Everything around me appears broken. I grab for another knob that falls off at the touch. Both sinks are leaking, spilling out, begging for another rag to mop up the mess. The outlets aren’t functioning and I fumble around to find a plug that works. There is dirt on the floor, no matter how many times I have swept and mopped. And I falter. I let those little things get to me. I feel the roots of bitterness, anger, and expectation creep up on me, begging me to pay them mind. And I do. I always do.
This isn’t real tragedy. My sister is in Africa, dealing with, seeing real tragedy. Friends dealing with illness, death, and betrayal: that’s real tragedy. And yet, isn’t it funny how it’s the little things that can strangle? A toilet that doesn’t work. A person that is unkind. An assignment whose deadline feels daunting. Nothing catastrophic. And yet it strangles.
How easy it is to feel overwhelmed in the day to day. It’s like an incessant drip. Did he make it there safely? Drip. Will I be able to finish everything before company comes into town? Drip. Will she take this well or is it going to cause a fight? Drip.
And before I know it, I am in a flood, and I am drowning. And then I look around and realize all I had to do was open the door, let each drop rush out the door, stop holding them all around me. I am not really in control…it’s an illusion I create for myself. Somehow there is comfort in knowing that I am taking care of everything. But really, I’m not.
So yes, everything may be broken. I might be tired and overwhelmed. It’s easy to let life’s little annoyances become big tragedies. But they aren’t.
And if I search for things to be thankful for, I forget to complain.
So, I’m thankful for the ugly, because it makes me better:
outlets that don’t work
And the good:
my husband surprising me by coming home early
a place of my own, a nesting place
the smell of cinnamon candles
And I feel the release. I start to feel the burdens seep out the door. Yes, there is a lot of ugly. There is a lot of bad. But, oh how much good there is too. And by God’s grace I am here, experiencing it every day.
What about you? What are some of life’s little tragedies that cause you to stagger? And what are some of life’s graces that lead to restoration?
By Melissa, Meandering Thoughts