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I have a confession...

Boots by A Whisper of Unremitting Demand

Actually, I have lots of confessions but let’s stick with one for this post.

I’m intimidated by you.

And by you, I mean women.

Put me in a room of my peers and it won’t be long before my hands are sweaty and I’m shaking in my boots (yeah, the cute ones I bought from TJ Maxx in the hopes they’d somehow hypnotize everyone into liking me—you know what I’m talking about).

It got so bad I even took drastic measures a few summers ago.

Disclaimer: there is some serious dorkiness coming in the next few sentences. If you’re offended by that you should stop reading now.

I went to the library and I checked out all the social skills books. The ones like, “How to Have Friends and Influence People without Relying on Your TJ Maxx Boots.” And I read all of them. I know—don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Through my ambitious pursuit of coolness, I discovered that my insecurities came from a much deeper place than an inability to make coherent small talk at times. What I thought might be some sort of social ailment turned out to be a spiritual one.

Inside a voice whispered, “You’re not enough.” Depending on the day, an extra word might be thrown into that sentence—

You’re not pretty enough.

You’re not outgoing enough.

You’re not likeable enough.

So I kept spinning my wheels on an endless treadmill. I’d make progress in one area only to realize I had miles to go in another.

Exhausted, I finally began pondering and praying.

“Lord,” I asked, “Why do women feel as if we’re not enough?”

It seemed I heard a whisper in response, “Because they’re not.”

For a moment I thought I had some holy static happening.

"Excuse me, God, it sounded like you said, ‘We’re not enough.’ Could you repeat that pretty please?”

Again, gently and firmly, “You are not enough.”

By then I started thinking perhaps my heart had dialed the wrong number and the devil was on the line.

But in that pause it seemed God finished the sentence, “You are not enough…in me you are so much more.”

We are much more than pretty…we are wonderfully made.

We are much more than likeable…we are deeply loved.

We are much more than okay…we are daughters of the King. '

I think the enemy tricks us into believing we are not enough because he knows if we discover the truth we’ll be unstoppable.

If you’ve embraced that lie like I did then together we can start trading it for the truth...

We are chosen, cherished, created women who have all we need to fulfill God’s plans for our lives. He has made us just as He wants us to be. We have something to offer that no one else can bring…and the world is waiting.

Girls, let’s stop shaking in our boots and instead start standing tall for Him together.

I can’t do it alone—will you be (in) this with me?

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About the Author
Holley Gerth, cofounder and editor of (in)courage, writer for DaySpring, freelancer, soon-to-be counselor, wife of Mark, lover of Jesus, friend to YOU.

Comments

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Wow - an incredibly relevant post for me today. I have been really struggling with even going to church as I hate feeling like I have no friends and just end up sitting by myself. Perhaps there really is something deeper than just my not being able to talk to people! I thought it was my communication skills at fault but maybe...

Yes thank you. I've recently been hearing the "you don't have it together enough" spiel. It has quaked my boots enough to prevent me from reaching out and making new friends, something I usually have no problem doing. I'm afraid to be real with other women and then be rejected. Your confession showed me that even women that seem to have it together (as it seems to me you do) hear the same spiel that paralyzes me on a regular basis. With Christ we need not be afraid. It's true, I don't have it together enough, but Christ will put the pieces together to make something really beautiful. All I have to do is live like I believe it.

Holly-I really enjoyed and appreciated this post. It's something we all relate to in one form or another. If left to my own devices--forget the cool boots--I'd live in dull flats and blend in with the wall. But I reminded here how I need to get out of my comfort zone and reach out to encourage and connect--without fear of how I'll be received. Thank you!

Yes, Yes, Yes I'm in! Boots or no boots (but i've always wanted some awesome boots!) Thanks for the boost and support!

Oh Holley! I am so totally in love with you right now! Can we be "BFF's?" :)

I do love to share myself with people, however, I don't know how to kick it off face to face. I guess that's one reason writing it is better for me. I worry that maybe I'll share too much and offend someone. Or maybe they will think that I'm crazy.

So anyway, I'm usually the quiet one with a painted smile in between obessively stuffing food in my mouth so that I will not have to talk to anyone. I love getting together with my Sisters, I just don't talk.

smooches,
Larie

Holley,

Thank you for writing this post. The "not enough" lie is definately something i struggle with more often than I would like to admit.

Yes! I agree that we, as women, tend to only hear the first part of truth - we are not enough - and the listen to the world as to why that's true instead of seeing God's wonderful plan and all His truth that follows about what our identity really is in Him. Thanks for saying it out loud!

This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you.

I'm in Holley. We are enough and so much more in His eyes.Thank you..I needed a reminder.

Thank you for speaking my heart today! I am so with you! I have become increasingly wary of social situations, I prefer to stay home and not be with people I don't know well. It drives my husband and kids crazy. I know I shouldn't be this way. I will pray more before I go somewhere, and remember that with God, I needn't be fearful or feel like I am "not enough." Thank you again for reminding me!

Wow! You spoke straight to my heart today! I have always struggled with this... Thanks for the tender encouragement.

As with most things, I'm workin' on it. :)

Oh Holley how easily I could have been the one behind this post. You really know how to read my mail :). What a beautiful reminder from our Daddy God...
I spend so much time saying this to other women that it catches me off guard, again, when I re-examine it for myself. I LOVE it when the truth just pierces our hearts in a way that takes our breath away.
Can you be speechless and still have so much to say?!
I am so grateful to be on this journey together.

Holley ... you are amazing! I love the combination of your strength and vulnerability. Thanks for being real, and encouraging us to be real too.

oh Holley - I love you even more than your amazing boots - which do hypnotize this Frugal Fashionista lady. :)
I wrote a monologue on this topic...the "mirrors" women look in of the different lies that are whispered...I must add the boots.
You are amazing and so loved by God...and us.

A cord of three strands, yes?

Together, we are not easily broken.

Together we take our private brokenness and weave something strong.

Together.

This is the word I will carry through my day.

Oh, girl, it's like you're writing all MY thoughts out on paper! (Or, screen, as the case may be.) I often feel NOT ENOUGH, dorky, or whatever lie is most relevant that day. But you're right - when we rely on God, we can remember who we really are.

Beautifully spoken, Holley. You hit the nail on the head! I've been there; still there. But, yes, I am (in)!

Hi Holley. Wonderful Post-So Confirming and Affirming. I love the "Holy Static" that you referred to. Brilliant.
I am in like Flynn. I can't wait to meet you someday.
Love.
Reese

Oh Holley...I loved this and it really blew me away for many reasons and one reason you definitely know and that is that God so directed this and many other of the October (in)courage posts in one specific area...wow!

I really related to this and so desperately try to fit in but often feel as I don't and end up faking confidence when confidence in how much more Christ is in me should be my driving force...

Girl, you're made in the image of the Almighty, Living GOD so you're 'enough'.
Read Psalm 139 until you not only believe it but live it.
All of us are intimated by someone else; the key is to focus on Jesus until it's Him people see when they look at me...and not me. When we seek our worth in how others perceive us, we loose focus on True Worth...found in Jesus Christ.

I don't trust that people like me. I hear nice words come from their mouths, but I DOUBT. I am not one of them. I am not. I have NO FRIENDS. I am alone. I am lonely. The only person I trust to like me is my husband. He likes me.
I have tried, a little. I have tried to reach out with no response. This confirmed my suspicions that I am not liked. I don't know what I did. I don't know what I have to do. Maybe others think I am... I don't know. I can only guess.
I ask the Lord to take away this problem I have. To help me. His Word emphasizes the need to fellowship. Fellowship is a frightening word to me. Frightening.
I would rather be alone then submit myself to...people. I am inept at friendship. I stink at small talk. Who wants to hear about what I have to say anyway? I can see their eyes glass over when I speak. So why subject them to it?
I know God loves me. I know I can run to Jesus for comfort.
Still, I feel desperately lonely.
Thank you for your post. It opened the door for me to pour out my heart here. Here where I know no one.

ok. I read the other posts. I will be (in) this with you, Holly. I admit. I am scared. More scared than that little word can convey. I will pour myself in Him. Maybe, maybe one day, others will see Him and not me. He must increase, I must Decrease.
Thank you to the ladies who posted who stand tall in Christ and offered words of encouragement, especially you, Sandra who posted before me. Thank you.

Because L.L. said what I wanted to, but with her jaw dropping eloquence, I will add just that I am not much of a joiner really. But I also know being alone doesn't add up to enough.
Can I sit in the back?
Love to you Holley.

Wow Holley, I can so relate to your feelings.

And I have to say, seeing a beautiful woman like you with such a way of reaching out to others I would never have thought you felt similar to the way I do.

You can't know what your sharing today means to my life. Thank-you!

From one dork to another, I know exactly what you mean. Okay, I haven't read those kind of books before, but no matter, I have certainly obsessed with feeling not enough. And who can you share with that (in order to break free from it) other than your blogging friends! They seem to always understand. I love that. Thank you for sharing your heart. This was "enough" for me today to give me joy all the day long.

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