perhaps God’s good work through us exists outside of time. If so, whatever I can do to support these women is for each of these women and the communities they are connected to, and it’s also for my young mom of yesterday, for me and my family today, and for everyone I’m connected to — which is also you, dear reader.

Whose flourishing and need can you offer your hands and hope to right now?

To learn more about the work of Center for Global Impact and how you can be involved, head here.

Listen to Tasha’s devotion here or stream the (in)courage podcast!

Embracing Your Season

by

“Blessed is the one . . .
whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.”
Psalm 1:1–3 NIV

Life begins and ends, and in the middle is the dash you find on a tombstone. The middle is made up of hills and valleys, victories and losses, seasons of dreaming and seasons of accomplishing.

And that’s where I often find myself — smack dab in the middle.

There are dreams and visions I have for my life that have yet to be achieved. I’m at a day job I don’t want to be at forever. I want to get married one day. I would like to have more resources to bless others with. And all of it is okay. Now is not forever.

I used to feel guilty about wanting more out of my life. I thought to want more was to be ungrateful for what I had or for the season I was in, but I realize now that I can want more and be grateful for today at the same time.

In Psalm 1, the psalmist says that the blessed person delights in God’s Word day in and day out. They meditate on it, and that allows them to be rooted in Him and yield forth fruit in season. Planting and harvesting is a process that only happens over time. When Jesus is who we seek, we will find Him in every season.

The best part about seasons is that they don’t last. If you’re patient and fully present in the season you’re in, there’s a new one right around the corner. And God is always doing a new thing.

So I’ve learned that being in the middle is okay. God is here with me and you, ready to fill us with peace in the now and hope for the not yet. He will lead us through it.

PRAYER

Lord, help me hang on during this middle season. Help me to seek Your face during this time when I long for more yet don’t want to go back to what was. Give me patience to be fully present right where I am and to see the new things You are doing. Amen.

By Karina Allen as published in Take Heart: 100 Devotions to Seeing God When Life’s Not Okay

Take Heart